In the Raw (22 page)

He watched me as we moved together faster, skin slapping against skin. Mindless with pleasure, I writhed underneath Ethan as he lifted my leg over his arm, his needy groan loud. I cried out when the change in angle sent his cock deeper, pounding into the spot that made me shiver and shake underneath him. He leaned closer, our stomachs trapping my cock between us with every thrust, the friction making me shake as tension coiled tighter. “Ethan, I’m going to come again...”

Ethan pulled back, reaching between our bodies to stroke me roughly. At his touch, my eyes slammed shut and back arched as his hand tightened around the crown between each deep thrust. Unable to hold back any longer, my body clenched around him and tensed, shuddering as I spasmed in his hand. His guttural cry immediately followed mine as he shook through his own orgasm. No one could ever make me mindless like Ethan, and I knew this was more than sex. We were in uncharted territory for both of us, but there was no going back now.

Chapter Forty-One

Ethan

My body went loose and heavy with satisfaction as my weight pushed Jamie into the bed. He rubbed his fingers down my sweaty back and I nuzzled his neck, too spent to move. My whole body hummed with sleepy satisfaction at the scrape of his nails against the nape of my neck.

What the fuck had just happened?

After the words had come out of his mouth, my chest had immediately seized up in fear. As suddenly as the fear came, it disappeared and an overwhelming sense of rightness about it all washed over me. My instant reaction was to feel as much of him against my skin as possible, not for the physical connection, but for the emotional one. Now the thought of him loving me was simultaneously awesome and terrifying as hell. Add to everything the possibility of him actually getting the scholarship and only being here for another semester?

“Ethan?”

“Hmm?”

“I can hear you thinking right now.” The smile in his voice was the final motivation I needed to raise my head and meet his eyes.

“Must be the smoke coming out my ears.” I smiled, pushing my weight up on my hands.

“Yes. And your foot twitching.” His eyes searched my face, his fingers rubbing over my jaw.

I kissed him again, then slowly pulled out. I grabbed a tissue and wrapped the condom in it, tossing it in the trash can near my bed. Making it to the bathroom was way too much work. Plus, the thought of being any distance away from him right now physically hurt.

Martin
,
you are in so much fucking trouble.

Jamie pulled the covers we’d kicked off the bed back up and I crawled next to him, burrowing into his warm body. “You okay?” he murmured, wrapping his arms around my shoulders. “When you go all quiet like this is when I wonder what’s going on in your head.”

I cupped his cheek in my hands and met his worried eyes. I needed to man up and stop letting Jamie think I was only in this for sex.

“I know I was an ass earlier. I’m sorry. I want you and this. I suck at the whole dating and relationship thing, but I want to see where this leads us. Together.” I took a deep breath, holding it while I waited for his response.

He blinked and slowly smiled and nodded. His contented hums as I ran my fingers through his hair went straight through me, making my smile grow even wider. I barely caught his whispered, “Thank you” before his breathing evened out and his body relaxed next to mine. I let my eyes drift shut as I slid my hands down his back, tightening my arms around him.

* * *

I still didn’t have a clue who would win the scholarship, but watching Jamie sleep peacefully next to me only reinforced my decision of brutal honesty during the interview round. I had only survived this semester because of him. I hesitated for a moment, then reached out and traced his stubble-covered jaw with the tips of my fingertips. I was in over my head, but for the life of me, I didn’t want to do anything about it.

As my fingers traced his skin, I felt my heart constrict. I’d never been good at relationships, hadn’t even wanted to try. But looking at Jamie in my bed right now, I knew his feelings weren’t one-sided. I was falling for him. I pulled my hand back and sighed as I settled back next to him. No, I had already fallen in love with him; I just hadn’t wanted to acknowledge it.

I knew I’d have to suck it up and deal with my emo baggage and tell him. “Soon,” I whispered into the darkened room. I wrapped my arms around him and brushed my lips over the back of his neck, finally content enough to get some sleep.

* * *

Twenty minutes later we were pulling into the underground parking garage under Jamie’s old building. Claire let out a w

histle as she got out of my car, looking around at all the expensive vehicles surrounding us.

“Jesus, I think I’ve died and gone to yuppie hell.” She snorted, running her hand over the spoiler of the sleek red Mercedes next to us.

“Why else do you think I’m trying to escape?” Jamie asked as he popped the trunk to grab the rest of the boxes, handing some to me. “I don’t want to get stuck in an office my whole life.”

“Well, E is the opposite of classy, so I think you’ve succeeded.”

I rolled my eyes. “Can we get this show on the road?” I nudged her toward the bank of elevators.

I followed her, lacing my fingers with Jamie’s as he smiled at me.

When we reached Jamie’s old place, Claire let out a whoop when she saw the million-dollar view of the bay from the living room. “Holy shit! You gave all of this up for E?” She gaped at me. “I love you, brother, but damn.”

Jamie chuckled as he surveyed the room, running his hand through his hair sheepishly, no doubt used to the reaction.

“Mostly for me. But yeah, Ethan was a bonus.” His eyes met mine and I grinned when my wink made his cheeks flush.

“More like ‘boner.’” I snickered as I started opening his kitchen drawers. I grabbed his knife roll and a few other utensils he would want and stuck them in the “important things” box.

“Are you sure you don’t want to bring more of your kitchen stuff with you?” I called out. “You have a lot of good shit that probably won’t get used if you leave it.”

“I’m sure. More than sure. Just the stuff we’ve already talked about. I don’t need any more reminders from here.” His voice was muffled as he opened the sliding glass door. Claire wandered out on the balcony.

I trailed my fingers over the granite countertop, stopping in front of the ultra-fancy stainless-steel fridge when a picture caught my eye. A younger Jamie and his parents, all three awkwardly smiling and stiff in some fancy clothes. They’d been the ones to treat Jamie like shit, but at least he could make this decision about what he did with this picture of them all together. I very carefully peeled it off the fridge and stuck it in the box. It was something small, and one day he might decide to throw it away, but whatever gave him back control of his life was a start.

I walked into his bedroom and saw Jamie sitting on his bed staring at the closet full of clothes. Button-ups, a few suits, a tuxedo. There wasn’t anything of his in there. Just like the apartment.

I sat down on the bed next to him, bumping my shoulder against his. “You know there’s a ton of closet space back in the apartment for anything you want to bring back. It’s not like I wear anything that gets hung up very often.”

He chuckled and leaned into me. “Ethan, I’d think the world was ending if you started hanging your clothes up.”

“Yeah, not gonna happen anytime soon. I’ll keep my don’t-give-a-shit look, thanks.” I cleared my throat. “But seriously. Whatever you want to take we’ll find space for.”

“Ethan?”

“Yeah?”

“You don’t have to walk on eggshells about all this with me. It may take some time for everything to get sorted out, but I’m stronger than I look.”

I leaned over and kissed behind his ear, smiling when he shivered. I nipped his earlobe and murmured, “Trust me. You’re one of the strongest people I know. We’ll figure it out together.” I lowered my voice. “Now if you don’t get off this bed in the next five seconds, I’m going to have to fuck you on these six-hundred-count sheets your mom probably bought to replace the old ones.”

He paused, clearly considering the fact we were in his old room with my sister waiting on us.

“Tempting, but not here. Let’s get the rest of my stuff together and we can celebrate my freedom back at your place. On your sheets. On the floors. Wherever.”

I groaned and flopped onto my back on the bed, watching him throw the rest of his clothes in the bags we’d brought from my apartment. After we’d emptied out what he needed from his drawers and bathroom, I left him alone in the room to gather the last few items he wanted to pack. Claire and I began carrying all his stuff down to my car.

He took his car keys off his key ring and tossed them on the counter. As we stood in the entryway looking around Jamie’s former apartment once last time, I grinned when I spied the small table next to the door.

“Shit! Can’t forget this. It has sentimental value,” I crowed as I cleared it off. I put the new but equally ugly decorative bowl on the floor and picked up the small table.

“What’s the sentiment? It’s a table.” Claire examined it.

“Well, it’s where we first—”

“It’s just...important,” Jamie cut me off as Claire looked from him to my grinning face and back to his again.

“Stop. I don’t want to hear any more from you pervs.” She made a disgusted sound and jammed her fingers in her ears, chanting, “La la la la la.”

“Good thing I didn’t tell her about the bathroom sink.” I grinned and pulled him close for a quick kiss.

He chuckled against my lips. “Or the couch.”

* * *

After my interview, I’d wanted to skip the banquet altogether. But with Jamie still in the running I couldn’t get out of going without a good reason.

Jamie scanned the crowd again, looking for Chef Boulanger. This time, his foot bounced on the floor and I squeezed his knee. I smiled when he looked down at my hand and chuckled. “How are you not the nervous one today?”

I shrugged. “We did the best we could do and it’s not up to us anymore.”

His eyebrow rose as he gave me a skeptical look. “Who are you and what have you done with Ethan? This Zen version of you is freaking me out.”

When he looked around the room again, I felt my stomach churn. Between the obscene amounts of coffee I’d consumed this morning and the unsettled feeling, I didn’t know whether to be happy or throw up.

Claire knew something was off, though, as she’d eyed me since we’d left the apartment. As soon as Jamie left the chair next to me to grab another drink, she stole his place. “What is up with you today? He’s the nervous, jittery one for once and you’re all Yoda master, cool and collected.” Her eyes narrowed. “What’s going on, E?”

“Don’t know what you’re talking about.” I yanked at the collar of my borrowed shirt, finally tugging open the top button. I didn’t care if anyone gave me the evil eye; at least I could finally breathe.

“You’re such a shitty liar, Ethan. Is it about the scholarship?” Her eyes grew wide when I looked up at the stage again to see if Chef Boulanger had finally made his appearance. “Oh my fucking God. It is about the scholarship. What did you do? Spill it.”

I shrugged, not wanting to talk about it as I’d made my peace with my decision the moment I’d walked into my bedroom and had seen him sitting on the bed with his bag packed. Once I’d admitted to myself I needed him more than wanted him, I knew the scholarship had never been mine to give up. Regardless of what the committee decided, it was his. It had always been his.

She paused and glanced over at Jamie as I leaned closer and lowered my voice. “Claire? Promise me you won’t say anything. Please keep your mouth shut. And for the love of God, please tell him what is in the shrimp before he has an aneurysm.”

She wrapped her hand over mine and squeezed. It was a tender moment before she pulled back and smacked me on the back of the head, muttering, “You’re such an asshole.” Schooling her features into a smile, she picked up one of the shrimp skewers and turned to face Jamie and Reed’s former partner, Stacey. “Coconut milk. That’s my guess. Along with the sugar cane as the skewers, it’s simply genius.”

I sat back against my chair and exhaled in relief.

Claire shook her head, shooting me an exasperated look, and moved back to her chair. Jamie cocked his eyebrow at me when he caught Claire’s look but I shrugged it off.

As if on cue, a loud tapping came over the loudspeaker, drawing all of our attention to the front of the ballroom. “Everyone be seated,
s’il vous plaît?
” Boulanger’s voice echoed through the room over the PA system.

After the room was settled he spoke again as his gaze moved over the twenty to thirty people sitting in the too-warm room.

“
Merci beaucoup et bienvenue tout le monde.
Tonight is a special night. The Institute will award the scholarship to the student who has demonstrated the qualities we feel most exemplify what it means to be a true chef. They have performed
par excellence
throughout the past three years and have shown remarkable growth over this past year. We had an outstanding field to choose from this year and although we could only choose one to receive the award, we feel all of our students deserve recognition for their accomplishments,
non?
All candidates please rise so you can be recognized.”

I warily pushed my chair back to stand when I felt a hand slip into mine. Jamie leaned over and whispered in my ear, “Growth, huh? I think you’re starting to grow on Chef B. Should I say congratulations now or wait until after your speech?”

As I began to pull my hand away, I felt his fingers tighten around mine and his lips move over my neck before he pulled back to smile at me. There was no malice in his eyes, no ulterior motive, nothing except happiness at the belief I’d won. As the applause died down, I smiled back at him, solid in the decision I’d made in Boulanger’s office last week. We sat back down in our chairs as Boulanger tapped on the microphone to get everyone’s attention.

“This scholarship will allow the recipient the opportunity to fulfill his required courses in a unique way befitting any up-and-coming chef. After spending next semester in advanced, intensive classes here at the Institute, the recipient will then spend the second semester at our sister school in Paris.”

Boulanger rambled on while I zoned out, until Jamie caught my eye. He listened to every word our former pastry instructor said with rapt attention. When he turned and smiled, the reality of the situation hit me. If he won, I might get six more months with him. And only if he wanted to put up with my shit and didn’t get tired of being with a total asshole like me. His smile began to fade as he took in my somber mood. He leaned forward again, but was suddenly jerked away from me.

“Jamie!” Claire’s excited voice broke the connection as she tugged on his arm. “You won!”

He shook his head, disbelief spreading across his features.

“Holy...I can’t believe it.” He grinned at me as I pulled him in for a congratulatory hug.