Intercepted (18 page)

Chapter 24:
Jake

I turn on my side and she
’
s gone.
That sense of emptiness that fills me every time we say goodbye, returns. I
stare at the ceiling. The lack of control over my life ever since I met Natalia
is starting to feel permanent. I can
’
t allow
that to happen, but I also need to acknowledge that the pull I feel for her is
not going to give.

I have to find a way to make things with her work without losing a hold
on my own feelings.

‘
You can
’
t love someone without giving
them your whole heart, Jake
.
’
My father
’
s words
barge in my mind.
How did that work for you, Dad?

No. My heart is not up for negotiation.

There
’
s got to be a way to find
balance without promises of happiness for all eternity. Promises end in
disappointment when love finally ends. Why can
’
t relationships be simple? Why can
’
t people focus on the present without building a
whole future in the air?

But I
’
ve seen the hurt in Natalia
’
s eyes and I know I can
’
t keep doing this to her. There
’
s got to be a way to make this work without
anyone getting hurt.
There is. Walk away, Jake. Let her have a normal life
with someone who gives a shit.

The thought swells in my chest. No. I
’
ve tried running and it
’
s led me right back here.

Maybe she will be okay with a simple relationship where we both keep our
independence.
Relationship?
My heart kicks at the word, but I stay on my
train of thought. Natalia is about to start a new life in San Diego. A new job
that will absorb most of her time and energy. The last thing she needs is a
sappy boyfriend who demands attention. The more I think about it, the more
sense my selfish plan makes in my head.

Maybe this can work.

I kick off the covers and head to the shower, eager to find her and see
what she thinks of my proposition of living in the present with no strings
attached.
You
’
re a prince,
Jake.

I scurry through the employee hallway keeping my head down. When I reach
her door, I knock softly and wait. The door swings open and there is Dani. Her
head tilts to the side as she looks me up and down. Her eyes narrow. I think
she
’
s not happy with me.

“She
’
s not here,” she says.

“Oh. Where…”

“She went skiing.”

“Do you know when she
’
ll be back?”

She watches me for a long moment, probably questioning whether or not I
deserve to know the answer.

“Anytime now,” she mutters.

I turn to leave, but she grabs my arm. “Jake.”

I stop in my tracks and turn to meet her eyes. They are like blue ice,
deep and penetrating.

“
Look,
” she says. “
I don’
t know what
’
s going
down between you two. But you know as well as I do that Natalia just got her
heart broken by that piece of shit fiancée of hers. The last thing she needs is
a swing to the heart to finish her off.”

“I wouldn
’
t…”

“
Natalia doesn
’
t open up to people easily.
Marc was the only guy she dated for most of the time I
’
ve known her. She
’
s had a difficult life and has worked her ass off
to save for this internship and make her dream of being a chef a reality. Do
not fuck this up for her, you hear me?”

She has articulated the perfect warning. All the things I have been
pushing to the background so they wouldn
’
t
conflict with my determination to make things work my way. Her eyes are locked
on mine, waiting for my answer. Any words that cross my mind seem inadequate,
or a flat out lie, so I don
’
t say
anything and answer with a single nod.

She lets out a sharp breath. “
Good. I
’
m glad we
’
re on
the same page. I
’
ll tell her you stopped by.” Then
she shuts the door in my face.

I stand there for a few seconds, trying to process, then head back to my
villa. I won
’
t know what happens next until
Natalia and I talk.

Another half hour goes by and I am ready to punch something. I need to
get out of here. I
’
m grabbing my coat when there
’
s a knock on the door. I let out a sigh of
relief. When I open it she
’
s standing
there, beautiful as always in a long overcoat that drowns her delicate frame. I
smile and swing the door all the way open. The moment she steps in I pull her
into my arms. She smells like she just took a shower. Flowers and sun.
Sappy,
Jake.

“You left so early,” I mutter against her hair.

“Yeah.”

I wait for her to say more, but she doesn
’
t. She seems somber. This morning I assumed she
’
d left because she had to work, but the fact that
she went skiing means she left because she wanted to. I rake my brain for
something that might have upset her, but come out empty.

“Are you okay?” I pull away to look into her eyes. They seem endless.

“
I don’
t know,” she says. I take
her hand and lead her to the couch. I need to fix this, one way or the other. I
know it is hurting her.

“Why did you come back, Jake?” Her voice is low, hesitant.

“I told you. I needed to see you.”

“Okay, you
’
ve seen me. Now what?”

“What do you want, Natalia?”

She looks at me for a long moment, as if she
’
s searching for the right words.

“
I don’
t know,” she says,
finally. “But it is not this. This… hurts.”

Her sincerity disarms me. I am used to concealing my feelings, even from
myself. She
’
s not like that. “Why did you
leave this morning?”

She shrugs. “A text came in while you were sleeping. I saw it.”

Fuck
. Rachel
’
s text. I should have turned my
phone off. But she knows what I do for a living. Why is this a problem now?

“Babe,” I say, searching her eyes. “You know enough of me to know I can
’
t make
promises for the future. I am not wired like that. Besides, relationships make
people vulnerable.
”
Wow, Jake.
You
’
ve just reached a new level
,
you selfish prick. Let the girl go.

“I
’
m pretty fucking vulnerable
right now, Jake. And this is not even a relationship.”

“
I don’
t want to hurt you.”

“I know,” she says, looking down. “Look. Maybe we end this here. I have a
lot coming when I move to San Diego. I
’
ve
worked hard to get there. I don
’
t want to
ruin that because I am stuck in some fling with no future.”

I shrug. “I wouldn
’
t call this a
fling. But maybe a relationship with no future is exactly what you need right
now. Something that won
’
t take
anything away from your dreams and what you want.” As I say this, I realize the
extent of my assholeness.
Let her go
.

Her eyes are still on her hands. “
I don’
t
know Jake. There are some things I don
’
t think
I can
’
t deal with.”

“Like?”

“Like your lifestyle. I don
’
t want
to be with someone I know is with other women. That bothers me, and since that
’
s actually your
job
, well, maybe that says
it all.”

I rake my hands through my hair. There
’
s no dodging it now that she
’
s articulated it.
Fuck
. My job is not up
for negotiation. During the last few weeks I have been toying with the idea of
retirement, but if and when that happens I want it to be my decision. It can
’
t be for anyone else. But we are standing at a
crossroad and I need to find a way out of this or it will in fact end here.

“Natalia. I am not trying to change who you are.”

“I know, Jake. It
’
s not really
fair of me to ask you to do that either. You told me what you do from the
beginning. I didn
’
t expect to feel anything for
you. But now…”

I lean toward her and press my forehead to hers. “
I don’
t want to say goodbye.”

Chapter 25:
Natalia

We are standing at the edge of the cliff. If Jake lets go I will fall.
Maybe he
’
s right and the kind of
relationship he
’
s offering is what I need right
now. Making careful plans with someone did not work out the way it was supposed
to.

So I make my decision.

“Okay, Jake. Maybe we can try and see if this works. We live in the
present. We don
’
t ask for more. I have just one
request.”

He tilts my chin up and presses a soft kiss on my lips. “What
’
s that?”

“We always tell each other the truth.”

Relief floods the warm background of his eyes. “Deal.” He takes my face
in his hands and crushes me into a kiss. I am grateful to be distracted from
what I have just agreed to. A deal that may very well result in the biggest
heartbreak I have ever experienced. I shift around so I am straddling him and
wrap my arms and legs around him without breaking the kiss. His arms move to my
back and press me so tight against him there is no physical separation between
our bodies. I get lost in the feeling of being in Jake
’
s arms, knowing I have given up the more and
settled for the less.

In the next two days I
’
m not able to
change my shifts, but spend every second I am not working, with Jake. A huge
weight has lifted now that we have defined the boundaries. The simple fact that
I know when we will see each other again calms my anxiety. I just have to train
myself to not wonder where he goes when he
’
s not with me.

The new surf shop in San Diego will take most of his time for the next
few months and that comforts me because it probably means he won
’
t have a lot of time left for his
other
job. Maybe if I keep him busy enough…

The more I think about it, the more our arrangement seems manageable. Who
knows where things will go. For the first time in my life I am in a
relationship where I don
’
t know the
outcome and I think that may be a good thing. I thought I had a sure hold on my
relationship with Marc, but it took me to a dead end. At least with Jake there
will be no lies. I can live with the rest.

I think.

Jake says he can stay for just one more day because he needs to start
moving things into his San Diego apartment. I am excited about the thought of
both of us living in the same city. He will move in about a week and I have two
more weeks left in Aspen. I have already signed the lease for a small condo in
Coronado and the excitement to begin my new life makes the hours go by slowly.

On Jake
’
s last day we go skiing, then
we have dinner at his villa. We are sitting on opposite ends of the couch, our
bare feet touching. I have not felt this relaxed in a very long time. I am in a
blissful cloud of post-coital happiness with this godly man who
’
s only flaws are to exist exclusively in the
present and to keep his heart in sealed armor.

Jake is trying to find a movie while I throw popcorn kernels at his mouth
trying to score. He scrolls down the options on the TV screen, whipping his
head around and opening his mouth when I prompt him. My aim is awful, but Jake
has lightning reflexes and makes it every time. He must have been one hell of a
goalie.

“I wish I could have seen you play water polo.” I smile and his eyes meet
mine. “You must have been quite a show to watch.”

His answering grin is disarming. I slide the bowl of popcorn to the floor
and crawl onto his lap.

“Do you miss it?” I press a soft kiss on his lips. They taste salty from
the popcorn, so I kiss them again and he smiles. “
Tell me.
”

“Yes, I miss it. When you feel so much passion for something, it never
leaves you.” His eyes are intense and bright, then they quickly dart to the TV.
“Pete has me come to teach clinics at his club from time to time, and it all
comes back.”

“Why aren
’
t you a coach?”

He shrugs without taking his eyes off the TV. “The money sucks.”

I look at his profile for a long moment. When he turns to meet my eyes I
close them and kiss him again. I don
’
t want
him to see the emotions that I
’
m sure
cross my expression as I am once again reminded that Jake
’
s choices steer away from deep feelings and lead
to things he can control. Like money.

Sex is once again an effective distraction and I spend the night in his
arms, sucking in every minute we have together.

When Jake leaves the next morning I don
’
t dread it. I am looking forward to what
’
s ahead.

Dani, Zack and I wind up our last week at the lodge. Saying goodbye to
everyone is harder this time because I know that for me it is the last time.
Dani and Zack will visit me in San Diego this summer and that makes saying
goodbye to them a little easier.

This proves to be a year of curveballs and firsts. Instead of flying back
to Buenos Aires right away, Dani is going to visit Dillon in San Francisco for
a few weeks. She will take her final on the next calling in a few months. I
look at her in shock and shake my head, but she has a face-splitting grin when
she tells me and it is hard to not grin back. At first I thought Dillon was a
player, but something about the way he looks at her makes me believe that what
he feels for her is real.

I hug them tight before I leave for the airport. Dani leaves tomorrow and
Zack the day after. I tell Zack for the millionth time to keep his promise to
visit me. He smiles and tells me he will.

I check in at the airline counter and drop off my bags. My entire life is
stuffed into two large suitcases and a duffel bag. Not much to sum up the last
twenty-three years of my existence.

At the moment Jake is somewhere between Santa Monica and San Diego
managing his own move. We made no plans except that I would call him when I was
settled into my apartment. I have two days to get acquainted with my new
environment before my internship begins on Monday. Excitement crawls on my skin
like an army of ants.

I can
’
t manage to sleep during the
flight, so I open my iPad and start Leah Reader
’
s new novel. She always manages to suck me out of
the real world.

By the time we land my nerves have left me exhausted. I wait for my bag
at the carousel, looking at the fading afternoon sun through the airport
windows. San Diego is bright and everything here seems lighter and happier. I
think it
’
s the perpetual sun, and after
more than three months under the Aspen snow I am looking forward to the change.
It is only the beginning of the spring, but people walk around the airport in
T-shirts, shorts and flip flops.

I
’
m gonna like it here.

I see my bags and load them onto a cart. As I cross the sliding doors to
the outside I take a big swig of warm salty air and smile. I roll my cart
toward the curb to wait for the light, then a silver BMW pulls right beside me,
blocking my way to the pedestrian crosswalk. I lean down to scowl at the
driver, because that
’
s flat out
rude. But I freeze when I see Jake smiling from the driver
’
s seat. My heart feels as if a bunch of fireworks
just went off inside my chest. His smile widens as he slips out and rounds the car.
He is wearing board kaki shorts and a white short sleeve shirt. His roped arms
are tanned underneath. The sight of him in summer clothes makes my breath
catch. He looks like one of those lifeguards girls drool over in TV series.

“I was hoping I
’
d catch you
before you took a cab,” he says, distracting me from my day dream. I am still
blinking off the shock of his presence.

“How did you…”

“I asked Dani for your flight information.” He sweeps me away in a swift
kiss, then quickly lets go and makes quick work of loading my suitcases into
the trunk. I slip into the passenger seat still in a trance, trying to keep my
emotions at bay.

I give Jake my apartment address and he pulls into the evening traffic.
Coronado is an island connected to downtown through a massive bridge that
curves over the San Diego Bay and a strip of sand on the other side. Jake
merges onto the bridge onramp and I hold my breath. The view on both sides of
it is spectacular. Little sailboats rock to and fro underneath, tiny strokes of
paint on a deep blue canvas. The island is smaller than I imagined, but it is
absolutely charming. Small houses are packed next to one another behind
perfectly manicured yards. My condo is on Third Avenue, close to the landing
where a ferry leaves every hour to downtown San Diego. Living here I won
’
t need a car right away. I can ride my bike to
work and take the ferry if I want to leave the island.

Jake parks by the address I gave him and we both look up at my condo on
the second floor. It is a small complex consisting of three apartments on the
bottom and three on the top. I open my door and round the car, searching my bag
for the key the landlady sent me a week ago. I am supposed to meet her at her
office tomorrow to sign the rest of the paperwork.

Jake gets my bags out of the trunk, then drops them and pulls me into a
hug.

“Hi,” he says against my lips. I kiss him and goose bumps travel down my
arms. The familiar scent coming from him sends a swirl to my stomach.

“Thanks for coming, Jake.” I smile and his answering grin is dazzling.

“You
’
re
welcome. I didn
’
t want you to have to take a
cab to your new place.”

I nod, unable to stop smiling because even though he makes no promises
this is a very nice welcome to my new city.

Inside, the apartment is simple, but well fitted. Everything is new
including the carpet, and the walls are freshly painted. I look forward to
adding things that will make it my own, but for now Jake is all I want to focus
on.

We walk to a brewery on Orange Avenue, just two blocks away, and order
fried calamari and beer. The evening is warm and it is such a welcome change
from the arctic cold of Aspen. Jake looks relaxed and tells me about the
opening of his shop in a little over a week. He sounds excited as he describes
what he has left to do on the next few days wrapping up the merchandise orders
and last minute preparations. I don
’
t think
I have ever seen him this enthusiastic. It sends a warm feeling to my chest.

Back at my apartment door he asks me if I want him to let me rest. I
answer him by clutching his shirt at the chest and tugging him inside with me.
He smiles as he helps me pull it over his head.

I spend my first night in San Diego tangled in
Jake. His tanned arms and legs are wrapped around my pale body like a vine and
as I drift into an exhausted sleep, a spark of hope flicks my heart.