In Your Wildest Dreams (48 page)

P.J. didn't answer, simply lay there gaping up at him in the morning shadows.

He doubted he'd actually made the kid understand anything, but at least maybe he'd think twice before mugging somebody again. "I oughta hurt you a lot worse," Jake said through gritted teeth, "but you're not worth it."

With that, he stomped back out the door. His hands hurt as he walked up the street, the right one beginning to swell a little.

He didn't want to go back to the apartment just yet— wanted to cool down first—so he headed to the
Café Du
Monde to get some
beignets
for Shondra. He wasn't proud of his actions just now, but seeing those scabs and hearing her tell him what happened as if it had somehow been her fault—it'd been the final straw, the thing that made him blow.

The last couple of days had just been
...
too damn much to handle. Stephanie, Raven, Tina, Scruff, Shondra—and now they'd found Becky's killer, after all this time.
Merde,
no wonder he'd blown a gasket.

By the time he got the
beignets
and made the walk home, he felt calmer. Sorry he'd gone off on the kid, probably more than he should have. If he'd still been a cop and heard about someone dealing with a homeless kid the way he just had, even a
criminal
homeless kid, he wouldn't have been happy.

When he walked in, Shondra stood in the same place he'd left her, as if she hadn't moved in all the time he was gone. "Where'd you go?"

"Just had a little talk with RJ." He held up the
beignets.
"And got breakfast."

"Your hand's red. So's your cheek." Her eyebrows knit. "Did you beat him up?"

He nodded, still not proud. "Pretty much."

To his surprise, she let out a sigh of what looked like
...
relief. "Cool."

"What?"

"He's a jerk. Nobody can stand his ass. Whatever somebody has, even other homeless kids, he thinks it should be his. He thinks he's so bad and..." She let out another sigh and took on the innocent look she sometimes forgot to hide. "Well, now I don't got to be scared to go out. After last night, I kinda was. So
...
thanks, Jake. I wish there were more guys in the world just like you."

She took the white bag from his hands and went into the kitchen. He, on the other hand, simply stood there feeling numb. Strange. Good strange. Like maybe
...
he'd saved somebody. Even if just a
l
ittle
. Even if just for right now.

Maybe he hadn't gone about it the best way, but as

Shondra's words replayed in his head, he couldn't help feeling satisfied, and thinking maybe he'd somehow managed to show her there were good men in the world and that maybe she wouldn't live her whole life being afraid of them all.

"OJ?" she asked from the kitchen.

"Yeah," he murmured. "Thanks."

As they sat down at the little table together, Shondra knew she had to tell him what she'd done while he was gone. He'd be glad, but she hated to think this was the last time she'd sit eating
beignets
with Jake, and she just wanted to enjoy the quiet companionship they shared.

So it wasn't until she picked up their sugar-covered plates and carried them to the sink that she said, "While you were out beatin' up P.J., I called Grandma Maisy."

He blinked. "Really?"

She laid the plates down and turned to face him. "I figured you done enough for me already—and it seemed like a thing I should be able to do. I mean, I've lived on the streets. I oughta be able to call my damn grandma, right?"

He gave her a small smile, one of the things she'd miss—his smiles. "I guess so," he said. "Did you tell her
...
everything? About your mom's boyfriend?"

She nodded. "She said if I come live with her, she won't let him nowhere near me. Said her and
me'
ll
go through the court and see what to do so I can live with her permanent, until I'm old enough I wanna move out. And best of all, she's down with me bringin' Scruff. She's got a little fenced backyard and I think he'll like it."

His smile widened on her. "That's real good. I like Grandma Maisy already."

"She likes you, too. From all what I told her, I mean. And she's
...
expectin' me tonight. She's makin' breaded pork chops for supper 'cause they're my favorite—so I guess I better be there."

He nodded quietly, and she liked to think maybe he seemed just a little sad, too. Probably wishful thinking, but she loved that Jake liked her, she loved making him laugh, and she was going to miss him something awful. He was the best thing that had ever happened to her. Well, him and Scruff. They'd both come along right when she'd needed them the most.

That evening around five-thirty, Jake pulled the truck to the curb outside a well-kept little shotgun house on the West Bank. He saw a few kids out playing, and an old man working in a flower bed, and immediately felt good about leaving Shondra here. "Got all your stuff?"

They'd packed her clothes in the shopping bags they'd come in, and her old backpack was hoisted on one shoulder. Scruff sat in the seat next to her, on his leash. She nodded at Jake's question, but seemed nervous, as if she couldn't quite look at him. Clearly, she'd learned early in life to hate awkward good-byes as much as he did.

"If you ever need anything, you got my number, no?"

She nodded again, glancing up at him, then back down.

"Or even if you
don't
need anything, but you just wanna talk—call me. Okay?"

She nodded more vigorously this time.

"Well then, I guess that's it."

Her hp started trembling before she said, "Thanks for everything. I might've died if not for you." With that, she leaned past Scruff to throw her arms around Jake's neck.

It caught him off guard for a second, and he wasn't sure at first if he should hug her back, all things considered. But then he did, for a long minute that wrenched his heart a lot harder than he'd ever expected. She raised her head and kissed his cheek, just like Tina had done, before returning to her side of the truck.

After that, she seemed embarrassed, hurrying to get out with all her stuff, saying, "Come, Scruff. Come on." Only after she slammed the door did she pause, looking back in through the open window.

"Take care of yourself,
'tite
fille.
Have a good life."

She looked utterly forlorn as she nodded at him one last time, quietly saying, "Bye."

He lifted a hand in parting. "Bye."

He pulled away, discovering about a block later that something was clouding his vision as he drove. He reached up, wiping at one eye, and his fingertips came away wet. Tears.

You
see her sitting naked and beautiful in a dark room. A pale spotlight shines on her, yet her face remains in shadow. Slim knees are drawn up, her arms curved around them, and in one hand she holds a daisy. With the other, she plucks off the slender white petals, one by one. "He loves me," she says.

Her voice is the faintest whisper as she pulls the next.

"He loves me not."

She lifts her gaze just slightly, and you feel her eyes on you.

"He loves me."

You want to go to her, but you can't seem to move. "He loves me not."

Another petal falls to the floor in front of her as you reach out.

"He loves me."

But you're not there with her, you suddenly realize. It's as if you 're watching from behind a glass wall. "He loves me not."

She cannot see you. Which means you 're both alone. "He loves me."

She glances down at the remains of the flower, one last petal left. She plucks it off and lets it drop as a single tear rolls down her cheek. "He loves me not."

Chapter 26

The
first night after Stephanie got Tina back, they'd stayed up all night talking. They'd shed a lot of tears, and done a lot of apologizing, and by morning, Stephanie felt she knew more about her little sister than she ever had before. They'd worked through all the mistakes each of them had made and Stephanie felt real hope for Tina's future, and hope for the future of their relationship, too.

She'd been upset but not surprised when her sister admitted that her reactions to Tina's decisions had ultimately been part of what had driven her away, but she'd just have to deal with that knowledge. She'd told Jake he couldn't hold on to his guilt about Becky forever, and she'd meant it. Right now, she felt
horribly
guilty about Tina, but she knew time would ease it.

The next morning, she'd again found herself sneaking off to Mrs. Lindman's kitchen for muffins to share with her unauthorized guest, and just like when the guest had been Jake, they'd giggled over prim and proper Stephanie engaging in such a deception.

"Not so prim anymore, though, right?" Tina had asked.

"I mean, once you've masqueraded as a hooker..." They'd both laughed, but clearly Tina had seen memories of Jake dancing in her eyes. "Or
...
is there something more I should know?"

Stephanie shrugged, not wanting to give her affair with Jake as much power as it truly held over her. "I... sort of had wild, crazy sex with Jake a few times, in between looking for you."

Her sister's eyes had gone wide and appreciative. "Jake, the ex-cop bartender who rescued me? My God, Steph, he's a total hottie and a half."

Stephanie had sighed. "Don't I know it."

Tina tilted her head, too perceptive. "Why do you sound sad about this? Wild, crazy sex is usually fun."

Stephanie, who'd gotten very honest with her sister over the previous hours, had said, "I'm in love with him."

Tina gasped.

Yet Stephanie wanted to move to a new topic as quickly as possible. "But he's not in love with me. He has a dead wife he's still mourning, and that's fine, because the sex was great and I shouldn't have let myself get emotionally involved. End of story." She'd said it all in one breath, then continued with, "The upshot is that I have a new appreciation for sex, which I hope to put to good use from this point forward."

She didn't mention that, at the moment, she feared she'd never want to sleep with anyone but Jake again.
Great, he makes me love sex and ruins it for me at once.

Fortunately, Tina hadn't pressed for more, and soon after eating breakfast, they'd both fallen asleep 'til the afternoon. After waking, Stephanie had called her mom, soon passing the phone to Tina. Neither let anything slip about the escort business, only saying that Tina had been

living with a guy she'd met, now they'd broken up, and both sisters would be coming home in a couple of days.

Stephanie e-mailed Curtis to alert him of her return as well. The letting-him-down-gently part would come later. She'd also e-mailed Melody to share her good news and thank her for all her help—hoping as she typed that Tina would somehow end up with the same happy ending Melody had. Meanwhile, Tina placed a call to one of the shelters where Jake had directed Raven, getting lucky on the first try. Raven had come to the phone and informed Tina she was entering a rehab program, and both girls vowed they'd keep in touch. "Even though we probably won't," Tina had said sadly after hanging up. "But she was a friend when I needed one, and I hope she gets better."

Last night, Stephanie had taken Tina out to dinner. Over glasses of Chardonnay, they both resolved not to dwell on the past any longer, but to look forward. "I think I want to try college," Tina said. "And study retail. Is that stupid? To go to college just so I can get a job in the mall?"

Stephanie had shaken her head. "You'll have a leg up on everyone
else
working at the mall, and you can get a job in the meantime and start getting practical experience."

"And
I'll get a discount!"

They'd both laughed, and Stephanie had actually managed to enjoy the meal—even if she wasn't particularly looking forward to going home, or back to her job. It felt like returning to something meaningless, a world that was about nothing but money and glitz and expensive business suits that in the end boiled down to nothing real—and she also feared it was going to be hard leaving behind the city that held the man she loved, but she didn't have a choice; Jake hadn't given her one.