In the Name of Love (35 page)

He was brought sharply back to reality when Paloma murmured breathlessly, ‘Oh, my darling, I’ve missed you so much. But now we can be back together, can’t we?’

She was gazing at him with adoration and Felipe felt any desire for her fade away. He was deluding himself. He didn’t want Paloma; he didn’t want anyone other than Charlie.

‘I’m sorry, Paloma, I don’t think that’s a good idea.’ He gently removed her from his lap.

‘What do you mean? You’re free from your infatuation with that girl now. You’ve seen her for who she really is – a slut. A common little slut.’ The adoration had gone, to be replaced by cold fury.

‘All this time, Felipe, I have been waiting for you. Do you know what it felt like, seeing you with that girl? We are meant to be together, it’s what everyone thinks.’

‘Everyone? Do you mean my mother? And please don’t speak of Charlie like that.’

‘I’ll say whatever I want about that stupid whore! She wasn’t good enough for you. And what is she doing right now? On her knees sucking the cock of some footballer. It’ll be a different one next week.’

Felipe was already tormented with images enough of his own without Paloma giving him any more. He sprang up from the sofa and shouted furiously, ‘Get out now.’

Paloma realised that she had gone too far and desperately tried to backtrack. ‘I’m sorry, Felipe. It’s only because I can see how badly she has hurt you.’ Her attempt to be his friend and confidante again failed dismally. Felipe could see straight through that act.

‘Call yourself a taxi, I’m going to the stables. I want you to be gone by the time I return.’

He grabbed the bottle of whisky as he left. After checking on the horses, he went into the office and
slumped
back on the sofa. There he poured himself a large glass of whisky and couldn’t stop himself from looking at the pictures of Charlie on his mobile, torturing himself once more as he recalled how close they had been. What had happened to his beautiful girl? Had she really not shared his passion? Round and round the questions chased each other in his head. He drank half the bottle, and then mercifully the alcohol took hold and he passed out on the sofa.

Charlie fumbled to get her keys in the lock and almost lost her footing once she opened the door and staggered into the hallway. She was drunk. She had broken her promise to herself not to drink when she was with Aaron. Somehow alcohol had seemed like the only way to get through the night after seeing Felipe.

‘What the fuck do you think you’re doing?’ It was Kris. He stood in the doorway of the living room, arms folded, looking the picture of disapproval. Who did he think he was? Her mum!

‘I’m walking into my flat.
My flat
. What does it look like?’ She was aware that she was slurring her words.

‘I’m talking about your life. You’re wrecking it, and I want to know why.’

‘I don’t know what you’re on about. I’m going to bed.’ Charlie attempted to walk past him but he grabbed her arm and marched her into the living room where she collapsed on to the sofa.

‘Right, you’ve been avoiding me this past few weeks – avoiding everyone. But now you’re going to tell me what the hell is going on with you,’ he insisted.

Even in her drunken state Charlie knew that Kris was only trying to help her but she couldn’t deal with his concern. She couldn’t afford to let her guard down for an instant.

She shrugged. ‘There’s nothing going on. I broke up with Felipe; I’m seeing Aaron. That’s it. End of.’

‘That’s not it – you were so happy with Felipe. I’ve never seen you like that with anyone before.’

‘It was an infatuation. It didn’t last.’

He looked at her, taking in the revealing dress, the smudged make-up. ‘Just look at the state of you. You look like a tramp.’

Charlie managed to shrug. ‘Good. It’s the look Aaron likes.’

Kris shook his head. ‘I’m getting you a glass of water and some painkillers. You’re going to feel like shit tomorrow.’

There is nothing that can kill my pain
, Charlie thought bleakly. She bent down to unfasten the straps on her sandals and as she did so noticed that Kris had stacked up her post on the coffee table. Top of the pile was an envelope. It was another poison pen letter. She ripped it open and pulled out a picture of Felipe, torn out from the pages of the Spanish magazine
Hola!
Across it was scrawled,
Too good for you, bitch
. She threw it down in disgust.

‘What’s that?’ Kris asked, as he put down the glass of water.

‘A message from someone who doesn’t like me very much.’

Kris picked up the picture and frowned as he read what was written on it.

‘Have you had any more of this kind of thing?’

‘Four or five.’ Charlie was sounding blasé though she didn’t feel like that.

‘Have you told anyone at work about it?’

‘It’s no big deal. Aidan’s been getting them too. It’s someone who’s jealous of us, that’s all. Some sad little person who wants what we have.’ And then, as if she had her finger firmly pressed on self-destruct, Charlie added, ‘For a while we thought it might be Darcy.’

‘Now hold on there! I hope you haven’t been going around saying things like that? Of course Darcy wouldn’t send that kind of letter.’ Kris sounded very protective and Charlie should have left it there. Should have, but didn’t.

‘She’s always been jealous of me, it’s obvious.’

‘She’s not jealous of you! You don’t know her like I do. I think I’m in love with her.’

There was a stunned silence for a moment, then Charlie burst out with, ‘How can you love that spoilt little rich girl? She’s so full of herself, I’m surprised she even noticed you. But I guess you’re a better shag than her wanker banker boyfriends, because seriously, don’t delude yourself it’s anything more than that. You’re her bit of rough.’

She didn’t know why she was being so cruel to her brother. It wasn’t his fault that she had ended her relationship with Felipe and that she was heartbroken. And it wasn’t as if lashing out at him made her feel any better. If anything it made her feel worse.

‘I don’t know what your problem is, Charlie, but you are way out of line.’ Kris looked disgusted by her
outburst.
‘You’d better apologise in the morning, when you’ve sobered up.’

‘And you’re wrong about me, Charlie.’ Darcy had come out of Kris’s bedroom and was standing there in a tee-shirt of his, looking very upset.

Shit! Charlie hadn’t wanted her to hear those things. She could only hope Darcy hadn’t overheard the comment about the poison pen letters.

‘Your brother means more to me than anyone in the world.’

‘Oh, please! You hardly know each other.’ Charlie hated herself for being such a bitch but she couldn’t stop. If she did they might discover what she really thought about Felipe, and she couldn’t let that happen.

She managed to drag herself up from the sofa. ‘I’m going to bed. I’ll leave you two to plan your wedding.’

Kris shook his head as if he couldn’t even bring himself to reply, which spurred Charlie on. ‘Maybe it would be better if you stayed round at your girlfriend’s for the next few weeks. I could do with the space.’

He stared at her. ‘If that’s what you want?’

Charlie managed, ‘Yeah, it is.’ And ignoring Kris and Darcy while trying to walk straight, she made her way to her bedroom and slammed the door shut.

Charlie woke up on Sunday morning with a horrendous hangover. Her head was pounding and she had a foul taste in her mouth. The night was coming back to her in a series of hideous flashbacks – Aaron snogging her in the back of his chauffeur-driven Range Rover and then being pissed off when she wouldn’t go back to his house; her
shouting
at Kris, saying those terrible things about Darcy; the look of disgust on her brother’s face. In a way Charlie was almost glad that she felt so bad. She
deserved
to feel bad after last night. She dragged herself into the shower, turning the water temperature up as hot as she could stand it. She could hardly bear to look at herself in the mirror, she felt such a deep sense of shame.

She pulled on her running kit and, on her way out to the gym, paused outside Kris’s door. She gently knocked on it, fully intending to apologise. There was no reply. She waited for a few seconds and knocked again. Still nothing. She opened the door and discovered the room was empty and the bed hadn’t been slept in. When she opened the wardrobe she saw that Kris had taken all his clothes. She really was on her own now.

Chapter 24

TWO DAYS LATER
Darcy studied Charlie as she worked at her computer. She looked exhausted and had none of her usual spark. There was yet another story in the tabloids about her relationship with Aaron. This time Charlie had been photographed leaving the footballer’s house early in the morning. She might as well have been waving a banner saying,
I’ve just shagged Aaron!
What the hell was going on with her? Darcy wondered. She seemed intent on destroying all the good things in her life – apart from her career. Darcy knew that Kris was worried about his sister, but he also possessed a stubborn streak like Charlie so hadn’t tried to make things up with her after their appalling row.

Darcy was wary around Charlie after hearing the things she had said about her, but also felt sorry for her as she was clearly so desperately unhappy. Something had happened to make her behave in this self-destructive way and Darcy was convinced it could all be traced back to the riding accident. Checking that Charlie was engrossed
in
her work, Darcy Googled the article about the accident and quickly re-read it. It was every bit as horrific as she had remembered. She closed the article and then looked over at Charlie again. It was no wonder that she had such a terror of riding – every time she looked at a horse, it must remind her of what had happened.

Aidan approached Charlie’s desk and Darcy couldn’t help overhearing their conversation.

‘Have you seen Dr Mackay lately?’ he asked.

Instantly Charlie seemed defensive. ‘There’s no reason to as I’m not seeing Felipe any more. I’ve told Nicky that I can’t cover any of the equestrian events and she’s cool with that.’

Aidan frowned. ‘But you were making progress with therapy, weren’t you? You shouldn’t stop now.’

‘What I need is for people to let me get on with my life, the way I want to,’ Charlie snapped back.

He looked completely taken aback by her tone of voice.

‘I’m sorry, Aidan, but the therapy didn’t work and I’d rather forget all about it.’

And with that Charlie got up and abruptly left the room.

Darcy was shocked by the way Charlie had spoken to Aidan, knowing how close they were; she really was pressing self-destruct. And what was all that stuff about therapy? She was sure Charlie hadn’t seen anyone. Darcy looked up in surprise as Aidan sat down at the desk opposite hers and, instead of logging on to the computer, leant forward and said quietly, ‘Do you know what’s going on with Charlie?’

‘She’s hardly my number one fan,’ Darcy replied. ‘So, no.’ She hadn’t meant to sound so dismissive – it was her default mode in front of Aidan. She quickly added, ‘But I’m worried about her. She seems so lost, and Kris won’t talk to her after the row they had.’ She paused. ‘I’ve been wondering if there was anything we could do to help her.’

Aidan almost did a double take. ‘Wow! I didn’t expect you to say that.’

‘Why? Because you think I’m a spoilt little rich girl like Charlie does?’

He looked uncomfortable. ‘Let’s not go there. If I did think that, I was obviously wrong. So let’s have a fresh start. How about we meet up with Zoe? She knows Charlie better than anyone. It’s time we staged an intervention.’

‘Sure, just let me know when and where.’

‘I’m thinking about tonight.’ He glanced up as Charlie came back into the room, looking as downcast as ever. ‘We have got to do something.’

The three of them met upstairs at a pub on Dean Street in Soho. Darcy bought the first bottle of wine – everyone agreed that alcohol was essential – and they settled down at a table in the corner to talk about what was going on with Charlie. Zoe, in particular, seemed very upset.

‘We’ve always been so close, I don’t know what’s happened to her. It’s like she’s shut down. She doesn’t return my calls, and when I do manage to speak to her and suggest we meet up, she always says she’s busy.’
She
slammed her hand down on the table. ‘And I just can’t believe that she is seeing TFB again! That man is such a dick. I can’t fucking stand him! Nor can Charlie. She loves Felipe … I know she does. And he loves her. They are meant to be together!’

‘I agree,’ Aidan said, when he could finally get a word in. ‘It’s like she’s hell-bent on self-destruction. But why, and what can we do about it?’

Darcy had been largely silent up until now – both Aidan and Zoe knew Charlie so much better than she did and she didn’t want to step on their toes – but now she spoke up. ‘I think Charlie could be suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. I’ve been doing some research online and she seems to have all the symptoms – the panic attacks, the flashbacks. I’m sure she’ll be having nightmares as well.’

‘But she said she was having therapy and the therapist I recommended is really good,’ Aidan insisted.

Darcy shook her head. ‘I don’t think she is having therapy. I think she just wanted you to believe she was.’

‘I suppose it’s possible,’ he replied. ‘But then why break up with Felipe? He didn’t put any pressure on her about riding or watching him ride. She told me they never even talked about it.’

Zoe and Darcy looked at each other, both clearly thinking the same thing. Zoe was the first to speak. ‘I think she felt awful because she couldn’t give him any support. Luis told me that she had a massive panic attack when she went to Felipe’s stables. He said she was in a terrible state, he’d never seen anything like it. Apparently she begged him not to
tell
Felipe as she was worried about giving him any more to cope with.’

‘And I think that she knew that she wouldn’t be able to watch him at the Olympics,’ Darcy added. ‘And hated herself for it so much that she ended the relationship, even though she still loves him.’