Incomplete (14 page)

She wordlessly nods, fisting my shirt in her hands. Her lips touch my neck, warm and soft, and I shudder. I have a hard time accepting that Lily is in my arms, again,
finally
. My head drops to the curve between her jaw and shoulder, her fingers stroking my hair as I close my eyes and just breathe her in, taking in this moment and letting it wash over me. I am overwhelmed by her, the shaking of my body proof of this. I’m not letting her go, not ever again. I pull her face to mine, undone by the look in her eyes, and slam my lips to hers. Desire and yearning shoot through me, engulfing me. My heart races and I am alive again. Alive in Lily, alive for Lily, always. I am not ruined anymore. I am not fractured.

“This is a grocery store,
not
a hotel room,” a gravelly voice states.

We break away. Lily’s face is flushed with embarrassment.

“Sorry,” I mumble to the old lady glaring at us.

“You’re in front of the oatmeal.”

“Sorry,” I say again, moving us and our carts down a few steps.

She huffs as she gets her oatmeal—the box Lily had been studying so intently a moment ago—and waddles away.

I grin at Lily and she smiles back. “I’ve missed you so much, Grayson,” she says in a voice that trembles.

Everything tumbles out of me in a barely coherent mess. “I know. This has sucked, so bad.
Every day…seeing you with Garrett—I couldn’t stand seeing you with Garrett. That was torture. I thought you would be happier with someone else. I lied for you. I lied so many times. I tried to do what was right. I thought—“

She puts a finger to my lips, silencing me. “Shut up, Grayson. We both know you’re an idiot.”

My mouth opens, but nothing comes out.

Lily smiles and it is as warm as the sunshine in a cold and dark place. My breath hitches at the beauty of it. “The minute I heard Garrett hit you in the head with a basketball, any like I had for him kind of disappeared. Not that any feelings I had for him even compared to what I feel for
you, and they never would have, but to be fair, he’s not as bad as you think he is.” My hands clench. “But he’s not you and you’re what I want.”

“I’m messed up. You know that,” I feel the need to remind her.

Lily rolls her eyes. “Who isn’t? Anyway, it makes you interesting. It makes you
you
.”

“I have issues.
With my parents. I’m jealous. I get angry. I do and say stupid things. A lot. I have this ethics complex. I try to do the right thing and end up fucking everything up. More than I should.” I’m giving her an out. After all that’s happened, it’s only fair to do so.

“Grayson.”
Lily tilts her head, studying me. “I
know
all of this. I’ve known you for a long time. I know all the good and bad. It doesn’t matter. Without one or the other, you wouldn’t be who you are.”

“Who’s that?”

She smiles sweetly. “Someone pretty damn amazing.”

I wince. “Lily. That’s so not you, the whole swearing thing.”

Laughing, Lily says, “I know. I feel like a knob when I do it. You don’t know how many times over the past few weeks I wanted to disappear, acting the way I was. I am in no way proud of it. I was just so—so
desperate
.”

“And the clothes?”
I eye her chest and exposed stomach, shifting my weight against my body’s reaction to the creamy soft skin. My mouth wants to be there, on that spot right above her left hipbone; my hands too. I suppress a shudder, barely.

Lily looks down at her top, shrugging. “I think I like the clothes.” My mouth opens.
“Kidding.” Her eyes sparkle and she laughs.

“Funny,” I mutter.

“I had to get your attention, Grayson, so you would quit being dumb. None of it was real.”

“You’re a good actress,” I say, remembering some of her finer performances that drove me mad.

She shakes her head. “I’m not. I’m pretty awful. I just didn’t know what to do to get you to wake up. So I experimented. Anyone not consumed by intense emotions would have been able to see through me.”

“You got my attention, bad actress or not.”

“Only because you were consumed by—“

“Intense emotions.
Got it. And you’re right. I was. Am.” I hesitate, not wanting to ever think about him again, or what may or may not have happened between him and Lily during our break, but I have to know. “You said none of it was real? What about you and Garrett? You seemed real enough. You and Garrett…you’re sure this is what you want? You’re sure you two aren’t—“ I can’t even bring myself to say it, so I end with, “whatever?”

Lily avoids my gaze.
“Um…yeah…about that.”

I tense, waiting with dread for her to elaborate.

“We didn’t really date or anything. I approached him about you and me and was upfront about the whole thing. He kind of—he kind of
helped
me.”

I narrow my eyes. “What are you saying, exactly?”

She stares at the fruit snacks across the aisle, her face reddening. “Garrett was in on it, the whole making you jealous thing. I mean, I’m sure he enjoyed it way more than he should have, but he knew I was only acting that way to get a reaction from you. You weren’t going to figure things out on your own, so I had to give you a little push. Like I said, I’m not proud of my behavior.”

I think of his countless smirks and my hands fist. Prick. “You kissed.”

With a grimace on her face, Lily says, “Yeah. That was pretty gross. For both of us. He told me it was like kissing his sister, only he really meant it. Same for me, only a brother. Yuck.”

“Huh.” I blink. “I still don’t like him.”

She smiles. “I’m pretty sure he still doesn’t like you either.”

“How did you know I’d be there, at the movie theater?”

“Well, I didn’t. Garrett and I went to the movie for something to do, just to hang out,
as friends
. We’re friends. He decided to do some impromptu acting when he saw you watching us. It didn’t mean anything. Honestly,” she hurriedly tells me.

“I’m not going.” I don’t know where that came from, but as soon as I say the words, I know them to be true.

“What?”

“To college.
I mean, I’m going to college, but I’m not leaving Fennimore. I’ll go at the tech. I’m not going to California.”

Lily’s brows lower. She stares at me, not speaking for a long time. Finally she says, “For what? They don’t have a music program here.”

I shift my feet. “I don’t know. I don’t care. I’ll find something. I don’t want to leave you or Aidan. I
can’t
leave you. The thought of not seeing you, the thought of every day being like it has been lately, with you and me in different worlds, with you unreachable, I can’t bear it.”

“But Grayson—“

“It’s fine, Lily. It’ll be fine. We’ll make it work.
I’ll
make it work.”

“Things with your parents…you can’t keep living there, Grayson. It’s not healthy for you to be there when you feel the
way you do, however misguided your feelings are. I know you think they don’t want you, that they don’t love you—”

“I don’t want to talk about that now,” I interrupt.

Lily slowly nods, briefly touching my face. “Okay. But what will you do? I know you don’t want to be there any longer than you have to be.”

“I’ll find an apartment. I’ll get more hours at the bar or I’ll get a second job.”

“And go to school full-time too? For something you don’t even really want to do.” Her tone is dubious, her expression as well.

“Lily, I’ll make it work.” I take a step back. “I thought you would be happy. Isn’t this what you want?”

“No. Yes. Parts of it.” Lily sighs and rubs her forehead. “I don’t want you to sacrifice your dream for me, Grayson. That’s not how it should be.”

“Well, I don’t want to be without you. So I’m staying.
You
are part of the dream, the best part of it. We can be together now. God knows I don’t deserve you, Lily, but I am so unbelievably lost without you.” I grin. “Please be my GF.”

Her lips twitch and a smile forms to them. “
Your GF? You are such a dork.”

“Yes, but
I’m a disgustingly sexy one.”

She nods, sighing. “You are.”

“And you find me irresistible.”

“Don’t push it.”

I hug her tightly to me, resting my chin on the top of her head. “Is this really happening?”

“Yes.” Her arms squeeze my waist.

“And in a grocery store.”

“Best place
ever
.”

“This is what you want? You’re positive?”

“
So
positive.”

I take a deep, peaceful breath, briefly closing my eyes. “Good.
Because I’m done with being apart from you. I’m not letting you go. No more of the past few weeks. You’re mine, Lily Jo Jacobs.”

Lily pulls back, swallowing. “I always have been, always will be, Grayson Daniel Lee,” she whispers.

“Do you…do you love me?” I inhale raggedly. “Because I love you, like, a lot.”

Her smile is tender and sweet. “Always have, always will.”

“Say it.”

“I love you.”

My chest squeezes as I interlock my fingers with hers. I touch my forehead to Lily’s, inhaling deeply. “More than chocolate?”

Laughing, she says, “More than chocolate even.”

***

“What’s new with your parents?”

Lily is lying beside me on my bed, her head resting on my shoulder, her hair a soft blanket on my bare skin. My arms are wrapped around her tight. I hate letting her go for any definitive amount of time—seconds are even too long. When we part at night, or during classes or work, it is hard for me to adapt. I feel off-center when she isn’t near me and within touching distance.

Her fingers trail up and down the indentations, ripples, and corded muscles of my chest an
d stomach, making me shiver, which of course is turning me on. Each touch is a mixture of pain and pleasure.

I’ve
never had sex before. I’ve messed around with girls enough, but even then it was like I was waiting. Now I know I was. I was waiting for Lily. I want,
need,
her as much as I need air, even more so. It feels like I’m holding my breath until I see her again.

“Mom gave up French fries.”

I snort, stroking her silky hair. “Why?”

“She found a zit on her chin and swore it was from an order of French fries she had, like, ten days ago. It’ll last about five minutes. You know her.”

“I do.” A smile catches my lips. Georgia Jacobs is a shorter, plumper version of her son Scott. They have the same light brown hair and brown eyes. Her laugh is contagious and her smile bright. Sometimes, I used to wish
she
was my mom, especially when I was younger. She works as a receptionist at a dental office in town—which could have something to do with the megawatt grin she carries. 

“Dad’s on this no salt kick too because of his cholesterol.” Lily sighs. “The food has been awful the last couple of weeks. And my mom took all the salt out of the house, like just because Dad can’t have salt, the rest of us have to suffer too.” Lily pauses. “I have salt hidden in my room.”

Laughter rumbles through my chest. “Seriously? How do you get the salt on your food then? You carry a saltshaker around in your pocket?”

Lily leans up on an elbow, scowling. “No.”

“So you do.”

She bites her lower lip. “Yes.”

I shoot into a sitting position, instantly aroused by that display of innocent lip biting. I lean into her until our bodies collide and she falls backward, breathless, eyes locked with mine. “What are you doing, Grayson?”

I hover above her, her slim body locked between my arms, my legs straddling hers, and I kiss her. It starts out slow and she tastes like the Dove chocolate she brought me and then ate herself—smooth and sweet.
‘Love yourself.’
That was the message on the wrapper. My arms are shaking and I go to my elbows, making her body flush with mine. Lily is hot, soft, her heart pounding against my chest.

We fit together like our bodies were made to complement one another. My stomach flutters as the kiss deepens and when she moans I hiss in a breath, my lips turning frenzied, branding, on hers.
Mine, mine, mine
chants through my head, pumps through my blood, takes over all other thought or conviction. I have to make her mine.

This need, it is close to out of control, slightly obsessive, and unavoidable. “I want you, Lily,” I say close to her ear, reveling in the way she shudders beneath me.

“I want you too,” she whispers against my throat, my body shuddering at her words.

I rest my forehead against hers and take deep, steady breaths. “I want you, but I can’t have you. Not yet.”

“You already have me.”