In the Shadow of Angels: The Guardian Series 1 (23 page)

“I don’t know, Aydin. I don’t know you.” It is true. I don’t. He knows me, yet, I know nothing of him. He is not even human. He was my Guardian. He keeps my secrets, saved my life and ruined it all in one fell swoop. I lean back against the statue.

Again, he moves closer, so that I can see him clearly. His tuxedo is perfectly tailored to his thin frame, his jet black hair framing his gaunt cheeks. I rub my face in my hands. The guilt is too much. I want to make it all right, to remove the unjust punishment. He didn’t have to lie. He doesn’t have to suffer. Not for Emily, certainly not for me.

“Charlotte.” Aydin’s voice pulls at me, centering me. He catches my eye and my stomach drops. I don’t want to be this close to him. He will feel how confused I am. He will now what he does to me. He is not even supposed to be here, alone. Aydin reaches out and pulls me toward him. I grab his arms, the muscles are hard and lean in his forearms. He is made of thick sinew, that is all that is left of him.

“It appears Charlotte, I am bad for your health.” Aydin hooks his finger under my chin and forces me to look up, his thumb rubbing my bottom lip. “You seem to forget to breathe when I am near.”

The pulse in my neck throbs and a lump forms in my throat as too many emotions fall over me. Aydin bends down, his face next to mine. His hand rubs down my arm, goosebumps come up under his touch. His skin heats and it reaches out, covering my entire body. Aydin’s breath is on my face, cool and minty. His thumb goes over my lip again and my knees grow weak. My heart pounds so hard it is all I can hear. My eyes close, his lips barely touch the tip of my nose. Aydin’s cool breath falls over me in a rush and I am let go.

“Do I get a kiss too?”

My eyes pop open and I step back. Lucius and Claudette stand, eyes wide, brows up, staring. I try to slow my breathing, my hands shake and I lean at the base of the statue to steady myself.

“Of course, my brother,” Aydin says. He steps to Lucius and kisses him hard on the lips, before he walks away.

My mouth must have dropped open because it has suddenly become dry.

“I meant from you,” Lucius says, dryly. My voice has vanished and I cannot seem to find it. Claudette stands, her eyes wide with a devilish smirk on her lips.

Lucius steps forward and takes my hand in his. He leans down and looks me in the eye. His expression tells me nothing. “Aydin is not allowed to touch you, Charlotte. Don’t tempt him.”

Chapter
Twenty-nine

Sleep refuses to visit me. I am exhausted from the night before and the disgusting celebration I witnessed. And, of course, my almost kiss from Aydin. At least I think that’s what it was going to be. Yes, it was. I can feel his desire every time I am around him though it is soft and sweet. Not obsessive and creepy, which is exactly how I feel. The fact that I am constantly thinking of him is more than likely unnatural, considering his role in my life. But he has taken up residence in every corner of my mind and refuses to leave.

I walk down the corridor past the parlor. It is late afternoon, the sun won’t set for another few hours, the entire chateau is quiet. The sound of my sandals click on the marble floors as I head toward the back of the castle and the gardens. I imagine everyone is sleeping after their rather lascivious evening. My stomach twists and my heart aches. Henri is a sick bastard. He’s been living in this world for too long.

The door to the paintings room stands open. Laughs and whispers come from the doorway. They are deep, coarse sounds. Throaty, and sensual. I walk into the room, my eyes immediately landing on Lucius and Aydin. They sit, their bodies squeezed together on a sofa, their heads bent close, conspiring. One set of light gray and one dark blue pair of eyes, stare back, half smiles over their lips. Two cats that ate the canary. I refuse to admit it isn’t an unwelcome sight.

“What are you doing?” I ask, more out of shock from seeing them so close together. My cheeks burn. My mind immediately conjures up the image of Aydin kissing Lucius.
Good grief.
I’m no better than the rest of them.

“I have never met a woman who’s mind is so constantly in the gutter,” Lucius smiles at me. His secretive smile and my entire face turns red. I debate leaving, simply so I can save myself from more humiliation.

“Please, Charlotte, join us,” Aydin says, and gestures to sit near them. He is acting like we weren’t caught last night in the garden. I look to Lucius, his warning resounding in my head.

“I was just talking about you,” Lucius grins. “Or more accurately, your delicious friend Janice.”

I point my finger at him, like I am some kind of real threat. “You stay away from her.”

Lucius sits back, his arms out, complete innocence on his face. “I would never hurt your lovely friend.”

“Just keep your hands to yourself.” I can’t help my laugh. I highly doubt Janice would have minded if he hadn’t. She would love his silky curls and overbearing muscles. Not to mention that pouty mouth.

“I can’t make any promises. Considering how beautiful she is,” Lucius smiles. It is still unfathomable how I walked around my little town, hitting the local spots with Janice, never once seeing Lucius. He is so stunning, it would be impossible for him not to draw a crowd. He looks like the kind of man that would pull a woman into his arms and shower her in kisses, after he did some rather wicked things to her. My face blushes at the thought.

“Lu here was just telling me the details of one of your adventures with Janice,” Aydin says. The smile on his lips is large, and... I’m not sure what it means.

“Oh? And what adventure would that be?” I ask.

Lucius’ smiles deviously. “Aydin was enjoying the story of your late night swim. The time you ladies decided, in what turned out to be a very thrilling evening for me, to take a dip in Doctor Spencer’s pool.”

Embarrassment doesn’t cover the dread that fills me. We hadn’t just taken a swim, we had in what may, or may not, have been a very drunk decision, to skinny dip and wait for Doc Spencer to return home. Thankfully, we grew bored before he did. Lucius, had indeed, gotten quite a show.

“You are a complete degenerate,” I say, disgusted.

“Just doing my job, its just a shame Aydin had missed that one.”

“I have seen plenty,” Aydin says and pushes his hair back from his face, smiling slyly. I want to choke him. He leans back in the sofa and spreads his arms out behind him. His gray suit brings out his eyes, giving him an ominous look. How had I missed him? He had been there the night of our birthday, watching Emily and I dance and flirt with every man in sight. The sudden realization that he had been there,
my entire life
, hits home.

I sit down near them, my legs weak, and my stomach lurches. I rub my hands over my shorts.
Had he been following me in college?
I want to slink from the room.

The two men, or whatever they are, watch my face, their own taking a strange look, as the embarrassment of my life unfolds in front of me. My not so innocent kisses with Henri, my drunken passes at faceless men, my mean, mouthy streak when someone rubs me wrong. Had I any personal moments? Had my entire life been on display?
Had he seen everything?

“I don’t know what you are thinking, but it’s safe to say, it’s probably not very good,” Lucius says. “Looks like we should watch our backs, my brother.”

“I’m going to say, Charlotte just realized she has had two devastatingly good looking men following her around,” Aydin tells him.

“Devastatingly? Well, don’t you have a high opinion of yourself,” I snarl.

“Lu here, is far more handsome than the so-called men you paraded through your bedroom. Although, to your defense, Henri, is a beautiful boy.”

I am too angry to open my mouth, my brain frozen in rage. Does he know the intimate details of my life? I swallow hard. It appears he has seen more than I would like to admit, which is no doubt why he keeps referencing my extracurricular activities. This seems very judgmental of him, considering what he is.

“Aydin, stop being mean.” Lucius keeps his face impassive, “Charlotte has kept her bedroom very quiet these past five years.”

I press my hand to my eyes.
This is unbelievable.
Lucius sits back, Aydin’s arm behind him on the back of the couch. So cozy. I want to slap them both. I turn my attention entirely on Lucius and change the topic.

“You were a gladiator as well?” Because ancient brutal stories of murder are a better topic than my lurid love life.

Lucius raises his eyebrows, slightly. “Yes. I was. I even fought with Aydin in the ring.”

“The Colosseum?” My mind conjures images I have seen in movies: lions and chariots, grotesque scenes of merciless violence. Maybe it isn’t a better topic.

“No. We were kept for more private fights,” Lucius says, quietly.

I know the stories. Gladiators were usually slaves forced to fight for entertainment. The better the fighter, the more likely they could buy their freedom. Ashur had said he had bought Lucius - bought, like an animal - after Aydin was born. Lucius is older than him, at least in human years. Aydin, I guess, had been born as a slave? The thought is horrifying. How terrible his life must have been. To be owned, controlled by someone else. Your very life in their hands.

“It is fascinating watching your face as you think,” Lucius says. “One can almost see the pieces falling into place.”

“Well, it seems you like to watch,” I shoot back.

Lucius holds his hand out and looks to Aydin. “Do you see? She’s become even more of a pain in the ass with age.”

Aydin sits, perfectly still; a statue watching my every move. He looks worried I will ask about his life. I settle back in my seat and pull my smart phone from my pocket. Most of my sleepless night was spent researching vampire myths. Since one seems to want to kiss me, not that I am exactly protesting, I figure I should know more about them.

“There are hardly any mirrors around the chateau,” I say. “Do you have a reflection?”

“What?” Lucius asks, dumbfounded.

“Why wouldn’t we have a reflection?” Aydin asks, shaking his head like he can’t believe how absurd I am.

“Vampires, they don’t have reflections, right?”

“Where do you come up with these things?” Aydin asks, hiding his smile in his straight face.

“It’s common knowledge.”

“Oh, I see.” Aydin laughs then, loud. A rush of genuine amusement. Throaty and sexy, like a night made of soft, rumpled sheets, and dim lights. He turns to Lucius, still laughing, “Could you imagine, Claudette’s devastation?”

Lucius grins watching Aydin. He turns to me, “Common knowledge? What else do you think about us?”

“Well,” I glance back to my phone. “Says here, I can string garlic around my neck and it will keep you away.”

Aydin roars. I love it and chuckle with him. This is the Aydin I like. “I like garlic,” he says. “If anything, it may make you even more desirable.”

I raise my eyebrow at him. “So, then a stake through the heart won’t kill you?”

“No, but I can guarantee it will really piss us off,” Lucius says.

“OK, then I guess the silver bullets are out.”

“No, no, those are for werewolves,” Aydin clarifies. He has stopped his laughter, but the smile is still there.

“Which, don’t exist.” I like this Aydin. This version of Aydin is calm and laughs openly. God, I like this Aydin. A lot. He draws me to him every time he smiles, every time he lets me see behind his stoic facade with his star shattering smile. My heart flutters. Here in this room, he isn’t putting on a mask. He isn’t hiding. Not from Lucius, not from me.

“You are rather silly, Charlotte,” Aydin smiles.

“I’m not sure if I should take that as a compliment.” My smile is coy and teasing.

“I like silly.”

Chapter Thirty

Emily lies next to me. We are on our backs, looking up at the blue cloudless sky. Her arms are outstretched, holding something small above us. The sun shines bright through her fingers, illuminating the charm in her hands. Her angel. She holds it lightly between her fingers, turning it slowing as if it is flying. The sun catches the angel, and with each turn, flares of light spot my vision.

Jasmine fills the air. In the spring, it carried around our home, through the open windows and filled every room. I love spring. It holds promises. It keeps secrets. Washing away long dark hours and cold nights as if they never existed.

There is a faint chime in the background. It is familiar, sad ... lonely. I can’t place it but know it well. I turn my head to look at Emily. She is in profile, the light brings out the ember streaks in her hair. Her nose just like mine, long and sharp. Eyes the same, vivid blue. A tear falls, the warmth hits my ear with a soft thud. She is beautiful. There is an ache, deep in my very pit. My god, I miss her so much. Every ounce of me wants to reach and touch her, but I know she will disappear if I do.

I feel for my angel, but it’s not clasped around my neck as it should be. Panic strikes, my chest tightens ... I remember. It was lost the night she died. The tears start coming faster, forming a lump in my throat as I fight them. I don’t want the moment to break apart. If I lose control, she will leave me.

Emily turns to face me, laying on her side, her head resting on her arm. Her fingers still hold her tiny angel, twisting it. She is so close, her warm breath falls over my face, a light smell, like mint.

“You are sad because you lost your angel,” Emily’s voice is soft, musical. The sound in the distance comes closer. Louder.

Emily lets go of her angel and reaches to touch my face. Her touch is hot and surges through me, my skin burning. Her eyes change, the blue paling in the light, turning to a smokey glass. Silver flecks appear. I move my eyes over her face to her mouth, the lips are full and large with well-defined peaks, soft black hair frames them. My brows turn down confused, and I look back to see Emily has disappeared.

Aydin lies next to me. His hand touching my face, my skin on fire. His thin fingers stroke my cheek. They move over my lips, outlining them, soft subtle touches.

“I’m sorry, Charlotte,” he says, his lips unmoving. He doesn’t need to speak. I can feel him, hear his thoughts. My heart aches.

Noise fills my head, but I still can’t place the sounds. They are too far away. Aydin’s fingers move over my neck, grazing over the scar on my collar bone. His gray eyes hold mine, I can’t tear them away, even if I want to. His fingers brush over my arm, my abdomen, further down. Aydin’s hand glide under my clothes and touches me hard, between my legs. I gasp loud, and startle awake.

I half expect to see him there, his hand against me, his long body laid out. The dream was so vivid, my body pulses. Hot air bursts from me and I relax. The door to my terrace is open, cool night air blows the heavy curtains. Jasmine fills the room.

I can’t help the tears that fall. I have not had a single peaceful dream since Emily’s death. She has followed me, tormented me. There is this hollow feeling in my heart when I should be relieved. Part of me worries she will not return. That maybe I have laid Emily to rest and she won’t visit me again. The thought of not seeing her tears at me. I’d give anything to see her again. Even if it means I will be chased in nightmares forever.

Soft sounds fill the room, distant and melancholy. I recognize it, finally. The sounds of the piano from my childhood. Memories of Emily and I, laying in bed, rush at me. Henri stroking the skin on our legs, his touch gentle. The weight of his head resting on my hip. The distant piano playing the familiar songs.

I stand, wary, but walk into the hall. I follow the sound, down the stairs to the main entrance, through the empty corridor. The piano gets louder, still muffled, but I know the song. It is heavy with deep sorrow. I can imagine his fingers touching the keys, his pain spilling out, onto them.

The doors to the Great Hall open smoothly. I push slowly, not wanting him to hear me. The song changes. He has moved on to Beethoven, Moonlight Sonata. My chest tightens. I walk into the Great Hall, the hollow noise fills the room. It echoes off the painted walls and the clear crystals in the chandelier. I hold my breath, wanting to remain invisible, scared to break his trance.

Aydin leans over the grand piano, his back to me. His body moves slightly as his hands glide over the keys. His shoulders hunched over, his head bent. He pours every ounce of himself into the music. Elongating each tune, making it sound hollow and lost. The vision is agonizing. I stand frozen, my feet planted, memorized.

He can’t see me or feel me. He is lost. Seeing only what drives his hands to move over the piano. Pieces of his past, of a life that is a mystery. I flash on the dream, his hand on me, my entire body heats, the pulse returning.

The music crashes, stopping abruptly. Aydin turns to face me; he looks surprised that I have managed to sneak up on him. The dark brows over his gray eyes turn down, almost confused. My hands run down the soft material of the nightgown I wear, and stop at the hem, too high on my thighs.

“It was you,” I whisper.

I laid in bed at night and felt him, bathing in his energy. It hadn’t been my father who played all those nights. It had been Aydin. He plays now, with the same torment as he had my entire life.

Aydin doesn’t respond to my statement. Instead, he turns back to the piano, his fingers slightly touching the keys. Delicate tinkling sounds flutter out. Like the voices of fairies, soft bells. His fingers press harder, defining the sounds. I recognize the tune immediately. A fragile song, a Chopin nocturne, though I don’t know which one. It was usually the last song before sleep came.

My eyes go around the elaborate room. The low light flickers from the chandeliers, the cool breeze of the open doors moving them. Lights glisten over the soft painted ladies, and they dance to the sounds that come from the piano. They live suspended until Aydin’s delicate touch wakens their ghosts. I hadn’t realized how much I have missed the songs. Standing in the Great Hall, the sound filling me, I feel the years that I missed him. It was him after all that had left me breathless.

Aydin continues to ignore me, playing the piano. I walk closer so I can see his hands move gracefully over the keys. His face is serene, his eyes soft and concentrated. I feel obsessed, my mind bringing the dream into focus.

“It’s very distracting having you standing there,” he says, finally looking up me. His eyes have the silver flecks, like in my dream, the iris too pale to belong to a human. Then again, he is anything but.

“I want it back,” I say. The words come out, a foreign sound, I’m not sure of their meaning at first.

He ignores me and goes back to playing the piano.

“My charm, Aydin, you took it,” I say. Emily had shown me. Or rather my own conciseness had shown me.

“I took it because you wouldn’t be able to look at it.”

“You had no right.”

“Can you bear to look at your angel now?” Aydin stands, his hand moves to his neck, backing away from the piano. I look away. He knows my truth and my lies. “Then I will keep it until you can.”

My brain is cracking. My knees are weak and I sit on the bench. I rub my face with my hands, my eyes tired. My body is tired. The very pit of me aches though it feels distant and unreal, belonging to someone else. But, it is mine alone.

“Charlotte,” Aydin says, his voice is softer. I look up to see his hand outstretched. “Come.”

He’s not supposed to be alone with me, yet we keep ending up together. Mostly, it’s my doing. Staying away from his seems impossible. I place my hand in his and he pulls me up.

Aydin guides me to the double doors, leading me outside. The smell of jasmine is stronger here, mixed with lavender, and I suck it in. His hand feels light in mine, the skin is cool, but heat radiates from him. He pulls lightly, forcing me to follow him deeper into the gardens.

“Where are we going?” My heart is starting to race.

“I want to show you something.”

We stop outside the wooden gate to the pool. Aydin opens it slowly and pulls me in behind him. The water moves; dark satin waves. The only sounds are the faint chirps of crickets and my heart drumming in my ears.

“Are we going for a swim?” I ask, nervously. I try to breathe past tension in my chest, but I can’t hide it. It leaks out into the air around us.

“Would you like to?” Aydin asks, grinning. “I know how much you enjoy late night swims.”

My stomach drops, but he is teasing. I release a shuddered breath. “Why are we here?”

“I wanted someplace quiet,” he says. “Where we won’t be interrupted.”

Lucius is right, I can’t seem to keep my mind from wandering into lewd places.

Aydin laughs quietly, more to himself. “You are so concerned with want we can and cannot do. I thought I would show you.”

I look wearily at him. “And, what exactly is that?”

“Turn around.”

My heart falls to my stomach. I’m not sure what he has planned, I’m not sure I really want to know. Especially if I can’t see what he’s up to. He waits, rather impatiently, for me to follow his order. I turn my back to him and face the pool. He is standing behind me, so suddenly, I gasp. He is close, so close, I can smell him. The metallic, electric scent he carries, with its faint undertone. The spicy scent of sandalwood. I smile. He’s invaded every part of my life, all the way down to my favorite smells.

“Close your eyes.” Aydin’s chest brushes over the bare skin on my back. I suddenly feel under-dressed and vulnerable. His hand covers my eyes lightly, forcing them shut. “Keep them closed.”

Aydin brushes his fingers lightly, from my shoulders to the backs of my hands. My body relaxes and I sink back into him. It is impossible to tell if he is making me feel calm or if this is what he does to me.

“Take a deep breath,” his voice is close, near my ear.

I inhale deeply, his fingers intertwine in mine and our hands move up together, wrapping around me. I am engulfed in him, encircled in his warmth. My breath rushes out. My body starts to tremble, betraying me. Aydin is too close. My chest tightens and my entire body stiffens.

“Shhh.” Aydin squeezes my hands tightly in his. “Relax.”

It is an impossible task, he is too consuming. His fingers spread out, splaying my fingers under his, over the skin on my chest. He moves closer, pressing into my back. His body is hard and lean. My dream comes crashing into me. I can’t breathe; my eyes pop open.

“I am going to show you something, but you have to relax,” he says. I can hear the laugh in his voice. I take another deep breath and ease into him. My anxiety is thick, almost alive. I close my eyes and release a shaky breath.

Light touches the corners of my eyes. I squeeze them closed tighter, and a faint flicker of movement stills me. Aydin’s fingers dig deeper into the skin over my chest. The light behind my eyes brightens. His hand moves to my neck, under my chin, forcing my head back slightly. His fingers move gently around my jaw, pressing into the pulse. “Open your eyes.”

A burst of light makes me gasp. The mountains stand before me, glistening in a halo of soft light. There are bits of color in everything. It is as if the moon highlights every dark shadow and brings it to life. The stars shine, brighter, glowing around the edges. Colors swirl, like the inside of an oyster shell, in the royal blue of the night sky. The stars seem endless, stretching out and away from us, forever. Sounds of moving water fill my ears. The smell of earth, a rich, thick, dry scent hits my nose. There are faint undertones, light crisp scents of fruit, a deeper smell of grass and fresh water. My skin tingles, almost painful, as the wind brushes over me. Tears prick behind my eyes, it is all too intense.

Aydin lets me go. The scene fades. The glowing light dims and the colors darken. I am left staring at the distant mountains above the pool and the black night sky. He is still at my back and I sink into him, breathless.“What was that?”

“How I see the world,” he whispers, close to my ear.

“How did you do that?”

“I can share pictures, things I have seen.”

I turn to face him. The world is dull and lifeless after what I have just seen. He is smiling, not the small closed smile he shows everyone, but his smile. His real face. The Aydin that is soft and kind. He is entrusting me to see past the charade, to see him.

“You have let me see through your eyes, the beauty you create with your camera,” he says. “I wanted to show you the way I see the world.”