In Search of Satisfaction (7 page)

Satan happened to notice as he was passing on his way to his business; he smiled. Well, he didn’t have to worry about her for awhile, she was in good hands. He moved on, after all, he is always very busy.

Yinyang met the old priest again many times, he was a friend and frequent visitor of Miss Will. But, he never, ever, spoke of God. Yin was living by her own wit, alone.

i
n Yoville, Joel and Ruth were trying to plan their future. Being Negroes with restricted education and very small experience with money, they did not know exactly what to do to further their dreams. After weeks of courting and counting, Joel and Ruth decided they HAD to tell somebody because they didn’t know what else to do. Joel sweated over that bag of money ALL the time, didn’t trust hiding it. He was scared to keep it on him all the time, which he tried to do, but it jangled and was so big. Ruth wore her ring when she went to the toilet-outhouse. She kept it on a string tied around her waist other times. She was scared the string would break and it would fall into the hole in the outhouse. She didn’t know what to do either. They wanted a house of their own where they could hide the money and she could wear the ring without anyone being able to see anything. But they had to spend some money to get the house in the first place.

They decided to trust Bessel, Ruth’s mother, who worked for the Befoes and would know about money. Bessel wanted to take the money from them for safekeeping since they were just “children.” They weren’t just children so they didn’t let her do that. “A little at a time,” they said.

The mother said, “I know Miz Befoe is a good enough woman. She
ain’t like these other southern crackers. She’ll help. If I take too much to her, she might get greedy, so I will take one and tell her I found it.”

Joel spoke, “Found it where?”

Bessel immediately understood, she wasn’t dumb. “I’ll tell her I found it … over by my church! She can look there forever and never will find nothin!” This is what Bessel did.

Asking permission to speak to Miz Befoe “bout somethin portent,” she got it. Mrs. Befoe turned the coin round and round in her slender, well-cared-for hands. “Where you say you found this, Bessel?”

“Over there round by my church, mam.”

“I haven’t heard … anyone say they lost a gold coin … lately.”

“I just wants to know how much money is it worth, mam. Lord, I can’t do nothin with such a money as that! I needs to know what kinda real money can I get wit it, mam. I is so sorely broke, mam, I needs everything, an I got a growin daughter what is askin bout marryin, I sure could use whatever that thing is worth! What you say it’s worth, mam?”

“I’ll have to check into it, ahhh … what’s your name again?”

“Bessel, mam, I works in the cleanin end of this house for twelve years now.”

“Yes, Bessel, now I remember.” She looked hard at Bessel. “Why didn’t you go to my husband? He’s at the bank today.”

“Cause I don’t know him, mam. You my fren who I work fo an knows.”

“I am?”

“Yes, mam.”

“Well Bessel, I will let you know in a few days. You have to leave it here so I can show it to … somebody. I will let you know in a few days. If it is not too much, I will save you some time and trouble and let you have it myself.”

“Yes’m.” Bessel looked lingeringly at the coin as she turned to leave the room.

“That will be all now. You may return to your work. I’ll send for you, Bessie.”

“Bessel, mam.”

“What difference does it make? I’ll send for you. In the meantime, look around that place where you found this and see if there is any more.”

“Yes’m.”

“Good day, Bessel.”

When Mrs. Befoe called Bessel to her, she spoke shortly about the low value of such coins now, and grudgingly (because what did Negras know what to do with money?) gave Bessel twenty dollars for each fifty dollar coin. Bessel was elated. Before she left Mrs. Befoe, she asked, “Miz Befoe, mam, what you spose you would ask for that little piece of land I lives on? I mean could I, maybe, buy that for my younguns to live and marry on?”

The land was worth about twenty dollars on the market then. Mrs. Befoe had so much land in her family that no one but the Negra might need, that she agreed to sell the land to Bessel for seventy five dollars. The deal was made that day, and Bessel left for home to tell the good news to Joel and Ruth. On the way home Bessel pocketed the remaining money in her homemade brassiere and only gave the waiting Joel and Ruth a note of purchase for the land her own house was on, thinking that would keep them from ever moving her out.

Joel and Ruth spent their wedding night in the room Ruth was born in. She had hung new curtains, had a new spread, sheets and a brass bed. The new dresser drawers were full of new underclothes, some she had made, for Joel and her. Her mother had given her a nightgown, pale and gossamer so you could see through, and Ruth was ashamed to wear it. But when all the guests were gone, she placed the diamond ring above her wedding ring, put the lovely gown on, slipped between the new sheets and pulled them up to her chin … and smiled.

Joel came in as happy as he could be. This was his bride! His woman! He had been squeezing his toes in his shoes all day, knocking his knees together all day, touching her whenever she passed close to him. He smiled so much it began to hurt him. He was happy!

He pulled the covers back, turned up the lamp Ruth had turned down and got in his bed with his wife.

He spoke softly. “That’s a mighty pretty nightie, baby, but take it off.”

Ruth whispered back. “What chu talkin bout, Joel.”

They were both whispering. “Talkin bout you takin that gown off. I wants to see my bride, my wife!”

“Why? Ain’t nothin to see.”

“Oh baby, it’s plenty to see. You is my body now.”

“Joel, I ain’t takin this gown off nothin.”

“You my wife and I wants to see you. Girl, you know how long I been waitin to be like this wit you? Well, it’s my turn.”

“Joel, I’m shamed to take everythin off!” Still whispering.

“Baby, I loves yo body. It’s the only one I ever wants beside me anywhere.” He put his hands on her waist and began to move his hand down across her lower stomach, reaching for the hem of the gown. She grabbed his hand.

“Stop Joel, don’t make me do that.”

“Here,” Joel stepped out of bed and started pulling his nightclothes off. “Here, I let you see me!” Still whispering.

Ruth let go holding on to her gown and covered her eyes. “Naw, Joel, don’t you do that! I don’t want to see it! … No!” But it was too late, she had.

He reached for the gown, now free, pulled it to her waist, before she stopped him again. “Joel!” She forgot to whisper, “Please baby, don’t, pleeeeeeeasse.” Joel answered, whispering, “Please, baby, do, pleeease.” They laughed. He hugged her. She held him close to her body so she could hide it from the light. That was all he wanted anyway. He held her, kissed her tenderly, gently but hungrily. Her legs opened of their own accord. He laughed softly. She covered her face. He moved over on her, holding his weight off her. He was gentle like a cat’s pad on your cheek or a butterfly on your hand. He loved this woman. She opened herself up to him, gave him her virginity she had saved for him. She loved this man. It was a beautiful honeymoon no further than a minute from where she had been all her life. They woke up smiling and whispering and kissing. It was nighttime again before he said he was hungry and needed to eat. That’s how they became husband and wife.

With them all working together over the gold, Bessel felt very competent and smart because they depended on her. She felt like the ruler of the house. But Joel said he was not going to live in a house where he had two rulers. He spoke up. “Well, Miz Bessel, mam, this here is goin to be my house and my wife’s house. If you wants to you c’n still live with us. I is goin to build on to the front of this shack a place for my own wife and childrun. You c’n stay on here if you wants to.”

Bessel glared at him. But then he handed her ten more gold coins and a silver one, saying, “Tell her you done found these more monies. See what c’n you git for em. I needs to get mater’al to build wit. This here weekend, if we c’n.”

When Bessel took the new coins, found at the same place, to Mrs. Befoe, Mrs. Befoe noted, “I need to start attending your church, Bessel.” The price had gone down some. Bessel got fifteen dollars for each gold coin and five dollars for the silver one.

One hundred fifty five dollars!!! Free and clear! Bessel took $50 for herself again, and gave Joel $105 which could handle his building and the wedding debt. She didn’t take too much because that was “her daughter he was doin for!” ’Sides, she had more money now than she had ever had at one time in her life!

When she went yet again to Mrs. Befoe, Mr. Richard Befoe was there this time. He asked, “Where do you … say … you find these coins, Bessie?”

“At the church, suh.”

“These are the fifteenth or so gold coins, at least, and the third silver coin, Bessie.”

“Yes, suh. I don’t knows suh, I just be walkin home from my prayers, still prayin, an then, all in a sudden, I looks down an there be a piece of money!”

Mr. Befoe smiled what he thought was a warm smile at Bessel. “If this keeps up, I shall have to buy your church and go pray there myself.”

Bessel tried to laugh, but she was scared. “Yes, suh.”

“Ahem,” Mr. Befoe cleared his throat. “There is so much work involved in doing this … thing for you, I am only able to give you one hundred dollars for the gold coins and ten dollars for all the silver ones. I have it here for you.” He opened a desk drawer. “Bring me any others you may … find … and I will see what I can do.”

“Yes, suh.”

When Bessel got home that day, they all sat down, the newlyweds and mama, and decided they had to find a different way to change the coins. It was finally decided Bessel would have to go north to one of her sisters or brothers and change it where it was really possible to find out the truth about the worth of them and maybe get more money for them.

In no time at all, Bessel got sick and took leave from her job, which put Mr. and Mrs. Befoe on alert. They argued about running her off while they were still making profit. This, when they already had millions. Bessel went east, found her brother who was worrying about her living off of him and “he a poor preacher,” he said. All he had was a broke-down church, some rental shanties, a home and wife with one child, two
women on the side. Satan “loved” him, he was a good worker. Yes, her brother cheated Bessel, but he was cheated by his friend, the banker. Still, he gave her a bit more than the Befoes had. She took the money home to her daughter. Less a bit for herself, of course.

Bessel quit her job, “too sick,” she said, and the Befoes sat up straight. They bought, or rather took, the grounds the church was on, tore it down, dug up the grounds and found nothing, then sold the site back to the bewildered preacher who began to poke around in the dirt himself. Joel watched all this and sold no more gold in Yoville.

t
ime had passed quickly for Yin the last few years. Miss Will was very good to her. Yin had asked for only one thing she really wanted: it was to learn something special. Miss Will allowed that to be harmless to any plan of her own, it might even prove to be a help because she had not decided what she would finally do with Yin when the end of her passion came. Miss Will wanted to speak better French, did not like to cook, and if Yin could sew she might be useful at the salon. So Yin had teachers in French, cooking and sewing. She could already read and write, but her studies much improved these things, too.

God gradually faded from Yin’s mind, He won’t live just anywhere. Lacking any self-motivation, Yin remained with Miss Will. It seemed to take bad luck, or tragedy, to make Yin think enough to remove herself from unhappiness or degradation. She seemed easily led. Closer to the truth was that she took the line of least resistance. If she wanted something, she made decisions without thought of the consequences. She didn’t really care, or not care, about others but would treat them nice and try to make them happy as long as they did something she wanted. She seldom took thought; instead, she took things. Even false love.

But, she was learning. French, cooking and sewing. And she was learning about envy; she wanted everything material. She had pride in abundance, too. Of what, she couldn’t have told you. Just “myself,” she might say.

Around this time, the old priest who had sent Yin to Miss Will had a young priest he wished to corrupt or control, so he began to invite the young man to accompany him on his visits to Miss Will. He thought the proximity to such a lovely woman as Yin who was submissive to Miss Will might seduce the faithful young priest, Paul. He needed Paul to owe him his loyalty or a favor for secrets kept. Paul did indeed like Yin and, after they were set up to have a tryst, Yin liked Paul. But for quite different reasons.

Paul, fully dressed, lay across the bed and spoke to Yin of God. The things he said went over and around her head, making her mind whirl in confusion.

She clasped her hands to her cheeks in exasperation. “But why does He leave me here if He thinks this is all wrong, all sin?!”

Paul smiled gently. “Does He leave you here, Yin, or do you stay? What is stopping you from leaving here? Did He send you here? Or did you decide to come here?”

Yin shook her head. “I didn’t decide to come, I just … oh, I don’t know what happened! I had no place to go! That awful man …”

“What awful man?”

But Yin didn’t want to tell that part of her life. “Just … someone who caused me grief, did me wrong. Taught me things I didn’t … need never … Oh, never mind. You are a priest, you would never understand.”

Paul shook his head. “Yin, I study the word of the creator of life. He knows it better than anyone. He tells us how to live it, what to avoid. I may not ‘understand,’ as you may think of it, but I would know if it were a wise choice or a good person.” He smiled. “And I knew enough not to take that path myself.”