Inconvenient Relations (14 page)

Turmoil

T
hey struck a deal: if she would taste the pizza and not just stare at it, he’d be willing to give
Two and a Half Men
a look-see. Ruhi was pleasantly surprised.

But Shaan wasn’t. He truly hated the sitcom; in fact, he was repelled by it. Not just due to Ashton’s ubiquitous presence; he did not help matters by displaying a bare naked torso during most of the show, but also because he essentially wrecked Shaan’s prospects when he proposed divorce to his wife in order to chase after other skirts unhampered.

Blast! Why does every mainstream American consider marital infidelity such a given thing it has become standard subject matter for prime-time TV? It’s so funny; it’s pathetic.
He moaned, clutching his head with his hands.

“Do you have a headache?”

“Yes, I do. I can’t watch this crap anymore.”

“Hmm… I thought you were fond of this so-called crap.”

“No, I find it utterly ridiculous,” he said, pointing the remote at the TV.

“No, wait! I want to see how his wife reacts.” Excited, Ruhi forced his arm out of the way.

“Oh my god!” She fell back, laughing on the couch when she saw Ashton’s rejected spouse drive her car through the wall of his house.

“Yes, you could call it funny, I suppose,” Shaan said, looking dejectedly at the screen. It was amusing in a sad way. Ashton’s wife looked as if she needed stat psychiatric assistance while he looked like what he portrayed: a dimwit and an utter fool.

“She did good. I love her spunk. She hit him right where it hurts. It’ll be a long time before he even looks at other women, let alone contemplates bringing them into his house,” Ruhi said after having regained some semblance of composure; she had been laughing so hard. “But if I was in her place, I wouldn’t have let him live to see another day!”

She twisted around to confront her husband. “Shaan, if you even vaguely consider doing anything like that to me, I’ll kill you. Do you understand? You, along with that bitch!” Then clutching his collar, her face suffuse with intent, she pulled herself close so their faces were inches apart. He watched her eyes dilate with fascination.

“To tell you the truth, I should have killed you long ago, Shaan Ahuja, but I didn’t. I spared your life.”

“Ruhi, I’m—”

Then just as abruptly she recoiled, tearing up. “No more apologies please!”

“Ruhi, let me explain…”

“I don’t want to hear anything, leave me alone!” She rushed into her room and closed the door on his face.

“God please! I know I’ve hurt you badly, and you are perfectly right to feel this way! I wish I could take it all back and start with a clean slate. Please don’t shut me away, talk to me!”

“Go away, Shaan!”

“I won’t, not until you hear me out!” He tried the knob, but she had locked it from the inside.

“Damnit! How are we ever going to move ahead if we don’t speak to one another?” He pounded hard on the door but to no avail.

Darn! What a fool I am. Why didn’t I see it?
He collapsed on the single bed and stared blankly at the ceiling.

My wife loves me, or at least cares deeply else she wouldn’t have said what she just did. She has probably from the very beginning, but I have been so blind I never realized it.

Everything began to fall in place—her erratic behavior, her sudden flares of temper. She is letting her pain fester by carrying on as though she doesn’t care. “And it’s all my fault! My bloody rotten fault!”

Rolling over, he grabbed hold of a pillow and hugged it to his chest, sorely wishing it had been Ruhi instead. He could have tried to comfort and reassure her that his actions were for real. “I’m no longer the same Shaan you married, nor am I the guy who pushed you away. That person is long dead and gone. You smothered him with your unbridled sweetness. This man could never imagine hurting you without being hurt in the bargain. He’s willing to wait for you as long as need be because he adores you. His love is unconditional.”

He wasn’t surprised to feel his eyes moisten. “Now I know my efforts won’t be in vain. Destiny meant us to be together, and all I need to do now is make you realize the same.”

***

Ruhi stood with her back propped against the door. She was having trouble coming to terms with her earlier outburst.

Gosh! What did you just do, Ruhi?

“I… I…”

You told him in not so many words that you care for him. “No, I didn’t. I did nothing of the sort!”

Oh c’mon! You may have driven him to his wit’s end, but he’s not an imbecile! He’s now wary of the secret you’ve been trying to conceal from even yourself.

“What is it?” she asked herself, though she was already aware of the answer.

You love him. You are deeply, madly in love with him. You can’t deny that.

“No! That’s impossible.” She ran to the window and pulled open the shutters, gulping in hungrily the fresh night air, sweetly scented with pine, in an attempt to clear the intrusive thoughts from her mind. But she couldn’t.

Because it’s the truth, Ruhi—or my dear darling Bee—as you like to address yourself. You are in love with the man you married!

She laughed. “Yes, we are married, but we carry on like strangers. We live under the same roof but sleep in separate rooms. We are constantly in each other’s way, yet we couldn’t be farther apart, and it hurts unbearably.”

Banging her forehead against the wall only made her head hurt and further intensified the ache within her chest. “Would anyone believe me if I tell them my sob story? Hell, it’s even beyond my own comprehension. What a sorry situation to be in as if between a rock and a hard place.”

Drained, she climbed onto the bed and lay down on her side hugging her knees. She examined her petite feet in the dim light of the single night lamp;
I need to clip those nails!

Would it have been better if I hadn’t known? If he had kept me in the dark? Would it have been less complicated?

An edge of her generous mouth lifted up into a vague smile. “I’d have been like any other new bride blissfully unaware of what the future holds in store. But he didn’t do so. He was honest to the point of being bluntly cruel.” The memory made her cringe.

That’s definitely a point in his favor, Ruhi.

She had to agree.
Yes it is, but not enough reason for me to stay with him.

She peered at the calendar. Barely two weeks left!

Her chest tightened as she panicked and found herself driven onto a narrow ledge. “Now that I know my heart is involved, I can’t just leave, nor can I give in without some proof of his integrity. Though I may lose my self-control if he pushes me hard enough. How am I going to make it? God help me please!” she implored aloud before falling into a restless sleep.

***

8:30 a.m.

“Ruhi?”

Shaan tapped lightly on her door with his knuckles then much louder when he got no response.

She’s usually up by now. Was it something I said that I shouldn’t have or something I did?

He took a clenched fist to his forehead.
Think! Think! Oh god! This girl cannot be trusted, what if she’s planning on absconding again?

He banged on the door. “Open up or I’ll break this thing down!” It flew ajar. She stood there glaring at him. She had stayed awake much of the night. His heart went out to her. “Ruhi, what’s wrong?”

“I’m fine! Just had a hard time sleeping.”
Because of you!

Her eyes put him squarely in the defendant’s corner as she edged past into the living room then with quivering hands turned on the TV and cranked the volume up high. She wanted to drown the uproar of the raging storm inside.

“That’s loud,” he said, watching her with an amused twinkle in his eyes.

“It’s too quiet in here,” she retorted, her gaze trained steadfast on the morning show.

Why does he have to look so dapper today while I resemble a faded rag?

He was wearing a crisp light blue half sleeve shirt on top of perfectly creased navy trousers and a…tie! She had never seen him in a tie before, must have an official meeting of some sort.

“
Kyun?
(Why?) You don’t know how to knot a tie properly?” she questioned while fixing it with brisk clean movements.

His eyebrows shot up in surprise; she pretended to ignore him.

“
Nahin.
(No.) Do you think I need to learn how?” he teased softly and was pleased to see a becoming flush.

She looked up boldly to meet his eye, the soft morning light giving her complexion a radiant glow. “You should prepare for everything. Never take life for granted.”

“But I can always hope, can’t I?” he called after her as she abruptly turned and headed toward the kitchen.

“Can’t I, Ruhi?” he appealed as she gathered her mass of hair together into a neat top knot before throwing open the various cupboards creating a clamorous cacophony while muttering aloud to herself, “
Sab kuch ulta pulta ho gaya hai!
(Everything is upsidedown!) Nothing seems to be in its place. Where is the tea kettle? I always keep it in the oven.”

He saw her skeptically eyeing the bright red pot.

“It’s right there. Now sit down and relax,” he said, pulling out a chair.

“But won’t you be late?” she asked, taking the seat appearing distinctly frazzled.

“You’re more important. Work can wait.” He smiled and gave her shoulder a firm squeeze.

“Madam, here’s your
adrak wali
special chai!” he announced, presenting her a steaming cup filled with the pungent ginger-flavored brew, his fingers deliberately brushing against hers this time.

She took a tentative sip. “It’s good.”

“Aaah, finally a beautiful smile! That’s reward enough. Pancakes?”

Her gaze remained resolute on the cup. “No, I’ll fix something later.”

“Hmm… I wonder if you eat anything at all during the day.” He mused, his voice riddled with doubt.

“I do. I don’t intend to starve myself to death!” Her indignant eyes defied him to provoke her further.

“All right, I won’t argue with you,” he said, raising his hands in a gesture of surrender. “But have you given any thought to my request last night?”

“I’m doing my best to give it serious consideration. It’s not an easy task for me.”
Rather it’s becoming harder by the day!
She got up to rinse her cup and peered hopefully at the tea leaves in the strainer. Did they hold the answer?

“I can understand what you are going through, Ruhi. You probably wonder how you can trust someone who changes his tune within a matter of weeks.”

He approached in earnest. “It took a while for me to acknowledge the truth, but I do now. You are the one who has fashioned this change in me.”

At least he has some insight
, she thought, her gaze focused on deciphering the intricate pattern of his tie. He hooked her chin up with his forefingers. “I don’t know how else to validate my sincerity, but I’m willing to try anything. Just give me a fair chance.”

She didn’t demur.

“I think I’d better get going.”

“What about food?”

He was touched. “We have a lunch meeting, new project, the selection process starts today. I’m nervous and excited at the same time.”

“Good luck.”

“Hmm…that won’t do.” He regarded her face thoughtfully. “I need something more, or I won’t be able to concentrate on my boss’s speech.”

A stunned gasp escaped her mouth when he bent down and kissed her on the cheek.

“Next time around it may not be as innocent.” His eyes conveyed a sly warning, and he was gone before she could think of a clever rejoinder.

Reconcile

R
uhi raised a trembling hand to her warm cheek. “He dared to kiss me? He dared do that?”

She pushed the blinds aside and took a guarded peek at the parking lot. He was waiting for her, leaning against the hood of his car, his eyes trained on the window, darned confident she’d be there. He raised his fingers to his lips and blew a kiss. Then seeing her stunned expression, he grinned, waved, and drove away.

“Gosh!” She came away from the window and leaned against the wall for support, lightheaded.

He seems to know exactly how I feel!

“Why? Oh why, did I have to give myself away! Why couldn’t I keep my feelings in check?” she berated herself.

Ruhi, it had to happen sometime or the other. You aren’t an ace in deception, are you?

“No I’m not. But I could have been more careful. Damnit!” She kicked the dishwasher shut. “He manages to aggravate me all the time! I… I just couldn’t help myself.” She discarded the coffee dregs into the stainless steel trash can, and it slammed close with a loud clang that made her jump.

“Now I’ll always be at a disadvantage in his presence. He may not even take anything I say seriously. He’ll likely laugh it away. I cannot let him do so while I’m still undecided.”

She continued to fret while pacing the floor. “What am I to do? I feel so alone and helpless. Nobody knows how complicated our relationship is, and I can’t tell them without putting his reputation in jeopardy.” She called home.

“Mama?” she ventured after some hesitation.

“Ruhi! Is that you,
beta?
It’s been so long!” Devyani’s voice came loud and clear as though she was standing right beside her.

“Yes, Mama, I miss you so much!” Ruhi’s voice broke as her emotions took over. She wanted to reach out and touch her mother, revel in the warmth of her lap, feel her fingers comb through the tangles in her hair, and savor the food from her hands just the way she used to.

A sudden wild notion. “Mama, can I come home?”

“What did you say,
beta?
Did I hear you right?” The request was unexpected.

“I miss you and papaji and everybody else so much. I just want to see you all.” Ruhi wasn’t exactly sure why she was doing this, but right now she was a nervous wreck. Being back with her family seemed like a fair idea.

“For just a few days?” she added in a plaintive tone her mother was quite familiar with.

“I don’t understand.” Her mother was upset. “Did you quarrel with
damaadji
, or have you developed some misunderstanding?”

“No, it’s nothing like that,” Ruhi admitted. She didn’t want to willfully lie even though the initial game plan had called for seeds of doubt to be sowed in her parents’ minds.

But the circumstances had changed. Shaan didn’t deserve his name to be dragged through the mud, especially in a community where bad news spreads like wildfire. Our relationship is complicated in a different sense, but if I tell mother the truth, she may not be able to handle it.

She tried to bluff her way through. “Mama, can’t your only daughter come to visit just because she’s homesick?”

She felt relieved to hear her laugh. “Of course you can. But will
damaadji
let you?”

If your son-in-law came to know of your daughter’s plans, he would go berserk!

“Just tell me if you wish to see me or not. Don’t bring Shaan into this.”

“Beta,”
Devyani said patiently, “don’t speak like that about damaadji. He is your husband and a very nice boy. We know he’s very fond of you and has never uttered anything against you. Indeed, just the other day he was all praise for your cooking and the way you attended to his every need! We were so happy to hear that.”

Ruhi’s grip tightened on the phone; Shaan was making her position tougher than ever.

“Listen to me,
beta
. I know you have just married, and both of you are still discovering each other. Your relationship is in a fledgling state right now and whatever you do may make or break it. Therefore, it’s important for you both to keep each other in the loop. It builds trust! You can’t just get up and come without asking him!”

Trust! That’s the key bone of contention, Mother! Poor Shaan, he just doesn’t know how to go about winning mine. Though he is trying hard, I suppose.

“Fine, I’ll let him know. Can Dad arrange for the tickets?”

Devyani shook her head impatiently on the other side; her daughter was still behaving like a frivolous child. When will she grow up? “Ruhi, now that you’re married, you are your husband’s responsibility. Your dad will be happy to pay for your journey, but I’m not sure if Shaan will agree. As far as I can tell, he is highly independent and
khuddar!
”

Ruhi saw her slim chance at deliverance fade. “But, Ma!”

“
Beta
, every new bride goes through this phase. I know; I did, too. Just calm down now and talk to Shaan, share your anxieties with him. I’m sure he will understand. It is not prudent to come home now. It’s been less than two months since your wedding. Let some time go by, then both of you can come down together, or else he’ll miss you. You shouldn’t bother him so much.”

I’m not bothering him. Not at all! Why can’t you understand, Mama? Why can’t anybody understand?

Ruhi hung up soon after and lay her dispirited head down on the table. Her ruse had backfired, the doors of escape sealed tight. She could no more lay claim to her rights as her parents’ child. They had washed their hands of her soon after wrapping her in a fancy package and delivering her lock, stock and barrel to Shaan to do as he pleased.

To do as he pleased.

No! I won’t let him toy with me, nor will I let him dictate my will.
She stood up battling the inertia which threatened to weigh her down.
I have to do something, or I’ll go mad just thinking about it!

She donned her running shoes.

***

Shaan couldn’t relax; his brain wouldn’t let him. Not for the want of trying, he had tried…very hard. Not a single cup of coffee had touched his lips since about eleven, which wasn’t to say much to his credit since he had already consumed several ounces prior to that hour. He had tried propping his long legs on his desk and listening to soothing jazz in order to desist pacing the entire department and drive everybody else up the wall.

But the noble attempt had to be terminated prematurely when Eric, his usually cheerful friend and neighbor had snapped at him, “If you don’t quit that constant creaking, I’ll throw your bloody chair out!”

Shaan had taken heed and fled. He was in a slightly better state now, walking at a brisk pace on a path which circumvented the huge office complex. The fresh air and the sighting of the rare blue jay who seemed to have misplaced his natural compass, had helped significantly; it hadn’t thoroughly appeased him, but at least it had put a positive spin on things.

He smiled as he ventured back into his building and reviewed the events of the day for the umpteenth time. It had been a phenomenal morning.

It had begun with the shortest and most value-packed speech ever by his boss, Rich Jenkins, whose usual exceptionally long-winded monologues inclined to have a soporific effect. He had announced that NASA was looking at their company to build their newest spacecraft to Venus with a proposed launch date set for somewhere in early 2018.

“And Spacegenics has chosen us, our brilliant team for the job,” he said, pausing for the deafening applause. “But there is a catch. We are up against at least two other yet ‘unknown’ contenders” —he wiggled his fingers in the air, all the while grinning like a cheeky kid— “as though we don’t already know who they are, but the VP has asked me to keep their identities a mystery. It helps key up the enthusiasm!” His loud guffaw had set off a series of snickers across the room; they were all in dire need of some gaiety.

“The preliminary research including the design is due within the next several months. I know the time is unusually short, but we are fighting for a $650 million grant here, and we want it! So without much ado, let’s get a move on!” He had ended with his usual fist-pumping gesture, an act which belayed his history as that of a successful former football coach.

In one of the few candid moments they had shared, Shaan had questioned him about why he had left such a lucrative career. Rich had patted him on his back and said, “Son, I was bored to death chasing after that blasted ball on the field. It was way too easy. So I elected to change course and chase after the stars instead. They are much harder to catch.”

Not long afterwards he had discovered Des was Rich’s third wife.

“Damnit!” Shaan said to himself, “I want to be one of the leads. I know I have it in me. I bloody hell do!”

Shaan’s demeanor was reeking with confidence by the time he reached his floor and began the long trek back to his desk. He had no reason to doubt his abilities; he had already proven himself quite a few times in his young career. But what stood between him and the rest of his future was a series of roadblocks. The least pleasant of these was a lengthy screening process mandated by the Homeland security office which included several long and cryptic interviews—hosted by a few stony-faced individuals who had been secretly nicknamed Gestapo (for want of hilarity)—background checks, and tedious mental and physical screening.

“They just don’t want one of their gazillion-dollar babies to blow up midflight. That would be a global shame!” Eric had inferred with a laugh when Shaan had questioned the logic behind it all.

I will get through without a hitch. I have nothing to hide, nothing at all.
Shaan asserted, yet couldn’t get rid of the nagging memory of his ill-fated affair, which if discovered, could throw a cloud over the rest of his achievements.

Casting a wide glance around the huge office space, he found it scantily populated. Few had been able to concentrate on their work in lieu of the suspense that awaited them and had taken off early.

He paused near Sooj’s desk and couldn’t suppress a fond smile. The table was strewn with pictures, mostly of Debo and Anu but also a few of folks back home. He was truly a family man, someone whom he considered not just a dear friend but lately also a big brother and mentor. He had never approached him for formal advice but had always paid close attention to whatever he said and did.

Wonder how he balances family and work; how do Debo and little Anu let him?
Shaan thought, absently picking up a frame.

How am I going to do it?
he asked himself, finally letting the thought that had been his leading distraction take over. He opened his wallet and perused the photograph taken at the LA museum. Ruhi was expressing her disapproval with a determined haughty stance and a dour twist of her mouth, yet she managed to look lovely enough to make his heart ache.

He had toiled valiantly all morning to ignore the sensation her silken skin had evoked on his lips. Instead of quelling his ardor, it had only caused to agitate it further. His desire to kiss her had been so intense he had been willing to hear her call him by that accursed name again.

But she hadn’t.

He lounged back in his swivel chair and addressed her image. “In the very few days you’ve spent with me, you have managed to breathe life into a dead and rotten soul. So much so, it has become a task to spend even a moment without pining to be in your presence, to hear your passionate voice, to gaze at your beautiful face, and lose myself in the depths of those unfathomable eyes.”

“How do you achieve this, my darling? Won’t you reveal your secrets to me? Perhaps I could employ one of your own tricks on you.” He chuckled, then sighed.

“But I know it won’t work, nothing has worked. You aren’t willing to trust me, Ruhi! What is a guy to do?” He thumped his desk hard with his fist, dislodging a heavy brass paper weight in the process. It fell with a resounding crash, perpetuating a flurry of four-letter epithets from across the room. Everyone was keyed up and on edge.

“God I need some caffeine bad if I’m supposed to get any work done,” he grumbled knowing he was clutching at straws, but he had to give it a try.

Finding the pot empty, he scrambled around looking to make some more.

“Need assistance, handsome?”

He spun around, nearly knocking Des down. She was crouched right over him. “No, thank you. Is Shiraz not here today? She’s pretty good at making sure the coffee keeps flowing.”

“Shiraz got laid off a week ago along with a few others. Cost cutting, you see?”

“Yes, I see,” Shaan nodded. Shiraz was a young engineer from Pakistan who had interned under him this past year, and he had noted her aptitude right away. He hoped she’d get back on track soon; she had a big family to support.

“Perhaps I should get my own machine,” he muttered under his breath as he made to head back to his table.

“Shaan, I need to talk to you,” Des said.

“What about, the new project? You know about it as much as I do,” he said, his manner brusque.

“No, it’s about us. I have to talk to you in private,”
Des urged, stepping closer.