Interrupted (The Progress Series) (26 page)

*

Every two hours, Roxanne and Charlie went out and shoveled the freshly fallen snow. For the hour between they played Scrabble, Monopoly and Cribbage.

“So, are you excited for the company party next weekend? I can’t wait! I got a new dress and shoes!” Roxanne said.

“It’s not really my thing. But I
am
excited to hear who’s going to win Manager of the Year. It would be nice to get some recognition for working so hard.”

“Oh, well you’re up against some tough competition. Mary gets it every year. She runs Fox Hollow. Before Mary got there, the residents called it ‘The Fox Hole.’ Yeah, not such an inviting name for an upscale property. Besides her fixing up the place, she’s a suck up. But you’ve got a shot. Did you RSVP? What did you choose for dinner?”

Charlie smirked, “Yeah, I RSVP’d last week. I chose the chicken, I think.”

“So, what are you going to wear?” Roxanne said.

“I don’t know. I’ll have to buy something, I don’t have anything fancy.”

“Oh! Let me help you! I’ll take any excuse to go shopping,” Roxanne said.

“Sounds good to me. I’m open every night this week,” Charlie said while slapping a card down next to the cribbage board.

“Let’s do Wednesday, after work.”

“It’s a plan.”

*

The blizzard was predicted to continue through the night, but Roxanne had to get home to her family. So, at eight o’clock Charlie sent her on her way.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?” Roxanne asked while slipping on her coat.

“Only stay if you’re scared to drive home. Seriously, I’ve got it covered. I’ll come out at midnight, and again early in the morning. I’m sure it will be done snowing by then. Shoveling only takes an hour,” said Charlie.

“All right, but I just live a few miles away. If you need me, please call.”

“I will. Make sure you call me when you get home, otherwise I’ll worry,” Charlie said.

“Will do.”

*

Charlie stepped inside her apartment and went straight for the fridge. As her milk was heating for her cocoa, she went into her bedroom and changed out of her work clothes and into her sweats. Pulling her hair back into a red bandana, she heard the microwave ding.

While Charlie was preparing her cup, Roxanne called to tell her she had gotten home safely and to stay off the roads unless it was an emergency. Charlie had no intention of going anywhere, anyway.

Walking toward the TV and taking the first sip of steaming cocoa, she saw a shadow in her dark living room.

Jess.

She grinned and turned on the light.

“Samuel. Hi. You scared me,” she said.

He stayed motionless, staring at the wall. Charlie couldn’t say anything; she was even afraid to move.

“I’ve been thinking,” he finally said.

Charlie nodded, the hot mug getting warmer on her fingertips.

“And I think I’ve figured it out.”

With her chin quivering, she kept her head down.

Three of the longest minutes in Charlie’s life passed. The apartment was completely silent as Samuel waited for her to speak.

“So this is it. You have nothing to say,” he said.

She lifted her head and two tears fell from her eyes, her cocoa mug now burning her fingers.

“I don’t know what to say,” she said, trying to fight her legs from taking her down to the floor.

Saying I’m sorry isn’t enough.

He clenched his jaw and he made tight fists with his hands. His breathing slowed and he appeared to be concentrating on avoiding making a hole in the wall. “God damn it, Charlie. I loved you! I would have fucking died for you!” he screamed.

She flinched at every word with her eyes shut, squeezing out the water left in them.

He grabbed his coat and opened the door.

“Tell me something, Charlie. Was it worth it?”

She contemplated the question and before she could answer, he slammed the door behind him.

*

“No. It wasn’t,” she whispered.

Every time the phone rang that week, Charlie hesitated before answering it. She thought for sure Jess would call management to tell them what she had done, and what a horrible person she was.

But every day that passed proved that Jess hadn’t called. Every hour her thoughts were consumed with who she had become in the past two weeks, but she would return safely to her apartment every night having escaped Jesse’s revenge. That, of course, made her paranoia worse and her nerves more uneasy for the next day.

But no one called her. No one arranged for a meeting. She had no idea what Jess was waiting for or why he was delayed, because she hadn’t seen or spoken to him since that night.

*

Charlie purchased a bouquet of spring flowers on her way to the cemetery. It had only been a few short months since her dad had died, but she needed to talk to someone. The snow piled in front of his headstone was thick. Scooping most of it away, she placed the flowers gently upright against the stone.

“Hey, Pops. I miss you.” Saying his nickname made her eyes well with tears. “I’ve gotten myself into a real awful, horrible, stupid mess, haven’t I? Well, I appreciate you looking out for me, anyway. I just wish you were here so I could talk to you.

“I’m scared, Dad. I’m scared, lonely and miserable. I know what you’re going to say, but if you could just hear me out, maybe your disappointment in me will ease up a bit.

“I love Sam. I love him more than I can put into words. And I feel absolutely horrible for what I’ve done to him. He’s a good man. He deserves so much better than me. I didn’t think I was capable of doing this to someone.

“Jesse is my weakness.” She shrugged, fighting a stream of tears. “He always has been and he always will be. I just want to wish away his pain. I want him to know that there are people that care about him and love him for everything that he is, especially when he doesn’t love himself,” she said, wiping her cheek.

Sniffling, she gained composure. “Sam has this plant and flower encyclopedia. Its silly, really, but I remember reading about this flower called the Autumn Crocus. And occasionally when I think about Jesse, this flower pops into my head. I think this week I finally figured out why.

“Most people don’t even know the flower exists until, one day, it pops up in their garden, suddenly bringing life to a spot where they hadn’t planted anything. For two weeks it brightens the area; no leaves and no fuss. They’re an amazing flower to look at. The devastatingly beautiful thing about this particular flower is that it has a very unique healing ability; it’s used in medicines all over the world. But on the flip side, if taken too much and in large doses, it’s fatal to anything that consumes it.

“I guess the reason I’m telling you about this flower is that, well…Jesse is this beautiful and natural thing on the inside. His mind works differently, even brilliantly at times. But he’s afraid of it. And so am I. There’s this very dark side to him, a side that if I venture in too far, I’m afraid I’ll see things I’ll never be able to get out of my memory. But he needs someone to show him all the wonderful things he is, all the beautiful things he can do. I’m not a therapist and I don’t know the first thing about psychology or the way a mind works. But I do know Jesse. And I feel like I’ve been chosen for some reason. Almost like, if everything happens for a reason, then all of this—this whole debacle of a disaster I’ve gotten us all into—has to mean
something
.

“Oh Pops, I don’t know. Maybe I’m just trying to justify my actions in some way. I know Jess is mad right now. But I also know that he doesn’t consider this thing between us done. I know he’s thinking the same thing I am…that I owe him this much.

“He tried to commit suicide last year. The year I left him. I do feel responsible for that, a little. He hasn’t told me that it was because of me, and I’m logical enough to realize that it’s never because of one reason alone, but I know that my actions couldn’t have helped his situation.

“I remember you telling me, when we were sitting in my old bedroom last year, ‘I’m not worried about you, you always find a way to make it right.’ And I think about that a lot. I know I’ve always been the kind of person that feels like I can fix everyone and make everyone happy, but this time there’s so much more involved.

“If I don’t find a way to help him, he’ll always be here. In my head. And probably in my heart. No matter how many miles he tries to put between us, I’ll always feel like I’ve failed him unless I try my best to make this right. I’m strangely protective of Jesse. Maybe it’s because we’re similar in so many ways, or maybe it’s just because there’s so much history between us. But no matter how much I love Sam, how can I just walk away from what I’ve started with Jesse? He came back to me, for whatever reasons he had, and now I might have the opportunity to fix a small part of my major fuckup.

“Regrets aren’t something I do well, Pops. I just don’t want to add these to the list. I gotta try and make them count for something.”

“Anyway, I hope you’re not too mad at me. I’ll figure it out, I promise you. I just need to decipher what’s most important, and let fate play its role. In the meantime, I’ll come back to visit you soon. Thanks for listening to my ramblings.” She swallowed the lump in her throat. “And I love you, so so much.”

Charlie had purchased a dress earlier in the week. Roxanne said it was the prettiest dress she had ever seen and was jealous she hadn’t found it first. It was a satin, emerald green dress that was fitted to Charlie’s curves. The dress had thin straps and went down to her knees. At the waist, it was finished off with a thin black belt of lace. Slipping on the dress that evening, it complemented her dark red hair and made her blue eyes shimmer.

She felt as though the company party was the
last
place she should be. With her unsettled nerves bouncing around her gut about Jess and Samuel, she walked through the doors and heard an instant buzz of laughter and chatter.

The country club was decorated like Christmas. White twinkling lights hung from the ceiling, garland wrapped the mantel, and every table had a centerpiece of artificial snow-capped pinecones and white lace.

She did what she had to do for the next hour, faking a smile, making the rounds to other managers, and making small talk while sipping on a glass of champagne. All of the employees had gossiped and speculated about the outcome of the award ceremony.

Standing in a small huddle of other employees, Charlie felt a draft of cool air. Everyone looked to the door to see who was coming inside. She saw him look around the room for her, and shock covered her face.

Samuel was in a black suit and was shaking loose snow off his shoulders and hair. His eyes found hers and a hesitant smile emerged on her face. She walked slowly to him.

“You’re here. How… Why did you come?” she asked.

“I just wanted you to know that I haven’t given up yet. I’m still…struggling. I don’t know if you’ve already lost me, but I’m here and I’m going to try.”

She shook her head and one long stream of mascara ran down her cheek.

“We’ll see. I don’t know if I’ll be able to get past it all,” he said, wiping the tear from her face.

“Thank you.”

Just as she took his hand, Robin started shouting to the crowd. “Attention, everyone! Attention. We’re going to be sitting down for dinner soon and the Award Ceremony will begin shortly thereafter. So if you could find your seats in the dining area, we can get it all started. Thanks.”

Roxanne approached Charlie. “Well, this is it! Good luck. You look stunning, by the way.”

“Thanks, Roxanne.”

Samuel and Charlie took their seats at the table labeled “Willow Hills.” Each one of them had place cards with their names written in Old English calligraphy. Roxanne was seated next to Charlie, and Samuel on her other side. Her two maintenance guys were there along with their wives.

Just as everyone received their meals, the president of the company began the awards ceremony. As each award was given and rounds of applause were initiated, Charlie sat nervously drumming her knee under the table. Samuel squeezed her thigh and gave her a tight smile as the unveiling of the Manager of the Year was about to be announced.

“And the Manager of the Year goes to…”

Roxanne’s eyes opened wide and her mouth slung open. She patted Charlie’s knee and said, “Two-oh-nine just walked in.”

“Charlie Johnson! Congratulations! You’ve done a great service to our company this year. We have been incredibly impressed with…”

Jess is here. What is he doing here? Why is he so dressed up?

Charlie couldn’t focus on her award. Her eyes darted from Jess to Samuel. Her face was burning and her throat went dry. Jess had a bouquet of white daisies in his hand as he shook the snow from his coat.

Everyone was clapping around her and she started feeling dizzy. She looked over to Samuel and her gaze had caught his attention. He was clapping, but staring at Jess inquisitively.