Insufferable: A Dark Erotic Romance (10 page)

The leather against my fingers was heaven as I buckled in her wrists and crouched to bind her ankles. In a quick glance, I took in her ass and pussy only inches before me. To lean forward and taste her, pleasure her… Fuck, I would have given everything I owned.

“If you hurt me. Like,
really
hurt me …”

I stood, stepping into her body. “Oh, I’m going to hurt you, but I’m betting before we leave here you’re going to like it. Maybe even beg me for more.”

My eyes closed as I cursed myself and took in her scent. How was it possible for a smell to make everything fade away? To wipe out orders instilled within? This was her life I was dealing with.
And my happiness
. I couldn’t mess this up.

“Don’t sound too confident.” Lydia glanced back at me, something flashing in her eyes before she turned to face ahead. “I have to be honest. I know what all of this is. Quite brilliant, really—this false choice you’ve given me—that you probably give everyone. These methods, the videos and lessons, they’re set up to make us doubt our want to die. To add guilt so we choose life. And maybe over time it twists our minds to want to choose the alternative, but I see through this game. What you’re about to do … maybe it’ll work for today, but this isn’t some miracle cure for someone like me. There is no recourse against death when you’re this far gone. Ultimately, what you’re trying to program into me isn’t going to work. What I feel isn’t grief or disappointment I’ve tragically experienced over the years. My soul had its bags packed since birth.”

Anger swirled as I stepped back and headed for the tools lining the wall. Blindly, I grabbed one of the floggers. My chest was aching at her declaration. I knew what she felt. We were one and the same. The only difference was, I’d conquered death. She would too.

“Time to finally unpack then, slave. Deep breath.”

I reared back, listening to the leather straps slide against each other. With a strength I rarely used, I brought my arm forward. The connection against her ass was followed by a deep gasp. Lydia’s body locked up and her fists clenched. The cry was delayed, barely making it out before I let the flogger slap against her again.

“Fuck! Oh, God!”

“Keep saying that.”

My arm crossed my chest as I brought it back to get the other side of her ass. Lydia’s body jolted and she sobbed. But she didn’t struggle in panic. No, her back was arched. The sight drove me crazy. My cock was so hard for her.
For this.
She was it. The one. My mind wouldn’t stop repeating that as I continued to strike her.

“You feel that sting? Feels good, doesn’t it?”

“Mo-re.”

The welts on her legs were darkening to a bright red. The raised skin called me to trace over it. I’d done this before, and it spoke to my inner sadist, but I had never got
this
feeling. My mind was getting foggy. All of my focus was on the shape of her body and what I was doing to it.
What she wanted me to do
.

I gave the side of her leg one last shock, barely able to control my pulse as I surged forward. Before I knew it, I had her hair fisted and my teeth were grazing along her neck, biting at her skin with gentle tugs. A deep moan filled the air, pulling me from what I was doing.

What the hell
was
I doing?

“I’m … sorry.” Silk fell through my fingers as I opened my grip and stepped back in disbelief.

“Don’t stop.”

Lydia’s head turned to try to look at me, but I stepped further back, denying her access. There was no telling what she would see on my face, and with her request, I was more confused than ever.

“Master?”

“We’re not finished. I’m …”
Another step back.
“Time for the crop.”

Silence stretched out as I walked over and grasped the handle. I blinked through the shock of what I’d done, turning to face her, again. Just the sight of her body had the worry fading in the background.

“I’m going to focus on your back. Then I’m going to move to your legs. I will repeat this process until I feel you’ve had enough.”

I stopped behind her, gathering her hair to place it over her shoulder.

“What, no more biting?”

My jaw clenched as I forced myself back. “No. Now close your eyes and feel.”

I began a steady rhythm along her lower back, keeping a safe distance from her kidney area. As I traveled upward, I increased the power of the taps. Lydia’s head leaned back and again she arched. From the vibrations tingling my skin, my adrenaline was at an all-time high. Was she wet? How much was she really enjoying this? She didn’t seem so anxious anymore.

Blood tinged my mouth and I barely felt the pain from biting my bottom lip. I tapped just below her shoulder blade and traced the end to the side of the middle of her back, making a path back down to just outside the base of her spine. A whimper leaving Lydia had my arm jerking back, and then shooting forward.

Whack!

The connection to her ass had a deep moan mixing with a growl. I wasn’t sure which came from me.

“God, again, Master.”

Whack! Whack!

Lydia’s hips moved repeatedly as she took deep breaths.

Whack! Whack! Whack!

I transitioned to the other side of her ass, watching it turn even redder as I continued.

“We have to …” Continuous sounds echoed around as she kept trying to move. “We have to stop,” she said, breathlessly.

I knew she wasn’t close to being at her pain threshold. My eyes narrowed as I took in her movements. Dammit, she was just as turned on as I was. She hadn’t been moving from the pain, but more for the stimulation to her clit. She needed it, and from as wide as her legs were, she wasn’t getting enough.

“We continue.”

“I can’t.”

I stepped in, regardless that I shouldn’t. Knowing how turned on she was completely disintegrated my resolve. My body eased into hers and I lowered my head until my lips were even with her ear.

“What’s the matter, slave, don’t you like it?”

Lydia’s face turned the slightest amount into mine and I couldn’t stop myself from rubbing my nose along the side of her cheek. My lips brushed along her ear and she shivered against me.

“I … do. But …”

“But, what?”

Darkness enveloped me as I closed my eyes. My hand was suddenly gripping into her hip. I squeezed through the softening coming over me.

“I can’t be saved.”

The husky whisper had my lids easing up. “You underestimate me.” My hand rose along her side, barely existent against her skin. “I’m going to try with everything I have. I won’t give up.”

Dark blue eyes met mine as she pulled back to look at me. Her lips trembled and she sucked in air to regulate her breathing, but still she taunted me. “You should. You’re investing your time in something you’re not going to win. You’re a businessman. Can’t you see a bad deal when you come across one?”

“Bad deal?” My head shook. “More like the investment of the century.”

“You don’t mean that.” She nearly choked the words out. Confusion masked her face. Weight from her breast settled over my hand and I held to her as I searched the changing expressions.

“You know I do. I have all the time in the world. Do you want to put it to the test? Work with me. Take your lessons seriously. Let me show you what I can do for you. I promise you won’t regret it.”

Chapter 14

Lydia

My back and ass were on fire from the mastery of Jaime’s beating, and to say I hadn’t enjoyed it would be a lie. But it wasn’t enough. “I’m not worried about my regrets. It’s yours I’m trying to spare you from. Hear me when I say, this is a war you cannot win. I’m doomed.”

Determination merged with anger on Jaime’s face only to disappear. “Wrong answer. If you can’t believe in yourself, then we can work on that. But never doubt what I’m capable of. I don’t lose.”

He stepped back and I braced myself for what I knew was coming—more relief.

Whack! Whack! Whack! Whack!

I gasped and felt my eyes flare at the fire that met each slap of the crop along my thigh. My clit pulsed and I jerked against the cuffs that held my hands trapped. God, I couldn’t stop the response of my body. I wanted to touch myself through the pain and there was nothing I could do about it. Lust left me desperate for something, anything, to relieve the ache in my lower stomach.

Whack! Whack!

“When you think of the perfect life, what do you see?”

“What?” The pitch of my voice rose as the crop connected against my opposite thigh.

“Your perfect life. What does it look like?

I blinked past the question, trying to get my mind to focus. I couldn’t think of anything besides the need surging within.

Whack!

“I don’t know,” I rushed out.

“You better decide fast. You have five seconds.”

“Five sec—?”

“Four. Three.”

My mouth opened, only to shut. “A home. Maybe a dog. No more emotional pain.”

“Good start.”

The crop traced down to the inside of my knee, only to travel back up. Oxygen locked in my chest as I waited for him to continue higher. When he stopped and rose to the inside of my thigh, I couldn’t stop the groan from escaping.

“Keep going, slave.”

The arousal faded with the hurt that was beginning to seep through. I didn’t want to think about this. It was for nothing. Even if I manage to find happiness again, I knew for a fact that these suicidal thoughts would steal it from me. They had for as long as I remembered. Nothing would change that.

Whack!

“I’m waiting.”

“This is bullshit. The perfect life doesn’t exist.” I panted through the pain pulsing over my heated flesh. “Especially for someone like me.”

“Someone like you? Who exactly do you think you are that you don’t deserve to be happy?”

Tears escaped at my frustration. Jaime would never understand. He hadn’t made my choices, or put up with the things that I had.
It was all my fault.
All of it. I had no one to blame but myself.

“I’m not speaking to hear my own voice. Answer. Who are you?”

Whack!

“Fuck!” I jerked against the cuffs, struggling to form the words. “I’m me—the victim, the druggie, the freak that can’t stop slicing open her skin because she not only likes the pain and blood, but because she can’t function unless she does. I’m the doormat, the one everything thinks is fake or dislikes because I’m too pretty or too nice. I’m the failure in every way. The forgotten, the abandoned, the sexually abused, the beaten, the mom who was never given the chance. Need I go on? 
I can’t do this!”

More sobs. Dammit, I was falling apart all over again. My voice was raw. I just wanted this over with. I wanted to disappear. To forget these conflicting feelings Jaime was evoking. “Let me down.”

Whack! Whack! Whack!

“Please!”

“Do you know what I see?” A light tapping began on my ass, over the painful areas, traveling up my back as he began. “I see a beautiful, smart, and courageous woman. A survivor who has been through hell and has the opportunity to bounce back and do things she never imagined possible. I see a fighter, not a coward. You could have killed yourself at any point in these last few months and you didn’t. Why?”

The crying faded as I was faced with the truth. A truth that was mangled within me in ways I couldn’t even begin to unravel. I had thought deep in the back of my mind that maybe …
no
. There was no way I held any feelings whatsoever for the man behind me.
I couldn’t.
But I did and it made no sense. I hadn’t known him at all. I still didn’t. He was a bigger mystery than ever, yet…

“Do I need to crop you again?”

My head turned and Jaime’s silhouette came into my peripheral. I quickly faced the front and stared at the black cement wall before me.

“What kept you alive? Tell me.”

“You,” I whispered. “You did.”

Silence stretched out until I heard him come closer.

“What about me? You knew I was fine. You watched me heal. What reason was there to stay after that?”

“I don’t know. I just did.”

Fingers curled around the back of my neck and I turned to take in Jaime’s handsome features. I stopped on his full lips, basking in how kissable they were. I existed in a euphoric state of pain and with him being this close, the need I felt for him only increased.

“You feel it too, don’t you, slave?”

My stare slowly moved up to meet his intense gaze and my chest constricted through the need to confess.

“You do. Admit it. You feel something for me, whether you like it or not.”

“It changes nothing.”

Jaime’s eyes narrowed. “It changes
everything
.”

Lips crushed into mine and the pressure increased on the back of my neck as he drew me deeper into the kiss. Without hesitation I met his tongue, sliding mine along his. Waves of heat poured from my skin as I tugged against the cuffs impatiently. My body was tingling from the sensitivity of the lashes and I wanted more than just pain. I wanted physical touch. To feel his body on mine as I held to him for reasons I couldn’t even understand. Safety? Perhaps. Or comfort. We’d been through something together that people rarely lived from. He could have died because of me. He took the chance, accepting the outcome because he wanted to keep me alive.

He was right. Something was changing. I just wasn’t sure what to think about that.

“Fuck, I want you.” Teeth tugged at my lip and I moaned, meeting his mouth with hunger I hadn’t felt in as long as I could remember. With hard yanks, I fought the bonds keeping me restrained. Before I could process what I was doing, Jaime was working me loose. My hand fell, and then the other. He broke away, crouching behind me while he began to unbuckle my feet.

Blood rushed through my arms bringing the sensations of pins and needles. I looked down, watching as he worked in quick movements. When his eyes darted up to mine, something flickered over his face. What registered brought a gasp, but it was too late. Fingers gripped into my ass and Jaime’s tongue pushed into my pussy. My hands shot to the cross and I gripped tightly as a moan tore free.

The thrusts were quick, invading me—teasing me. He traced around my opening following along the inside of one of my folds. When he lifted my hips, arching me even more, the connection to my clit nearly had me screaming.

“I knew you’d be wet. I knew you liked this. Needed it.”

Suction against the sensitive nerves had my nails digging into the padding of the cross. I was on fire. I couldn’t stop trying to rock against his tongue.
Suck, lick, thrust.
He teased my pussy in all the right spots, building me higher with each dose of pleasure.

“Master, take me to the bed.”

The barely existent plea had Jaime freezing. My eyes were so heavy I could barely open them to look down at his stunned gaze. It was enough to sober me almost instantly.

“I can’t do this,” he whispered. “I’m rushing. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“Rushing?”

The question went unanswered as he undid the last cuff and stood.

“You didn’t eat. You should eat. Then you can read.”

The cold tone was like ice water. It left me speechless as he drew the dress over my head with little regard for my tender, welted flesh. As he pulled me up the stairs and toward my room, every inch of my body was demanding I say something.
Anything.
But I obeyed him, silent, like the puppet I was.

“Go ahead and eat. I’ll be back to get your tray later.”

Jaime wouldn’t even look at me as he headed for the door. Had I done something wrong? Maybe I was the one rushing things. Yes. Hadn’t I always jumped the gun and not worried about the repercussions until they came?

The door locked behind him and flashes of what happened between us was all I could see. The sting was relived over and over as I stared blindly ahead. Memories left me tingling and I couldn’t deny the need that was still there. Regardless of him pulling away, I wanted more of my Master’s brutality. I wanted
him
. How was I going to block that out for the remaining time?