Infinite Harmony (19 page)

Skipping a treatment, staying out all night, and spending several hours in the humid summer air with God only knew what kinds of smoke wafting through the air hadn’t done stellar things for Ada’s lungs. She’d snuck out of Serenity Shores before the sun came up so she could get home and start her two hour long routine. At least, she was telling herself her morning treatments were why she made such an early, unannounced exit. Some people might have said it had more to do with being too chicken to say a proper goodbye to Joshua, but she refused to own up to it.

There was a knock at her bedroom door, and for a fraction of a second her heart kicked violently in her chest, convinced Joshua had come for her. But when it opened, her father was standing in the doorway.

“Where is your sister?” he asked without so much as a good morning.

Ada pulled the nebulizer out from between her lips and attempted to blow a smoke ring in the air.

“She decided to stay with the Donovans and go to Scout’s wedding today. Angel is loaning her a dress.” She took another puff of her breathing treatment. “She told me she was going to send you a text.”

“Since when did sending a text message count as gaining permission in this house?”

He stood just outside her door. The toe of the dress shoes he wore constantly, possibly even in sleep, were lined up with the place where the hardwood of the hallway met the plush carpet of her bedroom. It had been years since he stepped foot in her room. It was as if the moment she got boobs and a period he considered her bedroom contaminated. Ada hoped it was because he thought she deserved her privacy, but she knew it was more than likely some stupid, archaic belief that men, including fathers, should never be in the room of a woman capable of bearing children.

“Do you want me to go get her? If so, you’ll have to wait until I’m done here.” She tapped the nebulizer with her finger just in case he decided she meant tooling around on Tumblr instead of doing the treatments that kept her alive. “I’ve still got the vest to do, too.”

She could see her father’s anger growing with every passing minute, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. Maybe it was because she was still in an I-stayed-up-most-of-the-night-making-out-with-the-best-boy-on-earth-whom-I’ll-never-see-again haze, or maybe it was because she’d actually listened to Joshua when he said she should let her parents love her for who she was instead of who they wanted her to be, but either way, she didn’t have the desire or energy to put up a front and be the good girl her father expected her to be.

“Young lady, I don’t know what has gotten into you lately—”

Besides Marsden?

The unexpected thought was so inappropriate and hysterical, a startled laugh got caught in her chest. Unfortunately, her chest was already filled with mucus, which didn’t leave anywhere for the laugh to hang out. The result was a non-stop coughing fit.

On the plus side, it kept her father from finishing his thought.

On the minus side, she felt like she was dying.

“Here,” her father said more than thirty minutes later, passing her the bottle of water she kept on her nightstand. “This will help.”

He’d crossed the sacred threshold of her doorway for the first time in over five years when the coughing started. For over a half hour, he’d been beating on her back, becoming a human version of her vest. She knew her so-called friends would think it was weird for her to get sappy and sentimental over her father hitting her over and over again in an attempt to help clear her lungs, but so much of her childhood had been spent this way. Back before the Miracle of Prayer tour and everything getting so complicated, she’d just been a sick kid whose daddy would sing little songs as he pounded out a rhythm on her small back. There was a lot of fear in her childhood, the finality of death most kids couldn’t even comprehend was always at the forefront of her mind, even when she was very young, but when her dad was trying to find ways to make her treatments fun, she felt safe. Even now, after everything, she felt more secure knowing he was there as she fought for breath.

“If you would have come home last night like you were supposed to, you wouldn’t be having this much trouble this morning.”

And just like that, all those good, warm feelings of security vanished.

“You were out with that Joshua kid, weren’t you?” her father accused, his face not showing any signs of softening his stance after her little episode.

“I was with a lot of people last night, Dad. Kinsey. Angel. Mr. and Mrs. Donovan.”

“But none of them were the reason you didn’t come home.”

“I didn’t come home because the road was blocked.” Which was technically true. So what if Joshua had arranged for it to be blocked after she decided to stay?

Reverend Jessup sat down on the edge of her bed. His eyes were closed, and he massaged the back of his neck with one hand. He looked as lost and tired as Ada felt.

“What is going on with you lately?” he asked, raising his lids to look at her with eyes as multi-colored as her own. People had been telling her she looked like her dad her whole life, but she didn’t see it. Their eyes were the same shape and color, and they both had small, pointy chins, but beyond that, nothing about them was the same. “I know it’s a teenager’s nature to rebel and test the boundaries, but this person isn’t you, Ada. You’re not this careless. You’re a good girl. You don’t willfully disobey and sleep around like some… some…”

“Whore?” Were flames shooting out of her eyeballs? Ada was fairly certain flames were shooting out of her eyeballs. It felt like flames were shooting out of her eyeballs. “Is that what you think of me? That I’m some whore who goes around having sex with any boy who shows a little bit of interest?”

“Ada—“

“I didn’t have sex with Joshua last night. Not that it would have been the end of the world if I had. He’s a good person, and he really cares about me.”

“You hardly know him.”

“He and I know each other better than you and I do.” She meant the words to hurt him, and from the way he flinched back, she accomplished her goal. Odd it didn’t feel more rewarding. “I’m not going to apologize or feel guilty for having sex once with a boy I had been dating for years.” Although she did somewhat regret she’d been with Marsden. He hadn’t really loved her, she’d known it all along no matter what he’d said. Honestly, she hadn’t cared too horribly much for him either. If this past week had taught her anything, it was how shallow her feelings for Marsden had been. She’d barely thought about him since those first few days after their breakup. “My life is short, Dad. I want to experience things. All the things life has to offer, including the ones you would rather I didn’t.”

“Your life is
not
short. God is keeping you alive for a reason, which is why it’s so important you obey His will.” He reached out and gathered her hands in his. “You understand that, don’t you? It’s not my will, but His. He has given us so much, Ada, and all He asks in return is our obedience. We can’t turn away from Him just because we want to experience sinful things.”

“Why? Because He might let me die if I start getting drunk on weekends and sleeping around?”

“Our Lord doesn’t turn a blind eye to sinful behavior, Ada. You know that.” There was honest fear in his eyes. Her father really believed that by sleeping with Marsden she was giving God an invitation to end her life.

“I thought God was supposed to love us.”

“For God so love the world that He gave His only son,” Reverend Jessup quoted.

“Do you think he’s going to stop loving me because I broke one of his rules? Did you stop loving me, Daddy? Is that why you’ve been avoiding me all week? Why you can barely look at me? Do you not love me anymore?”

“Oh, baby.” She didn’t understand why he was gathering her up in his arms and hugging her against his chest until she felt his shirt growing wet beneath her cheek. “Of course I love you. I’m just—”

“Disappointed?”

“Afraid.” He let her go and tapped on her nebulizer when she didn’t immediately put it back in her mouth. “Your mother and I have devoted so much of our lives to taking care of you. All parents do it. We put our children first and do everything in our power to keep them safe and healthy. But now you’re growing up, pulling away, making your own decisions about life, and they’re not the decisions I would make for you. And I worry, Ada. I worry about where your life is headed and who you’re becoming because I know I won’t be there to protect you when the decisions you make come with bad consequences. I worry because your health, which is one of the most important things in my life, is low on your list of priorities. I worry about you, and I’m scared for you. You don’t understand now, but one day you’ll have kids of your own, and you will.”

Along with the decision to not burden a husband with her illness, Ada decided long ago she would never have children and risk passing it on to them, but she didn’t tell her father that. He might have basically told her he didn’t trust her to live her own life, but he was sincere about his fear and worry, and she didn’t want to add to it. She’d caused her parents plenty of heartache over the years. There was no need to add to it when he was already upset.

Maybe you should give them an opportunity to know and love the real Ada.

Joshua would have been disappointed in her, but then again, he hadn’t had parents in who knows how long. He didn’t realize parents don’t want to know who you are. They only wanted to know the person they think you’re supposed to be. And Ada’s parents wanted her to be an obedient Christian girl who never missed a church service or treatment, and for them, she would be, while in her heart, she would always be the girl who went to a rock concert, broke into a building, and spent one amazing night in the arms of the boy she would love until her limited days were over.

“The ceremony has been over for an hour. Do you plan to stop crying anytime soon?”

Talley swiped a hand under her eyes. “Leave me alone. I can’t help it that I get emotional at these things.”

“I wasn’t talking to you,” Joshua said, nodding past the matron of honor where her husband was making a valiant effort to keep his tears safely ensconced behind his eyelids.

“I’m not crying,” Jase said. “My allergies are acting up. It’s summer, and I think this building has mold.”

Joshua patted his friend on the back. “Nice try, bro, but that’s Talley’s trademarked excuse. If you’re going to lie, at least be original.”

Of course, Joshua didn’t have much room to talk. The only reason he was harassing Jase instead of watching the newly married couple dance their first dance as man and wife together was to save himself from shedding a tear or two of his own. The way the two Alphas were looking at one another as if they were the only people who existed was touching enough, but the tears of joy streaming down the groom’s cheeks was the tipping point. Liam Cole wasn’t known for showing much emotion, other than his almost-constant melancholy and the occasional bout of fury, so his obvious love and joy was both shocking and heartwarming.

Tucked against Jase’s other side was Angel. She should have looked like a little kid playing dress up in the same silvery pale blue gown Talley was wearing, but instead the elegantly cut bridesmaid’s dress made her seem older and more refined. Joshua was forced to tell a pack of older teenage Shifters that the Alpha Female’s sister was still in middle school and off limits before the ceremony even started. Even though he would never see her as anything other than a child in need of protecting, he could see why half of the males in the room were watching her instead of the bride. Angel had all of Scout’s ethereal beauty without any of the hard edges. While Scout was the hot action movie heroine who would still be sexy as she ripped out your spine, Angel was the princess who needed saving. For a bunch of testosterone-addled Shifters, there was an obvious appeal. Scout had given strict orders that her little sister wasn’t to be left alone for even a second tonight, even going so far as assigning different Seers the responsibility of escorting her to the bathroom. Joshua wasn’t sure if it was because of the SHP threat or simply because she knew the number of admirers Angel would attract.

“She looks beautiful,” Angel said, watching her sister glide across the dance floor. “I can hardly believe it’s Scout. She’s nearly impossible to recognize when she’s not wearing jeans and a t-shirt.”

“You did a good job, munchkin,” Joshua said. Even though she didn’t acknowledge him, her eyes lit up at his compliment. “Did you pick out the makeup before or after you saw the dress?”

Unable to resist the opportunity to talk fashion, Angel willingly spoke to him for the first time in hours. “Before. Like way before. I’ve been collecting samples of stuff for the past two years trying to find Scout’s perfect shade.”

“And the hair?”

“I have three boards on Pinterest devoted to hairstyles for Scout.” Her smirk was an exact replica of her sisters. “What do you think I am? An amateur?”

Scout and Liam’s dance ended, and the DJ encouraged everyone else to get their groove thing on. Jase drug a protesting Angel out to the dance floor, and Joshua and Talley followed behind. Several other members of the Alpha Pack joined them, and together they Wang-Chunged, Cha-Chaed, and did *NSync’s “Bye-Bye-Bye” dance with such synchronicity a rumor spread through the crowd they’d rehearsed it. No one could decide if that was more or less embarrassing than the truth, which was there had been no rehearsals or plans made beforehand. They all just knew it by heart.

Eventually a slow song came on and everyone paired off. Joshua was going to ask Angel to dance with him to try to smooth things over, but her dad beat him to it. He was heading off in search of a drink when he spotted Lizzie Anders standing on the edge of the dance floor looking like she’d lost a puppy.

“Care to dance, m’lady,” Joshua said, executing what might have been a perfect bow. He wasn’t quite sure. He’d never seen someone actually bow before, but his felt smooth and awesome, so he was going to assume it was right.

Lizzie’s coloring always made Joshua think of Irish hillsides. Her hair was closer to orange than red, and her pale skin was barely visible beneath a myriad of freckles. When she was embarrassed, which was pretty much anytime anyone spoke to her, her entire face, freckles and all, became such a startling shade of red it clashed with her hair quite spectacularly. It was adorable, which is why Joshua made it a goal to make her blush at every given opportunity.

“I don’t know…” Lizzie said, her face already blazing. She rubbed one gloved hand up and down her arm, her gaze drifting over Joshua’s shoulder. “I’m not really much of a dancer.”

“Come on,” Joshua said, already tugging her out onto the floor. “You can be Jennifer Grey, and I’ll be Patrick Swayze.” He spun his hand in the air in front of him. “My dance space,” he repeated the action in the air in front of Lizzie, “your dance space.”

Joshua pulled her into position, making a special effort not to accidentally brush his fingers against the bare skin revealed by the cut of her dress. She begrudgingly placed one hand on his shoulder and rested the other in his. “And if I don’t want to be someone who willingly goes by the name Baby?” she asked.

“Well, then I hope you’ve been lifting weights and keeping up with your workout regimen. That lift is going to be a bitch since I outweigh you by a good thirty pounds.”

Lizzie smiled, but she was too distracted to properly laugh at his excellent attempt at lightening her mood. Joshua looked around to see what on earth had so much of her attention and found Layne Hagan holding up a wall on the far side of the room.

Everything suddenly made so much sense.

“What did he do?” Joshua asked, irritation clipping his words.

Lizzie jerked her gaze back to Joshua, mild panic widening her eyes. “Nothing. He didn’t do anything.” She stole another glance at Layne. “I don’t even know who you’re talking about.”

“Yeah. Sure you don’t.”

Lizzie was a child when Sarvarna tapped her for the Alpha Pack. When Scout came into the picture, Lizzie switched her alliances and put her life on the line to help Scout overtake the former Alpha Female. Afterwards, Scout tried to send her back to her family, but Lizzie refused to go. She said she’d sworn an oath to the Alpha Pack, and she would honor it. No one could convince her a thirteen-year-old couldn’t legally enter into contracts and therefore shouldn’t be expected to uphold an oath. She’d moved from the old Den in Romania to the sprawling horse farm in Lexington without a word of complaint.

The horse farm Joshua called home sat on 1800 acres. The house had three floors and eight bedrooms. Originally, four additional houses sat on the property, but over the past few years, Liam and Charlie oversaw the construction of three more. It was plenty of space for a pack of Shifters, but not nearly enough to house both Lizzie and Layne. They didn’t openly antagonize each other. Actually, they rarely bothered to speak to one another. No one was quite sure what had caused the rift, but everyone felt the tension between them, and Joshua had seen Layne occasionally snap and lash out at the meek Seer.

“You either tell me what Layne did, or I will go ask him. With my fists.”

Okay, so maybe that wasn’t quite fair since he didn’t know the whole story, but Joshua blamed the bad blood between Lizzie and Layne on Layne. The youngest Hagan thought he was some sort of punk ass thug, and if they weren’t careful, he might actually become one.

Lizzie’s hand tightened on his. “Layne didn’t do anything.” The way her words came out high-pitched and a bit too quickly didn’t inspire confidence. “I’m just freaking out. You know. Like all the Seers are.” She nodded her head enthusiastically as if in complete agreement with herself.

Joshua made a show of looking around the room. “Ah. Yes. The ubiquitous Seer freakout. It’s turning into quite the frenzy.” He nodded to one of the front tables where Aunt Rebecca, Liam’s great-aunt who had decided to adopt the entire Alpha Pack as nieces and nephews, was nodding off on the shoulder of one of her granddaughters.

Finally some of the tension slid off Lizzie’s shoulders. “Are you serious? Do you really not know?”

Joshua did another sweep of the room trying to see what he’d missed, but still all he saw was a typical wedding party. People were eating, dancing, and in Aunt Rebecca’s case, snoring.

“I’m not so sure I feel safe knowing our ‘information guy’ has no idea what I’m talking about,” Lizzie said, actual worry etched on her face. “You haven’t been hearing the whispers all day?”

“Whispers?” Joshua’s stomach dropped down somewhere around his knees. Some Seers had some nice sunshine-and-rainbow powers, but no one whispered about those. It was the blood and death ones that required hushed tones. “What have they’ve been talking about? What’s wrong?”

“No one is getting anything specific. It’s just a general bad mojo, but we’re all feeling it. It’s like…” Her mouth screwed up to one side as she struggled to put it into words. “You know in the
Game of Thrones
how those people go around saying, ‘Winter is coming,’ and you know it means something a bit more dramatic than Santa Claus and snow days?”

“You’ve watched
Game of Thrones
?”

Lizzie rolled her eyes. “Everyone has watched
Game of Thrones
,” she said with an exasperated sigh. Lizzie always talked to him like he was an actual boring, old adult instead of a perpetual teenager. “The point is, winter is coming. Except it isn’t winter. It’s… a change. A big one.”

“A bad one?” It wasn’t a question. Not really. Change wasn’t inherently evil, but the kinds of changes that left Seers on edge weren’t usually of the peace, love, and happiness variety.

Lizzie shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m not a Future Seer. I just know there is this knot in my gut and anytime one of the others says something about ‘the girl’ or ‘a new forever’ I find myself agreeing even though I don’t know what I’m agreeing to.” She scrunched up her nose. “I don’t like it.” She leaned forward and lowered her voice. “To be perfectly honest, being around all these other Seers might be what is freaking me out, period. Some of these ladies are a few Pokemon short of a Pokedex.”

Joshua didn’t point out the irony in such a statement coming from Lizzie, who many thought to be the oddest of the odd with her omnipresent elbow-length gloves and quirky, book nerd personality. Lizzie knew she was odd. That didn’t mean she didn’t have a right to think other people were strange in their own ways, too.

If he hadn’t been distracted, he would have gossiped with her about the bizarre behaviors he’d seen over the last few days, but his brain was stuck on “the girl.” He spun Lizzie around so he could see the whole room. He had to do another twirl before he finally spotted Angel dancing with Liam. Scout and Jase were dancing to one side of them, and Charlie and Maggie were on the other. She was safe. For now.

After the dance ended, Joshua left Lizzie in the very capable hands of Mischa, the only other Seer to defect from Sarvarna’s Alpha Pack to Scout’s, and Mischa’s girlfriend, Imogen. He sent Mischa a text as soon as his back was to the trio of girls telling her to keep Lizzie far away from Layne for the rest of the evening. He would make sure he had a conversation with the young Shifter before the night was over, not that it would do much good. Talking to Layne was as effective as talking to the floral centerpieces.

It took him walking a complete circle of the room, but eventually he found Angel in a corner talking to Kinsey. “I told you this was your shade” she was saying to her friend as she coated her lips with a pink gloss. “It helps bring out the color in your cheeks without clashing with your yellow undertones. It’s perfect.”

She was right, of course. The color was one of those barely-there deals which made her lips seem naturally rosy. Angel had obviously used her friend as a blank canvas before the ceremony. Joshua had never seen Kinsey wear so much as chapstick, but tonight her eyes were lined and shadowed, her cheekbones were accented, and her skin had the flawless finish only achieved by layers of makeup. She looked older, and more like Ada than normal.

He rubbed the ache gnawing just beneath his breastbone.

“So,” he said, trying not to look at Kinsey because it hurt too much, “I heard all the cool kids were hanging out in the corner trying on lipstick. I thought I would come by. See what’s up. Maybe score me some ColorStay Ultimate in blood red.”

Angel slid the tube of gloss back into the bag hanging from her wrist. “You’re right,” she said. “This is the cool kids’ corner, so obviously, you’re not invited. I think the losers are all hanging out at the big table up front.”

The big table up front was where Liam, Scout, Jase, and Talley were currently sitting.

Joshua refused to rise to the bait. “Dance with me,” he said, reaching toward Angel so there was no mistaking which of the girls he was asking. He normally wouldn’t be opposed to dancing with Kinsey, she was a funny and sweet girl, but there was a good chance he would burst into tears if he had to be close to someone who reminded him of Ada.

Angel acted as though his hand was covered in mud and slime. “No.”

Well, that didn’t go exactly as expected.