INK: Abstraction (20 page)

He rubs his chin and
steals a glance in my direction. “I didn’t lose faith in
you, I lost faith in myself being able to save you.” He
refocuses on the road and the corners of his eyes fill with moisture.
“All I wanted to do is come to you, save you and show you how
much I love you. But I couldn't even do that.” He breathes out
a sarcastic laugh. “As it would happen you were simply the
princess who saved herself. You didn't need me.”

I tangle my fingers
with his and squeeze. I can’t think of what to say, because
more than anything having Eli come and take me away from that place
is what I prayed for over and over.

Eli inhales a deep
breath, considering his words. “But it seems like I’ve
been trying to do that my whole life. I wonder if I can ever really
save you, show you.”

His words ground me
deeper in silence. Profound sadness mixes with anger. I’m not
sure what his underlying implications are. Is he saying I’m not
salvageable? Is he saying I’m incapable of recognizing his love
for me?

Every word I say has to
be carefully considered. My anger needs to be under control so as not
to be too rash. Speaking is one of those things I’m going to
work at, or rather
not
speaking. It won’t be easy, but I
can't regret my words as they spill out of my mouth. Safe it is.
“Eli, I love you. I know you love me.”

I go back to staring
out the window in silence. It’s safer. The landscape draws my
attention and helps to quiet my mind. When I finally achieve a focus
I hear Eli’s voice in my head. “
I’ll never give
up on her; as long as I live I’ll never ever let her go
.”

A half smile forms on
my lips and I look at him intent on the road. He takes his hand back
to downshift as we get off the highway and stop at the red light. He
looks over at me with watery eyes and smiles. “I will love you
forever.”

“I can’t
imagine the world where I don’t love you.” I bore into
him with the honesty of my words. Regardless of everything else, I’ve
never known a day that I didn’t love Eli Walker.

He leans across the
center console, putting both hands on my face, connecting our lips in
a sweet tentative kiss. My hands caress his face and I feel the
stubble of a few days of not shaving. It feels good under my fingers;
the warmth of his skin ignites something in me. My mouth opens,
inviting him in.

His kisses are careful
and gentle, but they still set me on fire. I begin to writhe in my
seat and push harder into his mouth. I grab his tie and pull him in
closer.

We’re interrupted
by the car behind us blowing its horn, letting us know the light has
turned green. Eli’s face blooms red with embarrassment while he
puts the car in first gear and speeds through the intersection. I
can’t help but laugh out loud. “Oops.” I wipe his
moisture from my lips and can’t help but stare at him. “Sorry.”

“Why are you
sorry?” he asks, shifting the car into third gear.

“The whole horn
thing and all,” I answer.

“Fuck em,”
Eli says, shrugging. “I’ll piss off an entire fleet of
cars for you to kiss me like that again.”

“Well, okay then.
But you do know that was Carl behind us, right?”

He turns his head fully
in my direction to make his point. “Fuck him.”

“Alrighty then.”

Eli slows the car as we
approach the front entrance to his neighborhood. Of course there is
still a throng of reporters. I shrink down into my seat trying to
hide. I don’t care how dark the windows are tinted, I don’t
want anyone to see me.

“Sorry,”
Eli says as if he's to blame.

“It’s not
your fault, just try to get through them without hurting anyone,”
I huff. “Or not. When are they going to leave me alone?”

“When they have
some other carcass to circle,” he says exasperated.

***

Walking into the
kitchen at Eli’s house feels like home. There’s a comfort
and warmth here that makes me feel as though everything will be okay.
Rex doesn’t come to greet me immediately. Eli walks in behind
me.

“Where’s
Rex?”

“Weird, I would
have thought he would be bowling you over by now,” Eli says,
looking around the house. He checks the back yard, and then the
bedrooms. I hear his voice coming down the hallway. “Come on
buddy.” He and Rex enter the great room walking slowly. “He’s
being a lazy dog.”

“Hey buddy, I
missed you.” I get down on one knee to scratch his ears. He
shies away from me and won’t let me touch him. Rex cowers
behind Eli. “That’s odd; he’s never done that
before.”

“What’s the
matter?” Eli bends down, scratching under his chin, studying
him.

“
I don’t
think he likes me very much.
” The Specter’s voice
rings in my head.

“Shit,” I
say out loud.

Carl walks in the front
door and stops short. Horror contorts his expression at what he’s
seeing.

“What’s
wrong?” Eli asks standing up from Rex, who bolts out of the
room as soon as he’s set free.

“Can you not see
it?” Carl asks, which prompts me to look around so I can see it
too.

“Oh Jesus.”
Eli takes three steps back from me with wide, terrified eyes.

“What?”
Everyone’s eyes are on me.

Carl puts his hands in
front of him in what is meant to be a calming motion. “Don’t
panic, I’m going to need you to focus.” When he reaches
me, he puts his hands on my shoulders. “The Specter is here and
he’s surrounding you. Let’s see if you’re ready to
handle this.”

Panic fills me and I
suck in a sharp breath. “Oh God.” I try to quiet my
thoughts like Carl has been teaching me.

“You can do this
and I’m right here.” Carl’s tone is patronizing,
but I don’t mind one bit.

Eli’s
horror-stricken looking at me, paralyzed with fear. Now more than
ever I know I have to show him that I’m strong. I nod my head.
“I can do this.”

I inhale and find my
center. “Specter, you can’t have me. You can’t
invade me and you will never be part of me.” I chant until I
believe the words.

Carl’s expression
is all I need to see in order to know that I’m winning this
battle. He nods at me, pleased with my progression.

“You will be
mine. You’re ripe and ready for me.” The Specter swirls
around in an ethereal smoke that would be beautiful were it not laced
with death.

“Jesus Christ.”
I hear Dad’s voice.

“Shhh, she’s
got this,” Carl snaps at Dad.

“No, I may be
ripe, but never for you. You will never have me.” My hands move
in a circular motion and I envision blowing him away in a gale force
wind.

“What the fuck is
that?” Eli’s eyes are wide with terror.

“Yes, Shay, what
is that?” Miranda’s voice comes from behind dad as she
moves toward me.

“
That
is
the Specter.” I’m feeling very vindicated for everyone in
the room who didn’t believe me.

“Miranda.”
Carl says her name like it’s poison. I’m really getting
the vibe between these two. I can’t hear Carl’s internal
voice at all.

“Carl.” She
looks at him with her lips pursed as she tries to walk past him to
me. Carl stands between us.

“The Specter,
huh?” She looks at Dad, who looks a little lost. “So you
don’t believe in any of this paranormal stuff, Harry?”

Dad is aghast. “I’m
not sure what to make of it.” Carl lets him by to see me. Dad
studies me then the dark swirling smoke of the Specter that’s
dissipating rapidly until all that’s left is the smell of
burning matches.

Carl pulls his phone
from his pocket. “Pitch, I’m going to need you and Quag
to come back to Eli’s. We have Specter activity.” He
hangs up without giving Pitch a chance to speak.

Everyone is staring at
me as though I may have some sort of explanation. The intensity of
everyone’s fear is daunting. Eli breaks the silence when he
comes to me and puts his hands on my shoulders. “Are you okay?”

“I’m okay,
shaken, but okay.” I welcome his touch and fold myself into his
arms.

“Shay, I think
this would be a good time to talk about what just happened and how
it’s related to recent events.” Miranda tries to ply me
with a sweet motherly voice, but I’m not buying it.

“I think she
probably should lie down,” Eli says, ushering me toward the
bedroom.

“Eli, I would
like some time to talk with Shayleigh.” Dad’s giving Eli
the command voice; we all know it’s a demand, not a request.

“Darlin’,
what would
you
like to do?” Carl asks, full of concern.

“I think I’d
like to talk about it.” I inhale a breath to finish my
statement.

Carl’s voice
enters my mind, sounding distant but audible. “You cannot talk
to Miranda. Not yet. We have to talk to McNab first.”

Miranda turns serious
as she sits on the couch and takes a notebook out of her bag.

“Let’s do
it after I’ve gotten some rest.” I take Eli’s hand
and turn toward the hallway.

“No Shayleigh, we
need to talk about this now.” Dad sits on the couch, letting me
know he’s not giving up.

“Harry, if she
wants to rest, we should let her rest,” Eli argues.

“Eli, I have no
idea what the hell that was, where it came from or where it went. If
Shayleigh can tell me what I just saw I know I’ll feel a hell
of a lot better.”

“No, Dad, you
won’t feel better.” My tone is coarse and he’s
taken aback. “I’ve been living with this for awhile now,
in my dreams, in my waking world.” I clench my fist and squeeze
Eli’s hand. “I don’t want to talk about it now, I
want to figure out how to defeat it, and I’m sure you aren’t
going to be any help on that tip.”

“Shayleigh,
all
I want to do is help you,” Dad pleads, clearly offended by my
words.

“Really, Dad?
Then maybe you should start believing in me. And if you could stop
talking about me like I’m not in the room, I’d appreciate
it.”

“Honey, your Dad
believes in you. We just want to help you.” Miranda puts her
hand on my dad’s knee. The sight of her touching him makes me a
little sick.

Ignoring Miranda, I
address Carl directly. “I’m going to lie down for a
little while and then I want to get back to training. You game?”

“I’ll be
ready when you are, darlin’.” He smiles with a hint of
pride at how I stood up to everyone.

Dad and Miranda both
stand to protest. I’m not listening to anything they have to
say. I’m perfectly happy to hide in Eli’s bedroom until I
can figure this out. It may be the closest to safe I’ll get,
whatever safe is.

Eli closes the door to
the bedroom and stops to stare at me. He sees me with different eyes.
His penetrating gaze makes me feel uncomfortable; the cuts on my arms
immediately begin to burn and itch as though him looking at me has
incited them.

“What?” My
gaze falls to the floor.

“You amaze me is
all.” There’s a smile in his voice.

“Oh, yeah, the
amazing Shay.” I roll my eyes at the suggestion of my
greatness.

He takes the few steps
toward me slow, careful, and takes my hands. “You do amaze me.
You stood up to them, you aren’t flipping out even though you’d
certainly have good reason and you are incredibly beautiful. Of
course I’m amazed.” He touches his forehead to mine.

“Yeah, well, all
I feel right now is tired and broken.” My voice is raspy with
exhaustion.

“Yes, but I’m
watching you, and the more ‘broken’ you are, the stronger
you become. You’ve got this weird thing with Carl that’s
apparently helping
and
you haven’t completely lost your
shit even though no one would blame you.” He runs one finger
down the length of my arm.

“Thanks.” I
press a tight smile.

“No, thank you.”
He says, “Now we have to figure out how we’re going to
keep the vultures at bay.” His eyes motion toward the living
room.

“God, what’s
the deal with Miranda? I know that Carl doesn’t like her, I’m
getting the sense that you don’t like her either, but Dad…Dad
seems okay with her,” I ask, really not understanding why she’s
even here. “And that ‘honey’ bullshit? It doesn’t
take a clairvoyant to see she’d flay me alive for lunch if she
were hungry.”

“Things are
running a lot deeper and a lot more mysterious with your dad right
now. I had no idea he was part of some organization that he won’t
talk about.” He sits on the bed, turning me toward him, not
letting go of my hands. “He’s into something very dark,
and I’m worried.”

“Eli, since all
of this started, and I mean way back when
all
of this began
with Elise, Dad hasn’t been…” I have to think for
a moment. Of course when you lose a child you change, but this is
different. This is more than just the grief of losing a child, “He
hasn’t been himself at all. I’ve known about him doing
contract work on and off since we were kids. Before he made
commissioner he did it to make extra cash. Then when he retired he
fell in with it pretty much full time. He retired because Mom was
sick, but then he wasn’t there at all because he was always off
on one consultancy after the next. Leaving me with Mom, who’d
already given up.” I hang my head at the reality of all that.
I’d never said it out loud before, that Mom gave up, but it was
true. I sit on the bed beside Eli and huff out a breath.

“I know she did.”
Eli says the words low and quiet as though he were ashamed. “I
should have been there for you.”

I look up at Eli. “You
were, in your own way.”

“No, I wasn’t.
I let you down. I should have helped you with her. I should have
gotten
you
through it.” The regret runs deep in his
tone.

“Eli, try to
remember, I’m not as fragile as everyone’s making me out
to be.” I realize how ridiculous that sounds considering he’s
presently protecting me from my own father at the moment. I shrug.
“At any rate I’m really not feeling very tired, but I
think I would like to meditate and practice what Carl has been
teaching me.”