Authors: Shuvom Ghose
Tags: #humor, #army, #clone, #war, #scifi, #Military, #aliens, #catch 22
Infinity Squad (41 page)
I felt my chest swell. I had made a lot of mistakes the last few months, tried to do the best I could in his absence. But hearing him say that now made me feel I had done the right-
"And you'll need someone to talk to reporters!" Juan added. "I know a good one!"
Ridley set his mouth in a line. "No. We don't need that. At all. We stay out of the press. I don't want people to even know we're there, like the Secret Service."
"We'll find something for you to do, Juan," I said. "We may need an alien food taster. Or someone who's killed a dinosaur." A sudden thought hit me. "And if we're dealing with Benefactor technology and six other advanced species, we'll need a tech. Someone incredible who can hook a printer to a toaster."
"Yeah. I know," Ridley said. "Lucky we went and abducted him too before he got arrested. He and the other squad members you left on planet are playing pool in the break room." Ridley frowned. "It's 3D pool, though, and I don't think they understand the rules yet."
I sighed in relief. I hadn't wanted to leave the privates and Steve on-planet, but my options had gotten too limited too quickly. I had told them to blame everything on me and hope for a dishonorable discharge. But this was better. There was real potential in some of them.
Ridley smiled. "It also doesn't hurt to have
one
psychic, terrifying horse-sized monster on your team, either." And then Three-Spot walked in the door, with a shiny new metal razor claw grafted to his arm.
I stared at it, then Ridley. "What the fu- how long have we been out?"
"Three days," he laughed. "Our buffering bands really
buffer
." He laughed again at my shocked face. "What? We had to make your new bodies." He shook his head. "Two females and four males. With less than a minute's notice. What are we, a fast food joint?"
I was just shaking my head, then grinned at Three-Spot.
"You really want to go policing the universe with me?"
"Yes, Group of Trees. With your expert pack of hunters." He looked at Doc Murphy. "And your future mate."
"What! No! I'm not..." Shannon protested, but then started blushing very deeply. And when I reached a hand over from my tank to hers, she took it. Sometimes having a psychic wingman helps.
"So no ill effects from all that poison?" I asked the spider.
"With enough freshly-killed food, I am recovering steadily."
"And having one claw hacked off? That won't stop you?"
He held up the metal replacement excitedly. "This is just temporary. Ridley says they can make metal claws so that I can interface with your computers. Or open cans! Or even fire your metal spitters!"
I had to laugh.
Like I said, Hell-Spiders are hard to kill.
***THE END***
***
FLEET INTER-SERVICE COMMUNICATION: PRIORITY 1A
FROM: UN HIGH COMMAND, DEPGENSEC, SWITZERLAND
TO: GENERAL OAKLEY, COMEARTHFOR, ANGIE'S STAR II
RE: IMMEDIATELY CEASE ALL OFFENSIVE OPERATIONS
MESSAGE:
EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY FOR ALL FORCES ON ANGIE'S STAR II: CEASE ALL OFFENSIVE OPERATIONS. THE BENEFACTORS HAVE REPORTED THAT HELL-SPIDERS ARE SENTIENT AND NOW UNDER THEIR PROTECTION. THIS MIRRORS THE FINDINGS OF INSPECTOR GENERAL HIMENEZ'S LAST REPORT, TRANSMITTED MINUTES BEFORE HE WAS KILLED IN ACTION. DEPENEMYINTELL IS UNAWARE OF ANY BENEFACTOR FORCES ABLE TO MONITOR FOR SMALL-SCALE INFANTRY ACTIONS AGAINST THE HELL-SPIDERS, BUT THE BENEFACTORS ASSURE US THEY ARE ALREADY IN SYSTEM, SO CEASE ALL OFFENSIVES IMMEDIATELY.
REVIEWING YOUR REPORT ON THE MUTINOUS ACTIONS OF INFINITY SQUAD AND OF THE CONTAMINATION OF CLONE TANKS, DEPGENSEC AGREES WITH YOUR CONCLUSION: ALL MEMBERS OF INFINITY SQUAD WERE INFECTED WITH AN UNKNOWN ALIEN PARASITE WHICH HEIGHTENED ALREADY DEVIANT TENDENCIES. THE BENEFACTORS ARE ENFORCING A QUARANTINE ON ANGIE'S STAR II UNTIL BRAIN SCANNING EQUIPMENT ARRIVES. ALL HUMANS WILL BE SCANNED AND ALL INFECTED WILL BE RESTRAINED FOR FURTHER STUDY.
THE RESULTS OF YOUR INITIAL RORSCHACH TESTS CHECKING FOR INFECTION, HOWEVER, HAVE UNCOVERED AN UNRELATED ISSUE: A CONVERGENCE IN THOUGHT PATTERNS AND LATENT BEHAVIORS OF SOLDIERS AS THEIR NUMBER OF RESURRECTIONS INCREASE. DEPGENSEC IS UNSURE WHETHER THIS TREND WILL BE A POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE IN BATTLEFIELD CONDITIONS, BUT BUFFERING BAND USE IS ORDERED RESTRICTED UNTIL THIS IS DETERMINED. ESPECIALLY IN LIGHT OF THE MULTIPLE, SIMULTANEOUS FAILURES OF THE BANDS DURING THE ATTEMPTED CAPTURE OF THE INFINITY SQUAD TRAITORS.
BECAUSE REPORTS OF THIS ATTEMPTED MUTINY, ALONG WITH NEWS OF BUFFERING BANDS FAILING TO RESURRECT THEIR USERS WOULD CAUSE A DRASTIC DROP IN MORALE, AND SINCE ALL TRAITORS HAVE BEEN CONFIRMED DEAD, THE NAME 'INFINITY SQUAD' AND ALL ACCOMPANYING PERSONNEL FOLDERS WILL BE STRUCK FROM THE RECORDS AND NOT MENTIONED AFTER THIS MESSAGE.
MAY WE NEVER SEE SUCH A GROUP OF TREASONOUS, INEPT, CALLOUS AND DESTRUCTIVE SOLDIERS IN HUMAN SPACE AGAIN.
END MESSAGE
***
About the Author
Shuvom Ghose is a Libertarian who escaped to New Hampshire as part of the Free State Project and couldn’t be happier. He loves writing science fiction along with his wife Llalania, and promises that, if 1,000 people buy and love this book, there will be a sequel!
If you have comments, find typos, or just want to talk about this book, please contact him through Libboo or FaceBook at “Shuvom Ghose”.
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