In the Age of Love and Chocolate (27 page)

I smiled at him—
Don’t read into this.

He cocked his head at me and I felt like I could read his mind—
Are we going to do this?

I shook my head and shrugged my shoulders a little—
I still don’t know.

He put his hands on the table, palms up—
Hurt me. Go ahead and try, my girl. I’ve got the thickest and the thinnest skin imaginable when it comes to you. I’m half rhinoceros, half baby bird.

I folded my hands in my lap—
I’m old, Win. I’m a widow. I’m beaten up. I’m a little scared to try this again. The last time was disastrous. Don’t you like being friends? Don’t you like sitting here civilly, smiling at each other and having dinner? Are you so eager to sign up for another round of pain? Being with me has never made a single person happy. Not for very long at least. I think I’m good alone. And why do people need to be in couples anyway?

He shrugged his shoulders—
I wish there was someone else for me. I honestly wish there was. But you get to hurt me, because you, I love. I love you. So I’ll be sitting here. Maybe forever. Looking like an idiot. And it’s okay. I’ve made peace with it. Love me or don’t. I love you either way. ’Cause I am the one boy who can’t get over the girl I met in high school. I’m that dumb, hopeful boy. I’ve tried, my girl. Have I tried. Don’t you think I’d rather be in my dorm right now reading
Gray’s Anatomy
? But I have to be here with you, the best, worst girl in the world. The only girl in the world as far as I’m concerned.

A second rueful smile from Win.

But maybe this exchange was only in my head.

No one was speaking and so I turned to Natty. “And you! You should be in school.”

“I had to tell them what a good sister you are.”

I turned to Win. “You called her?”

“Annie, I am allowed to call who I like.”

“Still—you should both be in school.”

“We’re going back tonight,” Win said.

*   *   *

I walked them over to the train station, which was a manageable distance for me. “Hey Win,” I said when Natty was buying gum. “Might I do a favor for you sometime?”

“Like what?”

“I mean, you’ve helped me a million times over. It seems one-sided. I’d like to do a good turn for you.”

“Listen, Annie, I’ve been lucky in my life. As unlucky as you’ve been, I’ve been lucky. Life works out for me.”

“Probably I’m the unluckiest thing that ever happened to you.”

“Probably so.” He took off his hat. He leaned down and whispered in my ear, “I’ll see you when I see you, okay?”

“Win,” I said, “there are other girls, you know. Ones with fewer issues than me.”

“As far as I’m concerned, you’re the only girl in the world, Annie, and I think you already know that.”

XXVII

A FINAL EXPERIMENT IN ANCIENT TECHNOLOGY; I LEARN WHAT AN EMOTICON IS AND I DON’T LIKE IT

anyaschka66:
Hey Win, people don’t end up with the boys they meet in high school.

win-win:
Yes, I got home safely. Thanks for asking. The train wasn’t too crowded.

win-win:
Some people do, Annie. Otherwise it wouldn’t be such an enduring cliché.

anyaschka66:
I’m not a happy-ending person.

win-win:
Sure you are.

win-win:

anyaschka66:
What’s that?

win-win:
Didn’t your nana teach you about emoticons?

anyaschka66:
It’s creepy. I feel like it’s looking at me.

win-win:

anyaschka66:
Ugh, what’s it doing now?

win-win:
It’s winking.

anyaschka66:
Gross. I wish it wouldn’t.

win-win:

anyaschka66:
When someone looks at me the wrong way, I start reaching for my machete. I’m very damaged, Win.

win-win:
I know, but you’re sturdy, too.

anyaschka66:
Good night, Win. See you at Thanksgiving.

win-win:

XXVIII

I SPOT A TULIP IN JANUARY; WALK DOWN THE AISLE; HAVE MY CAKE

B
ECAUSE LIFE IS CURIOUS
, long if you’re lucky, and filled with twists, I found myself at City Hall on a bitterly cold afternoon in January, having a lunch meeting with the newly inaugurated mayor of New York City. When I arrived, I had been told by his assistant that my former enemy had no more than a half hour for lunch. “The mayor is a very busy man,” she said, as if I did not know that already.

At lunch, the mayor and I spoke of my business for a while, and of his plans to introduce legislation to amend the Rimbaud laws. We spoke of his son briefly, though I would not have minded a more detailed report as far as that was concerned. About five minutes before lunch was over, my old colleague looked at me with a very solemn expression.

“Anya,” Mr.—now mayor, though always Mr. Delacroix to me—Delacroix said, “I did not summon you to lunch purely for chatter. I have a request.”

I braced myself. I had known some unpleasant requests from this man in my life. What might he demand from me now that he was so much more powerful than he had been?

He looked at me steadily; I did not blink. “I am getting married, and I would like you to be my best woman.”

“Congratulations!” I reached across the table to shake his hand. “But who is she?” Mr. Delacroix had always been secretive about his personal life, and I had not even known he was dating anyone.

“She is Ms. Rothschild. The former Mrs. Delacroix.”

“You are remarrying Win’s mother?”

“I am. What do you think?”

“I think … Frankly, I can think of nothing more shocking! What has caused this turnabout?”

“Last summer, during my failed attempt at matchmaking for you and Win, I succeeded in matchmaking for Jane and me. Had I not sent you to that farm, which necessitated my going there myself, I doubt very much that I would be telling you this tale. Jane finds me to be less fearsome and selfish than I once was. She thinks it might have been your influence, which I have informed her is absurd. And for my part, I love her. I never stopped loving her. I have loved that woman my whole life, since I was fifteen years old.”

“And even though she knows what you are like, she still wants to marry you again?”

“I am not sure if I should be insulted by that question. But yes, she does. As strange as that may seem. She forgives me and she loves me. Despite the fact that I am awful. Perhaps she thinks that life is better with company. Anya, you are crying.”

“I’m not.”

“You are.” He reached across the table and wiped my eyes with the sleeve of his dress shirt.

“I’m so happy for you,” I said. And how could one not be happy when presented with evidence that love could bloom from ground once considered barren? I threw my arms around Mr. Delacroix and kissed him on both his cheeks. He smiled boyishly, and it reminded me of Win.

“What does Win say?” I asked.

“He rolled his eyes quite a lot. He said that we—and particularly his mother—were crazy. He will, of course, walk Jane down the aisle. The wedding is in March. It will only be a little affair, but you still have not said if you will stand up for me.”

“Of course I will. I am honored to be asked. Am I truly the best friend you have?”

“Yes, just about. It’s been a lonely life. And Jane and I are grateful to you. In a strange way, she thinks you belong to us, though I told her that Anya Balanchine belongs to no one except herself. In any case, we could think of no other we wanted standing beside us more, except our own daughter, had she lived.” He held me to him, and I tried not to cry again.
(Aside: How much of this book—nay, my life—have I spent “trying not to cry”? When I think of the wasted effort!)

His assistant came into the office. The half hour was up. He shook my hand, and I went back out to the street. The January air was cold and bright, and it seemed as if the colors of the city were more vivid than before.

In the gutter, a yellow tulip improbably pushed its way through the mud and the trash and the ice. Apologies for the cliché, but I must tell it like I see it. The tulip
was there
—it is not my place to speculate why or how such miracles occur.

*   *   *

The wedding was in March though the day felt more like May. Win’s parents were not young people and they had already done this before, so it was not a grand wedding—only a justice of the peace at the Dark Room, Manhattan. Aside from Win and myself, the only other people there were a few of their colleagues, including Theo, who had brought Lucy. Rumor had it that Theo and the mixologist were engaged, but Theo and I didn’t discuss these matters. Natty had wanted to come, but she couldn’t get away from school.

I wore a pink dress that Ms. Rothschild had selected for me. Though I didn’t agree, she thought pink was my color, that it complemented my black hair. Win wore his usual gray suit, which I had seen several times—I hadn’t yet tired of it.