Instant Daddy (8 page)

What was that about?

“I’ll call you later,” Jessie said, her eyes on Peter.

“Nice meeting you,” Peter offered politely.

Maggie lifted an eyebrow, turned and walked away.

Downright chilly. Apparently, Jessie hadn’t sung his praises to her friend. Under the circumstances, he shouldn’t be surprised. Or disappointed. But somehow, he was.

“I didn’t know you were coming this weekend,” Jessie said.

“I hope that’s not a problem.”

“I’d appreciate it if you’d let me know in advance when you plan to stop by.”

“Duly noted.” Not the best start. But he couldn’t let it discourage him. “Can we walk somewhere quieter so we can talk?”

She gave him a small frown. “There’s the bike path. But Jake and I need to get some shoes first.” She led the
way to her beach bag and handed Peter a pair of tiny sandals.

He wanted to grasp her hand but thought better of the idea. While he struggled to fit the sandals on his son’s small, wet, sandy, wiggly feet, Jessie tied a white towel around her waist and slipped into her own sandals. Then she guided the way to a wooded bike path. They strolled away from the beach, Jake stopping to pick up stones and twigs along the way.

Peter tamped down his nervousness. “I missed Jake like crazy.”

Jessie gave him a pinched look.

He wished he knew what she was thinking. Or maybe it was better that he didn’t. “Scott used to tell me to get a life. He said research alone didn’t cut it. But I never understood what he meant before I met Jake. The little guy has a way of putting things in perspective.”

“Yes.”

Peter blew out a breath. At least she’d agreed with him. Maybe telling her all he’d accomplished would be the best way to ease into his reasons for being here. “I’ve made some changes in my life in the past week. I bought a great condo close to the lab with lots of windows and natural light. Very unlike the dingy little furnished place I live in now.”

“Really.” She kept her eyes on Jake.

“The condo doesn’t come with furniture though, so I have lots of shopping to do.”

“Sounds exciting.”

Unfortunately, she didn’t sound or look excited—or even interested, for that matter. He needed to get to the point. “I’d like the place to be warm and comfortable—a real home. I could use your help with that. Especially with Jake’s room.”

Stopping dead, she whirled on him. “Jake’s room?”

He sure had her attention now but not in a good way. “For when he stays with me.”

“When he stays with you.” She narrowed her eyes. “When he gets older?”

“As soon as I can pull everything together, I’d like to begin transitioning him.”

“Transitioning him?”
Propping her hands on her hips, she glowered at him as if she couldn’t stomach what she saw.

He’d known it wouldn’t be easy, hadn’t he? He drew himself to his full height. “I want to get him used to living with me a week or two at a time. Of course, we need to work out an arrangement that works for both of us.”

Taking a step closer, she jabbed her finger into his chest. “You promised you’d put Jake’s needs first.”

He stood his ground. “That’s what I’m doing. I’m reorganizing my life to include him.”

“But he has a family. I’m his mother.”

“I know that.” She was so focused on her anger, she didn’t seem to get that he wasn’t threatening her relationship with Jake. He needed to reassure her. “I’ll never come between you and Jake, Jessie. The condo has plenty of room, even an extra bedroom for you or your parents to stay as much as you like when he’s with me.”

She shut her eyes. “My parents and I can
visit
him?” she whispered.

He tried to ignore the accusation in her tone. He needed to make her see the entire picture. “You can stay with him anytime he’s with me. Anytime you want. For as long as you want.”

She pressed her hand to her forehead. “What do you think you’re doing?”

He swallowed. “I’m doing my best to figure out a way to be Jake’s father. And I think I’ve found a well-qualified caretaker for when I have to work. I think you’ll like her.”

She stiffened. “A
nanny?
You hired a
nanny?
”

“No.” His gut twisted. This was going from bad to worse, and he didn’t know how to stop it. “She’s a babysitter. And I want your input before I hire her. I’d like to drive you and Jake down to meet her as soon as possible.”

She took a step back. “You were scheming to separate us all along?”

“What? No. I was never scheming.” Struggling to get a foothold in the quicksand he’d managed to stumble into, he reached out to touch her arm.

She jerked away.

He dropped his hand to his side. “I’m trying to work out a compromise. I told you I don’t want my son growing up without his father like I did. I think the best way to do that is to have him live with me part of the time, don’t you?”

“No. He’s too young to be shifted back and forth between us. If you cared about him, you’d see that.” Her words were clipped, her tone seething.

“Jessie—”

“Don’t ‘Jessie’ me. Nothing you have to say interests me now that I know how underhanded you really are.”

Flinching, he raised his hand in front of him to try to calm her down.

“How could I have been so wrong about you? How could I have ever believed Jake was lucky to have you for a daddy?”

She’d believed that?

“Mama mad?” Jake peered up at her, eyes wide.

“Yes, Mama’s mad, sweetie.”

The little guy scowled up at Peter. “Bad Pedo.”

Pain stabbed his chest. He dragged in a breath and tried to figure out where things had gone so wrong and what to do about it.

Jessie scooped Jake up and took a step closer to Peter, her eyes dark with anger. “Your nanny can rot for all I care. And so can your condo. If you think I’ll
ever
hand him over to you, you don’t know me at all.” Turning, she strode away without a backward glance.

Peter stood rooted to the spot, his heart thudding so hard against his ribs, its pounding muffled everything else. The anxiety he’d been fighting crashed over him in waves. He felt as if he were drowning in them.

S
till in her swimsuit, Jessie strode up the driveway, hugging Jake to her for all she was worth. She never wanted to see Peter Sheridan again as long as she lived.

Jake patted her face assuringly.

She kissed his forehead. She hated upsetting Jake. She’d done her best to calm down ever since she’d left Peter at the lake, but she just couldn’t get past how completely he’d fooled her.

Why did you bring Peter into our lives, God?
she asked angrily.
I even began to trust him.

Look where that had gotten her. She’d taught Jake to trust him, too. Stupid. No wonder she hadn’t heard from Peter. He’d been plotting to take Jake away all along. And she’d played right into his hands.

“See Papa?”

“Yes, honey. Papa will make Mama feel better.” Too bad her problems had been too big for a very long time for her dad to chase them away with a pat on the head or a kiss on the cheek.

Spotting him on the patio working, tears she’d been too angry to let fall spilled over and ran down her face.
She swiped at them. Jake didn’t need to see her cry on top of everything else. She needed to bathe him and get him into bed before she let herself fall apart.

Her dad looked up, his smile fading. “What’s wrong, Jess?”

She pressed her fingers to her lips to stifle a sob.

Jake lunged for his grandfather, spreading his arms to be held.

He took him, his eyes still on Jessie.

“Pedo bad.” Jake stuck out his bottom lip.

Dad hugged Jake to him and frowned at Jessie. “What happened?”

Stifling another sob, Jessie shook her head and pointed at Jake.

“Jake, your toys have been waiting for you in the sandbox. Think you should tell them hello?”

Jake’s little face brightened. “Down, Papa.”

Jessie’s dad helped him slide to the ground.

Jake ran across the yard to the sandbox, climbed in and plopped in the sand, jabbering to his toys.

Her father stood and opened his arms.

Stepping into them, Jessie blubbered against his shoulder as if her heart would break.

He patted her back and let her cry.

She glanced at Jake. Hopefully, he was too absorbed with his toys to notice her crying jag. When she was able to stop the tears, she reached to grab tissues from the box on the nearby table and set about mopping her face and blowing her nose.

“What happened?” Dad asked. “Peter was in a good mood when I sent him to the lake to find you and Jake.”

“I’ll just bet he was. He thought he had everything wrapped up in a neat little package.” Glancing at Jake,
she lowered her voice even further. “I tried to give Peter the benefit of the doubt, and he thought he had me totally wrapped around his little finger. The man is insufferable, Dad. He even had the nerve to ask for my input on hiring a…a…
nanny.
”

A new surge of tears wound their way down her cheeks. She dabbed at them. “He bought a new condo. He’s been making plans to take Jake to live with him. As soon as we can transition him.” She shook her head. “
Transition
him? Over my dead body. I’ve been naive and stupid to think he would do what was best for Jake.”

“What did you tell him?”

“That I’d never hand Jake over to him. Period.”

Dad frowned. “Do you think he’ll take you to court?”

“Court?” Fear clutched her. She’d been so angry and upset, she hadn’t considered Peter could fight for custody and probably win. How could she protect Jake then? She pressed her palm to her forehead. “I don’t know,” she whispered.

“When you told him you wouldn’t hand Jake over, how did he react?”

“She didn’t give me a chance to react.” Peter strode from the driveway as if he had a right to be here.

How arrogant could the man be to show up after what he’d done? Jessie’s gaze darted to Jake.

Jake looked up, obviously recognizing Peter’s voice.

Poor little boy. He’d already had more emotional upheaval tonight than he should be expected to handle. She strode to the sandbox, picked him up and hurried into the house.

“Jessie,” Peter hollered. How could he make her understand if she kept running away from him? He strode after her.

“Let her go, Peter.” Jessie’s dad used an authoritative tone Peter hadn’t heard before.

Stopping mid-stride, he turned to him. “I need to talk to her.”

Max shook his head. “Jake doesn’t need to hear any more.”

Peter blew out a breath. “You’re right.”

“Jess is too upset to listen right now, anyway.”

“But I need to make her understand.”

Jessie’s dad gave him a grim look. “You’ve made arrangements to take Jake to live with you?”

“Part of the time.”

Max scowled. “Do you really expect her to understand
that?
”

Peter stared at the ground. “Well, yes. I wasn’t trying to take him away from her. I hoped we could put our heads together and figure out an arrangement that will work for all of us. I told her I’ll never keep Jake from her. Or from you and your wife, either. My new condo has an extra bedroom for you all whenever you want.”

“Jess can
visit
Jake?” Max shook his head, a deep frown furrowing his brow. “What were you thinking?”

Peter blew out a breath. “I’m thinking of Jake. I never knew my own parents. I don’t want to do that to my son.”

“But Jess is his mother.”

Peter swallowed. “I know. But I’m also his father.”

“Do you know what a mother is?” Max gave him a sour look. “Because Jake knows.”

Peter sighed. “I don’t want to change their relationship, Max.”

“It sounds like you do want to change it. Are you planning to take Jess to court? Because that’s what it will take, you know.”

Peter met the man’s direct gaze. Scott had asked him how far he’d be willing to go to have Jake with him. It looked like time to figure that out. “A legal battle would hurt everybody involved, and alienating Jessie and you would only make things harder for Jake. Plus I’d hate myself for doing it. So no, I won’t go to court.”

Jessie’s father let out a breath. “Well, thank God for that. But you hired a nanny?”

“She’s a babysitter. And I didn’t hire her. Not without Jessie’s input.”

Max shook his head again. “I think she’s given her input on that idea.”

Peter glanced at the house. Was Jessie getting Jake ready for bed? He ached to be part of that ritual again. He shifted his feet, ready to walk in and claim his rightful place. “I need to make her understand. We need to work this out.”

“
You
don’t understand, Peter.”

Peter dragged in a breath.

“Your wanting to be part of Jake’s life is commendable, but he has a mother who’s been with him since birth. He’s part of a family. The family he’s known since day one. A family that thrives on daily routine. That’s how family members become connected enough to understand each other on a deep level. Think about it. Your son trusts Jess to always be there no matter what happens.”

“I know. Am I wrong for wanting that kind of relationship with Jake, too?”

“No. You’re not wrong, but it takes time to build trust like that. How much do you think Jake will trust you if you take him away from his mother?”

Peter felt like he’d been sucker punched.

“He’s a little boy, Peter. He’s not a lab experiment you can shift around or manipulate at your will or convenience.”

He stared at the older man. “That’s what you think I’m doing?”

“Maybe not intentionally.” Max’s gaze was steady, his voice unyielding. “But yes, I think that’s what you’re doing.”

Peter tried to wrap his mind around the cold, controlling man Jessie’s dad described. Was he that kind of man? He sure hoped not. “Is that what Jessie thinks?”

“She loves Jake, and she knows what you’re planning will hurt him. Do you know your son well enough to know what will hurt him? Or to know what’s best for him?” Max shook his head. “I don’t think so. If you did, you’d see your plans aren’t for him. They’re for yourself.”

Peter’s arguments died on his lips. Was Max right? Was he thinking of himself? Of his own lonely childhood?

Jake’s childhood was nothing like his had been. Jake had Jessie. And her parents. And a home filled with love. His son had a family and the deep understanding and communication Peter never had. What kind of father would take that away?

With a sinking feeling, he clawed his fingers through his hair. “But he needs to know I love him and want him in my life.”

“Yes, he does. You can show him that by spending time with him whenever you can.”

No Jake to hurry home to? To read stories to or tuck into bed? To fill his new condo with laughter and love? He ached inside. He hadn’t realized how much he was looking forward to having the little guy in his life on a regular basis.

But would Jake laugh without Jessie? And if he took his son from his mother, would he ever trust Peter again? He blew out a breath. “Seeing him on weekends will be better than nothing.”

“It’s the right thing for Jake, Peter.”

His stomach twisted. Had he even thought about Jake’s feelings when he was so busy making plans? Or only his own? He glanced at the house. “I need to tell Jessie.”

“Not so fast. You think she’s going to trust you around Jake after what you pulled? I’ll tell her you won’t sue for custody. That’s what she’s most worried about.”

Peter dragged in a breath, remembering her reaction to his plans.
How could I have ever believed Jake was lucky to have you for a daddy?
He could still hear the accusation in her voice, see the distrust in her eyes. He hadn’t considered her feelings either, had he? “What can I do to fix this, Max?”

“I think you’re going to have to give her a little time. Go home, let her calm down while you figure out how you began to win her trust in the first place. Then go from there.”

Peter stared at the older man. He didn’t know why Jessie had decided to trust him. Or when she’d begun to think Jake was lucky to have him for a dad. Was it that night when she’d let him share Jake’s bath and defended him to his son after he’d let the little guy fall?

Probably not. Why would she trust him after he’d failed to keep Jake safe?

Maybe when she’d coached him through Jake’s bedtime ritual? Or that day in the park when she’d taken pictures and offered to share those she already had of Jake?

He’d accepted her acts of kindness as if they were his due. He scrubbed his hands over his face. How had he been so blind?

She’d allowed him into her and Jake’s life. She’d let him see their mysterious connection up close and personal. He’d been warmed by it. And what had he done? He’d rejected being part of the life she’d built for Jake and pursued his own interests.

That’s
how he’d lost her trust.

Not out of malice, as she probably suspected. Out of ignorance. Which was, obviously, just as deadly.

The problem was he didn’t have a clue how to win her trust again. All he knew was he needed to find a way.

Jessie sat on her bed, legs folded to support her laptop. A whole week had ground slowly past without so much as a word from Peter. If he hadn’t promised her father he wouldn’t sue for custody, she’d be a total basket case.

Putting off another night of tossing and turning, she scrolled through several email subject lines. At a blank subject, she checked the address. Jakesdad. Drawing a breath, she paused her finger over the delete icon.

What could he possibly think he had to say to her now? Nothing that would help her sleep. Her emotions had been all over the place ever since she met the man. Reading his email would confuse her more than she
already was. She pushed Delete and opened an email from her cousin, Mary, full of excited plans about her upcoming wedding.

Jessie read the rest of her mail, answering the ones that called for a reply. About to turn off her laptop, she hesitated. How well would she sleep if she
didn’t
read Peter’s email?

Was not knowing what he said even worse than knowing? Making a face, she scrolled to Recently Deleted. Peter’s mail was the only one in the list. She stared at it for several seconds, then clicked it open and read.

She pressed her fingers to her lips to hold back the onslaught of emotions threatening to overwhelm her. How could she sleep after reading a letter like that?

But how do I know if he means what he says? If I let him get close to Jake, will he try to take him away again?

Or was it like her father had said? Peter hadn’t understood because he’d never had a family? Had he really thought he could rip Jake away and become his family, just like that?

She couldn’t begin to imagine what it would have been like for him growing up without parents and relatives. Her heart ached thinking how lonely and afraid a little boy would be never knowing he was loved unconditionally. The way her parents loved Clarissa and her.

The way she loved Jake.

She had to protect her little boy and do what was best for him, no matter what. Knowing his daddy cared about him would be best for him, wouldn’t it? But would she be protecting Jake if she trusted Peter after what he’d tried to do?
Oh, God, what if I make a mistake that hurts Jake?

Nothing could change that Peter was Jake’s daddy. Or that Jake deserved and needed him. How could she claim to love her son unless she forgave his father and gave him a second chance?