Indignation (2 page)

Alyssa narrows her eyes to her best friend. “What?” He asks without a clue in the world.

“She took all the courage to come over here and ask you to prom and all you can say about it is ‘what’?”

“We said we were going to go to prom together since it’s our last year.”

“No, you said that. I said I wasn’t planning on going. Everyone just thinks that I am.”

“But it’s prom. All girls are supposed to be dreaming about it for months.”

“Since when am I like other girls? I’m serious about this. I’m not going to prom and you can’t make me.”

He silently curses. “Because of you I turned down a hot girl. Thanks a lot, Aly.”

Her mouth gapes open once more. “You have to be-”

“Hey! Marissa! Wait up!” Brandon jogs past her.

“Men.” She rolls her eyes. “You can’t live with them; you can’t stab them in their sleep without being charged with murder.” She turns around to find Marissa and Brandon in a deep conversation.

She can clearly tell his interest in her. Marissa’s interest obviously shows as her cheeks turn a light shade of pink. They would make a good couple if they give each other a chance. Alyssa genuinely smiles. If her life was only that’s simple. Maybe one day she will meet someone who sweeps her off her feet like in those fairy tales she used to read. That would be that day. She looks past her best friend and stares at the park in front of the school. The tall oak tree looks so out of place. Her smile disappears and she looks away. They say that memories will be there to forever haunt you. It’s true. It never goes away. They stick with you until you draw your last breath. You do live pass it though. That’s all she will ever hope for.

“Alyssa?”

She snaps her attention to the person in front of her. Her eyes widen for a split second. Her vision corrects and she sees the man in front of her. For a split second she saw him. She saw Julian, but who is really in front of her is Brandon.

He shakes his head. His dazzling smile spreads every time their eyes meet. “Are you day dreaming again?”

She nods in agreement. His brown-blonde hair is different than the rave black hair she used to love. His light green eyes contrast the endless black ones she learned to live with. Brandon is such a handsome man, but he’s not him. He’s not the man from her nightmares; he’s not the man from her heart.

He starts to tell about what happened with Marissa, but she ignores him. Her mind is gone off far away. She squints her eyes when the rays of the sun hit her. A temporary blindness causes her to remember all those times she had gone to the oak tree for a nice romantic afternoon. It all ended, but the memories are still there. Haunting her. Reminding her of something that will never be again.

Brandon has been so patient with her, but she notices just how much she can fool those around her. He knows almost nothing of her fears, or her sense of solitude. Best friends don’t keep secrets, but hers are too buried to be brought alive and that’s how she will always want it. Too many years she’s spend grieving over someone who never loved her, a man who doesn’t deserve to be in her mind.

Brandon and Alyssa get into the Chevy truck and drives off.

“I need to call my Dad and I’ll be set.” Alyssa begins to dial her father, but stops herself short. She turns back to her best friend. “Umm… can you take me home? It’ll be quick. I forgot something.”

“Sure.” He thinks nothing of her request.

Ten minutes later she opens her front door with her zebra-striped set of keys. She can hear someone in the kitchen. That’s odd. No one is ever home. In the Pike household everyone is too busy to ever bother to see each other. That’s her childhood. Alone, and fending for herself emotionally. The only thing she has is the money her parents give her, but that is never enough. You can’t buy love and affection with money. It just doesn’t happen. If maybe her parents were around long enough to help, she wouldn’t have took so long to heal.

She enters the kitchen. Her father stands, leaning over the counter to get a better view of his laptop. His fingers are typing away with such speed. There’s yellow folders spread all around him.

“Hey.” She greets him with a strained smile. She can’t see her father the way she used to. Not after what he’s done. It’s unforgivable, but he’s still her father and it hurts to even think about what he does when he’s not at home. Maybe his secret is the reason he’s almost never home.

He turns to see his daughter with a smile that is true. “Hey. What are you doing here?” He lifts his index finger to his lips in thought. “Weren’t you going with Brandon to, that, what was it? Concert, right?”

“Yes. I told you and Mom, but I forgot my camera so I’ll just be out of your way.” His eyes seem so true, filled with love only a father has for his daughter, but if he really loved her he wouldn’t have betrayed her, or her mother. Everyone has a choice and he chose wrong in her eyes.

“You’re never in my way, sweetheart.” He packs all his files and closes his laptop. “Go ahead, and don’t let me keep you here. Have fun and be safe. Oh, and no boys.” She raises her eyebrow at him. “Other than Brandon.” Alyssa nods as her father pecks her on her forehead. ‘Love is true, love is sweet, but love can never erase the wrongs in life’. A motto she has heard so many times, and it’s never done her wrong.

Alyssa turns to watch her father exit the house. Memories are meant to bring you those times of joy and happiness, but to her it’s always been saddening and frightening.  Even with all these years passing she will never forget the regretful and teary look her father gave her. If only she knew how to mend her worried father. He might not have made the best choices a father should have, but she knows he loves her more than anything. She can see it in his eyes. He worries about her. The worry of her own death. She hasn’t forgotten what happen that night of the ‘accident’, as she liked to call it. Those, like her father, think that her memory loss of that day is due to trauma. They will never know just how much she’s ashamed of that day to even acknowledge it. It did happen, but why talk about it? It doesn’t help. It doesn’t erase anything. You talk about what happened and then you mourn over it even more because there’s that one person that reminds you of it continuously.

In the eyes of others, she may not remember, but her father remembers it perfectly. He was the one to treat her when she entered the ER.

Along the Lines

The rockish-styled fans around them screams fill their ears. Alyssa and Brandon move to the front where their front row seats are located. There are no lights, other than from the stage of course. You can tell how much this band has an affect towards the crowd. So far she’s heard nothing, but greatness, to be expected of the concert. That’s why the tickets were a little over ninety dollars.

She screams along with the crowd when the guitarist jumped into his solo. “Who’s this band?” She screams over the crowd to her best friend to be heard.

“Trivium!” He doesn’t take his eyes off of the stage. He bops his head to the metal core music while screaming with the audience. They hold each other’s hand and become another member of the crowd. The power of destruction and emotions that come off of metal music is like an adrenaline rush. She was never one to like the color black, or the rock fashion, but she has taken a liking to it. It’s the only type of music that lets her express her emotions through each beat. It’s more like a therapeutic treatment for her. If she listens to this type of music, then she doesn’t have to worry about always being the one to fill the hole that claims to be filled each and every day.

After the band goes off stage grinning to their now new fans, another band goes on. Alyssa stares at the woman in wonder. She has a beautiful long ivory gown. Her hair is long and brown filled with perfect waves. Her eyes are vacant. Her corset top fits her body fine and the skirt flows with each step. Like a vengeful angel ready to strike. 

The woman crosses to the middle of the stage where she takes a look at her audience. Everyone becomes silent. The music starts, a haunting sound. Then all you hear is the sound of several women creating a melody that has everyone dazed. The horror of the song, the tension is so beautiful. The lead singer falls down to her knees as she hears the invisible women sing that tragic melody. Her wavy hair falls in front of her face as it looks like she’s struggling with herself.

“Wow.” Is all Alyssa can say. 

The lead singer looks up at the crowd with tears filling her eyes. Tears that look so real, but it’s just a show. It can’t be real at all.

“In my dreams you appear as a nightmare.

You dark my thoughts with every turn, every turn I take.

I don’t sleep at night cause your haunting me.”

Alyssa has never heard the song before. It must be new and she has no recollection of ever having listened to it. The odd part is that she finds herself repeating each word quietly along with the woman.

“Will I ever let you go?

Will you ever stop haunting my dreams?”

Alyssa questions herself.

“Let me break free from my reality.

I don’t want to die knowing you’re not here.

I gave you my heart; I left my soul to rot to you.

I gave you everything, everything.

The chains I have on are all of dead memories.

Still beating alive.

You left me to die; you left my heart to stop beating.

I have lived for a long time.

Centuries have passed me through the decades,

with the feel of your touch still keeping me here.

The kingdom you once lead long ago to destruction

Is the same one I saw you fall off your throne.

You became forsaken.”

Alyssa has a memory of an image. More like a story. She can’t put her finger on it, but she remembers it was something important. Something she should know. What sense does it matter to remember something she can’t make out?

“The bloodbath I’ve seen after your fall

The anger of the gods made you fall

Am I wrong to let you go when all you do is,

Haunt me.”

“Am I?” She whispers to herself.

“Let me break free from my reality.

I don’t want to die knowing you’re not here.

I gave you my heart; I left my soul to rot to you.

I gave you everything, everything.

The chains I have on are all of dead memories.

Still beating alive

You left me to die; you left my heart to stop beating.”

“What’s wrong with me?” she stares down at the goose bumps that are appearing on her arms.

Julian…

Her heart stops for that Moment. She can’t seem to catch her breath. Everything around her freezes as she hears that name. Torments come rushing back and even though it’s been four years she can still feel it ripping her apart. The nightmares and the awful memories that she still can’t let go without struggle. Just one man who destroyed her to a new level. Just one man.

“Stop torturing me with all your lies.

The glorious love story is left unfinished.

I can’t continue it alone.”

“Stop.” She weakly says to no one in particular. Her heart races as the painful nights reappear in a rush. How can she let go when everything he’s left behind still stays embodied in her memory.

“You will never come back to me…”

“Please stop.” Tears run down her eyes as she stares at the singer with grief. The singer stares at her directly and continues to sing, looking at her.

“You will be the cause of my suffocation.”

Alyssa knows she’s singing to her, telling her, but her lips don’t move. Only tears drop. The melody is suffocating her. She can’t breathe correctly or willingly. It’s not just him, but everything that’s happened after him. Julian. He was her friend, her lover, and now he’s her memory.

“I still wait for you, I stare out my window.

Will your memories ever fade?

Will my heart ever forget you?”

Alyssa wipes her tears pathetically. No, no more tears will she shed on someone that holds no place in her heart anymore. No more. Brandon smiles at her. He hasn’t heard it. Actually hear it. It doesn’t surprise her at all. He doesn’t pay attention to detail like she does. In the dark room she smiles back, knowing he can’t see her red eyes.

She stares forward. The woman walks off stage and before completely disappearing turns to stare at her. Her eyes are clear of emotion. “Don’t.” She mouths. At least that’s what Alyssa thinks, but she shakes it off. This is just a coincidence. What if it wasn’t? After ignoring his name for years, now she hears it in a public place where she can’t run. The air never felt so thin. The lyrics repeat through her mind like a whisper. As if someone knew, someone is giving her a message. Someone who has entered a door of her past tortures and revealed them to the public for her to feel the agony of remembrance.

She turns to Brandon, a friend who is ever so loyal to her. A true man who would never hurt her, the way Julian has. She hugs her best friend with a fierce need to have company. He may notice her sudden reaction, but he will always welcome it. She will try to enjoy the night, but she knows she can’t. All she can see in her head are images of love, heartache, and remembrance. All those images are surrounding Julian.

The world is so different if you see them through an Archon’s eyes. They aren’t angels, they are Elims, and angels are a common word for them. This type of Elim helps others, but they can’t be helped themselves. A very difficult form of Elim is one man who died and came back as punishment. His wings are raven black, but he isn’t fallen. He’s more imprisoned by his past. He’s so much more than the wings on his back.

“Hey.” A woman wearing a blue lacey dress stands behind the Elim. Her sobriety is in question. Those around him stay away from him. It’s the energy he will always have. It’s the energy of fear and horror that surround him.

“Hey.” He responds back, turning away from her, and motioning the bartender for another drink.

“So… What’s your name?” She bashes her eye lashes at him, not caring if her presence isn’t welcomed. He doesn’t respond. He continues to take shot after shot. Not caring if the woman is throwing herself at him. He’s not interested in dealing with a human tonight or any for the rest of the nights to come. “I’m Libya, but you can call me Libby.”