In the Lyrics (39 page)

Standing up, I all but run into Colby’s arms. His strong arms grab me and pull me close to him. As he embraces me, he says to Logan, “I want to give you the benefit of the doubt and think that you weren’t about to do what I think you were, but I don’t think you’re the type of dude who deserves the benefit of the doubt. So I’m going to leave it up to Hensley and what she wants to do about this little situation. If she wants to press charges, we will; if she wants that face of yours to get a beating, it will.”

Logan’s voice is low as he mumbles, “Is that a threat?”

“It’s a promise, and you and I both know how well I cherish those, right? Just ask your momma, because the minute you abandoned her, I promised her I’d be there to fill that void.”

Holding my arms firmly around Colby, I tremble as I say, “Logan, you told me you still help her and watch movies with her. Was that a lie? Tell me it wasn’t!”

He doesn’t answer me.

“You’re a fucking teacher! You’re…you’re just as horrible as your father. She hates him, you know, and she’d hate you too if she knew what you were going to do!” I shout at the man I thought I knew in front of me.

“Hens, he hasn’t seen his mom in a very long time. He might as well be dead, which isn’t a bad idea. But I’m not about to go to jail for his sorry ass. Logan, don’t you ever talk to Hensley again. If you see her at the gas station before she leaves, I want you to turn the other way. Do you understand me?”

“Fuck you!” Logan shouts.

In a prompt, Colby’s arms untangle themselves from around me and he is standing in front of Logan. Their faces are so close, I’m certain their noses are touching. “I will end you over her and what you were going to do to her. It’s not a threat and it’s not even a promise, it’s my word. I don’t go back on my word. I will end you, and no one on this planet will even notice.”

Pushing backwards from Logan’s chest, Colby grabs my hand and leads me out the door. I don’t dare look back to see Logan.

Tears fall from my eyes as we hit the bottom step of the apartment complex.

“I’m so sorry, Sunshine.” He pulls me close.

The air is cold as it hits my wet cheeks.

“How did you know where I was?” I choke out through my sobs.

“I had a really bad feeling. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because you were a little tipsy. I just…I just needed to make sure you were okay. Logan’s still the same scumbag he was. He just masks it a little better.”

“Thank you for saving me.”

“No need to thank me. I told you a long time ago I wouldn’t ever let anything bad happen to you, and just like I told Logan, I never go back on my word.”

Colby opens the passenger side door for me and I climb in. It’s still warm from running on his way here. Clutching my purse in my arms, emotions overwhelm me. He doesn’t start the engine as he climbs into the driver’s side.

“You need to think about what you’re planning on doing. If you want to report this, I think we ought to go to the station now, while everything’s fresh.”

“No. No, I can’t do that. My label. No, I can’t cause a stir right now. Please drive me home.” Holding my hand in front of my mouth, I attempt to steady my breathing.

“Hensley, screw your label. You were just attacked. You need to tell the police.”

Mustering up all the strength left in me, I sternly grunt, “I said no.”

“Okay.” He doesn’t say another word the entire ride home, but he does reach across the center of his truck and grab my hand. In this moment, it means more to me than I can even explain.

WAKING UP IN the morning, my chest is sore and tight from crying myself to sleep. Colby was still angry with me when he dropped me off at home. He’s right – I know going to the police is the right thing to do, but I can’t do that to my career right now. I’ve worked too hard to be where I am, just to throw it away when the media gets ahold of this story. Plus nothing happened, he didn’t do anything. Yes, he was probably going to try. He used to do crap like that all the time, pushing me, scaring me.

I was almost raped.

Vowing to never bring it up again, I shower, and then go downstairs and meet my mom for breakfast.

“You look tired, honey. I know this trip has been hard on you. Once we get through today, things are bound to get better. They have to,” my mom says as I enter the kitchen.

“I was thinking that I might need to head out after the funeral. It’s paid for in full, and I went ahead and wrote you a check. It’s in your nightstand drawer. Just deposit it and pay the house off. I don’t want you to have to worry about money anymore.”

Opening her mouth, she says, “But…”

“But nothing, Mom. Once I leave, I don’t know how long I’ll be gone for and I don’t want to have to worry about the lights getting turned off or you not having food on the table. Just stop…let me take care of you for once. You’ve been doing it my whole life, putting me first, giving up your dreams for me. I’ve lived ‘em, Mom, and it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Once the glitz and glam fades, you’re just a normal person, living a life that is anything but normal. I have the means to take care of you now, so let me.”

“All right, baby girl. I’ll let you, but know that you’re welcome here anytime. Day or night, I’ll always leave the light on for you.”

At least someone will.

“I know, Mom. I love you too. Now come on, let’s eat and get today over with. I just want to move on. It’s too hard thinking about Dad lying in a casket. That isn’t him in there. He’s in here,” I hold my hand over my heart and choke back tears. Yeah, things were rocky between my dad and I. He was a drunk who’d rather bury his face in a bottle than spend time with his only child, but he was still my dad. He still cheered me on when I first learned to ride a bike and play guitar. I still loved him despite his flaws, and this still hurts.

We spend the morning mourning my father and the afternoon packing up some of his clothes. I already pre-arranged an appointment for the VA to come and pick things up, but due to Thanksgiving, they aren’t able to come until Friday – Black Friday.

The funeral was nice, as nice as one can be at least. Several of my father’s friends came, and a few of our cousins from out of town. His parents weren’t able to make it due to their own health conditions, but Mom understood and agreed to have the funeral home’s director send them a memorial card with the eulogy on it. I admit I looked around the room several times searching for Colby’s face, but he never came. I guess it’s a good thing, especially with how things have been between us.

As we laid my dad to rest, I thought a lot about what letting go actually means. You can love someone unconditionally, and they can even love you back, but like death, there are so many of life’s obstacles that keep us apart. Sometimes it’s best to know when to throw in the towel. It’s realizing that, the fight, our time in the ring, was over a long time ago – there’s no one to blame but myself.

Riding in the car on the way back home from the funeral, I can tell my mom is emotionally drained. Her eyes are swollen from crying all week and her nose is raw from the many tissues she’s gone through.

“Mom, I know Thanksgiving is tomorrow, and this may be short notice, but do you want to come back to California with me? My label hosts this giant party with all the fixings and I think you’d really like it. Honestly, I just don’t want you home alone on your first holiday. Please come back with me, even if it’s just for a week. Come see how I live, see the studio and all the things you missed out on because you chose to raise me.”

Despairingly, she looks to the side and frowns, “I really don’t want to be alone, but I had already bought everything before your dad…just before. Would you consider canceling your flight and staying here, just for a little bit longer?”

Picking up my cell phone, I dial Robert’s number and tell him that I need to cancel my flight for tonight. A small smile rests on my mom’s face as she drives the rest of the way home. It’s the least I can do, and a small part of me wants to stay, wants to see if things can ever be normal like they once were. I know this isn’t a fairytale, and I can’t possibly ever go back to how things were before, but a girl can dream.

She decides to take a nap when we get back home. So I decide to go into the kitchen and get a head start on preparing dinner. A knock on the door startles me. Walking towards the front door, I look out of the peephole and see Colby. I thought I’d be able to slide out of town again unnoticed.

Opening the door, my lips chatter as the cold winter air rushes in.

“Hey.” He places both hands in his jacket pockets as he rocks back and forth on his heels.

“Hi.”

“Do you care if I come in for a second?”

Moving over in the doorway, he walks in.

“I’m sorry to just stop by unannounced, but I wanted to give you my condolences. I had an early shift at the bar and wasn’t able to get off in time for the funeral. But I wanted you to know that I stopped by and left some flowers.”

He’s so sweet, he’s so…him.

“That was awful thoughtful. Thank you.”

Leaning against the closed front door, he looks nervous. “I guess that’s it then. I hope you have a good Thanksgiving. I’m about to head to the airport and go home to see my brother.”

Words escape me as I lean forward and hug him. No one should ever have to go through what he and his family did, and as the pain in his face accompanies those words, I can’t help myself. I’ve tried to play it cool, to act like I don’t care, to hide the feelings that are still there, but I can’t. Not now, not when his words cut me like broken glass.

Tilting my head up, he gently lowers his mouth and kisses my forehead. One would think it was an innocent gesture, but not me. I know it’s a sign that he still cares too. He has to. Look how often we’ve stumbled upon one another this past week. It can’t just be coincidence. It has to mean more. My dad’s death has to mean more. I’ve never really been a big believer in fate and all that garbage, but I was never a big believer in love and happily-ever-afters either until Colby came along.

“Would you like a ride to the airport?” I ask quickly, and stand as still as a statue waiting for his response.

“Actually, yeah. I’d appreciate that. I was going to leave my truck there.”

“Where’s Brittani? Why couldn’t she drop you off?” Curiosity killed the cat and I almost regret asking, but I want to know.

“I really want to explain that situation to you. It isn’t at all what you think. I know it looks like it, but it isn’t. I promise I will explain it, just not right now. Okay?”

I want to stop him and force him to tell me. I want to hold him and then fall to my knees and tell him I still love him, but I don’t. I refrain from doing either and simply swallow and nod.

THE ROLES ARE reversed as Hensley stands behind me with tears that threaten to break with each wave of goodbye. Turning around for the tenth time, I catch a glimpse of the only girl who’s ever captured my heart so easily and just as easily broke it.

I try to picture myself in her shoes as I walk down the long hallway towards my awaiting plane. Did she feel this exact same way when she left me? Did she contemplate turning around and running back, just to see me one last time, like I am right now? Hell, I don’t even know when she’s planning on flying back to California. What if this is it and it’s the world’s way of finding closure? Her sending me off, like I sent her.

My feet shuffle forward as my brain and heart battle in the boxing ring that’s taken residence in my head since she came back to town. I know what we had is gone, I know she crushed me and didn’t even bat an eyelash, and I know she’s some big time country music singer now. I know all of that, but what I don’t know is why I still feel drawn to her? Debating on turning back around and running towards her, I glance behind me and see a steady traffic of passengers, and I know I can’t turn back now.