In the Darkness (7 page)

Gareth still wouldn’t look him in the eye, but he did nod. “People. Who like.”

“I like you. You’re kind. And you’re not ugly, not to me. I think…I think you’re beautiful.”

“No.”

In a soft voice, Evin said, “Nobody touches you because they like you, do they? Nobody tries to make you feel good. But I will. If that’s what you want.”

Gareth stared at his feet and said nothing. Maybe he was afraid to ask for what he wanted, afraid the offer was a trick. Evin eased in close, took Gareth’s hand, and with his free hand reached to stroke Gareth’s cheek again. “Is it okay?”

Gareth closed his hand lightly over Evin’s.

Evin pressed their bodies together and put his head on Gareth’s chest. After a moment’s hesitation, Gareth laid his free hand across Evin’s neck, barely touching, as if afraid Evin might break. They stood together for a while.

When they parted, Gareth finally met Evin’s eyes with nervous glances. “Can I come back?”

“I’ll come out to look for you every night I can. But be careful.”

Gareth nodded. “A ghost.”

He turned to leave, then turned back and lifted his hand to Evin’s face. His fingertips were large, his touch gentle. Not warm, but soothing and sweet in a way no friend had been for a long time. He stroked Evin’s cheek once and sprinted away into the forest.

* * *

Tonight Evin came even closer to Rhyd’s land as he wandered and whispered his calls to Gareth. He picked his way through the forest, but it was becoming too dense. He would have to turn back soon or unhood the lantern. Bats emitted their faint squeaks in the darkness above, and he tried to imagine what it was like for Gareth, to be able to see everything here. The path, the trees, and the bats dodging through them.

He heard no noise of approach before a shy voice said, “Evin.”

Ice ran down his spine. He sucked in a quick breath, which he let out in an exasperated laugh. “Well! Thank you for
trying
not to startle me.”

Gareth said, “I’m sorry.”

Was that a little bit of a smile Evin heard in the words? He hoped so. He turned to find eyes shining in the darkness, and this time he wasn’t scared at all. Evin smiled for Gareth and went to him, reaching out to touch cool flesh but finding instead the rough linen chemise. Beneath it, Gareth’s heart pounded.

“Please don’t be afraid of me,” Evin said, knowing how ridiculous he sounded echoing Gareth’s plea from in the cave. “It’s too dark for me here. Can you lead us somewhere else?”

“Okay.”

His hand was taken into another, surrounded by it. Cold. Soft. Thick. Strong.

He was pulled along like a child behind his father, little hand clasped in big. But it seemed to Evin that the big hand was the innocent, unsullied one.

Gareth paused at the edge of the woods. Evin saw him in silhouette, how he carefully scanned the night landscape before leading Evin out into the open and then to a brushy depression between two hills. It was the sort of place that might hold a small pond during a rainy season, but now, in the heat of summer, it was dry.

He could see better here, but Gareth still held on to him. Evin said nothing because he wanted that contact to last. They walked down into the depression. Gareth let go of his hand, and they sat side by side to look up at the shapes of the bats wheeling above.

Evin decided to wait Gareth out this time.
If I push him, he’ll panic.

When the silence grew long, Gareth said, “I like bats. I wish I was a bat.”

“Why?”

“Because…they’re free, I guess. Nobody wants to trap them or eat them or nothing. They can fly away.”

Evin thought about that, about being free to simply fly away into the sky where nobody could touch him and nothing mattered anymore. Nothing people on the ground worried about, anyway. “Yeah, but they eat bugs. And they have to come back, don’t they? They have families and places to live.”

“Caves.”

Hoping he wasn’t going too far, Evin said, “Where they hide from the day.”

Gareth’s gaze dropped to the ground. “Last time, why were you trying to make me sad?”

“You know I wasn’t.”

“I’m not a baby. I’m not supposed to cry. So I don’t talk about sad stuff.”

You want to. You need to, but I bet nobody listens. Do they punish you if you’re sad
? Evin took time to choose his next words with care. He pitched a stone and pretended to watch where it fell. “Tyber tells younger kids things like that. ‘Don’t be such a baby!’ he says—after he’s picked on them. He makes ’em cry, then mocks ’em for it.”

Gareth was silent for a long while. Were his parents like that? Evin was almost sure. Gareth didn’t reject the veiled accusation outright, but would he understand?

Evin knew how it felt to have something inside, something painful and terrible and sad, but nobody to talk to. Like a storm always brewing. There was a storm inside Gareth. Evin heard it in everything he had said in the cave, and saw it in the way he fled when his feelings got too big.

“He’s mean to them,” Gareth said, “because they cry…because he was mean to them.”

“Some people do that. Tyber’s father does too. People like that, things bother them, and they feel better if they can make kids feel bad. But everyone gets sad sometimes. When you were young, did someone try to make you ashamed of being sad?”

They sat for a while in silence. Evin could sense the tension, but he let Gareth think. Evin hoped the storm would gather enough strength to break.
Don’t be afraid. Talk to me.

His voice a child’s whisper, Gareth said, “I don’t know what I did.”

Say it
! Evin took his hand.

“What did I do?” He glanced at Evin, his eyes wet. Their glow made unshed tears look like liquid fire. “Why was I born wrong? Why? They hate me for it…but what did I do?”

“Nothing. It’s not your fault.”

“No…I…” Tears spilled out. “Something… Evin, do—do you think I’m cursed for something I haven’t done yet?”

Evin’s vision blurred. He knelt beside Gareth and clasped Gareth’s head to his chest. “No, no, you never did anything wrong.”
How long have his parents let him believe this
? “You helped me and didn’t hurt Tyber. You didn’t want anybody hurt.”

He bowed over Gareth’s head, stroked Gareth’s hair and back.
How could they do this to him, who should’ve loved him
? “You’re not bad. It’s not your fault.”
They keep him in darkness and tell him he’s a monster
. Evin’s tears fell as he bowed over Gareth.
For years, all his life. Surely they know he’s not
… “You’re not a monster. Not ugly. Not cursed!”
They were supposed to love him
! “You’re good, I know it.”

Gareth clung to him with a crushing strength, sobbing into his chest, trembling against him until the storm passed.

When they were done, Gareth pulled away and looked up at him. Moonlight glinted off the wet face.
He is so beautiful
. Evin used his fingers to smooth tears away from the dark cheeks.

Gareth reached up, gently touched Evin’s face, and said, “I made you cry.”

“No, you made me happy,” Evin said, and a drop fell from his chin to make him a liar. “I’m helping you feel better. This is good.”

Gareth watched him.

Evin leaned in slowly, lowering his lips to Gareth’s cheek. Gareth stiffened but then relaxed when Evin merely kissed him there. Evin tasted the salt of sweat and tears, smelled the strange wood scent of Gareth’s skin. He trailed kisses along the jawline. Gareth sighed, and the muscles in his shoulders slowly released their tension.

Evin pulled away to look at him. “Is this okay, kissing you like this? Can I do more?”

Gareth nodded.

Evin put a hand on his neck, leaned in, and began to kiss him on the lips. At first Gareth just allowed it without responding, but then he tried to imitate what Evin was doing. Evin licked across Gareth’s lips, pressed in, touched his teeth. Gareth opened, and their tongues met. The kiss grew hungry, and the remaining tension in Gareth’s body slowly drained away.

He had to stop for breath. Gareth sniffled and said, “You taste good. Kissing.” The corners of his mouth quirked up just a bit.

“You too. I like to see you smile.” But that must have made Gareth self-conscious; his smile vanished, and he didn’t meet Evin’s eyes. So Evin kissed him some more until he forgot himself again.

Evin’s breeches were uncomfortable now, constraining his hardness. He moved to straddle Gareth’s thighs and settled his weight firmly into Gareth’s lap. This brought them level, face-to-face. Big hands stroked across his back. Evin kissed him once more, then leaned back into those hands, letting them hold him up.

“See, I can make you feel better,” he said.

Gareth nodded. “But why? Why don’t you hate me? Something’s wrong with me. Nobody else is green, are they? Mother says they’re not. What if I really am a demon?”

“Well, maybe you are. Maybe all real demons start crying whenever someone calls ’em good.”

Gareth sputtered. “I’m serious!”

Evin continued stroking Gareth’s hair and comforting him until he was sure Gareth felt better. “You are really too easy.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means you’re like a little brother, I guess. Too trusting.”

Gareth looked away. “I don’t believe just everything you say.”

“Oh? But I haven’t lied to you.”

“Not lying. Just wrong. I know I’m ugly…and awful…and stupid, like you said.”

“Don’t be stu—I mean, what makes you believe all that? Why must your parents be right?”

Gareth put his head down on Evin’s chest.

“I…don’t know what to say.” He hadn’t meant to call Gareth stupid, exactly, when he said Gareth had been stupid to risk helping—but that was the word Gareth remembered.

I’m the stupid one.

“Gareth, I’m sorry I called you that. I didn’t mean it. Friends say that to each other all the time, just because they’re friends. They don’t mean it.” He gently lifted Gareth’s face back up, holding it between his hands, and looked into Gareth’s shining eyes. “I made a mistake. Your parents did too. We made mistakes. Those bad things we said, they aren’t true. Not about you. You are really, truly beautiful. You’re brave. You’re good.”

Gareth was mute, maybe afraid to ask for such reassurance, but Evin saw that he was desperate to believe. By the moon and their own supernal light, his eyes were pleading. They were the same as anyone’s but with whites, irises, and pupils distinguishable only by varying degrees of the yellow glow’s brightness. It was as if they had absorbed the shine of summer light bugs, and though they were terrifying when unexpected in the dark, Evin thought they were marvelous.

Using his thumbs, he traced slowly along Gareth’s eyebrows, temples, cheeks, demonstrating that he no longer had any fear. “I don’t care why you’re different. I don’t need to know where you came from before I can be your friend. I really like you, and I think you like me.”

Gareth nodded.

“We’re friends. That’s answer enough.” Evin drew his hands down to caress Gareth’s chest. “You said you saw me ‘being nice’ to Tyber, so you know what we do. But you came to me anyway. Do you want me to do those things for you?”

Gareth shook his head. “You don’t have to. Holding you here is good. You already been so nice to me.”

“You’re just afraid to ask for anything, aren’t you? You’ve learned never to let anyone know what you want. I’m like that with most people too.” Evin kissed Gareth again and pressed himself into Gareth’s crotch. “We don’t have to be that way, not when it’s you and me. I’ll do anything for you, I think. But I want you to show me you’re brave. I want you to tell me what you want.”

Gareth stared at him for a long moment, then pulled him close and spoke into his shoulder. “Just this, today. Okay, Evin? Can I ask you to do that other stuff…tomorrow?”

Evin tightened his arms around Gareth. “Just this is okay. Anything you want.”

Chapter Seven

The next night, Evin left his home as soon as darkness fell. The summer heat had been oppressive through the day, and it remained uncomfortable outside into the early evening. Evin had not worn a chemise all day—it was just too hot—but before leaving to find Gareth, he reluctantly put one on. So far, Gareth had been fully clothed each time they met, and Evin feared too much bare skin might be intimidating for him. Evin hoped to overcome Gareth’s fears tonight, not stoke them.

He left his family’s cabin and walked toward the edge of the village, where he would turn to circle around it. As he neared the workshop, a figure stepped from the shadows to face him.

Evin’s heart clenched.
Not here! It’s too dangerous!

But then he realized this person was too small. He raised his lantern’s beam and saw that it was only Marc.

“He wants to see you,” Marc said. His face and voice were stern.

Evin sighed. There was a girl in Laforet who served Tyber much as Evin did, so far in ways that wouldn’t make a baby. She didn’t like Evin, which was fine with him, so he was free of Tyber on those nights when Ysabeau could satisfy Tyber’s whims. Tyber would have made do with her while he was too angry to treat with Evin, but not forever. Tyber’s attention had to return sooner or later. At least for revenge.

“Where?” Evin asked.

Marc motioned with his hand, then turned and led. Evin suppressed an urge to ask about Tyber’s mood. Marc’s demeanor suggested he thought this meeting would not go well for Evin.

Should have already been planning how to handle Tyber. I knew it was dangerous to embarrass him like that.

Marc led him around the workshop and then turned in toward the village’s center. They arrived at a boulder in the yard between the workshop and mill. Tyber leaned against the stone, his body tense and radiating anger. Evin stood before him and tried to keep a neutral expression and prepare himself.
Not one word about Gareth. Not one word.

Marc glanced from one to the other, then broke the thick silence. “I brought him to you, just like you said.”

Tyber’s eyes never left Evin’s face. “You’re gonna pay for making me look bad.”