Inspire (16 page)

Shit. I nod for a few seconds before it occurs to me that she can’t actually hear that. “Sure. Of course. You should do it. I’ll —” What will I do? She can’t go unless I can stay with Gwen, but I can’t drive home. Not like this. I’ll just have to call a cab. I’ll figure out how to get my car back tomorrow. “I’ll get there as soon as I can, okay?”

There’s another extended silence before Mom answers, “I’m sorry, Wilder. I really am.”

“Don’t be. I was getting ready to call it a night anyway.” Not entirely true. But I’m probably better off this way anyway. No sense torturing myself being so close to Kalli and being unable to actually have her. I’ve been enough of a masochist for one night. “See you in a bit.”

I hang up the phone, and shake my head. I take a deep breath and try to gauge how drunk I am. The room seems to move slower than the shaking of my head, and
yep
. Definitely drunk.

I sigh and walk back into the living room.

“What’s up, Dazzler?” Lennox asks.

I hold up my phone and say, “I’ve got to go actually.” I glance at the time; it’s just after midnight. I wonder how long it will take for a cab to get here once I call.

“What happened?” Kalli asks, and my stomach tightens at her interest. Our eyes meet, and I have to struggle to remember that she’s the one who keeps pulling back.

“My mom got called into work and needs me to watch my little sister.”

I cross to the couch and pick up my jacket, checking my pocket to make sure I’ve still got my keys.

“You can’t drive,” Kalli says. I bristle a little, annoyed that she gets to pick and choose when she’s interested in me.

“I’m not planning on it. I’m calling a cab.”

I pull up the Internet on my phone to search for a cab company when Kalli says, “I can take you.”

I frown. I mean … don’t get me wrong. I like the idea of leaving with her, but I just don’t get why. This girl twists my head around so good, that I’m surprised it hasn’t popped off yet.

“You’ve had nearly as much to drink as I have.”

She shakes her head. “I’m fine. I’m not drunk.”

I raise an eyebrow. “That again?” Unbidden, my eyes drop to her socked feet, and her lips quirk in a smile.

“It’s just as true this time as it was last time.” She climbs to her feet, and starts heading toward me. The closer she gets, the harder my heart beats, like it’s trying to leap right out of my chest to get to her. She slips past me and bends down to get her boots. Right in front of me. Her perfect ass is just there, and I really don’t have the willpower right now not to look.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Jack cuts in, standing from his chair. “Just let the guy take a cab.”

“Really, Jack, I’m fine.”

Still standing, she lifts a foot to slip on her boot. She teeters a little, and I grab hold of her elbow to steady her. As much as I hate to admit it … “Maybe Jack is right.”

“That wasn’t because I’m drunk. That was because I’m standing on one foot trying to put on a shoe. I promise that I am one hundred percent okay to drive. I don’t feel the slightest bit drunk.”

She does
seem
sober. She stands with her hands on her hips, looking up at me, and her eyes are clear, focused. I’d been determinedly not watching her for the last hour or so. Maybe she’d been cutting back, and I hadn’t noticed.

“Touch your finger to your nose,” I say.

She rolls her eyes, but does it.

“Now switch and touch it with the other finger … now switch back and forth.”

“Is this really a thing?” she asks between touches.

“Faster.”

She scowls, but obliges, her eyes boring into mine as she alternates touching her nose with her right and then left hand again and again. She never misses a beat, her movements perfectly in control.

“Are you even human?” I ask. She stiffens and stops touching her nose. “You must have an incredibly high alcohol tolerance. Or lightning fast metabolism.”

“Something like that.”

I take in her face. There’s no hesitation. She doesn’t seem like she’d be doing this out of pity or for some other reason I can’t pinpoint. “Sure. Okay. If you don’t mind, a ride would be great.”

She nods and turns toward the door. I give Lennox a quick nod, and then a silent wave for the rest of the room. “Thanks for inviting me, Len. I had fun.”

“No problem, Dazzler. You’re welcome back anytime.”

I glance at Kalli to gauge her reaction to that, but her back is to me. I take a few steps toward the door, catching up with her, and rest a hand on her back. I’m about to murmur a thank you, but her steps falter and she sucks in a breath. “You okay?”

She steps sideways, sliding away from my touch, and adds, “Um … give me just one second before we leave.”

I drop my hand to my side, and her gaze scans the room. She’s looking for something, but I’m not sure she knows what it is. She skips past a sleeping Mick, and Lennox, and the other girls. Finally her eyes land on Jack, and he’s staring right back at her, still standing from when he’d protested earlier.

She squares her shoulders, and moves toward him, and for a moment I’m entranced by the sway of her hips. I’d enjoy the sight a lot more if she weren’t moving away from me and toward him. I can’t hear what they’re saying as they talk, but he’s got his head bent low toward hers, and they’re entirely too close for casual conversation. I watch them, and I swear my spine feels like steel and my skin actually starts to itch with impatience as their conversation stretches on. This isn’t some simple goodbye or a quick word. They’re having a full-fledged discussion, and when Kalli reaches out and lays a hand on his arm, I have to close my eyes to keep my cool.

Once again, she’s driving me fucking crazy with her mixed signals. She volunteers out of nowhere to take me home, and I think …
maybe
… but damn it. She’s still touching him, and I skip from impatient to furious in seconds. I
get
that she’s got issues. I’ve not exactly been looking to date anyone since the disaster that was Hurricane Bridget. But I don’t get the back and forth, and I don’t have fucking time for these kinds of games. Not even for her.

She’s still touching his arm, nodding as he talks, occasionally opening her mouth to reply. Then he smiles, slows down, and lifts a strand of hair from her shoulder. And that’s the last straw for me. I grip the doorknob and haul the front door open.

“I’ll be outside,” I say to the room in general, and then I bolt. My feet pound against the creaky stairs on my way down, and I’m sure I’m waking up everyone who lives below Lennox.

You twist me up, twist me up so good

I should cut you loose, slip off the noose

But with you, it’s a lot of should and would

And I’d sure as hell quit if I thought I could

Goddamn it. I can’t get away from her, not even in my head. And even though I know it’s wrong, that I’m going to regret letting myself think about the music later, I don’t try to shut it off. Because I might not have had her back in that apartment, but in the music, I don’t have to share her with anyone else.

“Wilder!”

Her voice carries from up above me, clear and almost crooning. I don’t stop, continuing my way down the stairs until they give way to the sidewalk, and I can march out into the parking lot where it finally feels like I have a bit of distance.

I can hear her booted feet tapping against the stairs as she follows, and I swear to God, they almost match the rhythm I’d envisioned for the song. That’s when I know I’m either a lot drunker than I thought or going crazy.

“Wilder, hold on.”

I slump against the bumper of my SUV, and blow out a breath. The temperature has dipped since I went inside, and my breath frosts in front of my face.

“Hey.” I don’t look, but I can tell from the sound that she’s down to the parking lot now, heading my way. “Sorry about that. I told Jack that we could talk about a project he’s working on, and I didn’t want to leave before we got to chat.”

“You get that I’m kind of in a hurry, right?” There’s an uneasiness in my gut from snapping at her, but I’m too riled up to pull myself back. “No one asked you to drive me home. If you want to stay and talk to Jack, go ahead. I said I can get a cab.”

She frowns, and wraps her arms around her middle to fend off the cold. Or to fend off me, maybe.

“I don’t want to stay and talk to Jack.”

And here we go ahead. The Kalli merry-go-round.

“Fan-fucking-tastic. Let’s go then.”

Her eyebrows draw into a troubled line, and
damn it
, why can’t I stop noticing this shit? I don’t want to analyze every expression she makes or the silences between her words or what it means that she starts toward me, but then stops. I want to be as indifferent as she is.

She points a key to my right and says, “My car is this way.”

I shove my fists into my pockets, and follow her. She stops at a small, dark sedan. It’s nice, but not too nice either. A recent model, but nothing too expensive. It’s carefully inconspicuous, and wouldn’t stand out on campus or downtown or even in this rougher part of town. That reminds me of my earlier worries, and before I can remember that I’m angry, I ask, “How often do you come here to Lennox’s?”

She shrugs. “I told you that I haven’t known her long. So just a few times. Mostly, I meet her at the store when she’s not busy or at the studio they have on campus for people in her department.”

“Good. You shouldn’t be in this neighborhood alone.”

“You know, I’m not as vulnerable as you think I am.”

“Well, if your alcohol tolerance is any indication, maybe you’re right. How often do you drink to get to that point?”

“Now you’re mad at me for drinking?”

No. Yes. Damn it.

She continues, “I’m not some naïve sorority girl. I’ve been through a lot on my own, and I’ve come out just fine.”

“Yeah, I can tell how much you like being on your own.”

I’m being a dick, and I hate myself for it, but I just can’t shut my mouth off.

She tugs her car door open a little forcefully and climbs in without another word. I hesitate, wondering if this is a bad idea after all. But Mom is waiting, so I pull open my door and slide in, too.

I tell her where to go, but other than that the cab is quiet and stiff as she heads back to the highway. I tell her to head north and what exit to watch for, and then we settle into silence.

She’s tapping her finger on the steering wheel, and again, it’s almost the right beat. I don’t know whether I want to yell at her to stop or show her how to beat out the actual rhythm. I lean my head back against the seat, and try to just shut everything out.

And almost like she knows it, she wedges open the door that I’m trying to close. “I’m sorry I stopped to talk to Jack. It didn’t mean anything. I can’t explain it, but it was important that I …
talk
to him. But I’m here now. Here with you.”

With my eyes still closed, I mutter, “For now anyway.”

PART THREE

“Love is composed of single soul inhabiting two bodies.”

Aristotle

Chapter Fifteen

Kalli

His anger shouldn’t sting so much. In fact, I should embrace it. Angry Wilder is much better than charming Wilder or sexy Wilder or sweet Wilder. Because all of those versions of him are incredibly hard to resist.

And I’m
supposed
to resist him, right? I have to.

Except that I’d gone to talk to Jack about his new project so that I could push a little inspiration into him to take the edge off in case
something
happened with Wilder. In case my impulsive decision to give him a ride home turned into something else
impulsive. Though I doubt I can still call it that when I’ve planned ahead.

That now appears to be a non-issue. He’s furious. And I don’t blame him. I know I’m not being fair. Fair would have been me sticking to my original plan and never seeing him again after that night at his place. Or better yet, never going home with him in the first place. But then he’d shown up at the store, and then again tonight, and a little voice whispered in the back of my mind, “Why not?”

After everything with Van, I couldn’t bring myself to just find another guy. I tried with Jack, but every time he showed the slightest romantic interest in me, I panicked. What if he ended up like Van? What if I broke him too?

So when he’d introduced me to Lennox, and she’d immediately begun to integrate me into their group of friends, I’d decided to try something different. By spreading out my ability between Jack and Lennox and Mick and all the rest, I could stay longer. I could move slower. Usually, depending on the artist, I can go anywhere from three to nine months with someone one-on-one. But like this … the possibilities are greater than I’ll ever let myself say out loud.

That doesn’t stop me from getting my hopes up though.

Which is why I currently have a death grip on my steering wheel while I attempt to ignore the near painful pull toward the man sitting in the car beside me. Because the moment I realized what my friendship with this group meant, I thought of Wilder. I thought of what this kind of longevity could mean where he was concerned. Not only could I stay here in Austin longer, but with so many
friends
, I’d be unlikely to ever cut it as close as I did with Van. And since there wouldn’t be any more break-ups like the past, there’s even a possibility for expansion. There were two girls tonight from Lennox’s program that I’ve not met before. Jack has a few painter friends. There’s a welder that does metal work with Mick sometimes. If my circle became big enough …

There are tears in my eyes, and I’m struggling to breathe through the excitement and fear and anticipation when Wilder says, “You need to get over or you’re going to miss the exit.”