INK: Abstraction (19 page)

"What are you
doing here?" Alarm cycles through me at hearing a voice other
than Gabriel's.

The rustling of leaves
draws my attention to where a man emerges from the thicket, wild eyed
and disheveled. His skin is honeyed by long exposure to the sun and
glistening with sweat, accentuating his exquisite form. Never before
have I ever cared what the names of muscles were, but right now I
want to name each and every one of them. The beads of sweat dripping
down his chest are tantalizing and I want to lick them, taste them,
and feel the saltiness on my tongue. Heat rises to my face and my
thighs throb. I release a breath, slow and sexy like smoke, while I
take him in, admire him. His arms are solid and flexing as he grips a
blood-soaked machete. Intricate symbols climb up his arms and across
his chest partly in the form of a maze, but wait. No, it’s
something else now. The ink in the tattoos appears to be in constant
motion, shifting and changing.

I’m mesmerized,
staring at him when his voice startles me out of the trance. "What
are you doing here?"

His voice clicks and I
realize it's “Aiden?”

“Answer me, what
are you doing here?” he demands, taking a step closer.

Gabriel pulls me into
him protectively, and I turn to him. “It’s okay.”

"Dancing, how
about you?" I wrap my arms around Gabriel as though we were
about to take flight on a dance floor.

"Who's this?"
Gabriel asks, pointing a finger toward Aiden.

"It's Aiden."
How rude of me not making the introductions. "Aiden Roth,
Gabriel Stokes; Gabriel Stokes, Aiden Roth." The silliness of my
brain and dream function overcomes me and a giggle escapes. This is a
very ridiculous dream, delicious, but ridiculous. Here I am in a ball
gown with two drop dead gorgeous men in the jungle.

They shake hands with
an unsurety I've never seen in either of them. Their discomfort is
apparent. Aiden puts his hands in his pockets. "Um, nice to meet
you, Gabriel."

Gabriel rocks on his
feet. "Likewise."

"So, I'm here to
dance, what brings you out to the jungle on this fine day?" I
ask Aiden, full of acceptance for the preposterous situation.

Aiden looks me square
in the eye and says, "Trying to get away from you."

My insides cinch in a
sharp revelation, my smile fades. "What?" It comes from my
mouth as a barely audible whisper as pain spikes down my spine.

"Wow,"
Gabriel remarks and pulls me into him closer to shield me from
Aiden's hurt. "What the hell is wrong with you, man?"

"You don't
understand." Aiden's expression changes from determined to
remorseful. "I have to. I don't have a choice." He looks
down at the ground and shuffles one foot.

"Why don't you
have a choice?" I take two tentative steps toward him. He
matches them backward.

"Because," he
says simply, "you need to live your life. I'm done; I've had my
chance at it all. Now I'm—I'm—I'm just dead." His
words resonate through me like a bell that's been struck with a
wrecking ball.

"No." I reach
for him and he turns away defeated and disappears through the leaves.
My arm remains extended long after the foliage stops moving from his
disturbance.

Gabriel lays his hands
on my bare shoulders. He leans down and whispers in my ear, "It's
going to be okay. He was never yours anyway. I know how your heart
has ached for him. But now it is done." He presses a kiss on the
back of my head. "Come on, come be with me. Let's find that
dance floor."

I think for a solid
minute. It isn't as though I didn't already know he was gone. This is
something I’ve already come to terms with in many ways. I
relive many of the sweet moments from our life together: the good,
the bad, and now the end. With a sad smile I blow my last unspent
kiss into the air as my goodbye to Aiden. I touch Gabriel's hand on
my shoulder. "Do you think we'll find one?"

"It's your dream
and for now you're in control."

"You're right.
Let's go." I turn in the opposite direction that Aiden went. I
stop short and press my lips together. “But the water.”

Gabriel sweeps me up
into his arms and my ball gown wooshes and poofs. A reluctant laugh
makes its way through the sadness as Gabriel crosses the stream.

He looks at me with
warmth and unspoken hunger just beneath. "You're incredibly
beautiful when you laugh, smile...everything."

My cheeks fill with
color, forcing me to look away from the intensity of his gaze. In
that moment I have no idea what I look like here. It's not like I've
ever looked in the dream-mirror. Gabriel is seeing something that
can’t be the reality. I look at my arms around his neck. My
skin is flawless, no marks, no cuts or bruises. Little wonder he
thinks I'm beautiful, he's not seeing the real me.

"Hey, we're here
to dance, you're not allowed to dwell on anything." Gabriel
continues carrying me through the vegetation.

"Yes sir.
Dancing." I force the smile he needs from me and bury my face in
his chest.

"Ah, yes, can you
hear the music?" he asks.

The orchestral peal of
the violins filters through the greenery. Amazement and joy replace
most of my sadness. "I can hear it. It's beautiful."

We enter a clearing
with hundreds of pulsing fireflies creating a warm yellowish hue.
Palm fronds are woven together, forming a checkerboard dance floor. I
offer him a curious smile and ask, "Did you do this?"

Mischief betrays his
gaze."No, my love, this I'm sure is all you."

We sway to the rhythm
of the music, then after a while we are just holding each other,
reveling in the peace. The music has been replaced by the night
sounds of a jungle. "Gabriel?"

"Yes," he
whispers softly in my ear, nibbling it.

"Can I stay here
forever?" My voice is laced with the innocence of a child. I
never want to leave. There's a perceived safety here and I feel
beautiful, something I'll never feel again in the waking world.

There I’m covered
with scars like some Frankenstein, throwback, emo kid who’s
into cutting. Except my scars won't be the result of my stupidity,
they are the result of someone's hatred for me.

"I'm sorry, no."
He presses a kiss on my shoulder. "Besides, you should remember
safety is only an illusion. Here or anywhere." Gabriel hesitates
when he sees the fear in my eyes. "I'm here to keep you safe,
and I will always try. But neither of us really knows what
this
is."

"I don't care what
it is. I just don't want it to end." I'm like a child who
doesn't want to leave the playground, but can you blame me?

"Let’s not
question the time we have together, I’m just happy to have it.”
He touches his forehead to mine.

The jungle falls
silent; no crickets, no birds, no music. Just an eerie hush that
hollows my bones. Gabriel noticed too and is on alert. Horrific
screams travel through the air. Without thinking, Gabriel takes off
toward the screaming with me following close behind. The wailing is
getting further away. We can’t run fast enough to catch up.
Gabriel has already disappeared through the vegetation.

Think, Shay, I have to
move faster. I push through the leaves and run smack into a horse all
saddled up and ready to go. It’s a dream, I’m not going
to question it. Hopefully the horse doesn’t know I really can’t
ride.

I catch up with Gabriel
and he looks back, shocked. “What the hell?”

“Get on. My
dream, my rules.” I offer my hand. He swings up behind me and
we race through the trees until we reach a clearing where we see
Aiden and the Specter.

The Specter has a knife
inches from Aiden’s throat. Aiden is fighting for his life.
Gabriel jumps down off the horse and runs toward them, pushing the
Specter off of Aiden. The knife goes flying into the underbrush,
lost. The Specter recovers fast and knocks Gabriel down. I run to
Aiden, but my feet feel like they are made of concrete. I push
forward, but I’m stopped by an invisible force that is keeping
me from Aiden. The Specter looks toward me with his hollow eyes. “You
will not be a heroine tonight, my love.”

He produces another
long knife that has a blinding glint to it. I shield my eyes but
don’t look away. Through gritted teeth I seethe into the
Specter. “I won’t let you hurt him.”

Aiden lays helpless on
the ground with the Specter poised to plunge the knife into his
chest. Gabriel looks at me with a hopeless expression in his eyes. “I
can’t move.”

The Specter shifts his
maniacal gaze to Aiden and then to me. He rises and glides toward me.
“You’ve become a strong little thing, haven’t you?”
A smile plays in the hollow of his mouth. “Excellent. Would you
like to do the honors?” He holds the knife out to me.

With purpose I take the
knife from the Specter and go to Aiden. My fingers wrap around the
handle with all of my strength. Aiden's panic subsides when I convey
a silent message of love. His face softens, he’s either
resolved to die or he knows I’d never hurt him.

The Specter stands
directly behind me and whispers in my ear, “Do it, this can be
your first mercy kill.”

“Yes, yes it
will.” I raise the knife above my head and bring it down with
all my might, turning and stabbing the Specter directly where his
heart would be. Satisfaction fills me when the Specter’s
expression fills with shock.

“You, you…”
He stumbles backward.

Aiden howls in agony. I
look down at him and he’s holding his hand to his chest. Blood
is streaming through his fingers.

“No!” I
bend down to him, pressing my hands on his chest. “What the
fuck is this?” The words ride out on an agonizing screech.

Gabriel drops down to
help with Aiden while the Specter fills the air with an evil cackle.
“I know I can’t trust you yet, my love.”

“What have you
done?” I scream at him.

“I did nothing,
you did this.” His oozing smile makes me feel sick to my
stomach.

Aiden’s coughing
and struggling for air, his head is in my lap and I tell him with
soft eyes, “You have to hold on, it’s going to be okay.”

Aiden rests his bloody
hand upon my face. “I know you didn’t mean to—”
He coughs a few times and blood stains the corner of his mouth.

“No, no, no don’t
do this.” Despair mixed with anger burns in me as tears stream
down my cheeks. Aiden releases his final breath, it sounds just like
Nigel’s.

A fierce pain rips
through my insides and my tears fall even faster than before. Hot
burning anger mixed with sorrow prompts me to look down into Aiden's
eyes one last time. I press a kiss directly on his bloodied lips.
“Goodbye, my love.”

With hatred pouring
from my soul I go to the Specter and wrap my hands around his neck
and squeeze. His eyes grow dim. Seeing his light dwindle urges me to
squeeze harder.

The scene is fading and
I know I’m about to wake up. I can’t let this go, I have
to see this through; I can’t wake up. The Specter’s
greasy grin is the last thing I see before opening my eyes in the
hospital room, looking straight into Eli’s concerned gaze.

“Shay, you’re
having a nightmare,” he says, pushing the hair out of my face.

“Oh God no, no.”
The tears stream down my face more from anger than sadness. “I
almost had him. I almost had the Specter.”

“You're
bleeding.” Eli touches my lips.

My fingers find the
moisture. I know it's there, I know what it is, it's Aiden's blood. I
pull my hand away from my face and look at the blood then to Eli.
“How many times do I have to say goodbye to him?”

Shay

The
world seems so different as it passes by at seventy miles an hour.
Eli and I are on the highway heading home. Over the scrub oaks to the
west I can see bits and pieces of the St. John’s River. I’ll
never look at it the same ever again. It used to be a place I
remembered fondly, where I’ve been airboating with Aiden
hundreds of times or fishing with Dad on the weekends. Now it will
forever be the place where my body was found. Where Nigel’s
body was found and now where they are looking for Aiden.

Aiden.

He looked so different
in my nightmare last night. He looked rough,
really
rough,
like some crazed mercenary. And all those tattoos. Sure he had a
couple before, but not those intricate patterns on his arms. He
looked bigger too. It's amazing how our mind either tries to protect
us or destroy us in our subconscious dream state. No way that was
him. He's gone.

“Penny for your
thoughts?” Eli’s voice breaks the silence and he rests a
tender hand on my thigh.

“A penny would be
too much,” I answer, smiling at the memory of our routine that
we do.

“Seriously,
what’s on your mind?”

“How the world
looks so different,” I answer somewhat honestly. If I’m
going to give this a real shot with Eli, talk of Aiden has to be off
the table for now. I don't envy Eli and how he's going to have to
reconcile all of this. Regardless of anything else, they were close,
closer than he's ever been to Jerry.

“I know I’ll
never look at things the same. The world where I thought I had lost
you was a dark place.” He blows out a breath. “I’ll
never lose faith in you again, Shay.”

Eli’s words
resonate in me, triggering a pang of discomfort. I didn’t
realize he had lost faith in me, it never crossed my mind that he
might. There is some consolation knowing that he learned his lesson
and won’t ever again.

This is what it’s
going to be like for a while. All of this uncertainty, everyone tip
toeing on eggshells. Still the thought of him having lost faith in me
is sitting in my stomach like a fifty-cent taco. After a long silence
I ask over the hum of the engine, “You lost faith in me?”