Authors: Catherine Aird
âFour chefs, three assistants, a couple of vegetable cooks and a slip of a girl who does the sweet course and nothing else.'
Henry considered his plum duff thoughtfully. Then he lifted his face, a seraphic smile on his countenance. âThe writing isn't on the wall, old man.'
âNo?'
âIt's on the
Pave de Pastille
or something very like it.'
âWhat?'
âI'm prepared to wager ten ecus to a brass farthing,' said Henry grandly, âthat your drug dealer got his warning in cream.'
âCream?'
âWritten with a little stick across the blackcurrant coulis or whatever. It's not difficult â¦'
âBut â¦' Howkins' spoon was suspended over the last of his raisin sponge.
âIt would be something very simple, of course. Probably a word like “scram” or “flee” or even,' he added unkindly, âseeing that it's a French restaurant, “cochons” â¦'
âAnd no one except the waiter would see it,' said the Commander, slapping his thigh. âI've got you. Nouvelle, indeed! I'll make mincemeat of him next time. That's not French, is it, Tyler?'
CAUSE AND EFFECTS
âOf course you must come with us, Henry, dear. I insist. Besides, Margot will be so pleased.'
âI really don't see why any hostess should be pleased to see a total stranger arrive at her dinner party.' Henry Tyler had had an unexpected few days' leave and had descended on his married sister and her husband in the small market town of Berebury in Calleshire without a great deal of warning.
âYou're not a total stranger â¦'
âTo my certain knowledge, Wendy, I have never set eyes on anyone called Margot Iverson in my life before.'
âI know that,' said Wendy Witherington placidly, âbut you're my brother and that's the same as my knowing her or her knowing me.' Logic had never been Wendy's strong suit.
âI still don't see why she should be pleased to see me on Saturday evening,' said Henry mildly.
âBecause you're a man, that's why.'
âAnd may I ask why she will be so delighted to see me because I happen to be a male member of the human race â¦?' There was nothing in his face to show how much he enjoyed teasing his only sister. âOr is it only that I don't understand why as a consequence of being a mere male?'
Henry worked at the Foreign Office in London where ambiguity had been raised to an art form. Wendy's mind was a much more literal one.
âBecause you're an extra man, dear,' she said.
âAh.'
âAnd because of Arthur's Cousin Amy,' went on his sister. âShe always upsets the table.'
âDipsomania?' enquired Henry Tyler with interest. âOr is she just a clairvoyant?'
âDon't be unkind,' said Wendy severely. âCousin Amy can't help being there. She hasn't anywhere else to go but The Hollies.'
âShe doesn't always have to upset the table, though, when she is there, does she?' remarked Henry Tyler in a tone that at least one ambassador had been known to call âeminently reasonable'.
âArthur's Cousin Amy,' responded his sister firmly, âworks as a secretary at a girls' boarding school. She's as poor as a church mouse, that's why she has to come to Arthur and Margot's in the holidays.'
âAnd what happens,' asked Henry mischievously, âwhen Cousin Amy isn't there and your friends have an extra man?'
âOh, that's no problem,' said Wendy at once. âMargot just asks Miss Chalder to stay on. She's Arthur's dispenser and receptionist. Young but quite presentable.'
âSo Arthur's a doctor â¦' divined Henry without too much difficulty.
âOh, didn't I say? He's our general practitioner.' Wendy giggled. âActually when she's not there Margot calls Miss Chalder their deceptionist.'
âAlways saying the doctor's out when he's in?' Deception was another of the subjects that they knew rather a lot about at the Foreign Office. âThat sort of thing?'
âAnd saying,' said Wendy, âthat he's been held up at a confinement when he's forgotten all about somebody.'
âIs he a good doctor?' asked Henry. It wasn't entirely an idle question since Wendy and Tom Witherington had two young children upon whom their bachelor uncle doted.
âHow does one ever know that, Henry?' Wendy had more intelligence than her pleasant calm looks might have led the casual observer to suspect. She wrinkled her brow. âThere was some trouble at the end of last year about a little gypsy child who died from a burst appendix. Arthur said he'd never had their second message and the fuss all died down but he's always come when we've sent for him.'
âQuite so,' said Henry Tyler. âI shall look forward to Saturday evening, then.'
âAnd I shall telephone Margot,' said his sister.
Later that evening Henry, who was a firm believer that time spent in reconnaissance was seldom wasted, raised the matter of the dinner party with his brother-in-law. âDon't worry, old chap.' Tom Witherington was reassuring. âThey do you very well at The Hollies. Very well indeed.'
âSo Dr Iverson is a successful doctor,' murmured Henry Tyler (which he knew was not the same as being a good one).
Tom Witherington frowned. âCouldn't say, but he is sound on food and drink.'
âHow is it that their entertaining is soâerâreliable, then?'
âOh, you mean how is it that they can afford the pukka style if he isn't successful?' His brother-in-law's brow cleared. âThat's easily explained. W. H. M.'
Henry Tyler thought for a moment. âThat's an acronym I haven't come across.'
Tom Witherington grinned. âI don't suppose it matters in the Foreign Office as much as it does in some other spheres. W. H. M. stands for “Wife Has Means” ⦠Margot has the money and Arthur has the ideas for using it. You'll see on Saturday.'
âI can hardly wait,' said Henry Tyler politely.
As dinner parties went, noted Henry on the night, it was neither large nor particularly intimate. Ten people sat down in the dining-room at The Hollies after partaking of a well-chosen sherryâa good Macharnudo, Henry thoughtâin the drawing-room.
Margot Iverson had welcomed him most hospitably. âHow nice to have someone here from the Foreign Office. You can tell us what they think of Il Duce.' She was a plain woman with the apparent placidity of the overweight but she didn't look as if she missed much. Like those of all good hostesses, her eyes were everywhere.
âI'm afraid,' said Henry Tyler with every appearance of regret, âthat's not my department.'
Dr Iverson was equally welcoming. âWhat a pity it's dark. Otherwise you could have seen the garden, although there's not much to look at at this time of the year.'
âArthur's garden is a delight,' said Wendy at his elbow. âIn the summer his vegetable garden is as neat and attractive as the one at Villandry.'
âIt's mostly my gardener I have to thank for that,' said the doctor modestly, âbut, yes, I do take an interest. Now, let me introduce you to Major Anderson. He's the Chairman of our local Bench â¦'
The announcement about dinner being served, Henry observed with approval, had come at just the right length of time after the sherry had been drunk. It followed a brief absence from the room of the doctor.
âJust checking on the claret,' he boomed as he came back. âEdith's very good but there are some things that need watching.'
âMy cousin is something of a wine connoisseur, Mr Tyler,' said Miss Amy Hall as he escorted her in to dinner. The doctor's cousin was a thin, anxious woman with her hair drawn down in two neat earphones. âNow, tell me what you think of Haile Selassie â¦'
The first course had been awaiting them on the dining-room table. Potted shrimps in attractive little ramekins, and prettily adorned with watercress, stood on plates at each place. It was clear that the Major's wife was the chief lady guest as she was seated on Dr Iverson's right, the Major sitting on Margot Iverson's right.
A Mr and Mrs Locombe-Stableford made up the party. Henry had already discovered that he was a solicitor and his wife a power in the Red Cross. Henry found himself next to the Major's wife.
âI hope you enjoy your visit to Calleshire,' she said. âA very fine county.'
âIndeed.' Henry passed her some thin, crustless brown bread and butter and listened to a long story about foxhunting. Across the table he could hear Mrs Locombe-Stableford talking to the doctor about someone's gallstones (âSeven as big as marbles, the surgeon said').
Edith, the parlour-maid, cleared away the first course.
âJolly good tiger-frighteners, what?' said the Major to Margot Iverson.
âHe usually calls them “horses' doovers”,' sighed the Major's wife to Henry, âwhich is worse.'
âStrange how we have taken to some French words and not others, isn't it?' remarked Henry diplomatically as the parlour-maid came into the room with a pile of dinner-plates and the vegetable dishes.
âI hope you'll take to a good French claret,' chimed in Arthur Iverson jovially. âOne of the St Ãmilion hill wines. Château Balestard la Tonnelle and just about ready for drinking ⦠Ah, thank you, Edith. Put it down here. Carefully, now â¦'
Obediently the parlour-maid lowered a serving dish bearing a large fillet of beef on the table in front of the doctor. He put his hands out to take up the carving knife and fork and Amy Hall murmured something to her neighbour about Arthur always having wanted to be a surgeon really.
âMy dear,' he said to his wife, âaren't you going to tell our guests about our new addition to the dining-room?'
All eyes turned towards Margot Iverson at the other end of the dining table. She almost pouted. âI wasn't going to tell them, Arthur. I was going to show them later.'
âVery well, my dear.' The doctor turned his attention back to the carving. He was indeed good at it. After having carefully removed the browned edge of the fillet he sliced the meat quickly and evenly. Edith took the plates to Margot Iverson's end of the table where the vegetables were served and then handed them in turn to the guests.
Henry passed the horseradish sauce and then the gravy to the Major's wife. âAnd salt?' he enquired. The career of one of his Foreign Office contemporaries had been said to have foundered after he had said âPepper and salt' to the wife of a diplomat with uncertainly coloured hair and a poor command of the English language.
âNow you really must tell us what you think of the Abyssinian question, Mr Tyler,' Brenda Anderson said as soon as Edith had withdrawn.
âDear lady, I am but an errand boy in the Foreign Service â¦' At the other end of the table he could hear Margot Iverson exchanging stately platitudes with Mr Locombe-Stableford. Henry Tyler would not have described her as a happy woman but afterwards he could not say that she had seemed at all unwell. She certainly complained of nothing in his hearing.
Her moment came at the end of the first course when, without any apparent signal, the parlour-maid came back into the room.
âThere,' challenged Arthur. âHow did Margot summon up reinforcements? Tell me that if you can.'
âPerhaps,' suggested Tom Witherington slyly, âEdith was listening at the door â¦'
âDid you hear that, Edith?' said Arthur Iverson. âWell, were you?'
âNo, doctor.'
âBush telegraph?' The Major had served in Africa. âOh, do tell us,' pleaded Wendy Witherington. âWe'll never guess.'
âA bell-push under the carpet by my foot,' said Margot Iverson calmly. âArthur got an electrician to do it during the week.'
âClever stuff,' exclaimed Tom as Edith bought in the puddings.
She placed a hot Normandy pudding for the doctor to serve and a
crème brûlée
for her mistress to offer to those who preferred it.
âA great nation, the French,' said Mrs Locombe-Stableford, eyeing the puddings.
âIn some ways, yes,' said Henry, a Foreign Office man to his fingertips even on Saturday evenings. âBut not all.'
âYou mustn't forget Cook's special wine sauce with the Normandy pudding,' said Margot Iverson. âShe's very proud of it.'
âOr the Barsac,' said Dr Iverson. âI think the ladies will like it â¦'
It was late by the time the meal was done and later still when the company rose from the coffee cups in the drawing-room.
It was early, though, the next morning when Wendy Witherington came back from the telephone. âThat was Brenda Anderson,' she said, looking shocked. âYou won't believe this but Margot Iverson died in the night â¦'
âNo! Surely not â¦' exclaimed Tom.
âWhat on earth from?' asked Henry.
âBrenda doesn't know,' said Wendy, âbut apparently poor Margot started being sick about one o'clock in the morning and then had a most frightful pain in her tummy.'
âAt least Arthur would have been there,' said her husband. âNothing like having a doctor in the house.'
âHe got very worried and immediately sent for one of the consultants from the hospital.'
âI should think so â¦' murmured Henry.
âAnd the consultant wanted to know what she'd had to eat, of course â¦'
âOf course.' Tom Witherington looked very solemn.
âAnd whether anyone else had been taken ill.'
âNaturally,' said Henry.
âThey were just going to check that we were all right when Margot suddenly got quite excitable and deliriousâso unlike her.'
Henry nodded. Margot Iverson had struck him as a very controlled woman.
âAnd then'âWendy's voice began to quaverââher breathing got very slow. Brenda says she was in a coma by the time they got her into the hospital. And then she just died ⦠Oh, isn't it too awful?'