Inseparable Strangers (18 page)

Opening
my eyes, I watched him as he stared back at me with so much love. Never in my
life had anyone looked at me the way he did. “I love you,” he mouthed as he
released himself in me. As my orgasm exploded, my body spasmed and I screamed
out in ecstasy. He just declared his love for me. I think I love him.

My
heart swelled with love right before it broke.

The
realization of déjà vu came at me strong and hard. I remembered. I remembered
the almost same exact dream with Aaron not long after I’d first brought him
home. He’d tricked me. He’d fooled me into thinking I was dreaming when really
he’d fucked me over. Literally.

The
person or figure or whatever the hell I thought I’d seen after I awoke had to
have been him. He played me. I treated him like shit, and he retaliated by
taking advantage of me.

And
the other dreams…were those him too?

“You
lied to me,” I said sitting still on my bed, staring out my window. The bare
branches swayed back and forth as the cold front blew in a wicked wind. “This
isn’t the first time we’ve had sex. The first time you visited me in my dreams,
you threatened me. The second time, you let me suck you off. And the third time
we had sex,” I said in a robotic tone. “Why? Why would you do that to me after
what we have now? You’re not who I thought you were. Go. Leave my house. Leave
me alone.” Tears stung my eyes but I wasn’t about to let him see how weak I
was. I repeated the words ‘I hate you’ over and over in my mind so he wouldn’t
be able to read any of my inner thoughts.

“Lennox,
please? Let me explain,” he pleaded, rubbing my shoulder in hopes of comforting
me.

I
jerked away from his touch. “Don’t touch me. Just go.”

“It’s
not what it seems.” He tugged on the back of his hair in frustration. “It is
but it isn’t. Just hear me out. Please?” he begged.

“You
threatened my life. You let me suck your dick!” I spat between gritted teeth.
“Then you had sex with me without my permission. I think that would classify as
rape in most cases,” I yelled. I was seething mad by this point.  

Aaron
turned me around to face him and held me in place by my shoulders. “I’m sorry,
Lennox. Please know I would never hurt you. However things may seem or look, I
promise I would never hurt you.”

But
you already have.
Dammit.
Get control of yourself,
Lennox. Stop thinking.

“I
know you think that but, please believe me. I was angry with you then.”

He
was on his knees in front of me; begging for my forgiveness. He meant what he
said and it almost pained me to watch him suffer. Almost. But, I couldn’t
forgive him so easily. In my eyes, there was no excuse for his actions. I
fucking saved his life and playing me like a fool was his way of repaying me. I
closed my eyes. Shutting him out was the only way I could cope at the moment.

“Lennox,
look at me,” he said, shaking me by my shoulders. Unwillingly, I opened my
eyes. Big mistake.

“I
have fallen in love with you. I. Love. You. I fucking love you so much I would
give up my chances of ever becoming alive again just to have your love. I don’t
regret anything I’ve done. If it meant meeting you and falling in love with
you, I would do it a hundred times over.”

I
shook my head. “Don’t.” Tears threatened again, but I fought them back. “I
can’t do this right now. I can’t take anymore shitty news today.” Closing my
eyes, I whispered, “Please, if you care anything about me, you’ll just go and
leave me alone.”

His
lips crashed into mine hard, then nothing. The room fell silent. Vacant.

Slowly,
I opened my eyes. Looking around, I finally found myself alone. Or at least I
hoped I was alone. The weight of an elephant sat on my chest, and just when I
didn’t think I could hold it in any longer, a tear fell from the corner of my
eye. That was all it took for the window to my heart to open up and release all
the ache I’d been holding in. Burying my head in my pillow, I cried hard.

When
I heard Aaron almost tell me he loved me, then later found my mother, I thought
it was the happiest day of my life. How quickly dreams become shattered within
minutes. Swallowing the realization of them both no longer being here, nearly
broke my spirit.

The
sound of motorized equipment from my back yard woke me up. “Who the hell is
mowing dead grass in November?” I muttered to myself. With unsteady legs, I
stumbled out of bed, walked over to my window, and pulled the curtains aside.
Aaron was outside mowing over dead leaves with the lawnmower. The bagger was
attached to the back, sucking up everything off the grass.

The
sight of him stabbed my heart. I’d slept a dreamless night, and when I awoke,
the remnants of the day before somehow never crossed my mind. But now, seeing
him, everything flooded back in.

Damn
him and his sneaky ways. I’d forgotten I’d agreed to allow him to stay and take
care of the house in order to repay me for taking care of him.

Grabbing
my robe and sliding into my fuzzy pink slippers, I walked downstairs to the
back door in the kitchen. The air was frigid and the icy wind sliced through me
like a knife.

As
Aaron turned the lawnmower around and made his way back toward the house to
suck up another row of leaves, he caught sight of me standing on the back deck.
Our eyes sought one another out, and my heart rate sped up at an unsteady pace.
It hurt to see him. It hurt because I loved him so much, but I was so angry at
him at the same time. I felt so betrayed.

He
killed the blades and drove up close to the deck. Turning the engine off, he
leaned up and rested his elbows on the control arms. He looked up at me,
squinting from the sun shining in his eyes.

“When
I told you to leave last night, I didn’t mean just my bedroom. I meant my
house. My property. Your job here is finished. Zoila and the groundskeeper are
coming back. You’ve more than repaid me, so there is nothing keeping you here
anymore.”

“Still
mad are you?”

“What,
you’re Yoda all of a sudden?” I said shaking my head with disgust. “Don’t try
to make light of the situation, Aaron. What you did was wrong and you know it.
There’s no taking it back.”

“You’re
really not going to change your mind are you?”

“Nope,”
I said, popping the P between my lips. “I saved you then mended you. In return,
you helped me find my mother, who has now disappeared again, and you threatened
me, let me suck you off, then fucked me without my permission,” I accused,
ticking off all four on my fingers.

Aaron
disappeared from the lawnmower, unexpectedly appearing in front of me. A gasp
escaped me from his sudden presence. “I don’t know how many more times I can
apologize for taking advantage of you. When you left me in the rain that day
without even saying a simple thank you, I was pissed. On the surface, you were
the rudest bitch I’d ever met in my life…or death. Then, when you found me, I
had no idea it was you until you kept suggesting I go to the hospital. Once I
realized who you were, I thought it was fate. For once in my life I was going
to have the chance to retaliate for the kind of shit I’d had handed to me all
my life.” He turned his back toward me and dropped his head down. If he wanted
me to feel sorry for him, it wasn’t happening.

“I
don’t want you to feel sorry for me. I just want you to forgive me.”

“Stay
out of my fucking head!” I screamed.

He
turned back around to face me. “Do you think you’re not in my head?” he argued,
pointing to his temple. “You may not be able to read my thoughts, but let me
tell you something, you are all I think about every waking hour. And guess
what? I don’t fucking sleep so that’s all the fucking time.” He paced back and
forth like a caged lion, then stopped and rested his hands against the railing.
He stared down at the lawnmower sitting vacant below. “At least you only have
me in your head. I have you in my head and heart,” he spoke softly and
mournfully.

Just
when I didn’t think the pain could get any worse, it did. I didn’t know what I
was supposed to say. He made me feel like a cold-hearted bitch and I hated him
for it. That was my life pre-Aaron. I’d came a long way in the last weeks and
turned over a new leaf. Or at least I thought I had.

“You
make me feel,” he said, interrupting me from my inner thoughts. “Every day
since you found me in the park, I’ve been changing.”

“What?”
That was meant to stay in my head.

“I
don’t know what’s going on, but you have to be my only explanation. The way I
feel deep in my chest when I’m around you. When I think about you…,” he shook
his head as if he were trying to find the right words, “my chest gets tight, I
get this weird sensation in my stomach. I mean, I swear I feel my heart pumping
blood through my veins. There’s just too many
feels
. It’s more than the
tingle in my fingers. You make me feel alive, Lennox. I think you’re bringing
back my ability to live.”

I
was stunned. Speechless. What. The. Hell.
How am I supposed to process
something like that?

“If
this is your way of diverting me from the problem at hand, then you’re sicker
than what I’d originally thought.” I turned around and walked into the house. I
wasn’t about to stand there and listen to his nonsense.

No
sooner than I shut the door behind me, he stood in front of me, blocking me
from going anywhere.

“You’re
not hiding from me, Lennox.” Resting both hands against the door on each side
of my head, he had me caged in.

“Who
said I was going to?”

“I
know you better than you know yourself, and that says a lot since I’ve only
known you for a little more than a month. You’re going to sit here and talk to
me. You’re going to listen to me. You can’t get rid of me, so you might as well
suck up your pride and face me like the strong, beautiful woman I know you
are.”

“Flattery
will get you nowhere,” I said blatantly.

“You’re
right it won’t, but I’m hoping the truth will.”

I
tried ducking under his arm but he lowered his arms each time I tried. “Fine.
You win,” I said with exasperation.

“It’s
not about winning. It’s about reasoning.” His hands rose toward my face but he
propped them back against the wall. Watching his body twitch told me he was
fighting the urge to touch me.

“I’m
trying to reason with you but you won’t let me by you so I can sit at the bar.”

“Oh,
well why didn’t you just say so.” He waved his hand out, giving me the ‘okay’
to walk by him.

“Since
you’ve been listening to every damn thought in my brain, I didn’t think it was
necessary to tell you.” I said through gritted teeth.

Cutting
my eyes at him, I walked around the bar and perched myself up on one of the
stools. Aaron stood on the opposite side, leaned over with his arms resting on
the counter. He was a little too close for comfort, but I knew if I protested,
he would just argue with me. By this point, I might as well keep my mouth shut
and let him do all the talking. The sooner he cleared his conscience, the
faster I could move on with my life.

Other
than the buzzing of the refrigerator, white noise closed in all around us.
Neither of us spoke a word. We just sat there staring in each other’s eyes. I
was shooting daggers at him. He was looking at me with lust…agony…love…and
maybe I saw a smidge of regret. Gah, I didn’t want to see remorse. He wasn’t
fooling me. I would not allow him to make me feel guilty.

He
broke our complicated gaze and cleared his throat. “You asked me about how I
died, and I told you part of the story, but I never told you everything. Since
I’m being honest with you, I want to come clean about who I am, who I used to
be, and exactly what happened to me.”

He
had my attention. I was a little intrigued and a whole lot of scared. I nodded,
indicating for him to keep going.

“I
had the typical, normal childhood, growing up in one of those neighborhoods you
watched on a family sitcom. I had the most loving and supportive parents.
Graduated from high school with honors. Went on to graduate college with my
master’s in Business Administration, which helped me to snag a pristine job at
a Real Estate Company. But after the strain on the economy, the company decided
to let its newest employees go. That put me in the worst position of my life.
To make a long story short, I’d just bought a condo on the upper end of town; I
had a fairly new car, and a mound of student loans I was still paying for.
Granted, I was receiving unemployment, but that doesn’t last forever. My
parents were so proud of my accomplishments, so I couldn’t tell them I’d lost
my job. Instead, I suffered in silence. I hid my failure from them. The bills
kept piling up, but I couldn’t make enough money at a burger joint to pay them.
In the end, I lost everything I had, and my credit was ruined.

“To
keep from telling my parents the truth, I told them the company wanted to
transfer me to another location, and I pretended to move. I couldn’t allow them
to see I had failed so miserably. Eventually, I had to sell my car just to pay
my rent and utilities in an old run-down apartment on the rough side of town.
Before I knew it, my transportation to and from work became such a struggle
without a car, I ended up getting fired. Can you believe that?” he asked
shaking his head. “Getting fired from a fast food restaurant had to be one of
the most humiliating moments of my life.”

“As
you can imagine, things spiraled further down the hole, and it got to the point
where I could no longer afford my rent. That’s when I ended up in a homeless
shelter, eating my meals from a soup kitchen.” He looked away ashamedly, as if
I was judging him. I stopped judging his lifestyle when I realized I was
developing feelings for him.

“The
reason I looked so rugged when I changed your tire for you was because when I
died, I was living on the streets. I hadn’t bathed in weeks; I dug through
dumpsters looking for food because I was worried someone would see me at the
soup kitchen. It was bad. I’d hit rock bottom with nowhere to go.”

He
stepped away from the counter, and paced from the outside door to the opening
in the living room. After going back and forth several times, he came back to
the counter and settled back to his original spot. He scrubbed his hands over
his face, then rubbed his hands vigorously through his hair. His actions led me
to believe he was troubled by something. Maybe there was more to his story. His
experience was horrible, and I couldn’t imagine it getting worse.

He
took in a deep breath, which I found odd since he didn’t actually breathe. With
a loud exhale, he blurted out words I would never forget — “I saw your dad kill
your mother. And before you get upset with me for not telling you before now, I
didn’t know. It wasn’t until Sharon started to remember that I remembered, too.
I wanted to tell you right away, but you were so hurt by her disappearing, I
couldn’t put any more pain on you.”

“You’re
lying again. I don’t believe you. You’re just trying to hurt me now.” My voice
shook with anger.

“I
have no reason to hurt you. I’m trying to be honest with you here. You need to
know the truth.”

“What
if I don’t want to know the truth? Shouldn’t it be my decision? It’s like
you’re determined to repeatedly hurt me.” I couldn’t walk by him because I knew
he would try to stop me, so I turned around and ran toward the garage. If I
could get to my car quick enough, maybe I could get out of here before he could
torture me anymore.

I
snatched my keys off the wooden side table and opened the door. My heart
stopped for a mere second. Aaron’s robust green eyes stared at me. His eyelids
sagged, pleading for me not to go. “Please, don’t. I have more to tell you.”

“I
can’t hear anymore, Aaron,” I said covering my ears.

“Your
father was behind my death. I was a witness to your mother’s death, and he came
after me a week later.

Shaking
my head, I began to cry. “No. No. No. No. No!” I screamed, beating my fists
against his chest. “Stop. Just stop,” I begged, as I continued hitting him
until I no longer had the energy to move. “You’re lying,” I screamed. “Over and
over I asked you what happened and you always said you couldn’t remember.
Suddenly your memory came back and my father is the one who arranged your
death? I don’t believe you.”

Aaron
grabbed me by my wrist and pulled me to him. “I know. I know,” he said with a
harsh voice, but sorrow was carved around his eyes and mouth. “I had to tell
you that, Lennox, and I’m so sorry I lied.” He sighed. “Please forgive me.”

 “You’ve
severed my trust and it sucks. You betrayed me and it hurts. It hurts so bad,”
I told him with my hand over my heart. “You caused this!” I screamed. “Make it
go away, Aaron.” I buried my face into his chest and sobbed. “Please, just make
it go away.” My body shook as the agony poured out of me. Aaron wrapped his
arms around me and held me snug against him. His hand rubbed my back as the
other cradled my head.

“Shh…let
it out,” he whispered, placing tender kisses along my temple.

“Why
is all of this happening to me?” I asked, looking up at him; expecting him to
have all the answers. Was I admitting to myself that he was telling the truth?

“I
don’t know, baby. Please know I would never intentionally hurt you. I love you
too much.” He stared at me with worried eyes, and his eyebrows were pulled down
in concentration. “I wish I had an answer for you, but I don’t. I just don’t
know what to say.” He pulled me in closer than I thought possible, and rested
his cheek against my head. “I’m here. I won’t leave you. I promise,” he said
softly.