Inevitable (18 page)

“
I’m going to go inside you now,” he murmured carefully, gazing
into my eyes as if asking for permission. Again I nodded, too
breathless to speak.

He gently
prized my legs apart with his knees before nestling himself between
them. I felt the impossible hardness of his erection graze my thigh
and then he reached down and positioned himself, sighing as he
prepared to enter me.

“
I’m going to do this very slowly. It might hurt a little,
but if it gets too much tell me and I’ll stop.” My heart was
racing, thrashing against my ribs. He slipped the tip of his
erection slowly into me and then stilled as he brushed the wall of
my virginity. “Are you ready, Maddie?” he asked tenderly, making
doubly sure. Of course I’d heard all the gory stories of how messy
and painful the first time is. Suddenly, I was shitting
myself.

Biting my
bottom lip, I nodded.

Then,
unexpectedly he thrust quickly, forcefully into me and I gasped,
wincing as a burning sensation ripped through me. Blaine stopped
moving, allowing my body to become accustomed to him and I let out
a heavy breath I didn’t know I’d been holding.

“
That’s the worst of it, lish. I promise to be gentle from now
on. Are you okay?”

“
I’m more than okay,” I breathed, lying only
slightly.

Slowly,
cautiously, Blaine started to move again. He rocked his hips back
and forth deliberately, carefully sliding in and out of me. It
stung, but not enough to make me want him to stop. The sensation
was… exquisitely painful.

Gradually he picked up his pace, his thrusts growing
faster, more powerful. He grabbed hold of my thighs and hitched me
closer to him, raising my hips and gliding impossibly deeper into
me.

“
Jesus, Maddie, you feel amazing,” he whispered through gritted
teeth. I had never felt so alive, so… wanted.

With each
thrust the burning subsided a little further, replaced by
that delicious ache building once again. As he slammed into me over
and over again a whole host of hoarse and desperate, pleading
noises burst through his throat and I felt an overwhelming sense of
pride that
I
was
making him feel so good.

“
Oh god, Blaine… please…” I begged him
, although I wasn’t sure what I
was begging for. Another orgasm? Was that even possible? I
needed…
something.
I needed
him
.

“
I’ve got you, lish,” he breathed as if he knew exactly what I
needed and was going to give it to me.

He kissed me hard – my lips, my neck, my nipples, as he
worked harder and faster to release himself. His breathing grew
rapid and impatient and I clawed at the skin of his
arms, pulling him
into me as tight as I could as he cried out, whimpering my name,
his body juddering above me. Then I exploded, tightening around him
as he gave me what my body was so desperately craving.

And then he
stilled, sighing contentedly as he grazed the tip of my nose with
his.

“
I love you, Maddie.”

Oh.

I wanted so badly to believe him but my mind wouldn’t quit
reminding me that I was just one in a long line of girls that
he’d…
been
with.

“
You… you don’t have to say that, Blaine.” What could only be
described as hurt washed over his face, making his brow furrow as
if he were in physical pain.

“
You don’t believe me?” he asked,
sadness, rejection saturating his
deep voice as he rolled off me and propped himself up on his
elbow.

“
I- I
want
to believe you. It’s just… well…”

“
Maddie?” he urged as I became a stuttering mess. “Do you
regret what we just did? Did you not enjoy it?” He couldn’t have
sounded more wounded if he’d tried.

“
No! Blaine, I have never wanted something so much in my
whole life as much as I just wanted you – as much as I
still
want you. And
believe me, I have never enjoyed anything more in my life
either.”

“
Then, what is it? Talk to me, lish.”

“
It’s just, of course
I
enjoyed it. But then I’ve barely got anything to compare it
to. Whereas you? That wasn’t your first, or probably even second
third or fourth-”

“
I don’t understand what you’re getting at, lish,” he
cut me off, his
voice rich with confusion as he cupped my face in his hands. “If
this is about sex, Maddie… then yes, you’re right, I have been with
lots of girls,” an involuntary gasp betrayed me at his candidness,
“but I can honestly say that is the first time I have ever made
love. The first time I have ever let anybody see me, touch me
-
everywhere
. The first time I’ve ever
wanted
anybody to touch me. The first time when
all I could think about was the beautiful woman lying beneath
me.

“
If you can’t believe me now, then you
will
. I will prove it to you, Maddie. I
will show you everyday how much you mean to me until there are no
doubts left in your mind. I mean it, I
do
love you. I’ve never been more sure about
anything in my life.”

Blaine slipped
an arm around my waist and draped his leg over mine, pulling me
into him so tightly it was almost deliciously painful. Then he
kissed my hair, inhaling deeply.

“
I love you too,
” I murmured, so faintly I wasn’t sure he could
even hear me.

And I did.
I knew I did because the thought of someone hurting him
ripped my heart into a million pieces. I knew it because he was all
I could think about when we were apart. And I knew because as I lay
there in his arms I had never felt so safe, so needed, so
loved.

There was nowhere on earth I would rather have been than
lying spent and naked with Blaine Elwood.
My
Blaine Elwood.

Blaine

I
didn’t realise it until the moment the words passed my lips
that I was in love with Maddie, and now that was all I could think
about – how much I loved her, how much I missed her when we were
apart. But because of that I felt like the most selfish asshole in
the world.

Gut wrenching
pain swamped her beautiful brown eyes when she saw my scars last
night. Not horror, not disgust… just pain. I made her feel like
that and I detested myself for it.

Before she
fell asleep in my arms last night she asked if I wanted to talk
about it. I declined, refusing to allow anything to taint the
memory of the time we had just spent together. I would remember
that night as the time I first made love to Maddie… not the night I
allowed myself to crumble at the hands of my father.

She was
going to want to talk about it soon though and as yet I didn’t have
a clue what I was going to say. How could I explain it without me
sounding as weak and pathetic as I actually was? How could I tell
her I willingly lay down and took each run of the blade without
putting up a fight? That I said I understood that Maddie was no
good for me and I would stay away from her, just because I was too
fucking scared of what might happen if I argued?

Maddie
always looked at me as if I was some kind of hero. I could see it
in her eyes – the way she would just stare at me as if I was the
most fascinating thing she’d ever seen. My heart grew heavy as I
realised that could all be about to end thanks to my spineless
inability to stand up to my father.

I needed to get home before my dad woke up and leaving
Maddie alone after the night we’d just shared was one of the most
difficult things I’d ever done. She fell asleep in my arms and
although I felt tired I just couldn’t seem to stop watching her.
She does this funny little thing when she’s sleeping where
she exhales so
heavily her lips blow silent raspberries – kind of like a
horse!

She’s
amazing.

She
sighed as I rolled her onto her back and slipped my arm from
underneath her. I noticed blood spotting the sheets and a hefty
dose of guilt stabbed me right in the gut. Not because I regret
doing that to her, Jesus Christ, I would never regret that –
knowing that she was mine, and had only ever been mine… but because
I had to leave her. Running the risk of sounding like a
pre-menstrual fucking woman, last night was unquestionably the
single most wonderful night of my life.

Grabbing
Maddie’s cell off the floor by her bed (I swear she is one of the
most disorganised people I have ever met) I set it to silent whilst
I sent her a goodbye text for her to read when she woke up.

I’m so sorry I had to leave. Please don’t think I’m
r
unning –
last night was amazing. I meant what I said. I love you.
B

After hitting
send on my own cell I re-enabled the sound on Maddie’s before
placing it on the pillow next to her. Then I quickly threw on my
clothes from the floor, brushed my lips across her forehead and
crept out of the house.

I
got
home at 4:45 am which meant I had fifteen minutes to haul my ass up
to bed before my dad came banging on my door for my morning gym
session. After creeping into the dark house I gagged on my heart
when a light flipped on behind me.

“
Blaine?”

Thank fuck.
It was Trudy.

“
I was, um,
thirsty?
” I mentally clapped myself on the back as I silently
awarded myself first prize for the world’s shittiest
lie.

“
Can I talk to you?” she asked sincerely.

“
I can’t. Dad will be calling me in for the gym soon,” I
replied flatly before taking the next stair.

“
I’ve adjusted his alarm. Your father won’t be awake for
another hour. Please, Blaine.” I don’t know if it was the
desperate, genuine tone to her voice, or just pure curiosity which
made me stop in my tracks. I turned on the fourth stair and started
making my way back down.

“
Okay.”

I followed Trudy into the kitchen and perched myself on
a
barstool
beside the glossy white breakfast bar.

“
Coffee?” she asked irrelevantly.

“
Cut the crap, Trudy. What’s this about?”

Trudy reached up and placed the two coffee cups she was
holding back inside the cupboard
beside the black range cooker, before
joining me at the bar.

“
How was Maddie last night?”

Shit.

“
I don’t know what you mean,” I lied, studying her eyes for a
deeper meaning behind her question.

“
Please be honest with me, Blaine. I won’t tell your father. I
promise.”

The way she tried to assured me this was between me and her
made me wonder if she knew about the things my dad did to me. And
whether she did or she didn’t, why did she suddenly sound like she
gave a crap?
I wished she’d just fuck off back to her tanning booth or
wherever she’d crawled from.

“
She was fine,” I deadpanned, still watching her curiously,
trying to figure out her ulterior motives.

“
You said some things yesterday, about Annie, about
Maddie
having
difficulties growing up?” It was a statement that sounded more like
a question. I wasn’t sure what she wanted me to say.

“
Yeah?”

“
Has she had a bad life, Blaine?” she asked solemnly as she
swept her honey-blonde hair from her face. I could hear
such…
pain
…
in her voice. I didn’t understand.

“
No, I don’t think so. At least, I don’t think
she
thinks so. She
doesn’t know any other way I guess.”

Dubious of Trudy’s motives and wary of whether she would
relay this conversation back to my dad, I’d planned to remain
nonchalant and uninformative. I soon discovered being
detached when
talking about Maddie was an impossibility however, and soon enough
Trudy had me eating out of the palm of her hand.

I ended up
relaying everything Maddie had ever told me about her mom and about
the morning I found Maddie trying to calm her down after being up
digging in the dirt half the night. Oh and I mentioned the day Lori
walked in on her ‘working’ and all the shit Maddie got at school
because of it.

Basically, I
betrayed every single thing Maddie had ever confided in me. I was a
stupid fucking idiot.

“
I shouldn’t have told you any of this. She trusts me, Trudy.
I’ve let her down.” How the hell did Trudy suddenly become my
shoulder to cry on? I hated the damn woman! Didn’t I?

“
I won’t say anything, Blaine. You have my word. Thank you
for trusting me.” Is that
what I was doing? Did I trust her? All I knew was
that I was seriously confused by the whole encounter, and that I’d
divulged secrets that weren’t mine to tell.

“
Um, no problem?” Was that what I was expected to say? Should I
have thanked her? Said ‘you’re welcome’? Suddenly it felt like an
exam again. And for some reason, I was almost sure I’d
failed.