In Search of Satisfaction (17 page)

Now, Carl Befoe had a brother Richard who had managed to marry a woman with a huge fortune inherited from her family. Richard and his wife, Marian, had one son, Richard junior. Young Richard was also of marriageable age. Carl arranged a visit for Carlene and himself. Smiling, he said, “This way we won’t have to change the names on anything we have.” Carlene threw back her head and laughed, happy to share a plot with her father.

b
ut now, Carlene sat at her desk remembering those words and she did not laugh. She looked into the laughing face of her father in the picture she held. For the first time in her life she spoke these words to him, “You bastard. You ruined my life. You paid me back. You were a bastard.” Carlene picked up the coffee cup which was now cold. Even the coffee in the pot was cold. She didn’t feel like getting up to pull the bell for Minna. She looked at her father’s picture again. “You betrayed me in the end. You ruined my life.” Then she laid him on her desk, face down. The sound startled the spider who had dozed off as she waited in the dimness. Her bright, black eyes looked at Carlene and waited for whatever was next.

Carlene sighed as she placed her hand over her heart and reached for the picture of Richard. Uncle Richard. Her father-in-law, her uncle. Her mind traveled back to the days of that trip. She had been so excited to be going off with her father. The new clothes he urged on her, though she had never needed much convincing, his willingness to pay the huge sums. He had encouraged her to see more expensive hair specialists, even skin and body specialists, and had even sent her to New York with a chaperone, of course, to acquire all she needed. She learned things about makeup and beauty care she would use the rest of her life. When they finally left Yoville for their trip to Uncle Richard, she was bursting
with happiness. It was like a piece of the sun had entered her and shone through her eyes. Carl was even happy. Carlene’s happiness was marred only a little when her father had to leave on business a few days after they arrived at his brother’s house.

Carlene was attractive with all her learned artifice. She needed to be admired, to be embraced and to touch, walk with and talk to someone who she knew cared about her, loved her.

Uncle Richard looked a great deal like his brother. It may be said Carlene was not entirely responsible for what happened. She certainly did not intend for it to happen. But Uncle Richard was so attentive to her needs to make her stay comfortable. So gallant, so charming. Young Richard was reserved, even shy, although he liked Carlene and her worldliness.

Of course, Uncle had been, and still was when possible, a great womanizer. He loved the female sex. One morning, Richard the younger was unable to attend them because of some work he had to do for his father. Was it planned? Satan was always comfortable and amused with Richard the elder. Anyway, Uncle Richard and Carlene went horseback riding. They eventually stopped to rest and enjoy the surroundings at the end of a long, hard ride over his meadows and land filled with streams and hillocks and small, wild animals. They came to rest beside the lake the streams fed into. The morning was bright and clear. The grass was slightly damp but still soft and inviting. The trees moved gently with the breezes.

The two riders were damp with perspiration, healthy perspiration. Uncle took a small blanket from behind his saddle, spread it over the grass and smiled into Carlene’s eyes as he offered it to her with a wide sweep of his arm. She laughed and jumped down from her sidesaddle, unbuttoned her tight, fancy, riding jacket, pulled up her riding skirt a bit, knelt, then sprawled on her back, looking into the sky. She had no low intentions, was not trying to lure him, her uncle. But Satan passed by and saw an opportunity for confusion and possibly grief. Knowing his true subject, Richard the elder, Satan left behind his little suggestions and feelings that run through hearts and minds and stomachs. Thoughts that remove complications, that momentarily clear consciences. Satan knew Uncle Richard from the past.

Richard, puffing lightly from the exertion of riding early and long,
took off his jacket and lay beside her. He reached for her hand, saying, “By gawd, my favorite niece! You are a woman of my heart!” They laughed together.

Somehow—isn’t it always “somehow?”—she held his arm, hugged him and lay her head on his shoulder. She whined, “I surely love you, Uncle Richard! You are so much fun! Why isn’t your son like you? He is so serious all the time!”

Richard lifted her head and put his arm around her shoulders, laughing. “He’s not so bad … What is it you want him to do?”

She spread her arms and legs innocently, looking up to the sky. She was not thinking about what she was doing, “Oh, I don’t know! Be more loving I guess. Play with me sometimes. Swim with me, walk with me more. Just not be so serious all the time.”

Richard pulled her to him, laughing like an uncle. “You mean you want him to hug you, don’t you?” He squeezed her tightly, playfully.

“Yes!” She moved her head back, chin to the sky, pouted, then giggled. “Yes!”

Uncle Richard raised his head and leaned over her. “And kiss you all over your sweet cheeks like this?” He demonstrated for her.

“Yes!” She squirmed and giggled in his arms. She felt safe.

“And your sweet lips!” He kissed her. “They want to be kissed, too!” And he did kiss them.

She could not answer, her lips were sealed. When he finally moved his head away from her lips, they laughed … a little. She rolled her eyes skyward. “He does not even touch me!”

Uncle Richard felt encouraged. “And when you say play with you, you mean chase you, wrestle you, touch you?” He began to tickle her.

She wriggled in his embrace, laughing. “Yes!” She could hardly speak, she was laughing so, and his kisses were all over her face. Her clothes were awry. In his fumbling, tickling, he had managed to raise her skirts above her knees. He could see her lovely new undergarments, white, ruffled with lace, clean and fresh, scented with delicious perfume and the natural scent of perspiration from a long ride and the warm, musky scent of the female.

He threw his leg over her and began a fresh burst of tickling over her neck, under her arms, over her breasts, around her waist. Lying on her now and again to kiss her lips or tickle her neck with his tongue. A
million tongues it seemed he had! She began to kick and roll wildly, still laughing.

He raised his head to look around the lake. His land was huge, and no one was there. “Ho!” he laughed, “You are a tigress! So you want to kick your loving Uncle Richard!” He placed his knee between hers and lay his body over her, pressing his body, as if to make her lay still. She struggled, still laughing, still playing.

Soon her dress was around her waist. He was kissing her harder, seriously. His knees pressed hers apart. He raised his hips and his hands began to tickle her below her waist, firmly but gently. His hands were everywhere. Carlene still laughed breathlessly, but her eyes were bewildered, her body hesitant. When his hand cupped that part of her that she knew was her very, very private part, she gasped softly. She began to gently push him away. “No, no,” she murmured. In her mind she spoke to herself, “No, I don’t want him to do that!”

Her body had moistened. He laughed softly, then inserted his finger into the privacy of her body. “I bet you I can get another one in there.” He spoke with laughter into her mouth. “Go on, let’s see how strong you are. Get away from me, if you can!” His laughter made her relax a little, thinking this was still part of the playing, the game. But she knew you did not play games with your “privates.” Her maid at home called it that. But then he was inserting two fingers in there! And moving them slowly, lovingly. She was very wet now.

She raised her body high to throw him off. He was very heavy. He made a deft movement and, when she raised her body again, the greatest tickler of them all was no longer tickling but penetrating her young, virgin body. She knew she should scream, do something! Make him stop! But violent waves of something she had never felt before were filling and moving her body. Her legs opened of their own accord, against her will even. She did not stop him, did not scream. She raised her body to meet his; even with the pain, the joy was such that she did not want it to stop. Her last coherent thoughts were, “He is my uncle, I know he loves me.” She did not stop him. And the deed was done.

When it was over and done, he apologized. She cried. They both straightened their clothes. But he knew she had had an orgasm, and she knew, too. As they rode back to the mansion and the man she was supposed to marry, Carlene thought to herself, “Why couldn’t his father
be the one I am to marry instead of the son?” He was thinking, “My son will have a virgin … good!”

As the wedding plans moved ahead, Uncle Richard had something for his son to take care of every morning while he and Carlene were horseback riding. Uncle Richard almost hated to see her leave. But all had been arranged, and the young Richard and Carlene were engaged. She was not sure what she wanted to do. She appeared nervous and anxious. Uncle Richard wondered why but did not seem to really care.

Three days before Carlene was to depart, he was reaching for her as she lay on the blanket at the top of their morning ride. It was a larger blanket now and they no longer stopped in the clearing by the lake. They were lost in the shadows of the beautiful, huge trees that covered much of his acreage. The grass was thicker and softer here.

She spoke to him softly through the thrills of their embrace. “Uncle Richard.” He continued his fumblings. “Uncle Richard!” She spoke, not with anger but with some urgency. He was not listening. “My monthly has not come.” He was listening at last.

“Your what?”

“My monthly … my curse.”

“You mean … Are you saying …” He took his arms from around her. “Do you mean to say … you are pregnant?”

“I mean I am something. Pregnant is a good word. With child, is another.”

He spoke very quietly. “Neither is a good word. Both are bad words. Have … you … been with my son … at all?”

She grew angry. “Oh course not!! What do you think I am?! I have been only with you! With you! It is you I love. Why, I can hardly stand it when you arrange for your son to be with me every evening, every night, every afternoon!”

Uncle Richard began to gather his clothes together, button his shirt, brush his pants. It was instant distance. He spoke calmly, “Well, my dear, you better get busy on him.” Satan patted him on his back, smiled and moved on thinking, “This will take care of itself without my help.”

No one, except one who has experienced it, knows what it is like for the man who has made a baby in you to tell you to give it to someone else.

Carlene was deeply hurt. He did not want her! He wouldn’t stand up and fight the world to have her and their baby! Then she thought of
her sweet and kind Aunt Marian. She thought, “Oh, to hell with her!” Then she thought of … her … father. Then herself again. She thought of money. Uncle Richard would no doubt be kind and good to her … but that was not the same kind of money that Carlene wanted for her life. The elder Richard’s money belonged to Marian, his wife.

She turned to Uncle Richard who was standing, ready to leave. “What must I do? Richard only walks with me, and we talk a little on our evening walks. He has pecked me on my cheek with his dry lips only three or four times in all these weeks! What must I do?!” She was almost in tears. Then she looked at him and realized he was preparing to leave. She grabbed his trouser bottoms and gripped them tightly. “Where are you going? Aren’t we …? Why are we leaving now, before …?”

Uncle Richard knelt and gently removed her hands, speaking softly to her. “I would never think of getting rid of the little one inside your virgin womb. It is, after all, my child. Let me think today. I will tell you later.”

Carlene threw her arms around his neck. “But I want to …”

He gently removed her arms. “Little, darling niece of mine. I was going to tell you that we must stop meeting like this. It is breaking my heart to fool my brother and … cheat my son of what is rightfully his. I have been having dreadful headaches because of it. In fact I have one now, this very minute. I did not want to bother you with my ailment. The … old … always have something wrong with them. But … we would not have made love this morning anyway. My back is also going out on me.” He held her gently, saying, “Forgive your old uncle. Pray to God for me that I may regain my health enough to just enjoy the little life I have left, sitting in the sun, thinking of these wonderful last days of joy I have spent with you.”

He raised her slowly as he spoke. “I believe you should cling to my son more. Stop following me around … dear. Oh, how I shall miss your sweetness at my side. But … sit by him. Do not sit by me so much.” He frowned. “This pains me so, but we must be strong together. Talk to him. Kiss him when you are alone, but let him put his tongue in your mouth first. Do not do that to him first. And do not touch me so much when you are talking to me. Touch him, talk to him. Be more of a lady. And Carlene, your father had better not find out about what I … what you have done, or I will assure him you are a liar and I do not want
my son to marry you!” He dusted and straightened his clothing. “This will be our last morning ride. I will free my son of obligations so he may ride with you instead.”

Carlene stammered, “But what … when … what …”

He gave her a quick embrace; it lasted only a few seconds. “I will be thinking about … your problem. I will talk to you soon. I will have an answer.”

Before she knew it, she was sitting on her horse and Uncle Richard was slapping the horse’s behind to make it run on home. As an afterthought, he hollered, “Gallop!” He looked after her with distaste, no longer liking her very much. So many things had happened to Carlene so quickly, she could only ride with wide eyes as the landscape flew past on her way to Richard the second, her fiancé.

Uncle Richard avoided her that evening and the next day. Carlene became more anxious and nervous. She stayed close to Richard the younger almost all the time. He had been relieved of all duties because his fiancée was leaving, he was told.