Indignation (6 page)

“Um… You’re father wanted to check in on you, but he just left to a meeting and wanted me to ask if you were alright.” His secretary, Mila, stumbled. Mila probably knows why Alyssa isn’t as welcoming and friendly as she used to be.

“Next time he wants to check up on me, tell him to call himself.”

“I’ll be sure to let him know.” Mila said calmly.

“I’m sure you will.” Alyssa doesn’t wait for a response and hangs up without guilt.

Alyssa throws the phone to the wall. How dare she call her home? How could she have the audacity to call? She wipes her face in acknowledgement that she was honestly losing it. She smiles to herself. Nothing will be the same. And in any case of anger her best solution is to put a smile and move on before she damages anything priceless.

A knock at the door interrupts her thoughts.

She sits down knowing perfectly that he has a key to the house, and her being too caught up in pretending everything is fine, she really doesn’t have the energy to open the door.

Click. The lock picked.

“Hey.” Brandon comes in with a confused and concerned expression. He’s like a therapist. Nothing gets pass him when it comes to Alyssa.

“Hey, Brady.” She smiles widely at him. Hopefully he buys her act. “I decided to get a Honda Civic. What do you think?”

“Well, they are nice cars. And not too much gas. It’s a good car in general, but you have your mini cooper convertible.”

“I can’t take the mini cooper everywhere.”

“Why not?”

“Because it cost much more and I plan on going to places that won’t hurt me if they decide to rob the Honda.”

“What are you thinking about doing?”

“Nothing important. Yet.”

“Alyssa if you are-”

“I’m not doing anything illegal. I just have to do something, okay?” she lies.

“Don’t go back into that life.” He whispers.

“What life, Brandon? I thought you didn’t know anything.” She narrows her eyes at him. She always knew that he would have followed her last year to the underground place she has gone continuously, but to hear him admit it causes her anger to rise. She didn’t do anything bad, all she did was train to fight with weapons that are from a different era. Underground fighting may be illegal, but it made her feel good to take out all her insecurities, fears, and anger on her opponent, or dummy. Sometimes you just have to vent everything from your life or there won’t be a way to handle it later on when it gets worst because that’s what life is about. It gets better, and then something hits you harder than the time before.

“Alyssa, just let it go.”

“Let what go? Julian? Or the fact that he’s here?”

“The fights.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because that helps make everything better.” She blurts out before she can stop herself. “Are you going to help me get the car or not?”

He sighs. “I will.”

“Then can you take me to get one after school?”

He nods. Brandon expected her to scream, to cry because of Julian, but she’s just going back to the ring. For a week Brandon has wanted to come see her, but she wouldn’t let him, and he decided that she probably needed her space. He hoped for her to finally talk to him about what’s going on with her, but she hasn’t been the same for years. When all her torments emerge, she goes into that ring to let it out then confide in her own best friend. Julian has torn her apart and created her to become a walking act. She acts like everything’s okay, but you can see the darkness in her eyes. The way she looks at everything like it’s not there. She’s always so deep in thought that he sometimes forgets who she really is. The Alyssa he knew would have never given up. That Alyssa was so full of life and goals, now she’s just the Alyssa who doesn’t have the joyfulness of life. He misses that more than anything.

“Talk to me, Aly.” Brandon cautiously says.

“Talk about what? There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Julian. He’s back. What are you going to do about that?”

“Nothing.” She raises her eyebrow in question. “Is there something I should do?”

“I don’t-”

“Brandon.” She smiles warmly at her best friend who suffers just by looking at her. “I’m fine. It sucks, but I’ll get over it.”

“By going back to fight?”

“Everyone needs an outlet.”

“Everyone needs to vent.”

“That’s my ventilation.” She paces in front of him back and forth. “I’m not expecting you to understand me, but accept it. I need this to keep the little hold on my life that I worked so hard to have.”

“You know that it’s dangerous. All those weapons-”

She stops her pacing. “It’s frightening, but it makes me feel better.”

Brandon shakes his head. He can’t believe that violence can make her feel better. It’s not a rational statement coming from a girl who ran a campaign to stop bullying in middle school. “You need to stop this.” He demands, losing the little patience he’s had.

“What do you mean? The fights?” She shakes her head in defiance. “I can’t do that.”

“That and everything else. You’re wasting your life away for someone who doesn’t even deserve it.”

“It’s not because of him, Brandon.” She says through clenched teeth.

“Really? Then what is it? Explain to me what is so horrible that you have to risk your life to get rid of the feeling? This isn’t who you are. It’s what you’ve become.”

“I was attacked.” She blurts out without much thought. Her eyes widen at the words that her mouth couldn’t contain.

“What?” He asks with great confusion.

She can’t hide it any longer. It’s been a secret for so long that she can’t do it anymore. “The night I went looking for Julian, I was attacked.” She explains.

“What do you mean by attacked.”

“You know what I mean Brandon.” Her eyes blister in emotion at the remembrance of that day.

He is lost for words. “Alyssa.” He wraps his arms around her tightly and she welcomes it. “What happened?”

Alyssa tells him everything. She was raped. She hates to even think about such a tragic word, but it’s the truth. The night she went looking for Julian to get some kind of explanation from her he had already vanished and in his absence a group of men attacked her. She never liked to consider herself weak, but sometimes it’s the weakness that makes you stronger in general. Everything happens for a reason and because of that night she found protection in herself. That’s why underground fighting is important to her. It’s dangerous and stupid, but it teaches her to become attentive to her surroundings and cautious of her movements. She will never go back to the girl who couldn’t defend herself. Never again.

“Everything will be okay. I’m here.” His words comfort her. It’s true. Brandon will always be here. She knows that now. If only Julian wasn’t.

Alyssa pulls herself away from Brandon’s reassuring grip and smiles her tears away. “I forgot to ask Matt Hanson about his, DJ uncle, to play at prom.” She bites her lip nervously. “That’s going to be an issue.” 

Her best friend just laughs at her randomness. That’s just like Alyssa. Every problem she has she tends to ignore. When she found out that her father was cheating on her mother with his secretary, she went out dancing. Or when she failed economics because her therapist kept taking her out of class, she went to the library after school and left when it closed. He even remembers the time where her mother forgot her eighteenth birthday. All she did was throw the biggest bash and smiled like it didn’t even matter to her. He admires the way she willingly lets go of everything and makes herself believe that everything will get better, even if things don’t go the way she acts.

“I will always be here for you. I love you. You should know that.”

“I love you too, Brady.” She smiles at him with confidence. “I will be alright, no more worrying.”

He nods. “No more worrying.”

“Oh, and Brady?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t think I need the car anymore.”

They both decided that they needed a normal day for once where they didn’t have to worry about anything other than their friendship. That statement led them to watch endless episodes of ‘One Tree Hill, Alyssa’s all-time favorite show.

He just stares at his other half, as he liked to consider her. She’s laughing at the cat fight between Brooke and Peyton. The only time only time he’s ever seen her so distant and lifeless was the time Julian left her. Right after she woke up from her coma. He’s the one that called out to her when she jumped off the bridge. That was stupid of her. She was lucky that he jumped after her and impacted the movement of their bodies so they wouldn’t hit the rocks like she aimed for.

How could one person cause so much damage? Now he knows why. The impact on her with the way Julian left her was painful for her, but her heart would have mended. Her sanity won’t mend at the trauma from being raped by not just one man but a group of them. If he knew that before, he would have been more sensitive to her and tried to not push her to get over Julian when he’s only a minority of the problem. Julian crushed her beyond repair though. For months she would walk around like a zombie, not caring about anything or anyone.

Brandon remembers how she’d zoned out everyone around her. How she would walk with no destination. It was as if she was undead. Her eyes were blood shot from the crying. Her face paled to a chalk-like color. Her hair always fell on her face hiding from everyone. She wouldn’t talk to anyone, not even him. The only thing she did to show that she was listening was by nodding her head. They called her the walking dead at school, but no one would ever make fun of her because she was Alyssa, Julian’s Girlfriend, and the last thing they wanted was to get on Julian’s bad side. No one knew that he left her for good and he knew that Alyssa wouldn’t have accepted the truth at the time.

He knew form the start that Julian wasn’t good for her. His reputation was questionable and he always carried his secrets around like a tease. Alyssa used to laugh at them because they thought of Julian like a powerful god. He could strike at any Moment and you wouldn’t even notice until he’s finished. The teachers all let him have his way; the student body would never be closer than five feet away from him. Alyssa was the only one who broke into him. His memories drive him to the time where students started to think that Julian would be more socialable, but he proved them all wrong. No one knew what he did to the poor kid, but they all knew it was horrible because since that day, Kevin Jackson would flinch at the mention of Julian. He might have scared many people with his actions, but Brandon would give up his life to protect his best friend.

Alyssa could see the frown growing slightly on Brandon’s face. She’s been pretending to watch the show, but it’s not much fun when she’s conflicted with herself. She must be worrying him, but she will pretend she notices nothing. Last thing she needs is comfort for something that’s beyond her reach. She’ll deal with everything her way. All wants to do if forget and move on. It might be difficult with her past, but it’s time to finally come to terms that nothing will ever be the same, therefore, she had to adapt to her new life and be prepared to take on new blows that she will either let it break her or heal her.

Julian, or the men who raped her, won’t get the best of her. She will fight to keep herself sane. She will make sure that they all know that she’s stronger than she ever has been because this is a battle and in battles you don’t lose unless you want to die. She’s not ready to die.

War between Lovers

“How are you holding up?” Brandon asks Alyssa as they walk towards their lockers. The hallway is filled with smiling teenagers and disinterested teachers who want to end the day faster than the actual students.

“I see that news spreads rather quickly.” She gazes upon her classmates who secretly stare at her direction, but look away as if she would attack them. It takes her back four years ago. They would do the same thing.

He shrugs. “Don’t let it affect you.”

“It does affect me when everyone in this school is waiting for a ticking bomb to go off if they even think about coming near me.”

“It shouldn’t surprise you. They did this before and you didn’t mind.”

“That was because the man they were afraid of was my boyfriend. Now he’s my ex and I would really like being treated like another teenager instead of a mob wife.”

“They’ll come around as soon as they see that you and Julian are not together.”

She raises her eyebrow. “Do you think that would really help?”

“No?”

“Didn’t think so.” She groans at the distance between the passing students. “Did you see what happened at the parking lot?”

“No, what happened?”

“I was talking to Jaycee Keller-”

“The blonde who’s captain of the volleyball team, and has that dragon tattoo on her shoulder?”

“Yeah, that’s her. So I was talking to her about maybe getting a live band to perform at prom instead of having Matt’s uncle play, and you know what she said?”

“That it was a great idea?”

“No. She said that she doesn’t think it would be a good idea to talk to me when Julian is around.”

“Was he around?” He asks suspiciously.

“No! That’s what I find irritating. Everyone’s treating me like a disease now that Julian’s back.”

“You really know how to pick them, Aly.”

She sighs while leaning against the side of her locker. “I know that Julian isn’t the type of man to keep close, but he won’t take out a knife and stab you with it.”

“Aly, you have to understand everyone. I might not like him. I actually hate him, but the point is that he’s not someone that you would want on your bad side. He’s the definition of dangerous and he has his mark all over you.”

“You’re not scared though.” She states.

“Being brave and scared are two different things. I will always be with you, but there’s something about him that’s wrong, don’t you feel it around him?”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s a feeling that you would have the urge to run. I know it sounds crazy, but it’s the way he looks at you I guess.”