Indulgence (371 page)

“I manage.”

“I know, but—I just—Can you make me forget where we are?
Just for a little while?”

He looked like he was going to argue, but he pressed his
lips to mine, and slid one hand up under my shirt. His fingers left tingling
coolness in their wake as they traveled up to caress the underside of my
breast.

“What are you up to, Silver?”

“We discussed this already. Then we got interrupted and the
day went to shit. Can we just skip all of that today?”

His thumb traced the outside of my nipple and I felt it
stiffen. Seeing his muscle, watching him use it and being the victim of its
use, it seemed contradictory that he could touch me with such delicacy.

He was probably quite experienced in getting women right
where he wanted them with as few steps as necessary. I arched toward his touch,
and his soft caresses turned into pinches and rougher massaging motions. He
pulled my leg up and slid his finger up the leg of my shorts and into my
underwear while he kissed down my jawline and nipped at my earlobe.

“Unbutton your shorts,” he whispered directly into my ear,
“take them off.”

I did, lifting my hips to slide them down and then, kicking
them off. He flipped me over to straddle his hips, and lifted my shirt over my
head, before taking my breasts into his hands and capturing each of my nipples
between two fingers.

My hips rocked, rubbing against his. I nearly fell forward
when he released my breasts, and trailed his fingers down my sides. He sat up,
and I slid against his hips, into his lap. He took his shirt off and threw it
on the blanket behind me, pulling my bare chest against his as he explored my
neck and chest with his mouth—and intermittently his teeth. I felt his erection
growing under me with each subtle movement I made.

I dragged my fingers through his short hair then pulled
back, tracing my fingers over the curves of the tattoo from his shoulder down
to his elbow.

“You really like snakes.”

“You want to talk about tattoos right now?” He bit my lip,
and then laid me back on the blanket, to unzip his pants and free his erect
cock.

I shook my head, lifting my hips to meet him as he slid
inside me. As much as I wanted to forget where I was, and why I was doing this,
it continued echoing in my head. I wanted to know if this was what it was
usually like. And I wanted to gut myself for not only giving in, but inciting
him.

But I also wanted to enjoy the moment, the electrifying
sensation as he filled me, and stimulated the nerves inside of me. The most
intimate of acts, with someone who didn’t even know my real name.

Kirk paused. “You’re pulling away.”

“Please, no lectures about how I need to—”

“No,” he kissed my nose then traced my jawline.

“Sometimes you can border on sweet.”

“Don’t,” he closed his pained eyes. “Don’t expect sweet.”

“But I can enjoy it now?”

He brushed his lips across mine, down my neck to my
collarbone. “It is your fantasy today. Happy birthday.”

I giggled and pushed against him. “Deal and you can tell me
not to get attached to it tomorrow.”

*****

I curled up against Kirk; we were both still naked in the
middle of the field. “You seem different today.”

“Reevaluating my tactics,” he replied, running his fingers
over the stray strands of hair that dangled over my shoulder.

“And discovering that a little honey works better than
ignoring and barking at me.”

“I never barked at you.”

“You did a lot of growling.” The wind shifted, drawing the
sweet smell of nearby daffodils toward us. I thought it might be best to change
the subject instead of egging him on. “Why do you have so many snake tattoos?”

“I like them.”

“Snakes, or snake tattoos?”

Kirk dragged his fingers through my hair and pulled my knee
up to hook it over his hip. “Both. I was a country boy. I loved finding snakes,
but the tattoos just seemed fitting.”

But? The way he phrased it made it seem strange—he didn't
have the tattoos because he liked snakes. There was another reason. A reason
I’d probably find myself in trouble for digging for. I waited, giving him a few
moments to continue his thought and clarify if he wanted, but he traced his
fingers down my arm to my thigh and down to my knee, leaving a tingling trail
that lit up my nerves again.

“If you don’t want me to get used to this, you should really
stop doing that.”

“I like watching your reaction.”

I rolled against him, so I could stare into his face. “What
do—what am I going to be expected to do to be a good slave?”

“I thought you wanted to forget about that today?”

“I figured I’d rather ask you while you’re in a good mood.”

He took a breath and pushed me off him, retrieving his shirt
from the edge of the blanket. I had definitely ruined the serene mood. “What’s
expected depends on who you’re with. Just do as you’re told.”

“But am I supposed to instigate, to…interact?”

“Most of them will expect you to at least act into it, yes.
A blow-up doll would be cheaper and more effective if they didn’t want
interaction.” He handed me my shirt. “Beyond that, they’ll tell you what they
want.”

I slipped it on and rubbed the back of my neck, pulling my
knees up to my chest and dropping my chin against them. Kirk smiled and twisted
around, putting one leg behind me and one in front and holding me to his chest.

“I don’t plan on sharing you more than I have to,” he
whispered, kissing my temple. “I’ve never been great at sharing.”

“Is that why none of the other slaves can get your
attention?”

“One reason among many.”

I rested my head against his shoulder and watched the breeze
lift up little ripples across the lake, creating a skewed image of the sky and
surrounding plants. I felt like that water, trying to reflect back what
everyone was projecting on me, only to have it distorted and unclear.

Kirk gathered my hair away from my neck so he had access to
kiss it, and I drifted back into that place of lust that he’d created for me.
He moved the leg that was behind me.

“Lay back.”

I silenced the arguments and questions, rolling back onto
the blanket.

“What were you thinking about?” he asked as if it wasn’t bad
enough that I had to give up every part of myself, now he wanted my thoughts,
too.

“I don’t want to piss you off.”

His eyebrow raised and the faint smile faded from his lips.

“Nothing that bad,” I said. “I’m not contemplating my next
breakout attempt or anything. I’m just afraid of losing myself.”

“Sometimes that’s the only way to survive. You shed the old
life and move on. Cling to it and it’ll suffocate you until you die.”

“Shed,” I repeated, “like a snake.”

He squinted down at me, as if he hadn’t made the
connection—or he hadn’t expected me to make it. I wondered what he had shed
off. How he came to be a leader—a young one at that—in a sex retreat, yet he’d
never show much interest in the slaves.

“How did you end up here?” I asked before I could put a
damper on my curiosity.

“You have to earn that answer.” He crouched over me,
slipping a hand up my stomach. I wanted to be pissed that he could put me in a
place of complacency so easily, but, on the other hand, it was a blessing. It
made things less painful.

“You have to trust me,” he said. Sitting back on his heels
and spreading my legs.

Full trust wasn’t an easy request.

His fingers caressed my folds, and I nodded. I had to trust
him, the only tether I had to safety, to human contact. I heard faint voices
and looked up to see a small group of people about a hundred yards away. They
had stopped to watch us, and instead of feeling embarrassed, I felt…
uninhibited.

I locked my gaze on Kirk, feeling myself slip away.

“I’m scared,” I whispered. I hadn’t even been able to hold
off the change for a few weeks. I was becoming like the other girls, making
excuses for the abuse, letting myself slide into the pleasure to escape. There
was freedom in letting everything else go—not worrying about school, car
payments… rent. I wondered what happened to my things, but it didn’t matter. I
wondered if my family had noticed that I was gone. I moved away to get my
space, and even though Mom demanded that I call regularly, I stretched as much
time as I could in “regularly,” ignoring their calls for weeks at time, and
sending little texts in between just to tide them over.

“I’m going to get you to stop thinking,” he smirked.

“You know brain surgery?” I whispered, afraid the onlookers
would notice my rebellion.

Kirk laughed quietly, “No, you’ll have to keep your body
relaxed.”

That didn’t encourage my confidence in either of us, but I
nodded and let him spread my legs further. He pulled out a rubber glove and a
pack of lube that had been hidden in the side of the cooler.

“And you called me a schemer.”

“Latex free,” he said, slipping the glove over his left
hand. Then he coated the fingers with lube. Two fingers pressed inside of me
first. His thumb rubbed my clit while his fingers searched for my g-spot. I
jerked, raising my hips off the blanket when he found it and he slid a finger
inside of me. The way he concentrated on the two spots, I thought he was going
to take me right to the edge, but then he slipped another finger inside of me,
stretching and filling me.

I moaned and fisted the blanket, when he stretched his large
fingers out stretching me nearly as much as having his cock in me, but not
nearly as deep.

“It’s going to hurt,” he warned, “but as long as you don’t
tense up too much, it won’t last long.”

My eyes widened, but I nodded, relaxing so he could slip his
last finger inside of me.

What the hell did I just agree to?

The stretching was on the verge of burning, but it turned to
pleasure as he continued massaging inside of me. I heard the lube bottle click
open again, and felt it run down my skin as it rolled off his hand.

“Lift up your shirt,” he said, “Pinch your nipples, and roll
them between your fingers.”

I had to arch my back to get my shirt up high enough to
reveal my breasts to him, then I began fondling myself as instructed, the
sensations adding to the buzz of my overwhelmed nerves.

My hips pressed down, my body wanting his hand deeper. The
sensations at my clit stopped for a moment before he pinched it between the
thumb and forefinger of his other hand. I gasped and jerked in pleasure, but
that forced his hand deeper, causing a new burn.

“Ah,” I tightened in pain for just a second then reminded
myself to relax. He folded his thumb in with his hand and pressed inside of me.
I squeezed my breasts harder, teetering on the precipice of pleasure and pain
as he pushed inside of me. I focused all of my tension in my hands, kneading
and abusing my own breasts and forcing the rest of my body to be as relaxed as
possible.

Just as I thought I couldn’t take any more, his hand
stilled, buried up to his lower forearm inside of me.

“Holy shit,” I said as we both paused.

Kirk ran his free hand across my stomach, then the hand
inside of me twisted, moving slowly, but every motion stimulated new nerves. I
tightened around him, unable to stop the convulsions as they raced out from my
core.

My breath came in sharp pants, each enunciated with a sigh
of pleasure.

“Keep playing,” he reminded me—a gentle correction.

I squeezed my sensitive nipples again. The sensation paired
with his hand still buried deep inside of me was close to sending me over the
edge again. Kirk rubbed his thumb over my clit again, spreading some of the
lube over it, then flicking and pinching it gently.

I screamed, feeling the pressure building inside of me. I
bucked once, then again. Kirk pushed my hips to the ground, keeping me still,
but my stomach clenched and I jerked and spasmed on the ground. I cried out
again, pinching my nipples as hard as I could. Finally, he moved the hand
inside of me, and everything exploded.

A commotion erupted above me as my body shuddered on the
blanket. By the time I’d come back down from the orgasm, Kirk was lying next to
me with a suspiciously satisfied grin on his face. I looked up, and the
onlookers had already moved on.

“You win,” I whispered, closing my eyes and drawing my body
toward the sound of his chuckle. With my cheek against his chest, I expected
him to tense or find some way to push me away, but he carefully tucked me
against his chest.

*****

I felt Kirk nudge me, and I opened my eyes.

“If we don’t get up, we’re both going to have some strange
suntans tomorrow.”

I blinked and sat up, unsure of how much time had passed
since I’d dozed off. Still half-naked, I sat up and reached for my shorts. “I’m
going to be sore tomorrow.”

“Good,” Kirk scoffed, fishing through the cooler again. He
handed me a bottle of water and then a small piece of chocolate brownie.

“Oh my god, you’ve been possessed, haven’t you?”

He moved to snatch it away, but I jerked it to my chest, and
he leaned back next to me, relining against one arm. I unwrapped the morsel and
took a bite, the moist chocolate filling my mouth. I chewed slowly, trying to
savor every second of the taste before swallowing.

“I should probably thank you for today.”

“Probably.”

I offered him a bite of the brownie, and he took a small
chunk.

As I watched him chew, his eyes trained on the lake, I
realized that the beating had changed him as much as me. My pain had come at
his hand, and in the moments since, I convinced myself that this…whatever I
made of it wasn’t as bad as having my back set on fire with a leather strap.

I wasn’t sure if that made me insanely weak for giving in
early, or smart for knowing when to admit defeat. I wanted to lean toward
smart, but some small part of me couldn’t get over the weakness. That part told
me that I was a coward and a fool, but hell, I was alive for it to tell me
that, so I couldn’t be doing that badly.