Infinite Possibilities (26 page)

He steps out and pulls the curtain, and Liam leans in and kisses my forehead. “Maybe it’s just cramps,” I say hopefully.

“We’ll know soon,” he assures me, tugging my shirt over my head and then sliding the gown over my upper body. I still have on the oversized bra but I don’t care.

Next we remove my pants and when I see how much blood there is, as hard as I try to fight it, tears slip from my eyes. It’s too much blood to just be cramps. I know it is. Looking grim, Liam leans over me and grabs the intercom button, punching it and asking for help.

He swipes at my tears. “Hang in there, baby. We’re going to get through this.”

I cling to his hand for dear life, and looking into his eyes, I see his torment is mine, and while I wish him no pain ever, there is comfort in knowing he isn’t just present, but is as deeply wounded by what is happening as I am.

The nurse appears almost instantly and she places something underneath me and then buzzes the doctor. I grab Liam’s hand again and say, “You’re still not telling me it’s going to be okay.”

He caresses a lone tear from my cheek. “I’m supposed to be here for you even when it isn’t. I’m going to get the doctor.”

I nod and then I endure the pelvic exam but I stay hopeful when the cramps seem to have eased. “Well?” Liam asks before I can.

“Your cervix is dilated. That can be an indication of a miscarriage but let’s do the other testing first.”  

I don’t have time to react to the news. A whirlwind of activity follows, through all of which I’m hurting, from heart monitoring to the sonogram, and the doctor and the nurse are incredibly hard to read. Finally, the doctor says, “As difficult as this is, with the level of bleeding, I’m certain that not only are you miscarrying, but I recommend a D & C to ensure you don’t hemorrhage excessively. We can wait until your doctor gets here, but if I can talk to her I’m fairly certain she’ll agree.”

The rest fades in and out. Something about miscarriages being nothing I did wrong. They can’t be explained. I can try again. By the time the doctor is gone, I’m curled on my side. Liam climbs on the bed and wraps himself around me. I explode into tears then, my body quaking with the intensity. And I am crying for more than my child. I’ve lost my brother all over again and have no idea how to get him back, or if he’s even still alive. 

***

Twenty-four hours after the message in the bottle and the loss of both my child and my brother, it’s time to leave the hospital. I shower and dress in the black velour sweatsuit Liam had brought to me along with many of my new things he’d bought me in New York. Trying to feel human, I brush my hair to a silky blond mass and even force myself to apply a little makeup. 

I emerge from the bathroom to find Liam standing in the room waiting on me. To my surprise he’s dressed in a black pinstriped suit with a crisp white shirt and white tie. His dark, thick hair is neatly groomed, his goatee trimmed to sexy perfection, and he’s simply breathtakingly handsome. So very male, when I am feeling like half a woman, but somehow, just having him here soothes the ache inside me. 

“All right, Mrs. Stone, I just need you to sign some papers. How will you be paying?”

I blanch at the sound of the voice of a woman I hadn’t noticed was in the room. Holding a clipboard, she brushes her brown hair from her eyes, and presses her black-rimmed glasses up her nose and nods. “Hello, Mrs. Stone.” 

I glance up at Liam and his eyes warm, taking on that possessive quality I have come to know so well and a part of me wondered if I’d ever see it again. Without looking away from me, he hands the woman a black American Express. “On my card.”

She clears her throat. “Would you like to see the total?” 

“No,” Liam replies. “I do not want to see the total.” 

“It’s quite large.”

He flicks her a look. “I’m good for it.”

“Oh, of course. Yes, Mr. Stone. I’ll be right back.”

I glance down at my arm where the hospital bracelet rests, to read the word ”Stone” and wonder how I had not noticed this until now. Liam steps to me, framing my face with his hands. “I wanted everyone in this town to know I’ve claimed you. You are mine and I protect what is mine.”

“But I don’t. I lost...everyone. I lost our baby.”

“Don’t do that to yourself. You didn’t do anything. It just wasn’t meant to be. We can try again.”

“Do you want to try again?”

“If you do.” 

“I don’t know. What if I don’t want to and you do?”

“I just want you and us, baby. And when the time is right, and this hospital room isn’t that time, I’ll ask you to marry me properly and then take you pyramid hunting all over the world. You and me, baby. That’s what I want.” 

I press to my toes and kiss him. “Thank you.”

He wraps his arms around me and I welcome the strength and tenderness that is this man. I need him as I have never needed anyone in my life. “I should be the one thanking you,” he murmurs, a rough, raspy quality to his voice.

“What are you thanking me for?” 

“For being you, and it doesn’t matter what name anyone calls you.
I
love
you
.” His lips quirk. “But I like how Amy Stone sounds. I like it a lot.”

I surprise myself and smile, sliding my fingers in that wonderful dark hair of his. “I like it, too.”

A knock sounds on the door and Liam kisses me before calling for the cashier to enter. “All right,” she says. “Here’s your receipt and you’re all set to go.”

Liam turns to her and takes the paperwork and suddenly, the world outside this room crashes down on me. I’m fantasizing about playing house with Liam when nothing is solved. We don’t know who the stranger I’d seen with my mother is. We don’t know if Chad is alive or dead. We haven’t dealt with Sheridan.  

The woman leaves and pulls the door shut behind her. I lean on the bed. “Now we face my Godzilla again and I’m pretty sure your sharks are in for the action, too.”

Liam steps in front of me. “There’s a treatment center in Germany for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I thought we’d fly there and make it a vacation.”

“No. I’m not running.”

“It’s not running. It’s about you getting well.”

“There are doctors in New York.”

He studies me a long moment, his expression hooded. “You want to go to New York?” 

“It’s the closest thing I have to a home.”

His hand slips under my hair to my neck. “Baby, my home is your home. What is mine is yours.”

“I don’t want what is yours. I want you and I want a home. I want stability. I want to walk outside and not fear what is around every corner. I’m going to do what Chad said. I’m going to talk to Sheridan and I’m ending this.” 

“I’m dealing with Sheridan.”

“No. Don’t do this again, Liam. Your taking over my life isn’t what I need.”

“I’m trying to take care of you. Chad had the right idea, Amy, but my involvement will ensure you’re protected.”

“
We,
Liam.
We,
not
you
. I need to go with you. Chad told me to go.”

Torment flashes in his eyes. “I’m trying to be the best man I can be for you, Amy, but I don’t want you around that man.”

I touch his face. “A few minutes ago, I was lost, Liam. Then I walked into the room and you were here and I was found. You do that for me.”

“You are my other half, Amy. I have to protect you.”

“Just like I want to protect you, but it’s not like Sheridan doesn’t know who I am now. He even knows that he can find me with you. This meeting, it’s about closure, and even more so, it’s my brother’s wish, maybe his last one. I need to go with you.”

“What about your health?”

“You made me stay in the hospital a full day when most people stay a few hours and I’ve had Dr. Murphy by my side constantly. I’m allowed to do normal things within reason.”

“You really need to do this, don’t you?”

“Yes. Yes, I do.”

“Then we’ll go see Sheridan together.”

Chapter Twenty

Once it’s decided I am to attend the meeting with Sheridan, Liam insists I need to wear something other than the jeans and sweatsuits he brought for me. Fortunately, Dr. Murphy graciously loans me an outfit and after changing into the dress she brought me, I exit the bathroom to find her leaning on my hospital bed, her red hair tied neatly at her nape. 

“Oh hi,” I say, not expecting her. 

“Liam went to chat with Tellar in the hallway. How are the shoes?” 

“A tad big but I can make them work.”

She gives the fitted knee-length black dress a once over and smiles.“It fits you perfectly.”

“Yes. And the color is...appropriate.”

She presses her red-painted lips together at my obvious reference to mourning. “You do know you did nothing wrong, right?”

No, I don’t. “If I’d controlled my stress--”

“There’s no scientific data to support miscarriages and stress being related. Many woman live in horrific circumstances and still deliver at full term.”

“The flashbacks--”

“Didn’t cause this.” She pushes to her feet and walks over to me, taking my hands in hers. “Sweetie. You did nothing wrong. It just wasn’t meant to be.”

“When I have flashbacks, they’re memories I’ve forgotten. I don’t understand why I don’t remember until I have one of these...episodes.” 

“The mind is an amazing machine, Amy. It protects us. It gives us what we can handle. When we get back to New York, and you get some rest, come to my office and we’ll talk more.”

“Yes. Okay.” And the idea of actually leaving the house to visit her and walking around New York without fear is a good one. I just hope this meeting makes that happen. 

“Ready?” Liam asks from the doorway. 

“Yes,” I say, zipping up the bag he’d brought me. 

Dr. Murphy walks toward Liam and stops beside him. “Make this trip you have planned fast. I prefer her off her feet.” She doesn’t wait for his answer.

Liam arches a brow at me as she leaves. “I think I’ve been scolded.”

I smile. “Don’t mess with Dr. Murphy or you might really get spanked.”

He laughs, sauntering toward me, and the deep, rumbling, and wonderful sound of his laughter reaches inside me and eases just a little bit of the ache. Wrapping me in his arms, he says, “I think that might be pain not pleasure.” He sobers. “You need anything?”

“That’s a loaded question.”

“I suppose it is. Let’s go get this meeting over with and go home.”

“Home,” I repeat. “I like how that sounds.”

“Me too, baby. Me too.”

***

I exit the hospital with an entourage of Liam, Tellar, and Jared, while Dr. Murphy is being driven by private car to the airport to meet us later. 

“Sheridan’s offices are in Austin,” Liam informs me. “Any stops you want to make before we leave?”

“If you mean, do I still want to go to the cemetery? The answer is no. When I go it won’t be to say goodbye to all three of them. It will be to tell them I saved my brother.”

Understanding seeps into Liam’s eyes. “We’ll come back when you’re ready.” 

I lace my fingers with his. “I know.” And it feels good to know that when I do he’ll be with me. 

We ride in silence the rest of the trip and prepare to exit the Land Rover in the parking garage. Liam turns to me and says, “Say nothing inside the garage or the building that you don’t want heard. Assume everything is being recorded. And you’ve been through hell, baby, I know, but you can’t blink in this meeting. Hold your chin up and be strong. Just being here sends a message of confidence to Sheridan, but let me talk. Let me handle this.”

“Yes.”

“Promise me.”

“I promise.” 

“Good.” He kisses my forehead and opens the door. 

Tellar and Jared are flanking us almost instantly and despite having three, big, confident men with me, my nerves are fluttering all over the place, as some part of me is holding on to the hope that this meeting will lead me to my brother. It’s all I can think of as we enter the lobby, until I see the well-manned security desk we have to get past.

“Give me a minute,” Liam says, motioning to Tellar, who falls into step with him, and leaving me with Jared. 

Jared’s eyes land hard on me. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“Chad’s letter didn’t tell me to have someone else do this. He said me.”

“Because he wasn’t sure you’d have anyone else.”

“If he left the clue with you, he clearly thought I’d have you.” 

“You do, you know. You have me if you need me.”

“I know and I have you to thank for getting me the message and a whole lot more. I won’t ever forget any of it.”

“I don’t want thanks,” he says. “I want you to stay alive.” 

“Let’s hope that’s what’s about to happen.” 

“You want your brother back. That’s not going to happen today. Don’t get your hopes up. You don’t need to be torn down again.”

Anger stirs inside me, a mask to the pain I’m fighting to control, and I’m glad when Liam motions us forward. “Hope is all I have, Jared. Don’t take that away from me.” I’m angry. Borderline furious, and I know it’s not about Jared. It’s about the ache inside me I can’t contain.“And your timing for this conversation really sucked,” I add before I start walking.