Incredible Beauty (3 page)

Once we had ‘officially’ moved, it made more sense for a local clinic, especially considering the high risk of my pregnancy. My appointments were every two weeks and so far everything was going well. That didn't stop the niggling worry in the back of my mind. There was a part of me that was just waiting for everything to go wrong. Things felt so right and that was a feeling I wasn't used to. Things never went this well, not for me anyway.

When Simon and I first discovered we were pregnant, it had been a shock to say the least. I was attacked as a child and it had left my insides pretty messed up. I'd been told by numerous specialists that I'd never be able to have children. That had been something that had cut me deep, because like most girls, I'd wanted to be a mother someday.

Having that taken away from me had been one of the worst things about the attack. Not to take away from the horrific things I experienced during my three day abduction, but to some degree at least, I was able to get past what happened to me, but not being able to have children was like this constant reminder to me of what he’d taken.

Then I found out I was pregnant.

Getting that chance, but having to wait forty weeks to see if my dream was going to be realized was cruel, especially since both doctors had told me I had a twenty percent chance of carrying this baby to full term without complications.

Every day that passed those odds increased slightly, but to be honest even ninety-nine percent wouldn’t relax me. I wouldn't relax until I was holding my baby in my arms and who was I kidding, even then I'd find something to worry about. I honestly cannot remember the last time I felt truly relaxed.

Cass pulled into the parking lot behind the hospital.

"I'll let you out at the front, so you don’t have to walk," Cass offered. I shook my head.

"No, its fine," I smiled, the idea of walking in there by myself made me feel sick. All those people just staring at me, not to mention thinking up things to say to the receptionist. And what if someone sat down next to me? I'd have to-

The vibration interrupting my thoughts and I dug my phone out of my pocket. I was expecting it to be Simon and I was right. Uneasiness ran through me, he had better not be calling to tell me he couldn't make it. There was no way in hell I was going in alone. Even going in with Cass would be hard, because she wasn't Simon.

"Hello?" I answered nervously, glancing around the parking lot for his car.

"Hey sugar, I'm here, where are you?"

"Out the back, finding a space to park," I said, relief crashing through me. My light-headedness began to subside as the thumping in my chest returned to normal. "Can you check me in?"

"Already done. See you in a minute," he chuckled.

We walked silently toward the entrance, I could see Simon standing there waiting for us, his hands shoved into his pockets and his purple tie loosened against the charcoal backdrop that was his shirt. His expression broke into a smile as he caught sight of us.

Fuck, he was gorgeous. Seeing Simon standing there, leaning against the wall in his work clothes made me imagine the sexy body that hid underneath. I flicked my lip as I thought about him, naked and in front of me. Like last night, when my hands had roamed every inch of that hard body. I smiled dreamily at the memory. No loss of libido here.

"How are you?" he asked, wrapping his arms around me, smiling.

"I'm okay,” I answered. "How's work?" I asked, tilting my face upwards for a kiss. He cradled my face with his hand, his thumb stroking under my eye as his lips met mine. His touch sent tingles down my spine.

"Busy, I can't wait to transfer actually." He looked tired which was not surprising, considering he was averaging about three hours of sleep a night. That was another thing I worried about him driving so far on such little sleep. God forbid if he forgot to text me when he got to work. That had happened once, three weeks ago I called a cab to drive past his work and check his car was in the parking lot.

"I can't wait to have you home more either, if you know what I mean," I grinned, meeting his lips for a kiss. Cass snorted next to me. I blushed, forgetting for a moment that she was there.

"Alright if I go?" she asked dryly. She gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before heading back through the parking lot. “Text me later!” she shouted.

"How've you been today? How's bean?" He brushed his hand past my stomach. "You're getting bigger every time I see you," he joked.

"Careful," I laughed. "That's not a smart thing to say to a girl."

"You know what I mean," he said, shaking his head. "I love how round your stomach is starting to get and you know how turned on I get when I see you naked," he whispered softly. That was true. Simon had become extra frisky since I'd become pregnant, if that were even possible. There were many times I forgot our significant age difference, but there were also times that it seemed to hit me in the face, like last night.

Simon had a lot of baggage from his previous relationship and while I know I had my own issues, sometimes I felt like a young inexperienced girl who, when it came down to it, knew nothing about real life. How much could I have really learned being holed up in my own environment for ten years? Sure, I had my own experiences, but when it came to our relationship I didn’t feel like they mattered.

“You ready to go in? If we stay out here any longer I might end up getting arrested for public indecency,” he joked, his hand creeping up the inside of my shirt. Smiling, I gripped his hand and pulled it down to a more appropriate area for daylight groping, my thigh.

“Behave,” I laughed, kissing him.

We sat down in the waiting room, Simon choosing a seat second from the end. As I sat down next to him, I smiled at how well he knew me. Sitting on the end with Simon next to me was like a little mini protector against the rest of the world. I didn't have to worry about anyone sitting next to me, or focusing any of my attention on anyone other than me and him. Things like that he always thought of. Anyway he could make things easier for me, he would.

"Emma Mancelli?"

I looked up and saw Teresa Lewis waiting by the desk, smiling warmly. She had that kind of personality that when she smiled you couldn't help but smile back. We both stood up, Simon's hand resting on the crest of my back in a silent show of support. We followed her into her examination room and sat down on the chairs that faced the large oak desk.

"How have you been Emma?" she asked as she made her way around the desk. Her long blonde hair was pulled back into a bun today, different from the way she usually wore it cascading down her back. She was a petite woman, who at a guess I’d place in her early thirties.

"Good. I feel fine, apart from the tiredness and a few cramps," I replied, my heart pounding. I hated doctors and hospitals. Anything clinical I found it difficult to cope with. I waited nervously as she tapped a few notes into her laptop. Simon nudged me, giving me a look that said ‘if you don’t tell her, I will’ I sighed.

“Simon called the ambulance last night because I was having some pretty bad cramps again,” I finally admitted. Teresa raised an eyebrow at me.

“You weren’t going to mention that to me?” she chastised.

“They said I was fine,” I protested.

“She’s alone for most of the day and I worry about her,” Simon cut in. Great, now he was making a huge deal of all this. “What?” he asked, noting my expression, “you would prefer me not to care?” he shot back.

“I’m capable of knowing when I feel unwell, Simon,” I groaned. I couldn’t believe we were having this discussion again. “Do you think I’m stupid enough not to call an ambulance or Cass if something happened?” Simon didn’t answer. Instead, he stared at the floor like a sulking child.

“Okay, kids!” she held up her hand. “Emma, let me check things out.” She stood up, motioning for me to join her over at the examination table. Knowing the procedure well, I lay down on top of the thin layer of tissue paper and peeled up my top, exposing my belly.

"Well, you're definitely growing," she smiled. I touched my stomach instinctively and smiled back. "You still don't want to know the sex?" she asked, her eyebrow raised.

I looked at Simon, my eyes wide, wishing he’d agree to finding out the gender. I was itching to know what we were having. The priority was a healthy baby and regardless of the sex I’d be one ecstatic mom. Still, deep down inside of me I so desperately wanted a little girl.

I sighed and stuck my tongue out at Simon. If he didn’t want to know then I couldn’t find out because it sucked all the fun out of it for me.

"No," I grumbled, sighing. "Let it be a surprise."

Both she and Simon chuckled at my attitude. I gasped as she squirted some ice cold gel onto my stomach. Why did she never warn me before she did that? It was like she got her kicks, doing that to unsuspecting mothers to be.

Rubbing it in, she put the sonogram stick up against my skin. The loud and furious heartbeat of our baby filled the room. I glanced at Simon, who was now by my side clutching my hand tightly. I stared at the screen trying to make out its sex on my own but I couldn’t even make out which end was the head.

"Everything looks fine," Teresa said, shaking her head in amazement. "You have a very strong baby in there, Emma," she added.

I laughed, already knowing that from the nightly boxing matches that took place in my womb. This baby was definitely going to keep me on my toes. It already got more exercise than I did.

After a check of all my obs, routine blood tests and my promise not to do anything for the rest of the day, Simon dropped me back at home. He walked me to the door, inside to the hallway, then over to the sofa, kissing me at every step as his hand wandered underneath my shirt. I giggled as he touched me, my body shivering from the chills they left in their wake.

"Don't you have to get back to work?" I laughed, squirming away so I could face him.

"I'm sure a few more minutes isn't going to make much of a difference," he murmured, fighting with the buttons on my shirt. “Besides, work isn’t nearly as interesting as this.”  Swatting his hands away, I pushing him backwards toward the door, almost giving in as I caught sight of his smooth, hard chest through an open button.

"Go back to work," I ordered him, the smile remaining on my face. Simon sighed then nodded.

"See you later, I'll bring home dinner," he agreed begrudgingly but not before letting his lips taste mine again.

After he was gone, I lay down on the sofa, giving in to the sudden wave of anxiety that had washed over me. That was the real reason I’d wanted him to go. The feelings of emptiness and loss had come on suddenly and were my classic signs of a panic attack. I felt like the world was about to collapse around me and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

It made no sense. There was no theory behind these feelings, only that they had been getting more common since the pregnancy. Maybe it really
was
the hormones or the pressure of the pregnancy. Simon didn't know just how badly things were affecting me, because when I really needed to I was good at masking at least some of my feelings. Those close to me knew something was up, but not the extent of it.

I reached into my handbag and fumbled for the business card for my new psychiatrist. Taking a deep breath, I dialed the number. The few minutes waiting for him to answer were the worst. Even though I’d seen him a handful of times now, the nerves were still there, as though we were starting a relationship. Thinking about it, I guess we were. The rapport between Doctor Mellow and I had taken years to build up, before I actually felt comfortable enough to really open up. Why the hell did he have to retire? Not that traveling back regularly for appointments was a viable option anyway.

This new doctor was the polar opposite to Doctor Mellow. He was young, attractive and implored new treatment methods, whereas Doctor Mellow had been old school. Doctor Nichols also had some fashion sense, something that Doctor Mellow had definitely lacked.

"Hello, Doctor Nichols speaking." Crap. I hated being unprepared. I always had what I wanted to say ready in my mind and of course, he
would
answer rather than his assistant.

“Uh, it’s-this is Emma Mancelli. I need to…God, I don’t even know,” I groaned, my face flaming. Could I sound any more like a moron?

“Emma, how are you,” he chuckled, “you have an appointment next week. Did you need me to squeeze you in earlier?” he asked.

“Please,” I replied thankfully, “tomorrow if possible?” Cass was planning on coming over, so I could get her to take me down. Then maybe we could have a coffee. Gosh I almost sounded normal.

“Okay Emma, one o’clock tomorrow. Is that okay?”

“Perfect, thank you,” I replied.

I ended the call and took a deep breath. Touching my wrist, I realized I was shaking. What the hell was going on with me? I felt lightheaded and jumpy. Taking a couple of aspirin, I spread myself out on the sofa, lying on my side. 

Chapter Four

Simon

It had been a long day and I was finally home and looking forward to spending some quality time with my fiancée. It still felt strange to say that, like I couldn't quite believe this amazingly, stunning woman actually said yes.

At the appointment, she had looked tired and although she tried to hide it, I could tell something was bothering her. I hated pressuring her into talking to me, but at the same time I wanted to take away every bad feeling she had and replace it with happiness and I couldn’t do that if I didn’t know what the problem was.

I walked inside, Emma was laying down on the sofa with her feet up and her hand resting casually across her stomach. The same stomach that carries our little baby who we'd nicknamed bean. Bean sounded better than referring to it as ‘it’. Emma wants to find out the sex of the baby. She can't handle surprises and after all she’s been through I don't blame her.

My reasoning is something I’d never share with her. Knowing the baby's sex gives it more of an identity and she is at such a high risk of losing bean, I don't want the loss to be any more difficult for her if it does happen. Logically I know that it’s ridiculous but emotionally, anything I can possibly do to shield her from more pain and heartache I’ll do.