In Search of Satisfaction (40 page)

“Well, I am here, safe and sound.”

“Yes, well, what are your plans now, my boy?”

“Nothing has changed, except I have more work to do. I will finish law school and then get to work.”

“I understood you had already ‘gotten to work’.”

Phillip smiled down at his hands. “Everyone should know their business. First hand.”

“Where will you be living when you finish college, Phillip?”

“Grandmother, I haven’t decided.”

Carlene gave him her best, most charming smile. “Then I insist you live here. With us, your family.” She was watching his reaction. “I know a great deal about our business, your business.” She laughed good naturedly. “I can be a great help to you. As a matter of fact, if you give me power of attorney, I can take care of everything for you and you can finish college at ease, knowing everything will be taken care of. Then, my boy, I suggest a year or two of travel, Europe, the Far East. See the world. You have business everywhere!”

Phillip smiled brightly at her. “Thank you, Grandmother, very much. But I have already taken care of everything so I can continue my studies at ease. But I am young, I am not looking for ease. I am quite anxious to get into the middle of everything that is in my hands. I have hired … the proper people to see to my interest. I would not dream of bothering you. You are old, now. You deserve your rest.”

Carlene’s smile dimmed. “My mind is not old, it does not need rest.”

Phillip’s smile brightened. “My mind is not crowded or tired. I am fresh. I will be capable. Don’t worry about me, Grandmother. Perhaps … there is something I can look after for you?”

Narrowing her eyes, lowering her head slightly, Carlene answered, “No, no. I am quite capable myself. Thank you.”

She was silent for a moment, as Phillip waited. Then, “Phillip, do you ever think of getting married? Are you in love? Is there a lucky girl? … Somewhere?”

Phillip laughed softly. “No, Grandmother, no, there is not. I like them all, but nothing special. I have time, I hope. Because I know what I want and I will wait for it, I hope.”

Phillip stood up. “Well, Grandmother, I promised my mother we would go for a short trip across the river …”

“How nice. I don’t know what Richlene is always going over there for. If she likes being outdoors, she should go into the gardens right here!”

“Say, Grandmother … would you mind terribly, if I called you Carlene or Granny? ‘Grandmother’ just seems so long a word.”

“But it sounds so like a family, Phillip. ‘Carlene’ sounds so distant. And not ‘granny’ ever! If you don’t like ‘grandmother,’ how about ‘Grand’?”

“Well, Grand, if there is nothing else, I will say good-bye for now. Perhaps we will see you at dinner.”

“I seldom come downstairs, Phillip, but perhaps … my boy.”

“Do me a favor, Grand? Don’t call me your ‘boy.’ I am a man.”

“Well …” Carlene started to speak.

“Good-bye, Grand.” Phillip smiled and was gone, gently closing the door.

Carlene had noted two things. “He is like my husband, Richard. He did not ask to take care of my business so he could discover what my business and finances are and, perhaps, take advantage of me. And,” she closed her eyes, “he is like my lover, Richard, my uncle. When he turned back and smiled, I saw my lover in his face, his body, and my body was stirred as it has not been for years and years and years.” Carlene stared at the door after he was gone, for a long, long time. The spider stared at Carlene all the while.

e
mily had been begging her mother for several months to let her go away to a good school. “I am young. I need to know so many things, Mother. I have to get prepared for a university. I am going to need the best knowledge money can buy.”

Richlene’s voice was sad. “But … why? Why … do you … want to leave … me? We have … money … enough money.”

Emily wanted to put her arms around her little mother, but she could not weaken. “Mother, I have explained to you. As I get older, I may have to battle for my rights. Any money you leave me is going to be
schemed on, especially by my brother, Carlton. And others. I have to know what I am doing. I do not intend to lose anything to anyone just because I am a girl and they will not allow me to understand what they are doing with my money! I have to get an education, the same education they get, so I will know what they are doing! All the time! A tutor at home is no longer enough! If the tutor really knew anything, he would not be here teaching one child!”

“Ohhhh, Emily. I … can … not … bear to … lose you.”

“Oh, Mama, Mama, you will not lose me. I am your daughter. I will fight for us. And you have Phillip. He loves you. He loves us. He is the only one I trust in this house, in this world, besides you, and you are not a match for anyone. You are too kind sometimes. I will be the one who makes your fortune grow. Our fortune. Grandmother is not going to leave me anything and I already know it. I have to count on myself. So I am begging you, let me choose where I want to go, then let me go.”

“Oh, my baby … my baby girl. I don’t care … about … a fortune.”

“That is because you have one. Look at me, Mother, I am not a child any longer. I will soon be fifteen years old. And I am dumb. Phillip is only nineteen or so and he is almost a lawyer. I want to study the law and economics.” She put her arms around her mother and held her tightly. “Oh, Mama, Mama. I have to work on my future, too.”

“Alright … Emily … Choose … and go. But … you come back … to me. You hear … me?”

“I will never really leave you, Mama.”

l
uke was building the house for Richlene across the river on the river’s edge. Richlene often went to see it and even helped stack bricks and carry nails, any small thing she could do. She was happy. And so was Luke. Only Little Wisdom was not. She was happy about the land and a home that was stable. But she did love Luke. She did not dislike Richlene, but, she envied her.

Satan wondered how far Little Wisdom would go to get Luke for herself. “One is dumb, one is black, one is young. There ought to be something interesting there.” But he couldn’t wait around, there were
some large, grand things going on all over the world. Something called television was in the making. “I can get into every home at the same time!” Satan gloated. The new America was going into debt for wars and the new war was due any minute. The old world needed help thinking of new ways to get people to go to war. To still be willing to die. “No rest for the wicked!” he laughed as he flew away.

s
ally’s new school was open. She was still working on it in small details, but it was comfortable. Many children were hesitant to come, but as time passed, they came, clean and smiling. Negro, white and Indian. The dirty ones, the lame, all were welcomed. She also had a small schoolhouse built on the Indian land for those who were adult and didn’t want to attend the children’s school, and she spent a few days a week over there.

Russell had proposed again and again. Sally liked him, might even love him, she mused. He was very kind and sweet. He even liked what she was doing. Never called her a fool, wasting money. But … she was an older woman now, and free! With money! Really free.

Her own children, Reginald and Lenore, had begun writing her lately. They had heard about her inheritance. They declared their love, separately, in letters and apologized for not writing sooner or more, but they said, “Life has been so busy and we knew you were well.”

Sally waited before she answered them. She wanted to think about them and life a bit more. In her heart she longed to see them and her grandchildren. Perhaps, she thought, she would go and visit the grandchildren.
She would see. There was time. But right now, she was busy living, thinking and teaching.

Before she made up her mind to go visit them, she received a letter from Lenore about one of Lenore’s children, Ann. It seemed Ann was a problem child and kept the family from being the peaceful, happy family it would be without her. “So I am wondering if her very good grandmother would like a visit from her granddaughter. I am sure she will love you. Reginald and I agree, she reminds us of you, Mother. I can put her on a train, she is very grown up and capable. She just does not get along with her sister and cousins. May I say in a month or so? We think of you often, Mother, dear.” Lenore was really thinking of the inheritance she might miss because of her actions when she thought her mother was destitute. “Mother will grow to love Ann and that will take care of that. Mother was always soft.” Reginald began to think of which of his children he might send to accomplish the same thing.

Sally didn’t know whether to become excited or not. What could a child do to upset a household? But she remembered growing up with Carlene, and her heart beat faster for the child. Then she wondered if Ann was like Carlene or herself. “I will wait and see. What can it hurt?”

On the appointed day, Sally rode to Mythville, her thoughts rather excited. Her own flesh and blood! A blessed grandchild. The train had come and gone! She had to look all over the station, inside and out. She went back in to sit and think about whether the child had stayed on the train and what to do to get her back to Mythville. She leaned back on the wooden bench and her eyes fell on a thin, tight little being, about fourteen years of age, huddled in the corner of a bench way in the back of the station. “How did I miss her! If that is her.” Sally went directly to the little girl.

“Ann?”

The little girl straightened up, looking into the eyes of this woman who must be her grandmother, she looked like she, herself, did. The voice was timid, but clear. “You are my grandmother?”

Sally wanted to reach out and grab the child, to smother her with kisses and the love she had been holding in her heart while separated for so many years from her own children, but something held her back. “Yes. If your name is Ann?”

The young girl stood. Her clothes were fairly good, not the best that Sally knew Lenore could afford. The colors were dark and somber. She
had one small bag with her. “My name is Angela. I don’t like ‘Angela.’ Please call me Ann.”

“Well, Ann, if we are the ones we are looking for, let’s go home.”

Ann was a thoughtful child, quiet, taking time to think before she spoke. She was not a Carlene. She was not really a Sally. She was an Ann. In time, Sally’s warmth drew her out. In time she began to laugh. In a month, she was going to the schools, helping Sally, which the child seemed to enjoy. She loved going on the Indian side of the river. She worked with Luke on the land. Luke was kind and patient. She soon loved Luke. She followed him around when she was not in school.

Ann was a giver. She gave away almost everything Sally bought her. She liked to see the pleasure on the faces of those who had never had anything before. Sally started to fuss about it, but decided the child was right.

Ann played at last. Not vigorously, but she played. Her spirit had been stunted by empty demands and values, which somehow the child understood to be empty. She had questioned them, embarrassing her parents and the sister who did not like her. So she had been sent away, gotten rid of, to a grandmother who could not have been more pleased.

Sally relaxed about the child one night when they were lying in Sally’s bed reading. Sally had turned to Ann to emphasize the last words of the story, when she realized the child was looking at her intently, very seriously. “What is it, Ann? What is the matter?”

“I love you, Grandmother.”

Sally drew the young girl closer. “Why, I love you too, Ann.”

“I have never felt this way before, Grandmother.”

Sally looked into the child’s eyes, understanding her completely. “Grandmother is such a long word, Ann, how about you calling me Grandma?”

Ann laughed, her face lost that tight look and softened, was full of open joy. “Okay, Grandma!” Then they both laughed, and were happy.

The sun, wind, earth, the loving and giving turned Ann into a beautiful, young girl who would soon be a woman. Phillip saw that in her. He watched her growing and spent much time with her when he was in Yoville visiting his mother. His love grew in a different way. He decided she would one day, maybe, be his wife, if he could watch her closely so that no one else would take her. After a time, Sally saw all these things. She did not mind. She even laughed, thinking of Lenore and even Reginald,
how they would learn one day that the child they had not wanted in their families had married one of the richest men in the world. “And he is not only rich, he is kind. Which is like finding a needle in a haystack!”

All the years of loneliness and grieving for his mother, a family, had made Phillip very introspective. Had broadened and deepened his values. He understood a great deal about true life, true values. There were very, very few wealthy men who were like him. But Ann never thought of him or these things at all. She was learning about other things like the earth and people, animals and rivers and trees and Grandma. Those kinds of loves.

y
in visited Arabella. Arabella, knowing what life was about and what Yin was about, had given many dinners and musicales in Yin’s honor. “You must dress more like a lady than a passionate woman! The kind of man you need goes to whorehouses for his passionate women. He shows the world a lady when he presents his wife.”

“But I am not a whore! I have a son, a house, some money!”

“So do some whores. It is not a case of you looking like a whore or being one. You want the type of man who is respected as well as rich! He decides what he wants from you when he sees you. You must show him you are what he wants!”

They argued, but not long. Yin knew Arabella was right, but she thought her clothes were beautiful. They went shopping. Arabella helped Yin spend loads of money on dresses that looked so simple Yin could have cried. “I shall be a nun!”

Arabella laughed. “You shall be a rich man’s wife!”

On Yin’s body the simple dresses took on another dimension. They were gorgeous. They brought out all her beauty and subdued it so that it would be inviting as well as reserved and special.