In the Shadow of Angels: The Guardian Series 1 (27 page)

AYDIN

Chapter
Thirty-six

A terrible savage beast lies within me. He is dark and demented. He sits hunched, on hooves, forming depraved thoughts in his sick mind. There are times he almost breaks free, times I want him to. This sickens me the most. My desire to unleash him, to unlock his cage and let him take her. I play with the locks, weaken them, threaten to release him unto the world where I know, just know he will devour her.

How have I come to this? How have I gone from her fierce protector to the one that she needs to be saved from? I am disgusting and immoral. Any ounce of humanity that rests in me falls out, trampled under this monsters feet, in his desperate need to have her.

It comes out, threatens to break free every time Henri looks at her. That is all he has to do, just graze his eyes over her body. I know what his eyes hold, it matches my own. I am familiar with its savagery, this unclean lust. I am as full to the brink as Henri with greed. It makes me want to tear his eyes out, to capture what he sees when he looks at her and remove it from his thoughts.

It is unclear when this started. There is not an exact moment I can look back and recognize when the hideous beast was born. I have carried him around, my entire life. It may have started, only a beating heart, when I gave her my blood the night of the accident. It may have been the night she sat in the village at the bar. When I could smell Henri’s greed on her, how it was tangled up in her soft scent. Everything in me craved to remove it. To wipe his memory from behind her eyes, erase the places he had touched and color it with my own. It started to eat at me. I could feel its teeth gnawing at my insides, wanting out.

I had let Charlotte go, and told no one she had slipped out and gone into town. No one followed her, no one could watch her. It was a stroke of luck I manipulated to be near her. To touch her skin and feel her warmth. I, of course, had to be the one to fetch Charlotte. My pride wouldn’t allow for anything else.

The knowledge that my blood runs through her veins sparks this beast’s insanity. It breathes life into my locked up monster. He rears his head and claws to be free. His cries make my teeth long and my heart beat faster. He wants her. Needs her. Sometimes, I know, I am no better than Henri.

But, Henri is on edge, something about him is changing. At times, he seems darker and out of control. Thin layers are peeled back, and its ugliness peaks out. I had asked Lucius to keep his eyes open, he is after all, her Guardian. I no longer am expected to protect her, no longer allowed. Lucius was supposed to keep a better eye on Charlotte. He knows how I worried over Henri. Henri’s act of betrayal is far worse than cruel hands, I can see it written in her eyes. He wants nothing more than to humiliate, debase and control her.

That is what he is made of, this beast. He is made up of the stuff of the betrayed. Broken promises and violating touches. He was born from it, created in it, just as I. From vacant eyes and innocence lost. How many of those have I seen in my life? Too many. I couldn’t save them all, though I had tried.

Every fiber in me screams to kill Henri. A slow torturous death. I want to rip his eyelids back and force him to look at what he has done to her. Tear his hands so he could no longer feel the greed that drove them. The depravity of my thoughts shock even me. For he is still, somewhere in there, the boy I cared for.

After I had been created, I was powerful, my strength far exceeded Ashur and the thought was terrifying. I had little control and it took years before it was mastered. When I was finally disciplined, I kept it close. I never gave into greed and the bloodlust that makes us who we are. I am a master in control. Except once. And it has ruined everyone I ever loved.

Charlotte stands in front of me, her eyes flash as I speak. My secret has been revealed and she knows my thoughts. Her body reacts, the scent of her desire makes me dizzy. Everything about her is intoxicating. The faint smell of sweat on her skin, the water that dampens the thin white silk that covers her. My fangs grow long and I am scared to talk. She will see what she does to me.

I am disgusting. I lust after the little girl I had protected. There is nothing more I can think of. Charlotte consumes my every thought. How her skin would taste. How sweet and thick her blood would feel sliding down my throat. It tightens at the thought. I sit still, unmoving. If I try to escape her, she will capture me. The monster will break free and she will be left in ruin.

Charlotte would be easy to manipulate. She is scared, confused, and hurt by the very people she loves. With her standing inches from me, her body and its warmth are all I want. My insides scream to take her and tell her she wants nothing but me. I have the power to force her desire, force her hands, to control her heart and feel her skin on mine.

But, they all want to control her. Her life and her blood, her power and the beautiful light that draws me to her. I refuse to be one of them. I don’t deserve the luxury of her desire.

“Go,” I say, again. She’s not listening. She hasn’t since she arrived at the chateau. I don’t know why I expect her to now.

“You think you’re so dangerous, Mr Thanos,” she says, her voice is low and throaty. “So self-contained. Always in control of everything.”

I stand and she backs away. I move forward too fast and she stumbles; her back hits the door. “You are lucky that I am, Charlotte.” I put my hands on either side of her, trapping her. Reason calls to me from far away. I know I need to stop. All other sounds fade, nothing but her ragged breaths and drumming heart echo in my head.

“Powerful Aydin.” Her voice is callous and mocking. I bite my tongue to keep my mouth shut. “Everyone has to listen to you. So strong, but you can’t even keep two little women safe.”

There is red in the corners of my eyes. She shrinks back, yet I can hear her laugh. I know I am losing control. She is acting cruel. I finally feel her anger. It is deserved. I know it is. Yet, it is amazing, that it effects me so. “You have an acid tongue, Charlotte.”

She seems at a loss for words. I know my pupils have dilated, I know she can see the tips of my fangs as I speak. I grab her hair and yank her head back. Her hands reach up and she makes a small sound, her lips parting. I am no better than Henri. I know this. I want to stop, but I can’t.

“Do you think, by using harsh words, you can hurt me?” I ask. Her hair is so warm between my fingers, the strands soft. I can smell her shampoo and the scotch on her breath. Her thighs press together and I almost completely lose control. The scent of her arousal hits my nose, my mouth waters. “Your nasty little mouth does nothing to me.”

“Does this make you feel stronger Aydin?” Her voice is fearful, but her lips twist into a sneer. She has so little self-control over her mouth, it is alarming. “Are you going to try to force yourself on me too?” Charlotte’s voice tears.

She thinks I would hurt her? I let go of her hair and rest my forehead to hers. My eyes close, and my deep breaths try to calm me, but I’m still on edge.
How can she make me so weak?
I breathe her in deep, and place my hands on the door behind her. I know if I touch her again, I may not let go.

“You have to trust me, Charlotte.” My voice sounds desperate. I hope she can’t see what she does to me.

When I open my eyes, she is watching me. I lift my head from hers and give her space. Her eyebrows turn down, “I don’t understand why you keep me here,” she whispers.

There are tears in her eyes and in her voice. I want to tell her it is because I am trying to protect her. Bare my soul and show her that she renders me powerless. But, Charlotte pushes her hands against me, I don’t want to back away, but do, and let her pass. My body relaxes, there is space to think. She picks up her dress and pulls it over her. The outline of her bra soaks through the thin material. My eyes drift back to her. I allow myself another moment to look. A hideous beast, demented and filled with lust. That is all I have become.

Chapter
Thirty-seven

“Do you have a death wish, my brother?” Lu stands in the doorway of my office. When I look up, I expect to see his smile, but his face is strained.

I ignore his words and continue the task at hand. Watching the monitors on my laptop. Charlotte has returned to her room and I have yet to see her leave. I worry that I took it too far. She needs to trust me, but I think I may have scared her. Lance, I see, is standing outside. He will let me know if she tries to leave again. Or, if someone bothers her.

Lu shuts the door and sits in the chair in front of me. “Fuck the gods, Aydin. If father sees your hands on her again, I’m not sure I can help you.”

I look up at him. This time he is smiling. “Is there something I can help you with?”

“Things have heated up, and I don’t mean when you were pawing at Charlotte upstairs.”

“I wasn’t pawing at her,” I say. I simply wanted to talk to her, but her mouth got in the way.

“Oh yes, you were,” he smiles. “I’m sure Abigail would call it so.”

I sink back in my chair. “What is happening?”

“Ludari wants to meet Charlotte.”

“What?”

“Oh, yes, brother,” Lu leans forward. “Soon. As in, this evening.”

This is not good. This is precisely what we have worried over. Before I can ask if Abigail knows, the office door swings open and Abigail walks through. I didn’t even hear her coming my thoughts were so wrapped up in Charlotte. This is happening more and more. It has been too long since Abigail has let me feed.

“Ludari has taken an interest in Charlotte.” Abigail’s voice is tight and she comes to stand near me. “He wants to introduce himself. Tonight.”

“Lu has just told me.”

“Why does he want to meet her suddenly?” Her voice is getting high. Panic is setting in. We all know why.

“Everything will be fine,” I tell her. Though, I know this may be my last lie.

Abigail nods her head and sits on the corner of my desk. Her eyes move over my suit and force me to look at her.
Fuck.
Charlotte’s scent is all over me. I try to swallow the guilt that is settling in my throat.

“I’m trusting you, Aydin,” she says. “You should change, and bathe, and stop touching my daughter. I need you alive.”

I look away to Lu. His face is serious, but I can see the corners of his mouth tugging, trying hard to not smile. I nod my head and look back to Abigail. Her face is softer and she reaches out to brush my hair back. At some point, the tables turned. I used to do this to her, and now, she sits, giving me the same, knowing look, I used on her. I release the breath I have been holding and lean back.

Abigail stands and leaves the room shutting the door behind her. “When is this introductory meeting supposed to happen?” I ask.

“Later? This evening? Who knows?” Lu says. “You know how unpredictable Ludari is.”

I nod and look back to the monitor. Lance still stands, unmoving by Charlotte’s door. I press the small device in my ear. “It is happening.”

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Ch
arlotte is lying on her stomach on the floor in the Great Hall when I walk in. Lance reported that she had left her room with Claudette, dressed for her introductory dinner to Ludari. Deep red fabric flows around her legs, spreading out like a pool of blood, over the floor. The bodice is tight, cinching her waist. There are small beads, garnet, woven into the fabric, they twist and couture to her curves. Her feet are bare and the dress moves up her legs, exposing her calves as she settles down lower on the floor. The room is dark, only the light from the stars and moon filter through the windows and terrace doors. The camera she holds is resting on the wooden planks in front of her.

I look to Claudette, who is standing off to the side, holding a pair of red heels. She shrugs her shoulders.

“What are you doing?” I ask, Charlotte.

“Hold on.” Charlotte presses the shutter release and the camera clicks after a few moments. Once she is satisfied with whatever she is doing, she stands and brushes off the front of her dress. Her blond hair is loose and cascades down her exposed shoulders. She looks up and I see that her mouth is painted a deep red, her lips soft and full. She smiles at me and the moisture on them glistens like varnish in the light. “Look.”

I move closer and she holds out her camera. The small screen shows the room from the floor, squares of moonlight fall over the wooden planks, the shadow of the french doors creating a block pattern. The grand piano sits centered in the frame. Specks of dust float in the air, like the feet of dancers have just waltzed over them. The entire image looks as if it glows around the edges.

“If you raise the aperture, it allows more light, this is what gives this halo effect,” she says, smiling and quite proud of herself. Charlotte reaches up and brushes her hair off her shoulder. I release a deep breath. I had thought she would be angry from our encounter earlier. But, she seems to have pushed it away.

“So, when do I meet this Ludari?” She asks.

“At dinner. I understand he plans to join us,” I keep my voice even.

“Is this unusual?” Her face looks suddenly worried.
Shit. Control. I need better control.

“Everything Ludari does is unusual,” I tell her. “See you soon?”

Charlotte nods her head and reaches out toward me. I look down to see she is picking a small piece of lint off the lapel of my jacket. She moves closer and I try to back away. Claudette is watching our every move. Nasty little bitch loves to cause trouble.

Charlotte glances up at me, her tongue at the corner of her open mouth. “You have to make me a promise,” she says. “Claudette already has.”

“And what is this promise?”

“To let me take a picture of you.”

I back away and take a deep breath. “I’ll allow you one. But not this evening. I will tell you when.”

She smiles like she has just won a great victory, “Deal.”

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“W
here in the hell is my daughter?” Abigail is almost screaming. Her face is strained and her hands keep running down her thighs. Her panic is contagious.

“Last I saw her, she was with Claudette,” Lu says. He looks to me, his expression tells me everything.

“I left her in the Great Hall with Claudette earlier,” I tell them. “She was taking pictures.”

“Aydin!” Abigail screams. “She is supposed to be here, with you and Lu!”

I look to Lu and stand. “He has her or is planning to meet with her soon.”

“Where?” Lu asks.

“I don’t know. It’s too soon,” I say. I can feel a strange sensation in my throat. I haven’t felt this since the night of the accident. Panic. I can’t panic. I have to remain in control.

Abigail starts to cry. She leans into me. Her arms wrapping around my waist. I smooth her hair down, but she slaps my hands away. She doesn’t want comfort. She wants me to act. I have failed once already and she has given me another chance to carry out the plan. This will be my last chance.

Abigail’s life has been filled with darkness. She had asked me after her daughters were born to keep them safe. I have made a promise. It undermines my father’s wishes. It breaks the bounds to my creator and betrays him. But I have betrayed him before, long ago. Well before Abigail had asked. When I had seen the lives he was destroying. The woman he used, the girls he enslaved.

Some I had saved. Most I couldn’t. But my father never knew, I am his most loyal son, his prized fighter and fierce Guardian that keeps his girls’ safe from the powers that try to stop him. What he doesn’t know, is that those powers and I are one and the same. I will die before I break my vow to Abigail, but my timing has to be perfect.