Into a Dangerous Mind (34 page)

“True, but I’ll round them up if you need me.”
 
She placed her hands on Kathy’s shoulders and smiled.

Kathy reached up and squeezed the hand resting lightly on her right shoulder.
 
“I’ll be fine.
 
But I love you for worrying.”
 
She stepped through the pool gate and turned back to Cassidy.
 
“I’ll call you tonight, and maybe tomorrow we can make your bodyguards suffer through a chick-flick.”

“Deal.”
 
Cassidy stepped forward to give Kathy a quick hug.

Cassidy stared after her friend’s retreating form.
 
Now that she was sure things were all right with Kathy, maybe it was time to confront Zach.
 
She’d been trying to respect the fact Zach grieved the only way he knew how, but he wasn’t doing himself any favors by funneling his feelings of loss into revenge.

Sometimes the people you loved needed a good swift kick in the ass.

Zach pulled the car into his driveway and sighed when he saw Cassidy on the front porch swing waiting for him.
 
He scowled and resigned himself to the upcoming confrontation.
 
Black as a moonless desert night, his mood roiled inside him, and he was more than willing to share.

Ever since Dix’s funeral, he’d been working non-stop to track down the Reaper—to no avail.
 
Not to mention fighting off attempts by the Director to remove him from the case.
 
But since he was the subject matter expert on the Reaper, it would be difficult to transition to anyone else and the Director knew it.

So, in the media frenzy that followed Dix’s and Holly Peters’ deaths, the Director reluctantly decided to let Zach stay on.
 
Zach strongly suspected the Director knew he would work the case regardless.

Cassidy stood, interrupting his thoughts, and reached out a tendril of mental energy as he approached.
 
The aura of calm she exuded only served to fuel his mood and he resolutely brushed her overture aside and started past her.

She stepped into his path, causing him to stop short.
 
Her calm, cool eyes studied him and she held her arms loosely at her sides.

“What?” Zach yelled at her.

In a maddeningly serene voice she said, “It’s time you talked to someone, Zach.”

“Don’t start with your psychobabble.
 
I’ve got too much to do.”
 
He pushed past her and started toward the house.

He winced and his steps faltered as the truth of the remark hit home.

Fresh anger at his friend welled up, surrounding him.

He turned and stood toe to toe with her.
 
“Dix would want me to finish the case.
 
I’m busy doing my job, so stay out of my way.”

Guilt sliced through him as a flicker of hurt crossed her face, only to be replaced again with the calm, cool mask.
 
He buried the guilt in anger.
 
He turned and stomped toward the front door.

.”

He hit a brick wall of realization and stopped, frozen in front of the door.
 
Anger drained away slowly and left him hollow and raw inside.
 
He much preferred the anger.

chew his ass for the way he’d been acting.
 
And he’d give anything to have his friend alive and well enough to do just that.
 
His throat constricted against a well of loss and grief that threatened to swallow him whole and he breathed through it until he regained control.

Slowly, he straightened and turned to face her.
 
“I’m sorry.”
 
He crossed to her and leaned down to place a kiss on her forehead and then stepped back and captured her gaze.
 
“I’m just not ready to deal with this right now.
 
I need some time.”

Cassidy reached up to stroke his cheek and he captured her hand in his.
 
“Zach.”
 
She sighed.
 
“I can’t watch you continue to hurt like this.
 
You need to let someone in.
 
If not me, then someone….”

“No!” he snapped, surprising them both. “I can’t afford to take time to let anyone in right now.
 
I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

She trained a studied gaze on him and he cringed knowing he couldn’t hide anything from her.

“You’re angry at me for not saving Dix.”

He turned away from her and started toward the front door, as the truth bit into him like sharp, angry teeth.
 
“That’s ridiculous,” he said over his shoulder.
 
“It wasn’t your fault.
 
It was the Reaper’s, and I’ll make sure he pays.”

He pushed open the front door and sighed as she followed him inside, close on his heels.
 
Once she got an idea in her head, nothing could shake it loose.
 
An annoying trait he usually respected and shared if he was honest.

“I don’t think it is ridiculous,” she persisted.

Zach walked away from her and headed toward the kitchen.
 
If she was going to psychoanalyze him, he needed a beer…maybe a keg.
 
Couldn’t she see he’d held his emotions in check by sheer willpower since Dix’s death?
 
If she prodded much more, he’d lose his fingertip hold on his control and grief would come crashing in on him.
 
Then what good would he be to the case or anyone?

He popped the top off his beer and drank deep.
 
“Can we not do this right now?”

“I don’t think it’s ridiculous.”
 
She repeated the words as if he hadn’t spoken.
 
“You’re hurting.
 
Your best friend is dead, and you feel like I could’ve stopped it.”

The back of his throat burned and he turned away from her, heading back toward the bedroom.
 
He knew, logically, she didn’t have enough control over her power to stop it, but emotionally, his heart needed to blame someone for the grief and loss of his best friend.

The walls around his grief shuddered and groaned.
 
He felt like he stood on the precipice of a very high cliff and one small gust of wind would push him over the edge to his destruction on the rocks below.

“Cass, please.
 
Don’t do this….”

Cassidy stood just inside the bedroom door.
 
“I’m not angry with you for blaming me, Zach.
 
I’ve been doing enough of that all by myself.”

Zach couldn’t meet her gaze and only sat down heavily on the bed.
 
His heightened senses made the room seem too loud, too bright—too overwhelming.
 
He wished fleetingly for escape.

“I’ve been thinking, if only I practiced harder or if only I’d paid more attention when you were teaching me, Dix would be alive today.”
 
She walked toward the bed until she stood in front of him.
 
“But no matter how much I second guess myself—it won’t bring him back.”

Cassidy tucked an auburn curl behind her ear.
 
“And since I can see your emotions flowing off of you in waves, you shutting me out hasn’t kept me from seeing how you feel.”

How stupid he’d been.
 
Of course she would be able to see his emotions.
 
Even fully shielded, their bond was too strong to ever shut each other out entirely.
 
All his attempts to steer clear of her until he could work past his own grief and blame had been futile.

Long, cool fingers lifted his chin, and he raised his eyes to meet her open gaze.
 
The love he saw reflected in her deep hazel eyes put more chinks in the wall of his emotions.
 
Cassidy knew in his secret soul he’d blamed her for Dix’s death, and yet she was still here.
 
How could that be?
 
How could she understand something like that, let alone forgive him?

Her love battered against his shields until they threatened to collapse again.

“Cassidy, please. I don’t want to do this….”

“I love you too much to let you continue to hurt yourself.
 
I’m not asking you to forgive me—hell, I haven’t forgiven myself—but let me be here for you.”

Forgive her?
 
God, he was an ass for blaming her in the first place, and here she stood asking forgiveness.
 
He didn’t deserve the love of this woman.

Deep inside himself, the leaking dam holding back his emotions burst and he experienced a flash flood of pent up grief.
 
Loss and anger rolled over him like a tidal wave.
 
When the first hot tear ran a scalding path down his face, Cassidy stepped forward to stand between his legs and pulled his head against her chest.

The rollercoaster of emotions pulled and twisted him mercilessly.
 
Only her fingers stroking his hair while sobs wracked his body from the depths of his soul, anchored him.
 
He’d known he would have to deal with Dix’s death sooner or later, but he’d wanted to keep it at bay until the case was complete and he could do it alone.

”

For some reason, her statement made him both relieved and scared. He sobbed against her even harder.

Zach woke with a start.
 
Cassidy lay curled against him warm and safe.
 
He wallowed in the sensation, letting her warmth seep into him.
 
The room was bathed in darkness, but everything seemed quiet.
 
He reached out mentally, but could detect nothing out of place to tell him what woke him.
 
“Must’ve been dreaming,” he murmured against Cassidy’s hair.

Slowly, he slipped out of bed, careful not to wake her.
 
He tucked the comforter back around her and brushed a soft kiss against her forehead before pulling on a pair of sweatpants and grabbing his Nextel and gun.