In the Eye of the Storm (12 page)

He muttered a curse under his breath and raked a hand through his hair before turning back to his friend.  Where had this raging beast come from where Holly was concerned?  His life was slowly spinning out of control and he had no idea how to reign it all back in.  The only thing that Stephen did know right now with any certainty was that for the first time in his life, he was uncertain of his future and how to go about putting everything back in to perspective where it belonged. 

Will took pity on him from his relaxed position in the chair.  “I take it, though, that you’re actually
not
okay with it and that’s what has you in such a foul mood?”

Stephen wanted to deny it, but couldn’t.  “Damned if I know.  I thought I knew exactly what I wanted or at least exactly how it was going to be once we came back to work.  But the thing is she’s been the model employee.  I can’t complain about anything.  She’s acting as if the weekend never happened; like we didn’t have mind blowing sex all over the damn house!  She’s done her work as impeccably as she always has, she hasn’t made any demands of me or cried or pleaded for a relationship and dammit, I wish she would!  How twisted is that?”

“Extremely.” Will laughed.  “What would you do if she
did
make demands on you and actually wanted a relationship with you?  How the hell would you handle that?”  Before Stephen had a chance to answer, Will added, “And remember, she knows you pretty damn well and knows how you feel about relationships.”

“I should be happy, right?  I should be relieved and doing a jig that she has made this so easy on my and yet I can’t let myself be happy!  Every time she comes through that door I want to say to hell with it all and actually
try
.  I’ve never wanted to try with anyone, but I wouldn’t mind trying my hand at a relationship with Holly.”

“And when it ends?” Will asked.

Glaring, Stephen hesitated.  “What if it didn’t end?”  He left that thought hanging, wanting to know what Will thought of it.  If anyone could help him make sense of any of this, Will could and right now, Stephen was desperate for help. 

Scratching his chin in consideration, Will shifted in the chair, got more comfortable, before answering.  “Well, if it didn’t end, I’d have to venture a guess and say that you were talking about marriage.”  He arched an eyebrow and waited for a response.  He didn’t get one.  “Is that what you’re considering?  Marriage?”  Still no answer.  “I never thought I’d live to see the day that Stephen Ballinger would actually even consider taking the plunge.  But let me ask you this, are you considering this because you actually
love
this woman and want to spend the rest of your life with her, or are you considering it because it guarantees that you can have Holly exactly where you want to and not inconvenience yourself in any way, shape or form?  Sort of like having your cake and eating it too?”

Stephen cringed at Will’s choice of words.  Hadn’t he had the same argument with himself last weekend?  It sounded crude when Will said it out loud.  Was he actually considering something to cold and calculated?

“Stephen?” Will prompted.  “Tell me that you’re not thinking of marriage as a way of not inconveniencing yourself…”

Sitting back down in his chair behind the desk, Stephen put his head in his hands and murmured, “I wish I could.”  They sat there like that for several long, silent minutes before Will finally stood up.

“Holly deserves better than that,” Will said cautiously, afraid to risk Stephen’s rage again.

There was nothing but hopelessness written all over Stephen’s face.  “I know,” he replied lowly. 

“Look, it sounds like you’ve had a bitch of a week.  Let’s get out of here and go and grab some dinner.  Nothing major, but nothing like that bar last weekend, okay?”  Stephen agreed mainly because he needed a distraction.  He must have voiced that thought out loud because Will added, “There will be no more talk of Holly, relationships, marriage or Ballinger’s.  Okay?”

For the first time all week, Stephen felt his spirits rise.  He had been spending too much time obsessing over this situation with Holly.  Luckily, he had many coals in the fire with Ballinger’s and so it was easy to keep himself busy, but it wasn’t enough to keep him from thinking of her completely.  It was obvious that he’d think about her during the day because she was always there, but when he went home at night, it was worse.  Every room he went in to he remembered Holly being there, laughing there, and making him want things that he had never wanted before.  This night out with Will promised to take him away from all thoughts of his life of late and help him to clear his mind for a little while. .

Will drove them to their favorite steakhouse and to both of their surprises, Derek was standing at the bar when they walked in.  The three men stood silently looking at one another, unsure of what to do.  Derek broke the silence. “Well, well, well…how’d you know I’d be here?” he said smugly.  Will and Stephen looked at each other and then at Derek, unwilling to believe his conceit.

“We had no idea you’d be here,” Will began.  “We figured you’d still be at home crying over how we all did you wrong.”  Derek laughed out loud at that statement and grabbed Will in a bear hug. 

“God, I missed you guys this week!  C’mon, let’s get a table and eat and drink and leave this miserable week behind.”  They all readily agreed and when the waitress led them to their usual table in the back corner, all seemed right with the world. 

It was as if nothing had ever been wrong between them; they talked, they ate, and they laughed.  There was no mention of Holly; there seemed a silent agreement that that topic was off limits.  Stephen found himself having a better time than he thought possible.  Maybe it wasn’t going to be so hard to move on and get his life back on track. 

He wasn’t in love with Holly.  He knew that that was impossible.  Soon the haze of lust would fade and last weekend would be nothing more than a memory.  Stephen made a bird’s eye sweep of the interior of the restaurant for women with hopes of someone catching his eye.  For the first time in memory, it seemed that there were none. 

Ordering another round of beers, they talked of plans for Thanksgiving which was a month away.  None of them were big on family gatherings and tended to try and do something together like skiing or heading off to an island for a long weekend.  This year it seemed that they were all up for skiing.  Stephen didn’t mind; anything was better than staying at home alone.

Derek had a condo in Vail and so by the end of the night it was decided upon that they would fly in the day before Thanksgiving and stay through the weekend.  It felt good to have plans together.  Yes, this could be exactly what Stephen needed; who knew, maybe he would even meet someone up there to pass the time with that would take his mind off of Holly.

While Will and Derek talked about slopes and who was the better skier, Stephen tried to picture the scenario in his head where they would go to the lodge where they normally went and where he’d met women before.  He pictured himself coming in after a long day on the slopes and seeing a beautiful woman – a snow bunny of sorts – sitting by the large stone fireplace nursing a large mug of hot chocolate.  He smiled at the thought. 

Getting deeper in to the fantasy while Will and Derek were almost getting violent in their need to prove who the more skilled sportsman was, Stephen leaned back in the booth and closed his eyes.  He would walk up to this beautiful woman who, up until now, had been cast in shadows, and ask her if he could buy her another drink.  She’d turn to face him, her long chestnut hair spinning over her shoulders, big green eyes staring at him…Holly.

He muttered a curse that had both Derek and Will stopping their arguing to look at him.  “Something the matter?” Derek asked. 

Stephen was stunned and couldn’t believe that he was stupid enough to speak out loud!  He recovered quickly.  “Um, no…I just remembered that I forgot to take some contracts home with me that I need to review this weekend.  That means I’ll have to go back up in to the office and I really was looking forward to
not
going back there all weekend.”

“Ah…” his friends both said in unison, totally understanding.

Not long after, they all readily agreed that it was time to go.  Will took Stephen back to Ballinger’s where his car was.  He walked Stephen in to the office where he watched him grab the contract folder and then they walked back out to the parking garage together, making idle talk along the way. 

“He may be a pain in the ass, but it was good to see Derek tonight,” Will commented.

“Absolutely,” Stephen agreed.  “I think Vail is a good idea.  It will be good to get away for a couple of days.  It’s been too long.”  Now it was Will’s turn to nod in agreement. 

“Now if only we could make it a guy’s only thing and not have to deal with the pressure of meeting anyone and hearing of Derek’s expertise with the ladies the whole damn time, it would be a great weekend…” Will said.

Stephen stopped next to his car and looked at Will oddly.  “Are you telling me that you are not interested in meeting anyone for a mindless weekend of female companionship?  What’s up with that?”  Stephen had been so wrapped up in his own female troubles that he had not even given anyone else’s life a though.  “What’s going on?”

Will shrugged non-chalantly, unwilling to talk about his life.  Besides, Stephen had enough on his mind without adding to it with his problems.  “Look, it was good getting together with you tonight.  Go home and try to have a good weekend.  I’ll talk to you next week.”  With that, he turned and walked away, the shadows of the parking garage swallowing him up before Stephen had a chance to respond. 

The drive home was pleasant for the first time that week mainly because for the first time in days, Stephen had something else to focus on – Will.  He couldn’t remember Will mentioning being involved with anyone.  Why would his friend keep his relationship a secret?  Why?  Probably for the same reason Stephen had wished to hell he’d kept his and Holly’s a secret.  Once it’s out there, everyone is privy to your pain and turmoil. 

Once at home, he went in, went to his office, and as was becoming too familiar of a habit, he sat down behind his desk, turned on the computer and settled in for another sleepless night of work.

****

Sitting on her couch eating Chinese take out and trying to get in to the movie she rented on Netflix, Holly wondered why she had made such a fuss about having this extra time at home.  At least before she had something to actually
do
.  She was busy, she was moving, and she was having conversation while eating dinner!  Now, she sat here pitifully alone and bored out of her mind.  Maybe she should get a cat.  That thought made her throw down her fork and plate in disgust.  “Is this what it’s come to?” she thought.  “One doomed relationship and I’m ready to become a cat person?”  The thought sent a shiver down her spine.

The movie couldn’t hold her attention so she grabbed the TV remote and turned it off, opting to channel surf for something else.  After a while she settled on the evening news and got caught up on current events.

“This is ridiculous,” she chided herself.  “I am a grown woman with friends; friends who I have not seen in a while.”  Rising from the couch, Holly walked to kitchen and found her address book and began furiously flipping through it to start calling people.  It was only seven-thirty on a Friday night, for crying out loud!  What was she doing home?  Didn’t single people go out on the weekends?  Isn’t that what all of those beer commercials were all about?  Hell,
she
could be in a beer commercial if she wanted to!  Holly gave herself a pep-talk as she picked up the phone and dialed her friend Linda’s number.  “I am a young, attractive woman,” she murmured.  “There is no reason for me to be at home on a Friday night.”  At the sound of her friend’s voice, she said cheerily, “Are you up for a girl’s night out?”

Thirty minutes later, Holly was walking out the door with a swing in her denim-clad hips and a little bounce in her stiletto boot step.  Climbing in to her car she congratulated herself on taking that all-important first step in having a life outside of work.  With any luck, this would be the first of many nights out and eventually, she wouldn’t remember her wild weekend with Stephen or feel that pull of desire every time she looked at him in the office.

Yes a girl’s night out was
exactly
what she needed to actually find out who it was the Holly Abbott
could
be.

Chapter Eight

So much for big plans. 

It didn’t take long for Holly to realize that clubbing was not her thing.  The big girl’s night out had been a
major
disappointment.  She had met up with her friend Linda at a local restaurant/bar and while she enjoyed talking with her friend, there were no single men hanging around.  After noshing on a shared appetizer and nursing a screwdriver, they headed out to a bar in downtown Raleigh.  That held a few more options but Holly found that she really wasn’t as interested in finding a man as she thought she was in the beginning of the evening.

Once she let got of the notion that she only wasn’t out to find a man, Holly let herself relax and enjoy herself.  It turned out that Linda chose this particular bar because they had other friends that hung out there and after a couple of drinks, they were all out on the dance floor laughing, dancing and singing and having a great time. 

At the end of the night, Holly was shocked to see that half of the women in their group were leaving with men they had met while Linda and another gal had gotten phone numbers from men.  To say that she was a little disappointed would be an understatement.  As if reading her mind, Linda had said “What did you expect?   You’ve got this giant ‘back off’ thing going on that has scared most of these guys off.  I figured if you’d wanted to talk about it, you would have brought it up.  Hell, I was just glad to have you out with us for once!”

“Was it really that obvious?” Holly asked, totally dismayed.