Instructing an Heiress (14 page)

"I think you're the one who needs a pardon, Winston," Ryan answered, dryly.

Winston sighed. "When I feel particularly low, I fantasize about retirement, sir."
 

Ryan darted a glance at CK. "I know what you mean."

She narrowed her eyes at him and then shifted her attention back to Winston. "Why is the Captain in a better mood?"

"How do you know that?"

"The farther back in history, the worse his mood," she answered Ryan, never taking her eyes off the butler. It was a good thing, too, or she would have missed the tiny twitch at the corner of his eye.
 

The Captain was up to something that Winston didn't entirely approve of. That was very bad news. Probably for her.

"How close are we to World War two?" she asked the butler.

"I fear it is just around the corner."

"This doesn't happen to have anything to do with the embossed invitation, does it?"

"I am not at liberty to say."

A cold chill ran down her back. "Let us in, Winston."
 

"I also have strict orders to admit no one. Your grandfather has gone out."

"The Captain never goes out. He's in there, I can feel it."
 

Ryan shifted toward the older man. "Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their mistress, Winston. Let us pass."

The butler gamely braced himself. "No exceptions, sir."
 

"You can't forcibly remove an eighty year-old man," she said, crossly.

"Seventy-eight, miss. Begging your pardon."

"You really think I'm some kind of a monster, don't you?" Ryan stated.

"You're the one who's convinced me."

"One kind of ass does not necessarily equate another."

Winston looked back and forth between them with interest and CK felt her cheeks warming. Straightening her back, she turned away from Ryan and focused her attention back on the butler.
 

 
"Why the change of plans regarding the company's charity ball? The Captain's never had it here before. He hates events like that."

"I can't say, miss."

"Can't or won't?"

"I have only been cleared to convey one message."
 

Ryan crossed his arms over his chest. "This ought to be good."

"Don't get your hopes up," CK remarked.

Winston observed her intensely as if he wanted to send her mental telepathy, or something. She had no idea what he was trying to tell her, so she waited, wondering what horrible plans the Captain had for her, now.
 

After a moment, Winston gave it up. He took a deep breath, coughed into his fist, and then threw his shoulders back.

In a booming rendition of the Captain, he said, "Tell my ungrateful, miscreant of an heir that if she crosses me in this matter she will not see a dime of her fortune. Not a dime, by thunder!"
                   

Ryan took off his sunglasses and stared at the butler. "Winston! That's brilliant. You could take that on the road."

The older man relaxed and a half smile touched his mouth. "Oh, I think not, sir. You see I'm dreadfully allergic to tomatoes and rotten eggs are so hard on one's wardrobe. However, I have considered—"
 

"The message, Winston? Can we please get on with it?"
 

"My apologies, miss."

Drawing himself up once more, he resumed his impression, though his face remained completely neutral. "I will see her settled before it's too late and expect her to make a choice, do you hear? She will announce her engagement by midnight at the party, or by thunder, I will sell Kazners to the highest bidder that very night!"

She gaped at him as anger poured through her like lava. "Before it's too late for what?" she finally sputtered. "I'm not even thirty. Does he think my eggs are about to dry up and he won't get his legacy? What does he mean 'make my choice at the party?' The blasted thing's next Saturday! I can't find a husband in a week. And what about the merger with Wayland and Son? Has he considered that in his Machiavellian mind?"

Disappointed, furious tears flooded her eyes and spilled over, making hot tracks down her face and she couldn't do a thing to stop them. "I'm sick of everybody I care about trying to force me in directions they think are best for me. The Captain with his unfair expectations." She rounded on Ryan and jabbed his chest with her forefinger. "You with no expectations at all."

Backing up, she clenched her hands into hard, tight fists. "I want to live life on my terms. To discover what makes me happy. To choose what has meaning to me. That is
not
too much to ask for."

"I'm so sorry, my dear," Winston said, gently.

"Everyone's sorry," she snapped, biting her lip to hold back the tears, "but it doesn't change anything."

With a choking sob, CK turned her back on the Captain's mansion, stumbled down the steps and ran.

*
 
*
 
*

A fitful breeze cooled her wet cheeks as CK stomped along the parameter of the Captain's mansion. Embarrassment churned through her gut. She'd lost her temper in front of Winston and Ryan. She hated doing that. It was weak and foolish and once done, there was no taking it back.
 

In business, where she had no personal attachments, she was never ruffled, never out of control. Calm, straightforward discourse was second nature to her. Family was different.
 

Family entangled themselves so deeply it was nearly impossible to sort through one's thoughts and feelings and arrive at your truth. She'd been raised to fulfill expectations and she had done so without question, diligently and loyally.
 

She didn't want to do that anymore. She wanted to be free. Not of Kazners, not of her grandfather, just...free. She didn't even know what that meant, exactly, but she was very certain she wanted to find out.
 

Her life was hers to live. She had as much right to get messy and make mistakes as the next person.
 

Relationships with friends could be just as complicated, she realized. Close friends, anyway.

Her throat tightened, but she swallowed down the tears. She wouldn't cry over him anymore, she vowed. He'd rejected her and she knew he had his reasons. She couldn't change them, or him and that hurt. A lot. But it was also okay.
 

She couldn't regret what they'd done. Being with someone like that, a man she really cared about, had been the experience of a lifetime. It had also shown her that marrying without love was something she could never do.
 

CK shaded her eyes with one hand and gazed up at the East wing of the mansion. The cut stone of the walls rose unyielding above her, broken at regular intervals by gracefully arching twelve-foot high windows. Far above them, the glass doors of the third story balcony squinted down at her coldly.

If she wanted her chance at happiness, she had to confront the Captain head-on and put a stop to this insanity. Provocation seemed as good a place to start as any.
 

"I know you're in there, you coward!" she shouted at the balcony. "Come out and fight like a man."

"Lame, CK. Tremendously lame," she muttered.
 

She dropped her gaze to the bushes lining the base of the wall. The estate grounds were so immaculate there wasn't much to work with, but after a moment of hunting, she found what she wanted.
 

The smooth piece of quartz rested with a cool weight against her palm. Hefting the pebble, CK studied the ornate windows above her.

"That'll bounce right off the double-pane glass," Ryan said behind her.

CK tensed. Gathering her courage, she slowly turned around. He stood a few feet away, watching her like she was a skittish wildcat. He'd tucked his sunglasses into the open collar of his crisp white shirt and stood with his hands shoved into the pockets of his slacks. His hair looked tousled and windblown; his eyes shadowed with regret.
 

A soft warmth bloomed in the middle of her chest and spread through her slowly, delicately seeping into her soul.
 

She loved him and there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it. Worse, he could never know.

 
"If you want to get his attention, try this." He pulled his right hand from his pocket and held out a rock as big as an avocado.

"Is that a peace offering?" she asked.

"Do you want it to be?"

Did she? Ryan had been right about everything changing, though not in the way he imagined. She had fallen in love. She didn't know if they could just be friends, anymore.

If not, then she'd lose him completely. Wasn't it better to settle for something rather than nothing?

She didn't know if a person could get over being in love, but eventually the awkwardness would fade and even the hurt—if she gave their friendship a chance to rebuild.
 

She tossed her pebble on the ground and held out her hand. Ryan dropped the stone into her cupped palm.

"Friends?" he asked.

"I'd like that."

"No more talk about making it more?"

Her heart constricted with a quick, bruising pain. She ignored it and did her best to smile. "No promises. You were pretty good."

A flicker of humor touched his eyes. "You, too."

She glanced down, not sure how to respond to that. A quiver of pleasure had run through her at his words, but also a hopeless longing.
 

"There's mud on your pants," she said, opting for a change of subject. Her grandfather wasn't the only coward in the family.
 

"Winston thought you'd be down by the pond. Said you used to go there a lot when you were a kid and the fighting started up in the house."

She flexed her hand around the rock, painful memories flickering through her mind. "Father and the Captain were a lot alike. Except when it came to Kazners."

"Your dad didn't want to take over the company?"

"Not even a little." Which was probably why the Captain was so obsessed with controlling her life. She was all he had left. His last hope of a legacy. That didn't change how she felt about being bartered off, but she understood his desperation.
 

The difference was, she refused to give into it.

CK released a long breath and tossed the rock into the bushes. "Father liked spending the money the company made, but he didn't want to put in any of the work. That made for some long, knock-down, drag-out moments in my family."

"Ah."

"He and Mother liked to live high. When I was growing up, I never knew if they were going to be there when I woke up, or already halfway across the world on one of their luxury trips. I spent most of my childhood in the lab and the boardroom. And here."

Ryan's expression softened. "Your folks were in Europe when they died, weren't they?"

She nodded. "Making me the last hope for the Kazners empire."
 

She stared up at the sky, so blue and clear and wondered why you couldn't choose who you loved.
 

"It's not too late to call this off," he said, quietly.
 

"I'm going to talk to him. Before the charity ball."

"And then?"

"I don't know."

Stepping closer, Ryan traced the tip of his finger along her jaw and across her mouth. "CK, I'm sorry."

She ducked away from his touch, her pulse racing. "Please don't. You said we can't ever make that mistake, again. We're friends. Nothing more."
 

"I'm not sure I know my own mind where you're concerned."

She refused to let herself hope. But she looked up into his eyes just the same. "What do you mean?"

"I don't like seeing you so sad."

"If I wasn't being forced to get married. If I were free...." She swallowed her pride and laid her hand on his chest. A warm rush of energy rolled up her arm and flooded her body and she thought she felt his heartbeat quicken under her fingers. "Would things have been different between us?"

"I'm a bad investment. You understand that better than anyone."

A resigned sorrow blanketed her chest. Ryan was right. He could never be hers or anyone's because he didn't want to be. He didn't want to share that much of himself. He probably never would.
 

"I hope some day you stop pushing love away, Ryan." CK let his warmth seep into her for one more precious moment and then lifted her hand and stepped back. "You're entitled to happiness. More than anyone."

He gazed down at her, his eyes haunted. "So are you, CK. You deserve to marry for love."

Her throat tightened. He'd offered his friendship, she told herself, and that was something. Heck, it was something
priceless
.
 

With fierce determination, CK shoved her romantic hopes into a small, dark box, slammed the lid closed, and promised herself she'd never jeopardize her relationship with Ryan, again.

"You're right," she said, firmly, as she turned and studied what she could see of the mansion. "Which is exactly why our next move is to find a way to get to the Captain."

*
 
*
 
*

He'd finally gotten through to her that this morning had been a mistake. Ryan let out a breath of relief. Thank God they were still friends.

When she started crying and had run off, a terrible dread had slammed into him. He'd realized that most of the joy would be gone from his life without CK. Her humor, her smile...he didn't ever want to lose that.
 

I hope some day you stop pushing love away.
 

Her words echoed in his mind and a restless tension twisted through his gut. Was she right? Had he spent his life pushing away love?

He tried to recall all the women he'd known. A few faces drifted through his memory, but none of them stood out. They'd been pretty, good for a few laughs, and seemed happy to enjoy his body for a brief time before moving on. He'd pursued them all because they were just like him—looking for a little fun with no strings attached.