In the Line of Duty (5 page)

Who did he honor? His longtime friend? Or the friend’s widow, to whom he was attracted?

Matt shoved it all away and focused on the fall of his feet against the sidewalk, a familiar rhythm, and the way Aldo loped a little bit ahead, tongue lolling. His head blessedly emptied of all thoughts—but Callie and her panicked eyes were still there, in the back of his mind.

* * *

“So. I saw one superhunky neighbor leaving your house last night,” Colleen teased the next morning, after the boys had disappeared into the day care part of the house. Callie felt her face turn bright red as her mouth dropped open. She hadn’t actually planned for this, on top of a night spent tossing and turning, and full of dreams of Matt kissing her—
kissing her
, dear God. It hadn’t occurred to her that someone would see him coming or going. And draw conclusions. That were completely wrong, of course.

“Um. Yeah,” she said, her recovery slow and awkward, but still... “He just stopped in to see the boys. Since he knew Jason and all.” She busied herself with backpacks, and wished the kids hadn’t abandoned her so quickly.

Colleen made a noise in her throat that could have meant anything. “Okay.”

“Colleen—” Callie started, but her friend stopped her, holding up a hand. “I know, Callie. I won’t say anything. Well, that’s not true,” she amended, and Callie had to smile. “I’ll say he seems like a great guy. And I know you could use a great guy in your life.”

Callie’s smile faded. “No. We’re fine just how we are.”

Colleen didn’t push it, but her look said volumes. “Are you?”

Of course they were. She’d worked very hard to be sure they were. It was her main priority. A great guy in her life? Other than her boys, that wasn’t on the list.

* * *

That evening, a respectable amount of time after Matt pulled into the driveway, Callie trekked over to his house. She knocked, half hoping he wouldn’t answer. He tugged open the door a few seconds later, disheveled and sweaty in a T-shirt and gym shorts that showed off—oh, my—powerful thighs. She wanted—inexplicably—to lick him all over.

Not helpful.

“Can I help you?” he asked, sounding slightly amused, and she realized she’d been staring. There was no hiding the resulting heat that swept up her neck.

She cleared her throat. Her voice seemed to be stuck. “Did I interrupt something?”

“Not really. I just finished my workout.”

“Ah.” Her mind blanked at the thought of him lifting weights. Muscles flexing.
Mmm...

“Callie?” Now he sounded really amused.

She blinked. “Right. Sorry. Been a long day. Listen, I just wanted to apologize for my rudeness last night,” she said, and made herself meet those amazing blue eyes. Here was the tricky part. She didn’t want to admit how badly she’d freaked out. “It just got a little—overwhelming.”

“I know.” He leaned on the door.

“You know?” she repeated. Her stomach dropped. She’d hoped she’d been a little more subtle. Apparently not.

“Yeah. I could tell. Where are the kids?”

She glanced over her shoulder. “In the house. Standing in the doorway so they can see me.” Matt looked around her and waved, and they waved back at him excitedly. What did he mean, he could tell? How could he read her? He didn’t know her, not really. “I’m really sorry. I never should have run you out of the house like I did last night.” It still made her wince, that she’d gotten so panicky over them playing.
Bonding.

“Callie. It’s okay,” he said softly, and she gave a stiff nod.

“Okay. Just wanted to make sure.”

He caught her arm as she turned, and lightly pulled her around. The heat of his touch, gentle as it was, made her shiver.

“I could tell,” he repeated, his voice slightly rough, “because you looked completely spooked. Not unlike Aldo during a thunderstorm.”

She thought maybe she should be offended, even as, behind him, Aldo raised his head and wagged his tail at the sound of his name. “I’m not—”

“No. You’re not. You’re trying to deal with all this and it got to be too much. No shame in that. You’ve been through hell, Callie. I know that.” Matt released her arm when she gave a slight tug. The last thing she needed was for Colleen or any other neighbor to look outside and see them...well, see them together, period. “I know that and I know this is a weird situation. So we’ll take it at your pace. I’d love to hang out with your kids. But if it’s too much, and you need to step back, I get it.” He ran his hand over his closely cropped hair. “Jason was important to me, but you were his wife. That means my access to your kids is up to you.”

She stepped back. He was giving her the control here and she appreciated it. “Glad you understand that. And again, I’m sorry.”

He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes, which were understandably wary. “No problem. It was a great dinner. And I enjoyed the company. So did Aldo.”

This time the dog gave a little bark at the sound of his name. She couldn’t help but smile a little.

“That’s good. Well, I’ll let you get back to your workout.”

“Okay.”

She walked back across the street and felt his gaze on her the whole way. She kept her steps measured, even though she wanted to run, because she really didn’t want him to
know
she wanted to run. And hide. And ignore him until these feelings went so far away they never came back.

CHAPTER FIVE

T
HE
BOYS
WERE
wiggling at the front door when she walked back up to her own house.

“Can we see Aldo?” Eli demanded, and Callie made herself smile.

“Not today, kiddo.” Goodness, all this fuss over a dog. She ushered them back a bit so she could step in, and didn’t look over her shoulder. What if Matt was watching? What if he wasn’t? Both options gave her a little flutter, which she tried to ignore.

It was silly either way.

Her phone rang as she was steering the boys toward bedtime. A quick glance revealed it to be her mother-in-law.

“Hi, Maureen.” She tucked the phone on her shoulder and pulled jammies out for Liam.

“Hi, Callie,” Maureen Marshall said. “Listen, Joe and I were wondering if we could take the boys this weekend. Overnight on Saturday, to be exact. We can get tickets to the Sesame Street Live show and thought maybe they’d enjoy that. I know it’s kind of short notice, but...” She trailed off.

Callie smiled at Liam and tweaked his nose as she handed him the jammies and stepped back to let him try to put them on. “It’s fine. I think they’d like it.” And maybe she could pick up a shift at the salon Saturday morning. The extra money would be useful.

“Okay, good. Thanks, Callie. Do you have to work? We can pick them up beforehand.”

“No, but I’ll see if I can get a shift,” she replied as she helped Liam yank the pajama top over his head. He had a really big head and she liked to say it was because he had a big—and very smart—brain.

They settled on a time. She’d offered to meet them somewhere, but Maureen insisted on making the full trip over to them. It wasn’t a long drive, but it saved Callie half an hour or so of her morning.

“Guess what?” she told the kids after she hung up. “You can go to Grandma and Grandpa’s this weekend. Would you like that?”

Their excited squeals made her laugh. She hugged each boy in turn and said, “It’s still a few days away. But it will be fun to look forward to.”

“So, tomorrow?” Eli asked, and she dropped a kiss on his head and chuckled.

“Nope. Saturday. Today’s Wednesday, so two more days.” She pulled the covers back on each boy’s bed.

She got them tucked in and went through all the rituals. She knew they were just stalling, even with Liam’s eyes barely open, but she couldn’t help but play along. They wouldn’t be little for long. All too soon they’d be too big for her to tuck in. She would put that moment off for as long as possible.

* * *

Lori’s eyes lit up the next morning when Callie asked about working on Saturday. “As it turns out, yes, I could definitely use you. Dawn can’t make it and we’ve got that wedding to do. So if you can take Dawn’s place, that saves me from having to reschedule her clients.” Lori studied the book. They inputted appointments and schedules into the computer, too, but she preferred the paper schedule for a quick glance.

“I can,” Callie confirmed, and Lori penciled her in. Callie would be here in plenty of time for the nine-thirty appointment. And she’d be done at noon or so. Which actually gave her pretty much the whole day to do—what? She didn’t think about it too much. Just decided she’d get a jump start on yard work and spring cleaning. Not a bad way to spend a kid-free day.

“Excellent. On another note,” Lori said, “Sharon called in this morning, so it’s just you and me. Her daughter is sick again.” Her boss tapped her pencil on the book. “I’m trying to reschedule whatever doesn’t fit into our schedules.”

“That’s fine,” Callie said, and Lori turned the book so Callie could see it. She noted her nearly full schedule. Her heart sank just a little at the very last appointment of the day—a color. It’d take awhile, which meant she’d pick the boys up later than usual. “Looks good. I’ll call Colleen and let her know I’ll be a little late.”

Lori put her finger on the color appointment. “Are you sure? I can reschedule it. I know it’s late for you. I’ve got one at the same time or I’d take it.”

Callie shook her head and smiled. “It’s fine. Eli and Liam love being at Colleen’s. They won’t even notice if I’m late.” She meant it as a joke, but unfortunately the words fell into the “sad but true” category.

Lori slipped an arm around her shoulders and gave her a squeeze. “Oh, I think they’ll notice. They love you and they know how much you love them. But you’re right, they’ll be okay.”

Lori had been a rock for Callie through the dark days. She’d been there, held the job open for her until she emerged from the fog of grief enough to be able to function in the real world. She’d called her and brought her food once a week, and made sure she ate otherwise. Callie owed her a lot more than staying a little late to pick up some slack.

“You’re a great friend,” Callie said, even though the words were inadequate.

Lori just laughed. “You’d do the same for me,” she said with a wave of a slim hand.

I hope I never have to.
But Callie didn’t say the words—just smiled, because it was true.

The day moved along pretty quickly, and Callie was grateful to get off her feet at the end of it. Her color appointment had run over—which she’d expected—and it made her even later. The boys were happy to see her, but dinner was going to be a rush affair if she wanted to avoid the breakdowns and tears from overly hungry kids. Seeing how quickly they were approaching the critical point, she called The Pie Shack and ordered a pizza. The wait wasn’t bad, since it was a weeknight. Plus they’d deliver.

Not a great mom day,
she thought as she shoveled laundry into the washer. But you couldn’t win them all. And Callie was smart enough not to try.

The bell rang for the pizza and she opened the front door to pay the delivery guy—but it was Matt on her step, holding her steaming and fragrant pizza box. She blinked and took a step back. “Whoa. I thought—wait. You’re the delivery boy?”

He flashed her a wicked smile that had her face immediately heating. “Only for you.”

Flustered, she reached for her wallet. “Well. Okay—”

“I got it, Callie. I caught the kid in the driveway. It’s all set.”

She turned around, her wallet clutched tightly in her hands. “Oh, no. I can’t do that. Let me pay you—” But the boys came tumbling in then, asking about Aldo, and her words were lost. She stepped aside with a little sigh. “You may as well come in.”

He stepped in and two little boys attached themselves to his legs. He handed the pizza to her with a smile and she carried it to the table, not wanting to see him roughhousing with the kids. When would she get used to it?

She got plates out in the kitchen and took a moment. Maybe she needed to relax a little. Not read anything into it or fight this and it’d just go away on its own. Understandable that she might overreact the first time she was attracted to a man. It’d been so long.

He came into the kitchen then, Eli and Liam in tow.

“Are you staying?” she asked him, in a voice that was just a little too bright.

He shook his head. “No, I don’t want to impose.”

“Please stay,” Eli implored, and Liam smiled his big baby grin. “Pizza is yummy.”

“Ah.” Matt threw a helpless glance Callie’s way. “Yes, it is.”

She gave in. “Do you have any other plans? If not, you’re welcome to stay.” She nearly swallowed her tongue. What had made her issue the invitation? Just good manners, or something more?

Just good manners, surely. After all, he’d paid for the pizza.

But as he accepted the plate she held out, she knew it was more than that. The kids lit up when he was around and they didn’t do that often. So she would swallow her awkwardness and let him visit occasionally with the boys like this. She’d adjust.

“So, Matt, why did you come back here to live?” Callie asked when the boys cleared out post pizza, leaving the two of them alone. It seemed like a pretty safe conversational topic.

He paused. “Brice and Marley made me an offer,” he said finally. “They knew I’d been looking at doing something like this, once I—once I retired.” The tightness of his jaw indicated maybe retiring hadn’t been his first choice.

“Why did you retire? Jason always said you were well suited to the army.” She was genuinely curious.

Matt didn’t meet her gaze for a minute. “It was time,” he said finally. “I’d just seen too much. Kind of catches up to you after a while.”

“I understand.” She knew all about sore spots being prodded, and would leave his be. She changed the subject instead. “So, what is it you guys do?”

She saw him relax. “It’s an adventure company. Out There Adventures. We do things like white-water rafting, mountain biking, all over the Midwest. We meet the tour at the site.” He’d lit right up as he talked about it, even as her heart sank. Then she felt—what, exactly? It couldn’t be disappointment, could it? No, it had to be a feeling of relief. This was what she wanted, right? A concrete reason to avoid him. To shore up her defenses when she got those—feelings.

Even if she’d ever been interested in him, she wasn’t going to get involved with a guy who took those kinds of risks with his life on a regular basis. Period.

“Problem?” Matt’s voice cut through her thoughts.

She refocused. “Oh, no. Not at all. I was just thinking it’s kind of cool you and your friends could start a company like that.” It was true. She did think that, even if it was all wrong for her and her family. “There’s a lot of risk involved.”

He misunderstood what she meant by risk, and she let it stand. “Yeah, but there is in starting any business. We talked about it and researched it for a long time. Well, I did what I could from Afghanistan and they did a lot here.” He shrugged. “Time will tell if it will pay off. But we’re booking tours hand over fist and that’s a good sign.”

“Yes,” she agreed. “It is. So you’ll be gone a lot?”

He reached down to grab a stray toy truck and she tried not to notice the way his shirt pulled across his chest. She averted her eyes and rubbed at a crayon mark on the table instead. Goodness. “We’ll trade off. But yes, it will mostly be a few days at a time. We’ve got four other guides, so we’ll rotate. That way no one has to be gone for several consecutive trips.” He gave a short laugh. “Unless they want to be, of course.”

“That sounds very sensible,” she murmured. Was it good or bad to have him gone for periods at a time? She wouldn’t have to worry about running into him accidentally. That was a bonus. Right?

He flashed the grin that did disturbing things to her insides. “Yeah. I’m pretty stoked about it. It’s a great fit. I’m not an office kind of guy. After twenty years in the army I’m not sure I could transition to a desk job.”

Liam came up to her then with two big Lego blocks that were stuck together. As she worked them apart she asked, “What happened with your fiancée?” Horror shot through her. “Oh. I’m so sorry. That was awfully rude. Forget I said anything.”

He chuckled, which she didn’t expect. “No harm done, Callie. It just didn’t work out. Better all around.”

Callie wanted to ask him exactly what he meant by that, but she understood the nonanswer. After all, she’d given plenty of her own over the past year and a half. “I’m sorry.”

He shrugged. “These things happen.”

He didn’t seem particularly broken up about it, but there was a definite shadow in his eyes. Maybe he wasn’t completely over his ex, after all. It was another reason this attraction to him was a bad idea. A hopeless cause was another kind of risk entirely.

“Well.” She stood and picked up her plate. “Good luck with your new venture. I hope it takes off for you. But don’t—please don’t say anything about all your extreme sports to the kids. I’m trying to keep that sort of thing off their radar.” She planned to keep them as far from anything that could hurt them as possible.

Matt didn’t say anything, but her comment rocked him. She was afraid of something happening to her kids. He got that. But she couldn’t hide them from life forever. He knew all about wanting to protect someone. Thing was, people had a way of making choices and decisions on their own. Like walking into places where the threat of death was a constant companion. But who was he to point that out to her? This friendship was still pretty tenuous and he really didn’t want to spoil it now by falling out with her.

He followed her into the small kitchen and found her bent over, rearranging things to fit the pizza box in the fridge. The view was fantastic—and wrong—so he forced himself to look over her head at the milk carton as he grabbed the door, which was swinging slowly back toward her.

“Will it fit?”

She stood up and spun around, and he saw the second she realized she was trapped between him and the fridge. He didn’t move. He couldn’t. He was caught in the caramel depths of her eyes. He definitely saw a spark of what burned in him reflected there. If he leaned in just a little bit he could take her mouth. Just. A. Little. Bit. Closer.

Her intake of breath was audible and her hand visibly shook when she put it on his chest. “Matt. I’m not—I can’t—”

He stepped back, when what he wanted to do was step forward and pull her in, kiss her until the shadows fled from her caramel-colored eyes and she only saw him. The light caught the diamond on her finger. The icy flash was as good as a cold blast of water to the face. He reached out and touched the rings and saw her eyes go wide. There was nothing more to say.

As long as those rings were on her finger, there’d always be a third party between them. He had no say in that, and he respected it, and what they represented. She would move on in her own time—or not. He also realized he was all wrong for her. She deserved someone who could give her everything. All of himself. He wasn’t that guy. He’d been alone for too long, as his foray into the world of the almost-married had proved. He could handle a dog, not a ready-made family. “I know. I know you can’t.” He fisted his hand so he wouldn’t be tempted to reach out and touch her face. Wrong for her or not, he still wanted to touch her, chase the shadows from her eyes.

It was time to go.

He moved away as she turned and fiddled with something in the fridge. He stepped back even farther, recognizing her nervousness and wanting to give her the space she needed.