Indiscretion: Volume Four (10 page)

“That’s the thing,” I started slowly, wanting to get the words right. I needed her to understand. “With you everything seems easy. I can be myself, relax. I don’t feel like I have to impress you or live up to what it means to be the only remaining son of Winston Richfield. I know those things don’t matter to you.” I said it with an easy confidence that belied my fear that she’d see me as a coward that hadn’t faced up to what I’d done. But instead of running as I expected, she was still here, lying in my arms.

Chloe repositioned herself so she was sitting up, facing me, her expression serious. “Eventually you’re going to have to leave to go back to New York, though, and pick up where you left off. Living in a world where you don’t feel free to be yourself. Where you’re still punishing yourself for things that happened in the past.”

I ran my hands through my hair, not knowing what to say. I hadn’t expected
the conversation to take this turn. “Chloe—”

“Is that what you’re going to do?” she said, cutting me off. “Are you just going to go back to New York and play
that
role for the rest of your life? Be unhappy and feel guilty every day, forever?” There was a challenge in her beautiful eyes.

I clamped my jaw down. “You don’t understand what it’s like to—”

“I don’t need to have been in your position to know that you need to forgive yourself, so you can live the life
you
want to.” She looked at me with fierce eyes, her jaw hard. “You know what you need? You need to take a long hard look at yourself and figure out which version of Max you really want to be. The Max I know and love is a wonderful man and anyone would be lucky to have you in their life, whether it be as a son, a friend, or a lover…Whether you choose to be the millionaire mogul that everyone wants you to be, or the person on the inside that you really are.”

Love?

Had I heard her correctly? She loved me? Or had it just been a slip of the tongue, a turn of a phrase? I didn’t know what to say. My mind was blank, so I just stared at her, registering both the hurt and anger on her face.

“You need to talk to a professional about this,” she said.

I scoffed. “I’m not going to some fucking shrink, Chloe.”

“Why? Because he might actually make you see what a stubborn ass you’re being?” When I said nothing, she huffed and started to get up off the bed. “I’m going to sleep on the couch.”

I tried to grab for her wrist so we could continue the conversation, but she pulled away. “No, it’s fine. I need some space.” She stomped out of the bedroom and slammed the door shut behind her.

Fuck, fuck.

I dug my fingers into my hair and pulled at the roots, liking the pain, reveling in it. It was what I deserved, but also a momentary distraction from what had just happened. I shouldn’t have told her. Though she hadn’t felt as sickened as I’d always been with myself, the end result had been the same—the truth had pushed her away.

I cursed my growing feelings for Chloe that had made me want to tell her in the first place. It’d been ridiculous to think it would turn out any other way.

Chloe

I’d barely slept. Though it had nothing to do with the uncomfortable couch, and everything to do with what happened last night before I decided to sleep on the uncomfortable couch.

I reflected on my conversation with Max and was still filled with anger and guilt. I was angry that a man like Max was letting the past dictate his future and how he lived his life. Of course I understood his guilt—I couldn’t imagine having to relive something like that over and over again in my mind. But he was still blaming himself. The fact that his father had put the blame squarely on his shoulders when he was just a child angered me just as much.
A child!

Why had I shown
him
my anger, though? Guilt was consuming me as I stared up at the ceiling trying to decide what to do. That wasn’t how I should’ve handled the situation. Here he was confiding in me about something he’d never shared with anyone else, and I had shit all over him.

A few minutes later I heard Max’s footsteps creaking against the wood floors above me as he made his way down the hall. Then I heard the bathroom door close.

Nervous about the confrontation I knew was coming, I began to pace the living room, wringing my hands together. I had to figure out a way to let him know I didn’t think any less of him for his confession. It was the opposite, in fact. Living with the responsibility of what happened and that kind of devastation must’ve been crushing at times. The fact that he’d turned out a normal, relatively well-adjusted man, with no support from his family, was a credit to his character. I had to make him see that he needed to let go of the guilt.

The shower turned off, and I rushed back to the couch, launching myself against the cushion. I pulled the blanket up and closed my eyes only moments before the bathroom door opened and I heard Max’s footsteps on the wood stairs. I didn’t know how he was going to be with me this morning, and I wasn’t yet ready to face the awkward situation I’d created by sleeping downstairs.

“I know you’re awake, Chloe,” he said with an exasperated tone. “I heard you moving around down here.”

I opened one eye to see him standing over me. Sitting up, I took him in. Despite the drama of the previous evening, desire slammed into me like a fist. He looked sexy as hell in clinging black boxer briefs stretched tautly over his muscled thighs. I finally dragged my gaze up from his body to his face. I guess I wasn’t the only one who hadn’t gotten my full eight hours beauty rest last night. Dark circles hung under his eyes, and he appeared worn down. He had to be mentally exhausted from reliving his brother’s death last night, which only made me feel worse about my reaction.

“I’m not sure what to say or where to start but we need to talk,” he said in his typical strong, demanding voice.

“I’m sorry,” I blurted out, just wanting all the tension to go away.

“You have nothing to apologize for,” he said quietly, then pursed his lips.

“Yes, I do,” I sighed. “You confided something very personal to me and, instead of being compassionate and trying to make you feel better, I let my feelings for you take over and I got angry. With you. And I’m not even angry with you.” I shook my head at myself. “I just hate seeing you blame yourself for something that was an accident when you were only a child.”

“You’re wrong,” he argued, though his face softened. “You did make me feel better. Just telling someone, finally, after all those years is such a weight off my shoulders. I’ve been wanting to tell you, but I was afraid you’d bolt after. Which I suppose you kind of did.” He gave a small laugh and smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “After you walked out, I laid there, thinking about some of the things you said and, for the first time…for the first time
ever
, Chloe…I was able to let go of some of the guilt that’s always plagued me.” He looked at me intently, emotion swimming in his eyes.

I sighed, still feeling bad. “I’m glad my ability to be a heartless bitch helped you see reason,” I muttered, looking down at my hands in my lap.

“I’m serious,” he said, his voice stern. “You make me look at everything differently. I realized last night that…my entire life has been about making decisions based on what I thought would make other people happy. And it all stemmed from the guilt following my brother’s death.” He nodded to himself, saying quietly, “I know I need to start deciding for myself what I want out of life. Breaking off my engagement was the first step in that direction, but you’ve given me the desire to really be who I am.” He drew a large breath in and gazed at me with gratitude. “Being around you has made me realize I don’t want to go back to being that other guy. I keep picturing myself back in New York and I can’t do it. I just can’t see things being like they were before.”

The mention of New York had the breath seizing in my lungs. Remembering what was important, I pushed aside the thought of Max leaving and tried focusing on the rest of his statement—the good part—the part where he said he was choosing to be the Max that I had grown to love, despite my best efforts not to.

“I like that Max,” I said with a soft smile. It was all I could think of to say. I was afraid if I tried saying any more, everything would come spilling out.

Max pinned me with an intense stare. “He likes you, too.”

“I just want to say one thing, and then we can drop it.” He looked a little unsure, but nodded for me to continue. “I want you to know I wasn’t angry with you. It’s difficult to see you in so much pain. I know it’ll never subside totally, believe me. I know that from my mother’s death, but you have to move on in your life,” I said, my voice strong and convincing. “I’m sure that’s what your brother would’ve wanted. You’re a wonderful man and what happened is in the past, it can’t be changed.”

Max moved to sit beside me on the couch, embracing me in a solid, silent hug. I leaned my head on his shoulder and he whispered into my ear, “Thank you.” Then he squeezed me tighter. “For giving me hope that one day I’ll be able to look at what happened without all the self-loathing and guilt that’s always been there.”

Tears pricked my eyes as I realized how much pain Max carried around with him, and how good he’d become at hiding it from the rest of the world.

He pulled away, and it was then that I noticed how pale he was. I brought my hand to his cheek. “You’re a little clammy. Are you feeling okay?”

He placed his hand over mine and nodded. “I think I might be coming down with something, but I’m okay. I had the sweats last night, but I’m feeling a little better this morning. Just tired. I didn’t sleep well.”

I frowned. “Maybe we should call the doctor.”

He shook his head. “No need. I have my follow-up the day after tomorrow. I’m sure I’m just feeling rundown because of the stress my body’s been under. Not to mention all the bullshit going on down at the job site. It’s nothing a lazy day in bed with you can’t fix.” He wrapped his arm around my neck and pulled me into his chest.

I laughed. “Alright, if you say so, but I cannot sit through another nine innings of baseball. Please don’t do that to me.” I put my best pouty face on, pulling away from him so he could see it.

He chuckled. “Deal. As long as I don’t have to sit through anymore Sex and The City marathons.”

I grinned. “Deal.” I had an idea that might make us both happy. “How about we watch The Notebook?” Max rolled his eyes at me. “Whatever,” I chuckled. “Don’t pretend you don’t love it.”

With regret, he glanced up at the ceiling. “I knew I never should’ve told you that.”

“Ah, but you did.” I winked at him. “I’m going to go have a shower. See if you can find it on Netflix, and I’ll be back in a bit.”

Before I was off the couch, he brought his hand up to the side of my breast and lightly brushed his thumb up and down. “I’d much rather help you out in the shower.”

I swatted his hand away and stood up. “Uh-uh. You’ve already overdone it. Clearly, last night’s activities were too much,” I said with regret. “There’ll be none of that today.

He sighed and leaned forward to grab the remote off the coffee table. “I still haven’t seen that nurse’s outfit you promised me.”

Little did he know I had it waiting and ready for when he was feeling better. But I would keep that to myself for now. “All in good time.” I gave him a seductive look. “All in good time.”

“That’s what you keep telling me,” he yelled after me as I left the room.

He might be agitated now, but I was confident that when I put that little outfit to work, he’d think it was worth the wait.