Insomnia (24 page)

I could hear Jeff grunting behind me but I couldn’t see him. “You know, if you untied me, I could help you,” I said.

His laugh was brittle. “I doubt you’d want to do that.”

He finally came into view, and I saw why he was struggling. He was dragging someone along the floor behind him. The body was half-rolled in a mat, the head covered in a black snow cap. It was agonizing, only being able to see a portion of the person at a time, but by the time Jeff dropped the mat, I could see the blood-soaked shirt that read
The police never think it’s as funny as I do
.

My gut clenched, and suddenly I couldn’t make my body respond to any of the orders my brain threw at it. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think. And the painful vacuum in my chest convinced me that my heart had refused to beat.

“Your little boyfriend doesn’t look so good, Parker.” Jeff stood in front of me with his hands on his knees. The smirk on his face made me gag.

Finn was dead, or dying, and Jeff was enjoying it. I couldn’t stand to see his face anymore—not ever again. He was close now … close enough …

When I kicked hard against my chair, flipping it up in the air and connecting my shoe with Jeff’s face, it felt eerily similar to an extremely solid soccer ball. He lurched backward and sprawled across the floor, and I crashed down too, landing on my bound wrists.

I felt two snaps in my left arm and yelled out in agony. I thought I would pass out from the pain, but Mia yelled something. Not words, actually; more like disjointed sounds. I rolled the chair toward her and my hands went oddly numb.

Jeff was out cold, blood flowing freely from a deep gash on the side of his head. When he fell, he’d knocked over the garbage can, and pieces of burning wood were scattered around the room. A couple were already burning themselves out on the concrete floor, but one had landed in the wood bin and the fire had started to spread.

“You–you–said–ahh–you–Parker.” Mia was breathing so fast her skin was stark white and her lips had a strange bluish tint to them. I knew if I couldn’t calm her down she wouldn’t be conscious for long, and then …

Well, then we’d all burn.

“Mia, I need you to come to me.” I spoke through gritted teeth, trying to forget the agony in my arm. She shook her head, her breathing actually speeding up more. “You need to take slower breaths. Everything is okay now. We’re leaving, okay? I need you to come untie me and then we’ll leave.”

She seemed uncertain, but she glanced at Jeff’s limp form and her breathing softened a little.

“There isn’t any fire between you and me. Can you come over here so we can go?”

Mia glanced over at the fire and froze, her body trembling so hard I thought she might fall over.

“Mia!” I shouted, and her eyes turned back to me. “Don’t look at the fire. Look at me. Keep your eyes on me. Like the dream, okay? It’s just us and we’re going to get out of here alive.”

She nodded and crawled toward me. By the time she made it across the first few feet, her breathing had slowed even more.

“Great job.” I spoke slowly and calmly, focusing on Mia and not the fire spreading from the wood bin to the desk. It moved fast, greedily consuming the papers and wood projects waiting to be graded.

“Can you focus on my hands? We need to untie them so we can leave.”

She moved around behind me and gasped. “One is br-broken.”

“I know. We need to go so I can get it fixed, okay?”

“Okay.” I could hear her sobbing as she scooted over to reach my ropes. With every tug, pain shot up my body and through the top of my head. I bit my tongue so hard it filled my mouth with blood. I couldn’t risk a scream escaping and frightening Mia back into her frozen state.

The room was filling with smoke now and I could feel heat waves pulsing from the blaze at the other side of the room.

“G-got it.” Mia tugged one last time and my hands were free. We got to our feet as smoke spilled out into the hallway and the fire alarms finally went off. Mia crouched down and covered her ears, her body racked with sobs. I rushed over to Finn. He was still breathing. A deep cut leaked blood from his stomach. Jeff must have stabbed him with the chisel.

I glanced down at my arms. My left one was useless. It was bent at an angle that looked so wrong. My right one was weak too, and my wrist had been rubbed raw, but there was no way I would leave Finn or Mia behind.

Pulling Mia to her feet with my right hand, I raised her chin until her eyes were level with mine. “We’re leaving now. I need you to hold on to my shoulder so you don’t hurt my arm. Okay?”

“Okay.” She nodded and coughed. The smoke was getting too thick. “G-get me out of here.”

Mia grabbed onto my left shoulder and I dragged Finn’s rug toward the hall with my good arm. I’d gotten the rug halfway through the doorway when it stopped moving.
Ducking low, I covered my mouth with my sleeve and peered through the smoke.

Jeff smiled back at me from the shop room. Blood ran down one half of his face.

“I’m … not … done.” His voice was low, gravelly. Mia whimpered into my shoulder.

“Mia, I need you to keep going.” I squeezed her hands and placed them on the rug. “I need you to pull Finn outside. I promise I won’t let Jeff get to you.”

Her eyes swirled with terror as they met mine. “You want me to leave you?”

“Yes.” I nodded. “Now go!”

I jumped over the rug without touching Finn and slammed my body into Jeff’s as hard as I could. The hit knocked him on his back, and as we slid across the floor I glanced behind me to see Mia pulling the rug into the hall. Even through the smoke, I could see how hard she was shaking. But she was still doing what I’d asked.

Jeff’s fist connected with my face and it felt like my cheek exploded. Then he was on his feet, and I saw him pull back to kick me. I rolled aside and out of the way. Every movement made my broken arm scream in agony. He was coughing, and he staggered to one side. Keeping myself low to the floor, I waited. I could breathe; he couldn’t.

I found a piece of wood nearby and held it tight in my good hand. If I was going to get out alive, I needed to make my move. But I couldn’t just run. He’d come after us once already, and I had to make sure Mia had enough time to get Finn out.

It felt like everything had slowed down, and I took a deep gulp from the disappearing pocket of fresh air. I watched Jeff bend his knees and duck to get below the smoke. His crazed eyes met mine. I saw in them what I’d seen in the eyes of Mr. Flint so many weeks ago, when he’d killed his wife, and in the eyes of Darkness. Jeff would kill me without a second thought if I let him.

He lunged toward me as I swung, and I felt my makeshift weapon connect with his head. The sickening, solid thud reminded me of the way it felt when I’d hit Dr. Freeburg with the paperweight. I pushed aside the thought and watched Jeff stumble forward. I scrambled back, but when I saw that his eyes were closed and he was heading directly toward the fire, I dropped the wood, reached out, and grabbed his shirt.

He turned to face me, blinking in confusion. His pupils were different sizes and he glanced down to where my hand was gripping the fabric. His face filled with anger.

“Stop, Jeff!” I pleaded with him, seeing him start to pull away.

“Shut up and get off me.” He shoved against my shoulder and I lost my grip. I stared in horror as he walked backward into the flames.

I couldn’t watch. I turned my back, ducked low, and ran out the door as his screams echoed behind me.

I was halfway down the hall before I saw them. Mia was on her knees, still trying to pull Finn as her shoulders shook with sobs. Finn was heavy, and it was clear Mia couldn’t breathe. I could barely breathe myself and I wasn’t trying to lug another person around. My vision was already getting blurry and my throat burned from the smoke. The nearest doors were the ones by the gym, but they were still about ten feet away. We had to make it. After all this … I wouldn’t let them die now.

I knelt beside Mia and she turned tear-filled eyes on me. “You’re here.”

“Not for long.” I grabbed the opposite corner of the rug with my good hand and ducked even lower for one more breath of clean, cool air. “Let’s go.”

“Thank you,” she choked out. Then we both pulled as hard as we could, toward the cold snow and fresh air outside.

thirty-two

By the time we got out, sirens were sounding in the distance. We collapsed onto the snow, both of us gagging and coughing out the smoke that permeated our bodies. As soon as the spasms stopped, I checked on Finn. He was still breathing, but it made a weird rasping sound. There was so much blood. Careful to avoid my broken wrist, I took off my sweatshirt and secured it against his wound.

I couldn’t take anymore. I buried my face in the snow, letting the cold seep in through my blistered skin. After all that, was it not enough? Would Finn die anyway?

There was a soft tug at my shoulder and I sat up. Mia wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me close. “Thank you,” she whispered, hot tears burning on my cheek. “I’m so sorry I thought it was you.”

I didn’t know how to respond. There was really only one answer.

“Me too.”

We held each other as the fire spread deeper into the school. Ashes mingled with the snow and fell on us as we coughed and cried until the paramedics arrived and pulled us apart. One of them inspected my arm, but I jerked it away.

“I’m fine. Help him!” I pointed toward Finn, even though two paramedics were already hurrying him toward one of the ambulances on a stretcher. I only caught pieces of words—“loss of blood,” “uneven breathing,” and “John Doe.” The ambulance sped away immediately, its siren blaring through the frosty air.

I couldn’t feel anything anymore. I could barely think. Dread coated my veins as I wondered if he would make it. I didn’t think I could take the answer right now. Only one thing seemed important enough for me to try to speak.

I turned to the paramedic next to me. “His name is Finn Patrick,” I rasped. My throat felt like I’d swallowed a dozen hot coals. “He’s my best friend.”

She nodded. “I’ll let them know.”

It was getting dark. The sun was probably setting even though it hadn’t really made an appearance all day. Half the school was ablaze but I kept my back to it. Every time I faced it, I could feel the heat and smoke on my skin again. People parked along the street, milling about in groups and speaking in hushed tones.

“Were you the only ones in the school?” a firefighter asked Mia. She stared at him, and then I heard a rough sob escape her lips.

“There was one other guy, in the shop room,” I gasped, against the pain in my throat. “He started the fire.”

Two firemen headed back into the school. The paramedic nodded and pushed me back onto a stretcher. She jabbed an IV in my arm and set an oxygen mask over my face. She kept talking to me, but I couldn’t answer questions anymore. I closed my eyes and tried to picture Addie’s dream, tried to feel the cool mist instead of the hot, choking smoke. I tried to picture her smiling instead of crying. Then I slipped down into my familiar void.

Every piece of me itched and ached simultaneously. I wanted to roll over to ease the irritation, but my left arm was bound tight and held in place. I blinked and saw I was back in the hospital. As my eyes focused, they came to rest on Mia. She wore a hospital robe and was gripping my free hand.

“M—ah?” My vocal cords were so painful they felt like flames licking my throat.

She turned to face me. It was the first time in months that I’d seen her eyes without fear in them.

“No, don’t talk. Here, have some ice to suck on. It helped me a lot.” Her voice was hoarse too, but nothing like mine. She had a small oxygen tank beside her and a tube beneath her nose. A bandage covered the gash on her forehead.

I took the chopped ice and sucked on a few pieces. They brought instant relief, and I relaxed back into my pillow. Memories from the school came to me and only one thing mattered.

“Finn?” I managed to choke the word out.

“He’s going to be okay. They gave him some blood and removed his spleen, but he’s fine.”

I released the breath I’d been holding and all my tension flowed out with it. Mia and Finn were okay. Everything was okay.

“They’re trying to get ahold of your mom, but before she gets here, I want you to listen. Please?”

I nodded, and she continued. “I thought about what you told me—about the dreams. I remember everything, I think. And what I didn’t remember, Finn and Addie told me about. I really owe you.” Her voice was quiet, but her eyes held mine.

Was she crazy? Of course she didn’t owe me. I shook my
head, but Mia frowned until I stopped.

“Yes, I do. You saved my life.” She squeezed my uninjured hand and smiled. “Now I’m going to save yours.”

I waited. I couldn’t really talk anyway.

Mia pulled on one strand of singed hair as she spoke. “I want you to watch my dreams. And not just tonight … every night.”

I opened my mouth and got out the one word I really needed to say: “No.”

I couldn’t let her do that. Maybe I wasn’t as bad as I’d thought, but I still wasn’t normal. I’d probably killed Dr. Freeburg. I didn’t send the e-mails, but Darkness was still real. Mia was sitting here, volunteering to be the answer I’d wanted her to be—and what Darkness still wanted her to be. I could feel his delight, see him laughing in the back of my mind. He enjoyed it; he was the reason I’d sat outside her house in the middle of the night. He’d caused my accident. I wasn’t safe and I wouldn’t risk it.

Her jaw tightened. “Yes.”

“No.”

She groaned. “Come on, don’t you see? It will help both of us.”

I opened my mouth to argue again, but her last sentence stopped me. I waited for her to explain.

“I need you to be there.” Her cheeks flushed. She looked down and fiddled with the hem of her hospital gown. “You helped me even when I thought you were a monster. You can help me face my nightmares when they come, and when they don’t—I can help you stay alive.”

I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t trust myself, but how could I refuse to help her? I glanced over at my arm, at the cast that went up to my elbow. Our lives had been filled with such carnage since we’d met. What if it happened again?

Mia stared into my eyes and I could tell she saw my uncertainty. “Parker, I’m so tired of being afraid … aren’t you?” Her eyes welled up with tears, and I knew I’d agree. I had no defense against that. I was tired of being afraid of myself, of Darkness, of my future.

I squeezed her hand with a small nod. This might be th
e worst plan ever, but I’d never know until we tried it.

A smile spread from her lips and up her face until I half expected it to burst out the top of her head. She leaned over and kissed my cheek. Her lips felt warm and soft on my skin. Just hours ago, Mia couldn’t even trust me. Now she was kissing my cheek? Telling me she owed me? My entire world felt upside down.

“I want my life to be normal someday, and I think you can help me do that,” she said. “Who knows, maybe I’ll even be able to paint again.” Her expression was sad, but hopeful. “It used to be my favorite thing, until all my paintings burned with … with … ” She stopped and took a deep breath. “Anyway, I better get back to my room now. I’ll see you later.”

She walked to the door. Other than having a slight limp, a bandage where Jeff burned her leg, and some blisters, she looked like she’d made it out okay. She stopped in the doorway and watched me for a minute.

“Thanks again, Parker.”

I swallowed a piece of ice and nodded.

Before the door even shut, Addie pushed it back open. I smiled even though it hurt my scorched skin.

“Addie.” My throat was feeling better already—still raw, but much improved.

Comfort filled me as she entered the room, until she turned to face me. Her eyes were puffy and swollen and all I could think of was Finn. I sat straight up in bed and the world skewed oddly to the right.

“What’s wrong? Is Finn … ” My voice sounded low and foreign. My head spun. I couldn’t finish the sentence.

Addie shook her head and gently pushed me back against the pillow. “No. He’s okay.”

She sat in the chair Mia had just vacated and I reached for her hand, but she pulled it away. It felt like a dagger slicing clean through my heart.

“What’s wrong?”

She reached into her back pocket and pulled out three white envelopes. The letters I’d left on my kitchen counter. The one marked
Addie
was open.

“Did you get those from my mom?” The fear that my mom had read her letter hit my chest with the weight of a continent, making it impossible to breathe.

“No.” Addie sighed, her eyes accusing. “I went to check on you this afternoon, and when you didn’t answer the door—well, I was tired of you avoiding me.”

She glanced back at the door to make sure no one else was coming in. “I took your spare key from under the gnome in the garden and I went in. Only you weren’t there. I saw the letters on top of the message about the captains’ meeting, so I called Finn and asked him to go find you before you left. An—and now—”

Her voice broke with a sob and I grabbed her hand again. This time she didn’t resist.

“I’m so sorry, Addie.” I pulled her closer and wrapped my right arm around her.

“You were just going to leave?” Her muffled question came through the fabric on my shoulder. “How could you do that?”

“I felt like I had to.” I squeezed her closer. “I thought I was putting you in danger. I’m still not sure that anyone is safe around me.”

She sat up and gaped at me in shock. After a few blinks she managed to speak. “So are—are you still leaving?”

“No.” I answered immediately, but she didn’t look reliev-
ed. I wasn’t entirely comfortable with the decision, but for now it felt like the right one.

“How am I supposed to believe you?”

“I’m telling the truth.” I stared her straight in the eye and waited a moment before finishing. “I can’t promise that I won’t leave in the future if I feel like it will keep everyone safe, but I’m not leaving now.”

“I knew the truth about you.” Addie stood up from her chair and touched my hair with her fingers. “Even when you didn’t, I knew the truth, and you wouldn’t listen.” She turned toward the window and walked to open the blinds. Her movements were jerky, like a wounded animal.

Addie was so kind and sweet. She believed in me—always—and all I did was disappoint her. My heart throbbed in painful bursts and I resisted the urge to clutch my chest. I’d been a terrible person, but maybe I could be better. Addie deserved better.

“I know. I’m sorry.” It was lame, but what else could I say? I couldn’t promise to never leave again, because if she was at risk, I would. “All I can say is that I’m sorry, Addie.”

“I know.” She sighed and walked closer. Leaning over, she kissed me. Her lips were gentle and loving, even more incredible than in her dream, but when she pulled back her eyes were the opposite—miserable and defeated. “But I don’t know if that’s good enough.”

She sat in the chair beside me in silence. Everything felt wrong, and yet nothing was wrong—nothing I could fix right now, anyway. After a few minutes, she changed the subject.

“Jeff is dead, you know.” The hatred in her voice surprised me, but I wasn’t sure why. It made her sound different, not like the Addie I’d always known. But she’d been through as much as the rest of us. Jeff had tried to kill her brother, her best friend, and me. I guess we were all a little different now.

“Yeah, I figured.” I was surprised at how little the confirmation of his death affected me. Numbness spread through me and my brain ached. I didn’t want to think anymore.

“Mia told the police what happened, about the e-mails and Finn. What Jeff did … ”

One massive weight lifted off my shoulders and I took a deep breath. It felt good to hear that Mia had told the police who the threats were from, but the other issue was still there. Dr. Freeburg would never really go away. The weight of taking a life—it would always be there.

“Do you feel guilty that he’s dead?” Her eyes bored into mine.

I blinked at her.

“Jeff, I mean.”

I wasn’t sure how to feel about one more death when there was already blood on my hands. “He was seriously messed up,” I said. “And he was the one who started the fire that killed him. Besides, I could only get two people out, and I could never regret saving Finn and Mia.”

“How is it different with Dr. Freeburg?”

“He wasn’t trying to kill me, for one thing.”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “And who knows how many girls he might have hurt in the past? And the future.”

I opened my mouth and then closed it again before finding the argument I was looking for. “He could’ve gone to jail instead,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

“Yeah, but how could you prove it? Mia says she doesn’t even remember.”

She wasn’t making me feel any better. I shrugged, the weight of the discussion heavy on my shoulders. “I don’t know, Addie.”

She squeezed my hand. “Even if you did kill him, you can’t change it. All you can do is make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

I stared into her eyes and wished I could have the same faith in me that she did.

Addie cleared her throat and smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Mia’s going to live with us now.”

“Really?” I hadn’t thought about it, but of course Mia needed to find another home. The Patricks were perfect.

Addie swung her legs over the arm of the chair and leaned against the opposite side. “Yeah. They were going to put her in a group home, but you know my mom. She’d never let that happen.”

“That’s awesome. Your family is amazing. You know that, right?”

“Yeah.” Addie grinned and looked like her old self for a moment. “And don’t
you
forget it.”

The door to my room opened and Mom rushed in and hugged me, her skin pale and eyes wide. “I’m so sorry I didn’t get here sooner. I was with a client and didn’t realize my phone was on vibrate … a-and I’m so glad you’re okay, honey.”