Incineration (Heart of Stone) (37 page)

A sad expression blanketed his face “I’ve lost you haven’t
I?” he whispered as he cupped my face and stroked his thumb across my cheek. I
placed my hand over his cheek and he nuzzled into it “No Mason, I still love
you. More than anything” I breathed and I felt the truth of my words in my
soul.

I did love this man with my whole being but I had hurt him,
betrayed him and I couldn’t be with him tonight “I just need to be alone with
my memories and finally put Katie to rest” I told him, not entirely lying as I
honestly did want to spent the night reminiscing and remembering happy times
with Katie now that I could now finally come to terms with her death.

He nodded and drew me close again “Okay” he whispered in my
ear and as I felt his finger settle under my chin to tip my head, I pulled away
“Come on” I held out my hand, avoiding his gaze and as his hand settled in mine
I made a promise to myself that I would stay away from Kade.

I loved Mason wholly and entirely, Kade was just a physical
attraction and I didn’t need the complication or the guilt and I certainly
didn’t want to hurt Mason, that thought made my heart clench and I squeezed his
hand and lifted it to my lips “I love you so much Mason” I told him and he
grinned, such a huge happy grin that lit his eyes and I broke into my own and
soon we were both beaming at each other and giggling like fools at the sight of
us, like love struck teenagers, well that or models for a toothpaste advert!

As we entered the house to leave a note for Kerrie, Kade was
stood nursing a glass of vodka and leaning against the kitchen worktop wearing
his jeans and a scowl. “You okay Kade?” Mason frowned, obviously noticing his
grim expression “Oh yeah! Just great” he mocked and I stiffed and glared at him
from behind Mason.

His eyes narrowed on mine and Masons joined hands and then
he looked away, a pained look in his eyes as he bit his lower lip savagely “You
need to talk?” Mason asked, probably thinking Kades temper was down to Kerries
cancer. Kade scoffed and then shook his head “Nah!” he slammed his glass down
and strode towards us “You off now then Ava?” he practically snarled and my own
rage was bubbling. How dare he react this way in front of Mason! He was going
to get us both killed.

 “Yeah, I’m going home. Tell Kerrie thanks for the
hospitality but you know...” I shrugged and he huffed “Yeah” he grumbled and
walked off, bounding up the stairs two at a time and slamming a door.

“Okayyy!” Mason said and I shrugged, feigning puzzlement. He
shook his head and sighed “Probably Kerrie” he huffed and led me to his car.

After Mason insisted on checking every inch of my house he
left me to the silence of the house and the incessant noise in my head. The
argument I had with myself in my mind; Mason…Kade…Mason…Kade.

I clutched at my hair desperately “Fucking hell Ava, What
have you done?” I settled on the couch and switched the telly on, the need for
a distraction but an hour later I was still morphing their faces in visions of
love making, in one image they were both at me; a different man’s mouth on each
nipple “FUCK!!! FUCK!!!” I screamed at the ceiling.

Deciding to bake, I switched on my IPod and blasting it out
loudly started the relaxing and comforting diversion of a chocolate muffin
cake. An hour later, singing loudly and covered in chocolate and flour, I was
icing the cake in chocolate frosting and decorating with a sugar crumble topping
when my phone rang.

Wiping my hands on my jeans I frowned at the unknown call
but answered anyway “Heyyy Sweetheart” Kades slurred voice snapped to my
attention “Kade?” I flinched when he sighed heavily “I just needed to hear your
voice Ava” he said so quietly I had to press my ear to the phone to hear him
properly “Kade, What do you want?” I asked softly, not wanting to seem as
though I didn’t want to know him now he’d brought me off and I must admit, very
nicely brought me off and the memory had me squeezing my thighs together in
frustration.

He laughed and hiccupped “Isn’t it obvious what I want Ava”
I closed my eyes against the pain in his voice “Is he there?” he asked slowly,
his voice dropping to a near growl. I rubbed my temples “No Kade, Masons not
here” I sighed.

He was silent for a moment “It felt amazing to be inside you
Ava” he whispered and my treacherous internal walls clamped tightly as his
words but my anger snapped “Kade, I have a face, a personality and a damn mind.
I’m not just a walking fucking shag hole” What was it with men and sex? That’s
all I felt like, a damn mechanical vagina!

“Sweetheart” he rasped “I know that Ava. God, your beautiful
and funny and strong and confident and fucking…just fucking amazing!” he near
yelled and I bit my bottom lip as my heart soared at his words.
Damn him!
“Kade
please don’t do this” I pleaded

“I can’t stop thinking about you Ava” he choked out and I
rolled my head back and shut my eyes “I’m in love with you Ava” he whispered
and my eyes snapped open “W..w.Wh…” I stuttered, my mouth had suddenly gone dry
and my throat hurt “I said I love you Ava. I want you so much” I rubbed my
floury hands over my face and cringed “Kade, no, you can’t. I’m with Mason. I
love Mason” I winced when I heard him whimper and the phone suddenly went dead
“Kade?...Kade?”

“Fuck!” I screamed, throwing my phone down on the table “God
Damn it!” I slumped on the sofa and curled into a ball and struggled to settle
my breathing.

 
I’m in love with you Ava, I’m in love with you Ava, I’m
in love with you Ava, I’m in love with you Ava
“Arghhhhh” I screamed,
swiping the coffee table and sending the TV remote sailing with force across
the room and through the TV screen “Oh For fucks sake!” I cried.

My phone rang again and I sighed heavily but smiled softly
“Hey you” I said to Courtney “Hey Babe” her voice calmed me immediately “Just
checking in. How you doing?” she asked and I knew she was referring to the
‘Dean’ incident

“I’m okay, good, you know?” I said but smiled when she said
“I know Babe” she understood me effortlessly “Mason with you?” I cringed and
hesitated “Ava? Tell me you are not on your own?” she said slowly and I cringed
again “I wasn’t, Mason wanted to be with me but I…I…Oh Shit Courtney, what have
I done?” I sagged.

She was silent for a moment “What have you done Ava?” she
ground out even slower than last time and I remained silent, the words stuck in
my throat “Ava, listen. Tell me if it’s none of my business but, well earlier
when Kerrie was grilling you at the party and you took off…” I froze, my eyes
wide waiting for her to continue “well I came looking for you” she whispered
and I could feel her cringing even though she wasn’t near me.

Sucking in my lips I remained silent, waiting for the words
to spill from her mouth “And I found you” she puffed and I groaned “Right” was
all I could say and we both listened to each other’s breathing for what seemed
like an eternity. I sighed “Well, you could say I have thoroughly fucked up” I
laughed without humour and she sighed “Ava, you weren’t in there long enough to
do much so I gather it was just a kiss and quick fondle. You don’t need to beat
yourself up about it” I was slowly sinking into the sofa and cringing with each
reassurance she was giving me “Uh huh” I mumbled “Kades very hot, so you know.
It was just a heated snog and grope Ava” she was trying to make me feel better
but… “Well yes it was…until tonight” I curled up, squeezing my eyes shut and
waiting for the torrent.

She was silent for a moment as the words sunk in and then I
heard a gasp and I cringed violently “WHAT THE FUCK?” she bellowed. Here it
comes!!! “What the fuck have you done Ava? Please tell me you haven’t…please.
Oh Christ Ava! What the hell were you thinking Babe? I mean yes! Wow he’s
fucking hot but…but well, Mason for one, Kerrie for two…Oh Jesus Ava. Oh God,
what are you gonna do? I mean…did you fuck him? Did you go all the way? Oh god
Ava” she finally took a breath and I opened my tight eyes “I know” I whimpered
and I heard her sigh heavily “Oh Shit Babe” she groaned “I know and there’s
more” I gulped and I sensed her stillness, waiting for my story to continue “He
Erm…he says he’s in love with me” I shrank back even further in to the sofa,
any further and I’d be part of the bloody pattern.

She gasped and then gasped again “Oh My God!” she huffed
“what the Hell are you gonna do?”

 “I dunno. To be honest I’m a bit worried about him. He
phoned me up drunk and declaring his undying love and I...I…Oh God Courtney, I
was a bitch! I told him he couldn’t love me because I loved Mason” she gasped again
“Courtney, I swear to God if you don’t stop bloody gasping I’m gonna come round
there and feed a damn airline down your throat” I snarled and she gasped again.

A small chuckle left my mouth and I heard one from her and
then I giggled and then we were both full on laughing as she was exaggeratingly
gasping galore “You fucking bitch” she managed to say between snorts and I
laughed even harder when she said “We can’t all be given the kiss of life by
TWO hot men” and the tears of laughter soon turned to tears of despair and I
was sobbing loudly, snottily and thoroughly

“Oh Ava, you want me to come over Babe?” she asked when I
settled down “No, I’m okay. My own stupid fault” I conceded and she sighed
“Yup” and I shrugged at her honesty “Thanks Hun” I laughed and she was silent
for a moment “Seriously though Ava, Why?” she asked and I thought about her
question “To be honest, because he’s fucking hot and the sexual energy between
us is electrical. I practically killed him tonight he got me that aroused I
couldn’t get enough of him and I dunno what it is but I can’t say no, even
though I try to” I admitted and she snorted “Well don’t forget I’ve seen how
you like to get nailed Babe so I
can
imagine” she chuckled, referring to
the DVD she watched. “Mmmm” I snickered.

We both ended the call with ‘I love you’ and I cleaned the
kitchen, leaving the shattered TV screen for the morning and curled up in bed,
expecting the day’s events to keep me awake but I was so exhausted I didn’t
even hear someone trying to open the front door or even kick it when they
realised it was locked.

I woke to a bright sunny day “Lovely” I murmured to myself.
A run through the park was just what I needed this morning and stretching
thoroughly I opened my eyes. I screamed loudly and scrambled off the bed in horror
“OHHHH FUCKKKKK”.

 I stood staring at the dead rabbit sprawled out helplessly
on my bed, its eyes wide and its throat still trickling the last drops of blood
onto my pristine white sheet.

Clamping my hand over my mouth I dashed across the landing
and violently exploded into the toilet, removing my stomach lining with it.

OH GOD!!!
I needed to get to my phone, picturing it
sat on my coffee table “Shit!” gritting my teeth I crept out and peered
everywhere. The coast seemed clear so I silently made my way to the stairs,
leaning over the banister to see if I could see anything or anybody.

Creeping carefully and making sure to miss the third step,
the one that creaked loudly, I reached the bottom and raked my eyes over the
hallway.

The front door lock had been splintered…again!!! Biting my
lip I shuffled along the wall and cringed when I made it to the room doorway
and placed my hand on the handle. I sucked in a deep breath and twisted the handle
“please god, please god, please god” I prayed as I slowly and cautiously slid
it open.

My first instinct told me I couldn’t hear or smell anything
so that was good, however, when the door was open all the way my breath froze
in my throat as I took in the vision before me.

The wall above my fireplace was covered in photographs of
me, hundreds of them, all glued to the wall and all of them had been savagely
scratched, sliced or dug at with a sharp instrument. The word ‘WHORE’ had been
sprawled across them and I kind of gurgled, my throat filled with vomit but my
body wouldn’t move as I was frozen in terror. I swayed and my brain kicked into
gear, spurring me into action.

I leapt across to the table and snatching up my phone I
sprinted out of the front door into the garden and fell on the grass, puking on
my damn gladiolas, the ones that had took me months to nurture and grow.

My hands shook violently as I dialled Mason and I was still
heaving when he answered “Ava?” His voice filled me with hope and as I tried to
answer him, my damn stomach exploded again “Ava? Are you sick again?” I groaned
loudly and swallowed severely “Mason” I managed to croak “Here. Now” was all I
could manage “Baby are you okay?” he asked slowly and I shook my head.
God
damn it Ava he can’t bloody see you!

“Mason” I rasped and my stomach racked again “I’m on my way
Ava. I’ll be 20 minutes Baby. Can you hang on?” he asked, still obviously
thinking I was just sick “Please hurry” I managed and he ended the call
promising to hurry.

I collapsed at the side of the stricken Gladioli and waited,
waited for the man that would make everything alright again, make me feel safe
and protected.

 I was still sat there when Mason pulled onto my drive 15
minutes later with a look of utter confusion on his face at the sight of me,
huddled next to the poor flowers “Oh my god Ava” he hurried over to me and
crouched down, instantly sweeping my hair away from my face “Why are you out
here? Throwing up in your damn nightie” he asked angrily.

He obviously thought it wasn’t appropriate to puke in your
nightwear on the front garden. I looked at him wide eyed and in shock.

A deep frown established on his face “Ava? Baby?” he was now
starting to understand there was something seriously wrong and I still couldn’t
talk so I just pointed a shaky finger to the cottage. He narrowed his eyes and
looked towards the house.