Indulge (14 page)

A thick wooden door with a curved top was wedged tightly in its frame. Years of moist air and earth had warped it into place. I yanked hard, placing my foot on the frame for leverage. The door popped open and a cloud of dust flew into my face.

By the state of the inside, I was without a doubt that no one had been in here for a very long time. A heavy layer of dust covered everything, giving the building a deceased look. The lighthouse had been forgotten. I definitely wasn’t going to be disturbed.

I walked in and closed the door behind me. A small living area was arranged before massive metal stairs that swirled upward. There were two couches covered in cloth along with a small table. A stone fireplace sat empty between two tiny windows, a small pot hanging idly in the center above a thick pile of ash. They didn’t even bother to clean the place before closing it up.

I walked through the room toward the stairs, trying not to disturb anything. I didn’t need any more dust flying up into my face and clogging my nose. I grabbed the railing of the stairs and gave it firm shake. It didn’t budge. At least one thing in this place was sturdy.

Taking the steps one at a time, I looked upward as I ascended into the top of the lighthouse. When I finally reached the last step I was in complete awe. The view was unbelievable. I rushed to the edge of the glass and looked out onto the Château. Focusing my vision, I was able to see people walking the ground - and looking closer, I and could even see in the windows. Two maids were talking, their faces concerned and worried. I didn’t need to guess what they talking about.

Suddenly, one maid looked out the window, suspicion in her eyes. She was looking directly toward me. Could she see me? No, that was impossible, but she was definitely looking toward the lighthouse. Maybe she could sense someone watching her. I recalled having the same eerie sensation and looked away. I hated that feeling.

The massive lantern drew my attention and I studied it. It had an eerily beautiful vibe, and I wondered why no one used it anymore. I supposed that people didn’t sail ships, so the light house had lost its purpose, but at one time it had stood for something. In Naos legend, Nyx was said to have sailed to the city. I imagined that it once was a symbol of Nyx’s arrival. Wouldn’t lighting it give the people hope in a time like this? Next time I spoke with my father I would mention it to him, although I’d have to work out some way of doing so without letting on I’d been here.

I decided to settle on an area between that lantern and the glass. I folded my legs and focused my eyes on the country side. Far below me, along the coast was Naos. It sparkled in golden hues, twinkling like the night sky. It was beautiful.

Making the city the focus in my mind’s eye, I closed my eyes and steadied my breathing. I wasn’t sure how I was going to test my abilities, but centering my power had to be a good start. I embraced my power and dug deeper. I knew if this was going to work, I would have to embrace all of me. Even that dark and vengeful part that I tried to keep locked up.

Electricity shot through my nerves and my entire body tingled. My fangs began to burn with energy. I did it. I was tapped in. I could feel the power flowing through me like hot lava. The pain was both excruciating and magnificent. I delighted in the pure power of it, indulging in the moment.

My eyes flew open and I locked onto Naos like a targeted weapon. My vision kalidespoed downward, giving me the sensation that I was flying toward it. I wasn’t. I was still sitting in the lighthouse, but the city grew closer and closer.

I wanted more. I didn’t want to just see, I wanted to hear. There had to be someone in that town that knew something. I flew my senses and emotions outward, connecting with my power, giving my vision purpose. It quickened, bonding with my urgency and thirst for information.

My power rocketed through the streets of Naos like a ghost. It was examining every emotion in the city and propelling them back to me. They slammed into me and I held my breath at the intensity. I wasn’t prepared for this. Feeling the sensations of thousands of people was overwhelming. Their fear, sadness, joy, excitement. Every mood bolted into my being and I thought I would explode.

I didn’t want to give up. If I found something in the end, the pain would be worth it. I was sure of it.

I clenched my fists, my nails digging into my flesh. The pleasure of the power burning through me began to fade and only the pain grew hotter and more commanding. I didn’t know how much more I could take.

Suddenly, my vision halted and my body swayed to a stop. A different emotion was tickling my senses and my nerves prickled. I couldn’t tell which direction it was coming from, but I knew what it was. I knew what it was all too well. Anger.

My body grew hotter and my breath was raged, but I couldn’t stop now. I could do this. Just a little bit longer and I would be able to tell who and where this person was. This could all be over. I could stop the war before it even began if I could just hold on.

My connection began to flicker. The link was fading and I desperately tried to cling on, but it was a losing battle. I fell backward, my head cracking against the lantern behind me. I could feel hot blood pouring from the wound, but all I could think of was that I failed. I was so close, but I couldn’t hold on any longer.

I rolled over onto my side and screamed in frustration. I battled my arms and legs, puffing swirls of dust into the air. As the nausea faded and the world around me came back into focus, I caught a glimpse of light. The horizon was transforming to soft blushful pink. The sun was rising.

Panic coursed through me. I’d never been out during daylight since being turned and now wasn’t the time to test that theory.

I reached for the cold metal of the railing and pulled my heavy body to the stairs. The thousands of emotions had left my body, but the weight of them remained. My descent was slow going, lowering myself down one step at a time. The circling sensation of the spiral stairs only amplified my disorientation.

Finally reaching the bottom, I used the last of my energy to crawl under one of the sheet covered couches and collapse. Sleep came quickly, but fitfully. When the nausea subsided, hunger grew in its place. I should have brought blood, but I didn’t think I would have drained myself so greatly. I was being so careless. I cursed myself for being so stupid before passing into another dreamless sleep.

Sleeping and waking repeatedly, the day seemed to drag endlessly. I was so angry at myself. For the first instance of my life, the more I time I spent awake and alone with my thoughts, the more I hated it. The more I didn’t want to think at all. I didn’t want to think about how stupid I had been and what a failure I was. I tried to use my powers - all my powers - and I knew it nearly killed me.

Dusk finally arrived after what felt like an eternity. I lifted the edge of the sheet cautiously. When I was certain the last rays of the sun had disappeared behind the nearby mountains, I flung the dust covered sheet over the back of the couch.

Clouds of grey billowed up into my face and I coughed violently. My chest burned, but at least I was alive.

Aside from getting back to the Château, I had one other thing on my mind. Blood. I needed to eat as soon as possible. I’d never been this hungry before and I didn’t want to know what could happen. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I attacked a human. Then again, I doubted I had the strength to do it even if I wanted to.

Other than being covered in a thin layer of dust, I didn’t think I looked too disheveled. Maybe no one would even notice.

The back of my head ached and my fingers flew to my wound. My head was crusted and stiff with dried blood. At least it had stopped bleeding.

I tugged my hair to one side, trying to sweep it over the injury, and pulled my hood over my head. Taking a deep breath, I stepped out into the night. The warmth of the day still clung to the air and sweat began to bead on my forehead.

I wasn’t looking forward to the walk back to my room. I didn’t dare try to run there. I had no idea how much strength I had left and didn’t want to waste it. If I were to collapse on my way… well, I didn’t want to think what would happen.

The lights in the Château flickered on as I made my long walk back. I wished that Arrick was back. If he were here I would sit here on the ground and call him to me. He would take care of me like he did the night Ana and Luka attacked me. I felt almost as weak as I did then, but in a different way. Physically I had no injuries other than my head. No, this hurt was inside. I felt empty. Drained.

Crickets began to chirp in time with the waves and I tried to focus on the sounds of nature instead of the voice in my head. I needed to relax. I wanted to ask Eli for the night off, but I knew what his answer would be. How would I make it through training tonight? I didn’t think I even had enough energy to shower. Blood would help though. I just better make sure I drink a lot.

When I got near the Château I didn’t bother trying to sneak through the gardens. It would take too much time and I was too tired. So, I walked into the northeast entrance, my feet heavy and thick with mud.

A Blood Guard flashed to my side before I even set one foot inside the Château. “Princess!”

“I’m fine.” I pushed him away.

“You look injured. Are you injured?” Panic coursed through his voice.

I had to think of something to tell him. I didn’t need him tattling on me. “I woke up early to get some practice in before training and got a little carried away. That’s all. You know Eli, he’s a strict teacher.” I forced a smile and continued on down the hallway as naturally as I could. The guard looked after me, worry creasing his face. “Do me a favor though, would you?”

“Of course, Princess. Anything.”

“Have a servant bring me some blood. I’m starving.” I figured giving him something to do would not only keep him busy, but also buy me some time. Chances are he would tell someone about my appearance and word would get around quickly. If I could clean myself up fast enough and eat, then maybe I could think up a good story for why I was outside and looking like such a mess. I would just have to hope no one noticed I wasn’t in bed all day.

I made my way up to my room as quick as I could and tried to avoid all of the worried and questioning glances. I didn’t have time to explain myself to anyone.

My room looked untouched and I sighed in relief. I just might get away with this. I hated to be sneaky but I didn’t want anyone worrying about me. I finally got them to take me seriously. I didn’t want to be coddled like some delicate princess. I wanted to be the warrior my father thought I was.

Last night, I just got a little ahead of myself. That’s all. I won’t push myself so hard next time. Slow and steady wins the race, right?

I walked to the bathroom and rested my body against the counter. My legs were growing steadily heavier. I avoided the mirror as best I could. I probably looked terrible. And if I saw just how terrible, then maybe I would realize how close I really came to the edge last night. No, I wouldn’t look. I didn’t want anything to stop me from trying again.

By the time I had undressed, there was a knock at my door. Please let it be blood. I pulled on a robe and headed for the door. A young maid poked her head and smiled until her eyes met my face. The platter in her hands trembled. I ignored her reaction and grabbed the glass greedily.

The warm blood gave instant relief. I could feel it traveling through my body rapidly. Three swallows later, the tall glass was empty and I licked my lips. The maid stared at me, her eyes wide and her mouth hanging open. “Are you okay?” Her voice was like the squeak of a mouse. I set the glass back on the tray. “You weren’t in your room all day. Where did you sleep?”

She knew I was gone. What could I say to her? Would she even understand? No, I couldn’t explain it to her. She was so young, probably a couple years younger than me. Yet, her face was deep with concern and I could sense she was truly worried. I had never said more than a few words to her, but her feelings were strong.

“Please don’t tell anyone. I’m okay. Could you just bring me more?”

I grabbed the tray with my fingers and pushed it toward her, urging her to leave without saying it. Her eyebrows narrowed down to her eyes. She wasn’t going to budge and I didn’t have the strength to force her. Could I glamour her, like Dmitry had done to me so long ago? No, I’d never tried that before and I didn’t want to use any abilities until I could rest.

“You shouldn’t sneak off with him, princess.”

Sneak off with whom? What was she talking about? “I’m sorry?” It might not have been the best lie, but I’d rather people think I snuck off with a guy than the truth. Maybe.

“I saw the two of you last night, talking in the hallway. He tries to act, so innocent with all the girls, but… he’s not.”

Who was she talking about? I racked my brains as to who I’d spoken to last night - and then it came to me. “Bennett?” The maid nodded. Okay, maybe people thinking I snuck off with a guy wasn’t a better option. Especially when it was Bennett. The guy made my skin crawl. “I didn’t sneak off with him,” I reassured her. Fortunately, I must have said it strongly enough that she believed me, because she let out a sigh of relief and nodded. “Could you bring me more please?” I was tired of talking to her and just wanted to clean myself up.

When she finally nodded and walked away I all but slammed the door behind her. Finally. Peace and quiet. The shower was ecstasy. The hot water soothed my aching body and warmed my muscles. I was still showering when the maid returned with a second, larger, glass and I snatched it from around the shower curtain. I didn’t want to get out.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine.” It was nice she was worried, but I really didn’t feel like talking. She left silently, shutting the door behind her, and a twinge of guilt hit me. I was kind of being a bitch. She was just trying to be nice. I’d have to apologize later, but right now I just wanted to lie in bed.

I knew training would come all too quickly, so I didn’t even bother getting dressed. I stayed wrapped up in my robe and curled into a ball on my bed. The thick comforter felt like a giant pillow and I fell to sleep almost instantly.