Inglourious Basterds (9 page)

Like a Katzenjammer Kid.

And your occupation before the war?

His back still to us, as he bartends…

I’m a film critic.

List your accomplishments?

Well, sir, such as they are, I write reviews and articles for a publication called “Films and Filmmakers.” As well as our
sister publication.

What’s that called?

“Flickers Bi-Monthly,” and I’ve had two books published.

Impressive. Don’t be modest, Lieutenant. What are their titles?

The first book was called “Art of the Eyes, the Heart, and the Mind: A Study of German Cinema in the Twenties.” And the second
one was called…

He turns around with his whiskey and plain water and the general’s whiskey no junk. He finishes what he was saying, as he
walks toward the general, handing him his drink.

“Twenty-Four Frame Da Vinci.” It’s a subtextual film criticism study of the work of German director G. W. Pabst.

He hands the general his whiskey.

What should we drink to, sir?

(thinking, for a moment)

Down with Hitler.

All the way down, sir.

CLINK.

Are you familiar with German cinema under the Third Reich?

Yes. Obviously I haven’t seen any of the films made in the last three years, but I am familiar with it.

Explain it to me.

Pardon, sir?

This little escapade of ours requires a knowledge of the German film industry under the Third Reich. Explain to me UFA, under
Goebbels?

Goebbels considers the films he’s making to be the beginning of a new era in German cinema—an alternative to what he considers
the Jewish German intellectual cinema of the twenties and the Jewish-controlled dogma of Hollywood.

SUDDENLY… bellowing from the back of the room:

How’s he doing?

Frightfully sorry, sir, once again?

You say he wants to take on the Jews at their own game? Compared to, say,… Louis B. Mayer… how’s he doing?

Quite well, actually. Since Goebbels has taken over, film attendance has steadily risen in Germany over the last eight years.
But Louis B. Mayer wouldn’t be Goebbels’ proper opposite number. I believe Goebbels sees himself closer to David O. Selznick.

Gen. Fenech looks to the prime minister.

With a puff of cigar smoke, Churchill says:

Brief him.

Lt. Hicox, at this point in time I’d like to brief you on Operation Kino. Three days from now, Joseph Goebbels is throwing
a gala premiere of one of his new movies in Paris—

—What film, sir?

The general has to resort to peeking at his file.

The motion pictures called “Nation’s Pride.”

Oh, you mean the film about Private Zoller?

We don’t have any intelligence on exactly what the film that night will be about.

But it’s called “Nation’s Pride”?

Yes.

I can tell you what it’s about. It’s about Private Fredrick Zoller. He’s the German Sargeant York.

Fenech can’t help suppress a smile. They have the right man.

In attendance at this joyous Germanic occasion will be Goebbels, Goering, Bormann, and most of the German High Command, including
all the high-ranking officers of both the S.S. and the Gestapo, as well as luminaries of the Nazi propaganda-film industry.

The master race at play, aye?

Basically, we have all our rotten eggs in one basket. The objective of Operation Kino… Blow up the basket.

(reciting a poem)

… and like the snows of yesteryear, gone from this earth. Jolly good, sir.

An American Secret Service outfit that lives deep behind enemy lines will be your assist. The Germans call them “the Basterds.”

“The Basterds.” Never heard of them.

Whole point of the Secret Service, old boy, you not hearing of them. But the Gerrys have heard of them, because these Yanks
have been them the devil. Their leader is a chap named Lieutenant Aldo Raine. The Germans call him “Aldo the Apache.”

Why do they call him that?

Best guess is because he removes the scalps of the Nazi dead.

Scalps, sir?

The hair.

He runs his finger along his hairline.

Like a red Injun.

Rather gruesome-sounding little dickybird, isn’t he?

No doubt the whole lot, a bunch of nutters. But you’ve heard the expression “It takes a thief.”

Indeed.

Gen. Fenech continues on with his exposition, moving over to a military map.

You’ll be dropped into Franch about twenty-four kilometers outside of Paris. The Basterds will be waiting for you. First thing,
you go to a little village called Nadine.

(He points it out on the map.)

Apparently the Gerrys never go there. In Nadine, there’s a tavern called La Louisiane. You’ll rendezvous with our double agent,
and she’ll take it from there. She’s the one who’s going to get you into the premiere. It will be you, her, and two German-born
members of the Basterds. She’s also made all the other arrangements you’re going to need.

How will I know her?

I suspect that won’t be too much trouble for you. Your contract is Bridget von Hammersmark.

Bridget von Hammersmark? The German movie star is working for England?

For the last two years now. One could even say Operation Kino was her brainchild.

In the back of the room the bulldog barks:

Extraordinary woman.

Quite.

You’ll go to the premiere as her escort, lucky devil. She’ll also have the premiere tickets for the other two. Got the gist?

I think so, sir. Paris when it sizzles.

The three British bulldogs laugh.

EXT—CINEMA ROOFTOP—DAY

Shosanna and Marcel are on the rooftop of their cinema literally making a movie.

Marcel is behind an old (even then) BOLEX 35MM MOVIE CAMERA, positioned low, looking up.

Shosanna, the camera subject, stands on boxes looking down into it.

A old-timey MICROPHONE is positioned out of frame.

As they always do, and always will, they speak FRENCH SUBTITLED into you know what.

We need a sync mark.

What is a sync mark?

An action and noise put together, So we can sync up the picture and sound.

How do we do that?

Clap your hands.

She does.

In frame, imbecile.

She claps her hands in front of her face.

Ready?

Shosanna takes a deep breath, then:

Ready.

Action.

WE CUT, BEFORE SHE SPEAKS, TO…

THE SCENE EARLIER BETWEEN MARCEL AND SHOSANNA IN THE LOBBY, ON THE STAIRS, TALKING ABOUT BURNING DOWN THE CINEMA.

Big difference. This time, it’s in COLOR.

But how do we get it developed? Only a suicidal idiot like us would develop that footage. How do we get a 35mm print with
a soundtrack?

Do you know one person who can do both things?

Of course, Gaspar. Very nice man, took care of all the experimental filmmakers. But nobody in their right mind would strike
a print of what you’re talking about. If the Nazis found out, their life wouldn’t be worth this.

He snaps his fingers.

In a wolf fight, you either eat the wolf or the wolf eats you. If we’re going to obliterate the Nazis, we have to use their
tactics.

What does that mean?

We find somebody who can develop and process a 35mm print. And we make them do it or we kill them. Once we tell them what
we want to do if they refuse, we have to kill them anyway or they’ll turn us in.

Would you do that?

Like that.

Snaps her fingers.

INT—SMALL FILM-PROCESSING LAB—LATE NIGHT

A old mom-and-pop film processing lab circa the thirties. Late late at night.

GASPAR, the fatherly figure of all the experimental French filmmakers in the decade before German rule, takes a SAVAGE BEATING
at the hands of his friend Marcel.

Shosanna watches, pitiless.

Bring that fucker over here! Put his head down on that table.

Marcel holds Gaspar’s arm behind him as he forces his head flat against the tabletop.

Shosanna brings a HATCHET DOWN DEEP into the table, just by his face.

You either do what the fuck we tell you to, or I’ll bury this ax in your collaborating skull.

I’m not a collaborator!

Then prove it! Or does your manhood go no deeper than standing to piss? Marcel, do his wife and children know you?

Oui.

Then after we kill this dog for Germans, we’ll go and silence them.

She lifts up the hatchet, raises it high…

Prepare to die, collaborator fucker!

CUT TO

GASPAR

hands the couple a SMALL SILVER CAN OF 35MM FILM, Outside the shop window, it’s morning.

INT—PROJECTION ROOM

WE SEE the five heavy silver film cans of Fredrick Zoller’s life story, “Nation’s Pride” (clearly marked), on the floor of
the projection booth.

The can for REEL 4 is open and empty.

Shosanna’s at the editing bench. REEL 4 is up on the rewinds…

Shosanna SPLICES her and Marcel’s footage into REEL 4 of Fredrick’s film, rewinds it, puts it back in the can, and puts a
piece of RED TAPE on the REEL 4 CAN.

She walks out of the booth, turning off the lights behind her, PLUNGING THE SCREEN INTO DARKNESS.

BLACK FRAME

FROM BLACK DISSOLVE TO

EXT—LA LOUISIANE (TAVERN)—NIGHT

We see a small basement tavern with an old rustic sign out front that reads “La Louisiane.”

A SUBTITLE APPEARS:

“The village of Nadine, France”

TWO SHOT LT. HICOX and LT. ALDO RAINE

Aldo is dressed like a French civilian. Hicox is dressed in a German gray S.S. captain’s uniform. They look out of a window,
in an apartment, in the village of Nadine, overlooking the tavern.

You didn’t say the goddamn rendezvous was in a fuckin’ basement.

I didn’t know.

You said it was in a tavern?

It is a tavern.

Yeah, in a basement. You know, fightin’ in a basement offers a lot of difficulties, number one being you’re fighting in a
basement.

Wilhelm Wicki joins the SHOT, dressed in a German S.S. lieutenant’s uniform.

What if we go in there and she’s not even there?

We wait. Don’t worry. She’s a British spy. She’ll make the rendezvous.

WE SEE that the other Basterds, dressed in French civilian clothes, are in the room as well. They are Donowitz, Hirschberg,
and Utivich. And in the back of the room, dressed in the gray uniform of an S.S. lieutenant, Hugo Stiglitz sits off by himself,
sharpening his S.S. DAGGER on his leather belt, looped around his boot. Anybody not in the scene from the Basterd’s opening
chapter is dead.

Lt. Hicox watches Stiglitz off by himself on the other side of the room SHARPENING his dagger menacingly.

Stiglitz is fucking weird…

Lt. Hicox approaches Stiglitz…

Stiglitz, right?

That’s right, sir.

He continues bringing the blade’s edge up, then down on the leather strap.

I hear you’re pretty good with that?

Meaning the blade.

Stiglitz doesn’t answer.

You know, we’re not looking for trouble right now. We’re simply making contact with our agent. Should be uneventful. However,
on the off chance I’m wrong and things prove eventful, I need to know we can all remain calm.

The renegade Gerry sergeant stops his blade’s progress and looks up at the limey lieutenant.

I don’t look calm to you?

Well, now you put it like that, I guess you do.

He turns his attention back to his blade.

Hicox moves over to Aldo and asks him privately:

This Gerry of yours, Stiglitz? Not exactly the loquacious type, is he?

Aldo just looks at him.

Is that the kinda man you need, the loquacious type?

Fair point, Lieutenant.

So y’all git in trouble in there, what are we supposed to do? Make bets on how it all comes out?

If we get into trouble, we can handle it. But if trouble does happen, we need you to make damn sure no Germans or French,
for that matter—escape from that basement.