In the Nick of Time (103 page)

“Thank you, you really came through for me on that. I knew I could trust what you said to me, and it made a difference.”

“Hmmm, that’s good to hear. I’m glad I was able to do that for you… pay you back for your help a little. Um, so, back to the program. How do I go about talking to these kids? How do we get started?”

“Well, these are supervised groups. A police officer normally is in the room for your protection as well as the kids’. You’d be driven to the locations as a key speaker. I don’t know all the details right this second, but I can follow up with you this evening. Some of them even pay, and that obviously would benefit you as well since, after you go public with this, your money will undoubtedly be cut off. Your story is so powerful and relatable, Oliver, that you have
no
idea how you’d help people by sharing it.”

“The more I stand here and think about it, the more it feels like this is what I should be doing.” He took a deep breath. “I am what I am, you know? I’d like to help people though. I don’t want anyone else hurt and to suffer. Thank you, Nick. Please sign me up. I want to do this. I need to do this.”

“I believe if you knew you were going to speak to kids on a regular basis about what you endured, you’d feel like you have purpose and worth. You’re right; everyone needs to feel worthy and wanted. I get that, I do. You are the type of person that needs to teach, but you also need to learn. Stop trying to protect that monster, and start learning to forgive yourself and make a change.”

“Consider it done. Once again you’ve saved my life… someone that everyone else gave up on…” He hung his head. “I wanted to die because I believed I had nothing to live for…and I’m fighting depression…and I’m on a bunch of medication that helps me in one way, but makes things worse in another…”

“If you die, that doesn’t undo what you’ve done. The relief for your victims will only be temporary. I’m going to be real with you, Oliver. Most people are thrilled that you’re locked up in this facility. You already know that, but the reason I bring that up, even during this vulnerable time in your life, is because yeah, you are physically incapable of getting to any children. Still, your soul will always be free, and it can do things you never dreamed possible. The world may never forgive you and I can’t make them. But all you need to worry about is, can you forgive yourself? Right now, you can’t. This right here, what you’re about to embark on, is a way to eventually say, ‘Yes, I can.’”

“You’ve taught me that it’s never too late, Nick.”

“It’s not. As long as you are still alive, still breathing, then there is
always
time to make a change for the better…”

Nine months later…

H
e looked at
her out the corner of his eye before bursting out in a guffaw as she held up the tiny dark brown pants, turning them to and fro.

Why is it we always have cake? We must really love cake…

He smirked as he thought to himself. He slid his fork into the moist chocolate delight, and took another bite.

“Oh no! Here she comes!” someone screamed as Vicki approached with a roll of toilet paper.

“We have to measure her stomach!”

“This is embarrassing!” Taryn protested as she set her cup of punch and the tiny pants down, and raised her arms high in the air for yet another game at the large co-ed baby shower. “I’m huge! Can’t we just all agree on that and let it go?”

“Nooo!” a bunch of women screamed, causing a ruckus.

Nick stayed a ways off in the distance, stuffing his face, while some of his colleagues cracked jokes and laughed loudly at the stories shared. He took another bite of his cake, then tossed his plate into the trashcan. Visions of the day she’d left him in treatment crept into his mind. That had been one of the worst days of his life, no doubt. The scene almost looked the same, but boy did it have a different ending this time around…

He hadn’t lost his best friend; rather, he’d gained a happy and healthy wife, and a little girl on the way. Much to their surprise, after only three months on the medication, Taryn became pregnant. She’d raced to the precinct after taking a test earlier that morning, and then receiving the confirmation from her doctor. She was told to wait, that miscarriages were common, but she simply couldn’t contain herself. Spilling through the doors, bustling past his colleagues, she’d barreled towards his cubicle with full steam ahead. He was clutching his damn phone, while staring at photos of a recent shooting outside an apartment complex on his computer screen when the woman, her cheeks plumped so high they looked as if they’d been taped into place, had rushed to him. Before he could say a word, she’d blurted…

“We’re pregnant!”

He was certain he’d never forget that moment for the rest of his life and those who’d overheard her erupted in applause. After the grand announcement, though, he was certain his wife had started to hate him. He called her constantly, checking to make sure she was okay, had everything she needed. He couldn’t believe he was behaving in such a way, but he should have… for everything he wanted, everything he coveted, he became obsessive and possessive about.

And now, here they were, only a couple weeks away from his daughter’s due date. He’d almost been rendered to tears when the obstetrician told them the date—the same as his mother’s birthday…

He watched as woman after woman surrounded his wife as if she were a magical lantern, laughing, measuring her with the white cottony paper, and dancing to upbeat music. This proved a jovial, happy time, the kind of elation that couldn’t be duplicated or faked. He leaned against the wall, close to the vast gift table with no more room for one extra, tiny little present. Then, they met eyes. She cast a glance his way and waved him over. Initially, he shook his head, enjoying the sight of her from afar, of getting a bird’s eye view. But she insisted…

He went to her and drew her in a hug, smiling at all of her friends who bounced around them and shared in their joyous occasion. And then, he paused. He simply looked at her, relishing this moment. He’d attempted to tell her on more than one occasion, but he knew the woman could never understand the gift she’d given him. She was pregnant with his child, and all of his anticipations and aspirations grew within her womb. He’d seen nothing but death his entire life, and continued to live by the right side of the Grim Reaper, this time by choice. His world revolved around post mortem situations, but in the near future, his life would start again post partum.

And that future smelled sweet.

Together, they created a new reality. She blew fresh vitality into his mind; his chi was nourished from the power of a listening ear and a soft kiss. In turn, he made her abandon her own shattered life by first embracing the truth that death had come and grabbed her old world, balled it up tight and tossed it over its shoulder… And she did understand, finally, no longer looking back. For she had to let go, release the coffin that confined her in order to obtain that which spilled over with renewed potential and innovation.

And what could be more promising than a brand new baby entering the world?

Bright pink and sage green balloons bobbed about along with matching streamers as he inhaled her scent, then placed a solemn kiss atop her glorious head. This was their thing; no one knew the full meaning of the act except the two of them, cocooned in their own little, private utopia. Their eyes met and, rising on her tippy toes, she land a kiss on his lips. He wrapped his arms tighter around her waist. The toilet paper bow that now cinched the back of her shirt tickled his knuckles. Drawing her a wee bit closer, almost forgetting that they weren’t alone, he gave her kiss upon kiss on her mouth.

“All right now!” her mother called out playfully. “That’s how you two ended up in this position in the first place!”

Everyone burst out laughing, including the two of them.

“I look at you, and sometimes I’m still amazed that you’re all mine,” he whispered in her ear. “And now, we’re about to have a baby… just, wow. How does that feel?”

She leaned in to whisper back, “It feels like a snowflake landing on my tongue… a man freezing to death as he rips buttons off his coat to pledge himself to the woman he adores. It feels like being told, ‘You’re cancer free’, and like a kiss atop a bald head. What’s it feel like to have your dream come true?”

“It feels like someone is watching over me, over
us
… It feels like you saved me, Taryn… from myself. I’ll always be a beast, it’s in me, but the hurt and the anger, it’s processed, it’s gone. The monster is dead and I have no intentions of trying to find his killer. Besides, there is no need… She is standing right beside me.” He paused, kissed her cheek. “And I happily handed her the knife…”