Incendiary (The Premonition Series (Volume 4)) (50 page)

“You defend him?” Xavier
asks
, his eyes narrowing. “He’
s reprehensible.”

“He wanted to survive
,” I say
between my teeth.

“At the e
xpense of all else,” Xavier says
.

“He did it for his brother Finn. Finn was turned first and he believed that Finn wouldn’t survive Aodh’
s cruelty without him,” I argue
, unable to stop myself.

“A noble reason for a tragic error in
judgment, one that I’m sure he’
s looking
to you to correct,” Xavier states
with a renewed patience.

“Me
aning what exactly?” I ask,
feelin
g something cold climb down
my spine.

“If I were to cease to be…I could think of no better place than within the arms of an angel, espe
cially if she loved me—” he say
s
, but I interrupt
him.

“I
don’t love Brennus,” I whisper
, perplexed by the stab of gu
ilt that rushes
through me.

“You have a great propensity for love. It’s in your nature. You make others gravitate to you like sheep to a shepherdess…and you love them, eve
n if they’re wrong,” Xavier says
, while reaching out and wiping away the rain from my cheek with his warm, rough fingers. “But for Brennus, it will be only revenge now: his thoughts of you are ugly and t
wisted. He’s been drinking dust
after tasting your blood
,
and that craving for you is just as strong in him. He’s had time to plot his ho
rror—
design his torture for you.”

“Why are yo
u telling me this?” I ask
as
I
shy away
from his touch.

“I don’t want you to h
esitate to kill him,” he replies
, staring into my eyes. “Don’t let your human side and your need to be empath
e
t
ic get in the way of destroying his vulgarity. Don’t be fooled by the falseness of his love and deny
the ones who really love you.”

“What do you know about my friends? You don
’t know any of them,” I retort
.

“I w
as referring to your family who
loves you: Tau,
Cole and I,” he corrects me
as his face turns
blank to hide his emotions.

Stunned, I stammer
, “My family? Let’s be
real
—
I
never really knew you
—
any of you and what I do know of you I don’t like!
You’ve been lying to me since I met you in high school!
”

“
Y
ou know me, Evie. I was your...”
he trails off.

“
My b
oyfriend?” I ask. “
See, you can’
t even say it now, just like you
couldn’
t say it when we were in
school! You acted like we were sometimes
,
and
then you’
d act
like I
was
just some girl you knew
.
”

“
You’
ve never been just
some girl
.
I couldn’
t tell you what I am
because I wasn’
t allowed to say it
then,”
he replies.

“And I’
m supp
osed to believe you because you’ve been so honest with me?”
I ask.

“
I’
ve always been honest with you, except for when I had to keep things
from
you in order to protect you.
”

“
Like the fact that you’
re an angel?”
I say accusingly.

“Yes, like that,”
he frowns.

“
What else have you kept
from me?”
I wonder aloud.

“A lot,”
he admits with a guilty frown.

“Lucy Clark,”
I say, thinking of the
very popular and very beautiful girl that Xavier dated after he broke up with me in the summer before our senior year.

“
She was an attempt to make you angry instead of sad...because you were really sad—
“

“
I was sad because you
broke my heart when you
broke up w
ith me so abruptly and you didn’
t even give me a good reason,”
I say, po
i
nting my finger at him.

“
I told you we were getting too
close,”
he counters, like that’
s a good excuse.

“Being close is a good thing,”
I retort with a frown.

“
Not when I can crush yo
u. I almost did, so many times,” he says in exasperation. “
Tau told me I was losing perspective. He orde
red me not to date you.
”

“
And
you listened to him!
”
I
remark with scorn
, not wanting to hear his excuses. I was the one who had to watch Xavier walking in the halls at school with Lucy hanging on him. We had been friends since the first day of freshman
year and he acted like he didn’
t know me. I wa
s
nothing—no, I had been less
than nothing
.

“
Tau
is
your father,” he says
in a stern tone. “You’ll have to reconcile yourself to that fact.”

“I realize that, but you’re not. You’re just so
me random angel who had the shee
r misfortune of having to watch
over the half-breed,” I reply
in a stilted tone.

“Don’t
call yourself that!” Xavier says in an angry tone that startles
me.
“You’re the first of your kind—
that alone makes you valiant!”

“What d
o you want from me?” I whisper the question again.

Xavier’s jaw clenches
a
s the spray of the water crashes
loudly against the side of the ship far below. “I want you to know me as more than just a random angel that was assign
ed to protect you,” he responds
.

“Why? Are you saying tha
t it wasn’t random?” I ask in a raspy
tone. “Why did you
agree to this mission
to protect me?”

Xavier ha
ng
s his head as he watches
the water far
below the railing. Rain drips
from
the sides of his face as he growls
, “Would that I coul
d’ve fought for you at Dominion—
protected you there. I wouldn’t have been content to dest
roy just Pagan for you. I would’
ve annihilated the entire
war council for
trying you as a…” he trail
s
off.

“As a freak,” I finish
, frowning.

Xavier tips
his head back in frustra
tion
while a steady stream of A
ngelic words flows from his lips. It appears to me like he’s
speaking d
irectly to Heaven. When he gazes back at me, he’s
calmer. “Never demean yourself like that in front of me again. You’re not a freak.
You’re exceptional
.
”

I must look surprised because Xavier’s expression softens
. “You don’t kn
ow how perfect you are,” he says
in a meditative tone.

“I know that I don
’t smell like cheese,” I reply
. A reluctant smile co
me
s to my lips
before
he begi
n
s
laughing.

“Tha
t’
s a start,” he says
. His large hand covers
mine
on the railing. I withdra
w mine and hid
e
it within the pocket of my woolen coat.

Xavier’s hand remains
where mine had been as he states
, “You’re quarreling with your
aspire
.”

“We’re fine,” I say
, brushing off his segue to
pry into my personal life. My eyes shift
to the swells of the sea.

Feeling the wei
ght of Xavier’s stare, I glance
at him
as he say
s
,
“You needed him…when you were a
lone…when we…when I…” he trails
off again, sounding like
he’s struggl
ing to find
words.

“Yes, I need
Reed,” I agree. “H
e helped
me when I couldn’t help myself—
when no one else would.”

“He has e
arned your respect,” Xavier says
, his knuckle
s becoming whiter as they tense
on the railing.

“He has earned my
devotion,” I correct him. My eyes widen when his fingers bend
the metal of the
railing with a crunching sound.

Xavier closes
his eyes, like he’s
fighting some internal demons. H
e let
s
go of the railing. “I can see why he would merit your loyalty, but it was his duty to assist y
ou. You’re Seraphim, while he is a Power—” Xavier begi
n
s
.

“You’re wasting your time explaining angel rank to me because I find it a
meaningless concept,” I reply
with narrowing eyes.

“When did you become so unreasonable?
” he asks
. “It’s not meaningless when you consider that what he did for you was nothing less than his job,” Xavier sho
o
t
s back as if his point i
s important in the least, which it isn’t to me.

“Protec
ting me wa
s Reed’s job?” I ask
Xavier in a tone th
at implies
he’s insane.

He
nods
arrogantly. “Yes, every d
ivine Power
you encountered should’ve protected you.”

“All of them
?” I ask
in a calm tone.

“Yes,” he affirms
.

“But, t
hat’s not what happened,” I say with my eyebrow quirking
.

“No,” he agrees
grimly.

“You’
re aware that angels mostly
wanted to kill me?” I ask
matter-of-factly.

“I am now,” he counters with his eyebrows drawing
together in a black look.

“Ho
w did you find out?” I ask
out of morbid curiosity.

“Dominion gave us a
report when we returne
d and b
egan searching for you—” he starts to say
.

“Yo
u had to search for me?” I
interrupt to
ask
him derisively. “Why? Didn’t you just say that you came from Paradise?”

“Yes,” he affirms
.

“Then shouldn’t you have known
where I was? What I’ve been doing? H
ow things were going? Don’t you guys d
o recon? Have a plan?” I ask
, finding his answers to be suspect.

“Where you’
re concerned, it does
n’t work like that—
information regarding you is highly guarded.
I’m not omnipotent and I’
ve been deliberately kept uninformed about your work
here—”

“Why?” I ask
, interrupting him again.

“Because I wasn’t
allowed to be
p
art of the equation
again until
now
,” he replies, attempting to sound civil, but anger leaks
into his tone.