Instructions for Love (22 page)

Foolish
, she told herself. He had only hugged and kissed her to give comfort from all her complaints. Surely the feelings she experienced from his closeness hadn’t been the same for him.

Erin shook her head, moving from the spot where she’d stood frozen, forcing her mind to refocus. If she remained here awhile, as Dane suggested, she’d have to come up with ideas for remodeling.

She glanced across the dining room. Those stacks of papers and boxes would come off the table first, and then she’d use liquid polish to bring out the furniture’s hidden sheen. She’d get the tarnish off the silver tea set. She would add only a few antique items, maybe a milk glass vase with fresh roses from the garden. Or not, if Dane complained. The rear bedroom could use a little sprucing, maybe a charming quilt folded over a stand and a kidney-shaped desk. And that room with boxed vegetables inside the back door needed cleaning out before she could imagine how to refurbish it.

But the place that drew Erin’s interest the most had been hidden. Up that stairwell. She needed to get into the room to see how she might fix it up as an extra bedroom.

Chapter Fifteen

Erin was in that room when Dane walked through the house, calling her name.

“Up here.” She left the room and answered him from the top of the stairwell.

He stood below, one hand on the rail, his eyes narrowed. “What are you doing up there?”

“Looking around.” She retreated through the small door, knowing he’d follow. His hard quick footsteps on the stairs told her he was coming.

She stood amidst all the boxes when he ducked to enter the doorway, his face harsh as he scanned the room. Only two hanging bulbs lit their space inside the unfinished sloping walls with shutters to the dormer windows still closed, but Erin could easily see his fury.

His gaze fell to a gauzy white dress on top of an open box. Tenderly, Dane lifted the dress. Caressing it against his chest, he peered at Erin, his mouth grim. “How’d you get in here?”

“There had to be a key, so I looked in the top drawer in the desk down in the office. The key was right inside. Of course you knew that.”

With a vacant gaze, he peered across the room.

“I didn’t have time to go through many things up here,” she said, scanning all the sealed boxes and some garments hanging in a corner. “I imagine some of them were for Aunt Tilly and her husband. But I believe most of these things belonged to your wife.”

Dane’s jaw lowered, his lips parting. His forehead creased with furrows.

Anguish bit into Erin. She wanted to hold him tight and take away all his pain. But no one could start the healing process but himself.

His eyes seemed unable to see anything in front of him.

Erin expelled the breath she’d held. “You keep all that anger stored up, but until you let it go… Dane, unless you allow yourself to feel the pain of losing her, you’ll never be able to let anyone else get close to you.”

His vision seemed to focus. Erin had witnessed snatches of him at peace and joyful, and she wanted him happy again.

She gave his shoulder a light squeeze of support. “I wish it wasn’t true… but Anna won’t ever come back.”

Fury flashed in his eyes. He deposited the dress in the box, closed the flap, and resealed it with tape. Dane stood, his face harsh. “I imagine you dug through all my personal belongings.” He turned on his heels and stomped out the room. “Well keep digging, if that’s what makes you satisfied.”

She followed to the top of the stairs. “I didn’t plan to dig. I went to the cemetery and found the flowers you placed at her grave.”

A glance over his shoulder was the only response he gave.

“And
she
planted those roses, didn’t she?” Erin asked, making him stop. “That’s why you got so angry when I cut some of them.”

The knuckles of his hand clasping the stair railing turned white.

“Dane,” she said, stepping down the stairs, “I’m only speaking about your past because I care.” The truth that she’d discovered made her admit what her heart told her. “And maybe I care about you too much.”

He watched her descent, his face clouding with what seemed varying emotions. Erin was almost to him, and he spun away. “There’s food on the table. I’m not hungry,” he said.

The dining room’s door slammed, followed by the sound of his truck roaring to life and then screeching away.

Dejection ran through Erin. She meandered through rooms and found herself in the kitchen and staring at the rose petals that had begun to wither. She moved away from them and spied a large bag on the counter, the printing on it saying T-Fred’s Diner.

She didn’t want food. Curiosity about what he’d chosen for her meal made her inspect the bag’s contents.

Plastic containers had the same words printed on top: Frog legs for Dane and Erin.

“Frog legs?” she said, unable to stop her grin. Surely he’d figured she had never eaten such things in New York. He must have smiled when he’d ordered it. Erin needed to see what cooked frogs’ legs looked like.

Opening a take-out box, she found salad, fries, and half a dozen legs that looked similar to fried chicken drumsticks, except these were smaller. Okay, she had to try this. Lifting one, she nibbled.

The white meat was tender, its batter crunchy. She did like the flavor but still wasn’t hungry since her exchanged words with Dane. She set the boxes in the refrigerator, making a sad smile, looking at the words above them again, where T-Fred had paired her with Dane.

She closed the refrigerator. Now that she’d butted into Dane’s life and pain, he would surely want her to leave. Maybe the plantation still legally belonged to Tilly and Cliff, but they’d let Dane live in this house. If Erin remained, her stay would only cause him misery. God, that man knew how to love a woman.

Resigning herself to letting go of something—or someone—she might want to remain near, Erin considered her future. She had one more thing to definitely accomplish while she was here.

She headed for her aunt’s envelope, looking forward to seeing what her delightful mother figure had planned for her to do tomorrow, her last day on the plantation.

Chapter Sixteen

You have just spent three days here, the words topping the fourth day’s page said. I am about to ask you to do one more thing.

Erin stared at the handwriting, the pain from losing her aunt squeezing through her heart, making her eyes mist. She let her mind play out the image of Tilly, flouncing about the kitchen in her old house, where she’d invited little Erin almost every weekend while they had lived in the same town. Erin’s mother squandered attention on some rich male, but her aunt gave every bit of love to her.

Replaying those images made Erin laugh and cry, until she was able to tuck those scenes away in her heart, knowing they and her aunt would remain there. She rubbed her eyes and read more, heartbeats speeding as she anticipated the final challenge.

Day 4 Instructions: DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.

Anger welled inside Erin, surprising her. She’d had to stay here and lose all—just for this? At her aunt’s prompting, she had given up all that meant security. Permanence. Had her devious elder only been playing, not realizing that she would pull away the carpet of stability from under Erin, making her tumble from the places and people she’d held onto?

“Aunt Tilly,” Erin whispered with a slow shake of her head, “you were really something.” She stared at the paper, willing her eyes to focus on the last few words written.

My dearest Erin, if you followed my requests during these last days, you have probably come to find peace. I know that your parents, in their frailties, left you to feel orphaned, and I have always been aware that you clung to me because I made you feel at home. (And because I’m so pretty.) That comment, alongside the smiley face with ringlets, made Erin laugh. With a stoic face, she read more. But my child, I knew one day I’d also have to be leaving you. Sweetie, you need to retain great love in your heart. Don’t settle for less. I was fortunate to finally discover a man who could cherish me as much as I cherished him. I wish the same for you.

Tears flooding Erin’s eyes made the last words impossible to read. She buffed them off her face and waited until her vision cleared to see her aunt’s final words.

Erin, is what you’ve had all you really want? I’ve doubted it, knowing so much more is available. Here on the plantation, you’ve had time to pause and reflect, and, I hope, fall deeply in love—with yourself first—and maybe someone else. My delightful child, I want you to have all the happiness in the world. Discover the great love that can exist between a woman and the man who appreciates you for the great treasure that you are. Do what you want today while following your heart. With tons of love from your adoring aunt, Tilly.

Chills sprinkled Erin’s arms, making the pages she held shake. She lowered her head. She would never again see her aunt, never get held in her comforting arms, never be taught about life. She’d always miss Tilly.

With no idea how long she’d sat with head bent, Erin became aware of a certainty building inside her like a whisper that grew louder. She hadn’t been happy with her job, apartment, or boss Travis, yet because of her past, she’d felt a need to hang on. Her insightful aunt knew that. She’d also known that for Erin to find everything that would bring her true joy, she would need to let go of those wrong choices and face the peril of risking.

She lifted her head, damp eyelashes filtering open, and she knew. The stirring in her heart these last few days showed her a man who knew how to cherish a woman. And she’d felt her love growing toward him.

“Thank you,” she said, staring at the papers. She set them down, grabbed her car keys, and ran out the door.

Darkness cloaked the lawn except for the areas lit by spotlights, and Dane’s truck was gone. Erin had known from its sound when he left that he’d driven toward the fields. With his anger, he’d probably stopped somewhere, standing alone to contemplate.

With a pounding heart, Erin accelerated to reach him. She would tell him how she felt and urge him to admit his same feelings for her.

Speeding down the dip in the road and up the incline, she saw his truck beyond the row of trees. He’d parked near a dusty truck at the barn. The barn was open, its insides lit. Erin stopped her car and dashed in.

She found animal sights and sounds and at the far end, saw Andre. She rushed toward him, ready to ask about Dane.

“Old Estelle wouldn’t wait for the vet,” he said, face breaking into a grin. “She was having problems, so Dane and I had to help her.”

Erin slowed, reaching him at the last stall. There in damp straw beside the cow, Dane stroked the back of a calf trying to stand on wobbly legs.

Annoyance sprang to his face when he saw her.

“Dane,” she said, “you’re a father.”

His eyes softened. He cast a tender glance at the newborn, and even as Erin had imagined that room locked upstairs in the plantation home as a cheery room for a child, she could envision him becoming that child’s father.

He nodded toward Andre. “I guess we both became dads.” With a smile, he added, “Or maybe we’re step-dads.”

Andre moved to the mother’s head and rubbed it. “Good thing Dane stopped by when he did. The vet couldn’t get away from emergency surgery on a horse.”

“It was rough going for a while,” Dane said, “but we did what we needed to do.”

The men wore smiles of compassion as they bestowed reassuring touches on the animals beside them.

The image evoked great pleasure in Erin. Two men appeared weary, with clothes messed from the trauma they’d been through, and both looked proud of what they’d accomplished.

“But what about Estelle and her child?” she said, stroking the calf beside Dane. “Will they be all right? Can I help to do anything?”

Dane’s gaze held on her eyes. She felt that they almost breathed in unison, their similar thoughts meeting.

Estelle’s lowing called their attention to her. “Thanks, but we’ve got it, and the doc will be coming,” Dane told Erin, his eyes sparkling with contentment. “This lady will need a little extra care for a few days, but she’ll be okay. Her little one, too.”

His partner in delivery smiled at Erin. “Our main problem now will be my daughter’s difficulty with deciding on a name to give this youngster.”

“Maybe you could help with that,” Dane told Erin.

“I’ll try.” She rubbed the calf’s slim back, eyeing its legs that appeared too long for its body. “Boy or girl?” Her eye contact with Dane shot a zing of connection through her. She had to turn her eyes away.

“Girl,” he said. His breaths sounded heavier, as though he were experiencing the same closeness she was. But they were surrounded by needy animals and another person.

Erin shoved up to her feet. “All right, young lady, I’ll attempt to come up with a proper name for you.” With a brief nod to the men, she said, “Gentlemen, you’ve done a good thing.”

She scuttled out the barn before her feet led her back to Dane, beside him and enclosed in his arms. No matter what, she knew as she drove back to the house, she would let him know that she wanted to spend the rest of her days at his side.

Chapter Seventeen

“I’ll follow your directions,” Erin said, peering above when she awoke in the morning. She lay on the bed, smiling while she evoked her aunt’s image, feeling a gleam when she called up even more thoughts of Dane.

She had waited for his return far into the night, first sitting on the porch and watching for his headlights, later while in bed, listening for his entry into the house. All the while, she’d entertained thoughts of him and her together. Forever.

Erin sighed, a grin sneaking to her face when she recalled the names she’d come up with for the calf. Imogene. Beatrice. Lucy or Nettie. Joy sprang to her heart while she’d considered them, for each thought of the newborn made her call to mind an image of her and a smiling Dane and their happy family, all surrounding the large kitchen table.