Indulgence (50 page)

“I see. That’s great. You’ve got yourself quite a catch
here,” Susie said to Aspen.

“That I know,” Aspen responded with a hint of sarcasm. She
snuggled into my side. “Hank, looks like you need that beer refreshed. Shall
we?”

I nodded dumbly. “Catch ya later, Susie,” I said stupidly as
Aspen practically dragged me away from the surprised eyes of my ex.

“So, you dated her then?” she asked as we walked away.

“I did.” I wasn’t planning to offer much else in way of
conversation.

“How long ago?” She was trying to sound sly, but I could
tell she wasn’t happy. She had this little tic where she’d rub the ring she had
on her right finger over and over when she wasn’t happy or was thinking
intently. I saw her do it all the time. At this moment I wondered who gave her
the damned ring. I wanted her doing that with a ring I gave her.
Fuck!
Those thoughts could not be pressed right now. I was in a shit storm and I
needed to think fast.

“About a decade,” I confirmed. She visibly relaxed. Her
shoulders sagged and her breath left her lungs in an audible whoosh. “How long
were you together?”

“Long time, Angel. ‘Bout seven years, but that was in the
past. She’s been married since then,” I added hoping that would help her mood.

Her gaze searched mine, but I looked away. I couldn’t handle
an inquisition right now. Just seeing Susie brought up some serious shit I had
locked away. The last time I saw her she was in a heap of tears, crying, begging
me not to leave her. But I couldn’t stay, not after what she did.

“Hank.” Her hand came up to cup my cheek, a soft thumb
skimmed across my cheekbone and I leaned in to her touch.

“Leave it, Darlin’. Let’s just enjoy the party, okay?” I
grabbed her hand and physically hauled her toward Oliver and the cattle. He’d
take her mind, and hopefully mine, off meeting my ex. We reached Oliver, who
was happily feeding the few goats that had pushed their way through to get to
the food he was dishing out. Aspen started to help and I turned around to take
in the group, but my eyes scanned the yard and settled on Susie. Our eyes met
from across the span of yard and I knew that we had unfinished business. I
wasn’t going to sleep right until I’d closed that door forever.

“Darlin’, I’m going to check on Old Man Henry.” I kissed her
cheek and she tilted toward me.

This was the kind of woman I wanted. One who crooned for my
touch, the one I couldn’t do without. I turned her head and clamped my lips
over hers. She let out a surprised little yelp, but jumped right in tangling
her tongue with mine. The spritzer made her tongue cool and fruity. I ate her
up, dipping my tongue in repeatedly for more tastes of heaven. She pulled away,
wrenching her lips from mine. Breaking the contact was almost painful.

“Jesus, Hank. Keep it PG. There are kids here for crying out
loud.” She pecked my lips and then pushed me away. “I’ve got some goats to
feed. This is so cool!” Oh, no. It looked like she was caught by the Oliver
bug. The two of them together were a sight. Dean came over and put his arms
around Oliver. He leaned back into the large man.

“Having fun, are we?” He kissed the side of Oliver’s temple
and tugged on Aspen’s hair. He’d watch my Angel. Even though he constantly
joked that Aspen took him away from Oliver, I knew he loved her. I could tell
when a man loved my woman, and he did. The same way I loved my brother’s wife
Jess. I’d protect her from harm, make sure that everyone around knew that she
wasn’t to be crossed. Basically, we were men who would protect our families. I
knew that Aspen was as much Dean’s family as I was Jess’s. He was good people
and I trusted him.

“Dean, these are real goats!” Oliver said in wonder. I had
to get the little fella to the ranch more often. I made a pact with myself that
when I moved to New York, we’d visit half a dozen times a year and we’d bring
the little fella with us. He needed some roughin’ up.

I turned and headed back toward the main area. I could see
Susie waiting for me, standing stalk still in the same spot I’d left her a good
fifteen minutes ago. She’d seen me kissing Aspen and I told her we were
together. Still, I felt the need to open that wound up so I could stitch it up
fresh and clean, let it heal without the ugly scar I’d been carrying around for
a decade. No more avoiding or pussyfooting around. Now was as good a time as
any.

“Susie. Can I have a word alone with you?”

“God, Hank, I hoped you would.”

Fuck. Her breathy tone was not helping. She was going to get
this mixed up into something it wasn’t.

“Let’s go to the old wagon.” I said not having to explain
where I meant. She knew. I’d kissed her more times behind that wagon than I
could count. I’d even fucked her there one cold, dark night that changed
everything.

After about an hour of feeding every farm animal known to
man, I decided it was time to get a drink and locate Hank. He’d been gone a
long time. I’d expected him back within ten or fifteen minutes. I scanned every
table and all the partygoers standing around mingling. No Hank. The little
hairs on the back of my neck stood up, but determined to not be a sissy, I
squelched the panic stirring within my untrusting brain. I looked around the
space trying to find another face … she wasn’t there either.

Damn it to hell!

I had a feeling that woman would be trouble. The way she
looked at Hank when he introduced us was not just admiration for his physique
and handsome face. That, I was used to. No, the look on her face matched my
own. A woman in love. She wanted Hank for a lot more than his physical
attributes.

After searching the entire area I still couldn’t find him.
Finally coming upon his brother Heath, I tapped him on the shoulder. He turned
around with concerned eyes. “What’s up, Pen?”

“Have you seen, Hank? I can’t find him anywhere. Is there
somewhere on the property he might go to be alone? Away from the party?”

His mouth pulled together and he tapped his lip with one
long index finger. “Well, back when we were kids he used to hang out by the old
wagon, watch the stars.” He shrugged and cocked his head to the side. He
pointed off to the right edge of the house. It was dark, but I could barely see
a couple of figures, way out in the distance, about half a city block away.

“Thanks, Heath.”

“No problem. You havin’ fun, Darlin’?” Heath said “Darlin’”
just like my Hank. I snorted in an unladylike manner. The man was so sweet, and
a good mixture of their mother and father with his sandy blond hair and dark
eyes. Hank tended to take after his father. They both had broader chests than
the younger Jensen. Hank had the same chiseled muscles, and though Henry’s were
a great deal softer in his old age, he took care of himself. You could tell he
was a ladykiller in his younger years. Now he just looked like a handsome,
distinguished cowboy who, in his words, loved his wife somethin’ fierce.

“The best. Thanks. I’m going to head on over to the wagon
now, in case anyone is looking for me.”

He nodded and I walked off in the distance of the dark
wooden structure. The closer I got, the more the feeling of dread seeped its
way into my psyche.
He’s not with her. He wouldn’t.
It was possible he
was looking at the stars. Maybe reminiscing about old times. That’s all.

Mumbled words and phrases could be heard from the other side
of the giant wooden structure. I saw two sets of feet, one definitely female,
through the spindles of the large wagon wheels. Hank’s cowboy boots were
undeniable.

The hushed tones seemed to subside and sway with the wind
over to my side of the wagon.

“Hank, you have to believe me. I never would have done that
if I thought—”

“But you did!” I heard Hank’s angered reply. “You can’t take
it back, Susie.”

“We were so young, and in love, we had so much ahead of us.
I thought … I thought that you’d leave me if I didn’t,” her voice trailed off
into a sob.

“I left you because of what you did!” his voice was scathing
and no longer whispered. I could hear his heavy footfalls pacing in the tall
grass about ten feet away from my hiding spot.

“We were good together, Hank. Don’t you remember? You and me
against the world. We still can be.” Susie’s small voice got stronger. “You
heard about me and JJ, we’re over. We’re divorced. He was just another big, fat
mistake!”

“Jesus Christ, Susie. You want me back?” Hank’s shocked tone
broke. Those words dug a knife deep into my heart. I held my breath, waiting,
dreading, but needing to hear her reply.

“Oh, God, Hank. Yes! I’ve always loved you. JJ was a
mistake! I should have tried harder to come after you, made you see that it was
you and me. Always you and me since we were kids!” she cried. “But you left me,
Hank. You left me that day and it was the worst day of my life!”

“Fuck, Susie. This couldn’t possibly have come at a worse
time.” He cleared his throat and I could tell he was emotional. The woman still
had a place in his heart. “I’m with—”

“You’re with her. That city girl. Hank, you can’t seriously
think she’s right for you. Look at her. Oh, she’s beautiful, I’ll give her
that. But does she know how to wrangle a horse, feed the cattle, cook a man
like you a feast each night after a hard day’s work? Take care of the children
you want so badly?”

Hank wants children?
We’d never discussed it and he’d
never brought it up. A niggling thought pierced my subconscious.

It’s because he doesn’t want them with you!

That had to be why he never broached the subject of
children. He was closing in on his mid-thirties. It’s probable that a man his
age would want to settle down, have a family.

“Don’t talk about Aspen. You don’t know her!” he said in my
defense. A glimmer of hope was thrown out and I hung onto that raft for dear
life.

“No, I don’t know her. But Hank, they are a dime a dozen,
those city folk. And I was told by your Ma that she’s got tons of money. What
could you—a builder, a cattleman—bring to the table that she doesn’t already
have or can’t get for herself?” Her words confirmed everything I had ever
feared. In the back of my mind, I’d always worried that my money and our
lifestyle differences would break us. She was waving it in front of his face like
a pork chop to a hungry wolf.

“I need a man who can take care of me. One who I can take
care of in return, just like we used to. Hank, I’d do anything for you. You
know that. What happened back then is history. It was a terrible, terrible
mistake. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wish it were different! I
miss you and love you so much!” she practically screamed the last part.

Under the wagon I could see Hank go to her. She finally
broke him. He was holding her in the perfect home, his embrace. I could hear
him shushing her and telling her it was going to be okay. The distinct sound of
lips on lips was unmistakable.

He was kissing her.

That’s when the world stopped; it no longer turned on its
axis. It was over. The bubble had finally burst. Deep down, I knew it would. We
were too different … worlds apart. I was too enamored with Hank and the
goodness he represented to really understand it could never work. And now he’d
proved it. He cheated, just like Grant.

Without making my presence known I darted from the wagon and
set out at a full run toward the house. My body was covered with sweat, tears
pouring down my face, when I reached my destination. I couldn’t breathe. Stars
were shooting off in my peripheral vision; I tried in vain to blink them back.
I ran to the side door of the house, dodging people left and right. I made it
through the double doors and ran right into Ollie and Dean.

One look at my face and Dean’s eyes burned into white hot
pokers. Ollie scooped me into a full body embrace. “Oh, no. Shit, Dean, we
gotta go,” Oliver gestured to Dean. I did my best to choke back the heaving
sobs that were desperately wracking my body, escaping through my mouth in
agonized groans.

Oliver and Dean dragged me out to the front of the house and
into Hank’s truck. Dean jumped into the driver’s seat as Ollie laid me in the
back. Hank must have left the keys in the ignition, because we were off with a
squeal of the tires and rocks flying in our wake.

“Fuck, no fucking cell service,” Ollie screamed, but the voices
were starting to get jumbled. “Princess, what happened?” Ollie asked in the
most caring voice. I knew that voice. He used that tone after every breakup,
fight with Rio, or a knock-down drag-out with my mother. Basically, any time he
saw me in pain.

“He kissed her. He loves her,” I choked out, and covered my
face. Misery—deep utter regret and misery—took hold. He didn’t see me as
enough. I had to get out of his home, out of Texas. I needed to be home. On my
turf.

“Hank kissed another woman?” Ollie asked and I nodded. The
ability to speak was gone, my throat dry, hot and scratchy as if I swallowed
razorblades. “He loves someone else? But he said you, he loved you! He told us
all that!” Ollie started to cry and Dean shushed him the same way Hank
comforted Susie. Bile rose in my throat and the sour taste filled my mouth with
saliva.

Oliver petted my arm; fat tears ran down his face as he
cried with me. He always did. If I was in pain, so was he. It’s the way it
worked with us. He was the only man I could ever truly love that wouldn’t hurt
me. God I was stupid.

“H-He’s going b-a-a-acck to his ex!” I managed with the last
bit of effort I could muster. The agony was just too much. Shards of pain dug
deep into my gut and it took everything I had not to heave and wretch what
little I had to eat today on the floorboard. It wasn’t like this with Grant.
The bastard cheated on me twice and I took him back, never so broken so
distraught. In fact, I’d never actually felt this type of suffering in all my
twenty eight years. It was overwhelming, all encompassing, it took over my
entire being.