Into the Arms of a Cowboy (9 page)

“But they’ll be okay, won’t they?” Tanya asked.

Gus rested a hand on the girl’s shoulder. “Don’t you worry, now. Jess knows just how to handle this.”

“I’ll do my best,” Jess said. He meet Tanya’s eyes and held them with his own. “But,
darlin
’, these raccoons are very young, and they’re awfully weak. Usually they’d be making some noise--chattering and twittering away like little birds--but right now they’re barely even moving. You have to understand that the odds are against them.”

Her lower lip trembled, and tears welled in her eyes. “You mean they might--
might
die?”

Jess nodded. “They might. You have to be prepared for that. But I’m going to do everything I can to keep them here with us, okay?”

The girl sniffed and blinked back her tears. “Okay.”

Jess felt Cassie’s gentle touch on his arm. “How can I help?” she asked.

“There’s kitten milk replacement formula in the top right-hand kitchen cupboard. You’ll find clean eyedroppers in there, too.” He turned to Gus. “Would you get the small animal carrier out of the shed? There’s a heating pad in it already, and we’ll put a towel over that for a bed.”

When Cassie and Gus brought the supplies, Jess set to work. It took a good amount of patient coaxing, but eventually he had the babies drinking eagerly from the eyedropper, within an hour or so they were full, warm, and huddled together in one furry lump, fast asleep.

Cassie watched him, her face glowing with admiration. “You’ve done this before.”

“Sure he has,” Gus boasted. “He’s licensed in wildlife rehabilitation. He’s saved hawks, owls, squirrels, fawns, and once even a baby fox.”

Tanya, too, looked at Jess with adoring eyes. “That’s why my daddy said I should bring the raccoons over here. I guess Mr. Logan knows everything there is to know about animals.”

Jess squirmed under their praise. “Don’t get carried away,” he said, scowling. “These
kits
aren’t out of danger yet. And once they are, we still need to feed them five times a day, even during the night. It won’t be easy.”

“I’ll do it,” Cassie volunteered. She was gazing through the wire door on the animal carrier with an expression of rapt tenderness. “I don’t mind waking up to take care of them.”

Gus brightened at her words. “Does that mean you’ll stay with Jess for a while?”

“Gus!” Jess shot his uncle a menacing look. “I don’t think she’s made up her mind yet.”

Cassie nibbled at her lower lip. “I--that’s true, but -” She met Jess’s eyes, her expression so hopeful and vulnerable that he almost couldn’t stand it. “If it’s all right with Jess, I guess I could stay. Just for a short time, I mean.”

“Well, I will need help with the raccoons,” Jess said. “All that getting up in the night. . . .”

For a moment, as they gazed at each other, Jess forgot all about their audience. He lost himself in her clear gray eyes. Only the two of them existed. “With the raccoons,” he said softly, “you have to be careful. You don’t want to get too. . .attached.”

Cassie tilted her head. “Why?”

“They’re wild creatures. Their destiny is somewhere else.”

“Don’t they, well, bond with you?”

“Sure, until they’re weaned. Then you have to push them away. You have to teach them to go off on their own again. Because they don’t belong here with us, and you can’t let yourself forget that. . . .” He trailed off, unable to continue. He wasn’t warning Cassie. His words were a reminder to himself.

Gus cleared his throat. “Well, kids, time for me to ride off into the sunset. I’ve got some chores that need
tendin
’.”

“I’d better get home, too,” Tanya said. She shot the baby raccoons a last, wistful look. “Can I see them again?”

“Absolutely,” Jess said. “Any time.”

He showed his guests out, then stood on the porch, balanced on his crutches. So Cassie would stay, at least for now. Her decision lightened his spirit, but it also posed
some tough questions. For one thing, he wanted her worse than he’d ever wanted any woman. Just because he’d done the right thing this morning didn’t mean he’d keep on doing it. Every moment he spent with her, he had to fight the urge to tangle his fingers in her silken hair, to feel her body moving under his, to make her cry out with the exquisite pleasure of their joining.

How the hell was he going to share a one-room cabin with Cassie, and still keep hold of his sanity?

For Cassie, the rest of that day passed quietly. Jess taught her to feed the raccoon kits one drop of milk at a time, until their little bellies grew rounded and full. She laughed when he showed her how to burp them, just like real babies, and to groom them with cotton balls dipped in warm water.

Jess’s hands were so gentle, his thick fingers tender as he tended the baby raccoons. Amazing. Hard to believe they were the same hands that conquered bulls and bucking horses.

By noon, two of the kits were twittering and dragging their tiny bodies over the towel, exploring their bedroom. Cassie quickly christened them Rascal and Scamp. The third baby, however, lay quiet. Its little chest rose and fell, but it didn’t suck eagerly at the eyedropper during feeding time. This weak one Cassie called Angel.

“You probably shouldn’t name them yet,” Jess scolded. “At least see whether they make it through the night.”

But Cassie loved the kits already. As she explored the clearing outside the cabin late in the afternoon, she realized she’d never known how to rein in her emotions. She’d loved her mother, for example, despite all the betrayals and broken promises.

Cassie rounded the cabin and found Jess’s garden, the green shoots pushing up from the dark, damp earth. The rain had stopped, but more clouds perched on the horizon.

Throughout her childhood, she’d clung fiercely to the hope that things would one day get better. But here was no point in thinking about it. Focus on the present, that’s what all the self-help books said. Move on.

Deep inside, however, Cassie wondered whether she could do that without first grieving her childhood. So many shameful secrets still festered inside her. But who could she tell? She’d spent so many years pushing away anybody who came too close. Maybe that’s why she had no close friends.

The grass near Jess’s cabin was so green and soft. She slipped off her espadrilles and wriggled her toes in it. The air smelled good, too. Like sunshine and pine needles. Just down the hill was another clearing and an orchard full of apple trees, their gnarled trunks furred with pale green lichen, each branch loaded to bursting with pink and white blossoms.

Cassie walked slowly back to the cabin’s front porch. She sank into a rocking chair and sat gazing out at the view. The mountain blocked out the town somewhere to the south, but she could just make out the road wandering down the hillside, a narrow band slicing through the forest. In the distance she spotted the shining waters of a small lake.

She took another deep breath, savoring the crisp, clean air and the stillness around her. No traffic sounds. No voices. No city hustle and bustle.

This was a lonely place.

No, she corrected herself, not lonely. Solitary. A place where a person couldn’t hide from herself. Where she couldn’t pretend to be someone she wasn’t.

That’s what she’d been doing these past few years in San Francisco. Remaking herself, yes, but also hiding out. Trading work she loved for more the more prestigious
magazine shoots that bored her to tears. Keeping other people at arm’s length. Buying clothes she couldn’t afford. Dating men who. . . well, that was another story.

The creak of floorboards and the squeak of the screen door made her turn. Jess stood behind her, minus his crutches, his shoulder braced against the door frame. “What are you thinking about,” he asked, “with such a deadly serious look on your face?”

About her life. About how she’d chased after all the wrong things, and it had taken a dead man to make her see it. But she couldn’t say that to Jess.

“About. . .about how much I wish I had my camera,” she blurted.

“Oh?”

“Sure. Look at the light right now. Soft, diffuse--I could make a picture of your orchard now, or the cabin.” Her voice trailed off dreamily as she focused on the images in her mind. “Perfect for a romantic scene. . . .”

“You’re a photographer!”

The delight in his voice snapped her back to the present. “That’s right,” she said. No harm in his knowing that much, but before he could fish for more information, she stood and said brightly, “Didn’t Gus drop off a couple of nice steaks? I’ll broil them and make a salad, if you’re getting hungry. I know I am.”

After dinner, and another meal for the raccoons, Jess went out to feed and play with Harry. Even one day after his accident, Jess managed well on his crutches and refused her help with his chores. Cassie chose a mystery novel from his bookshelves and curled up in a chair to read.

When Jess returned, his eyes glowed with secret pleasure. He shrugged off his wet nylon windbreaker and offered Cassie a leather case.

“What’s this?”  She accepted the gift, puzzled but curious, and unzipped the case. It
looked liked
. . . Her fingers trembled with excitement as she lifted it out. She gasped. “A Leica--it’s beautiful.”

Cassie turned the camera over in her hands. Old and neglected, but gorgeous. A classic. Metal instead of the more modern plastic, and heavy in her grip. She raised her eyes to Jess’s face. “Where on earth did you get this?”

He shrugged modestly, but a grin split his sun-bronzed face from ear to ear. “Had it stashed away in my shed for years. My sister was crazy about photography in high school, but then she dropped it. My grandfather gave that to her. Do you like it?”

“I love it.” She clutched the camera to her chest. She wanted to throw her arms around Jess, but something stopped her. Not that Jess would do anything she didn’t want him to do. Quite the opposite, in fact. That morning he’d exercised more restraint than she had.

Excitement bubbled up inside her as she inspected the camera. “I’ve got a couple rolls of film in my purse. I’m going to get up really early tomorrow and see what the light’s like at sunrise. And I’ll take pictures of the babies, too.” She gestured toward the raccoon kits in their carrier on top of a low bookshelf. “Oh, Jess, this is the best present anyone’s ever given me.” She cleared her throat and averted her eyes. “I mean, as a loan, of course. I can’t keep it.”

“Why not?” He frowned, his brown eyes troubled. “I want you to have it.”

“Because. . .because it’s worth quite a lot of money.”

“So? You’ll use it more than I ever will. It’s yours, Cassie.”

Reluctantly, she nodded. She would leave the camera behind, though, when the time came for her to move on. Hopefully, that time wouldn’t come soon. Jess hadn’t mentioned anything about returning to work. As soon as he did. . .well, she wouldn’t think about that. Not now.

To distract herself, she finished reading her mystery novel, then changed into a long white cotton nightgown from Gus’s package and reprised the previous evening’s search for chocolate. This hunt paid off.

“Thank you, Gus,” she muttered as she tore the wrapper off a Dove bar and leaned against the kitchen sink for the first taste. The thick milk chocolate shell and the rich vanilla ice cream were enough to make any woman forget her woes. She closed her eyes, savoring the treat.

“You’re sure enjoying that. Can I have a bite?”

At Jess’s amused words, Cassie’s eyes popped open. He stood next to her in the kitchen, one hand on the counter for balance, his right leg tucked up to keep the pressure off his bad ankle. “How about it?” he asked, eyes sparkling. “Do you mind sharing?”

Cassie grinned and used her teeth to break off another piece of chocolate coating. “Get your own ice cream, mister,” she mumbled around a mouthful of sweetness. “This one’s mine.”

Jess leaned closer. A nervous tremor twisted Cassie’s insides, but she also felt a warm, thrilling sexual heat low in her belly, a pleasurable sensation that spread as Jess’s lips curved into a charming smile. He was so near to her. She could see every dark whisker beginning to shadow his strong chin. She smelled deodorant soap mixed with rain and the faint smell of leather.

Should she kiss him? Quickly, in her mind, she listed the pros and cons. The cons were pretty darn overwhelming. Her common sense told to keep the relationship platonic. As for the pros, the reasons in favor of kissing Jess--well, there was only one.

She wanted to.

It took only an instant for instinct to triumph over rationality. So much for common sense. But Jess had pulled back this morning, so she had to make the first move. Cassie shivered, and not from the ice cream’s chill on her tongue.

I’ll have to be brazen. Seductive. Irresistible. Too bad this nightgown isn’t just a little sexier.

Jess was still smiling down at her. “Didn’t you learn to share in kindergarten?”

She peered up at him under her lashes with what she hoped was a smoky gaze. “All right,” she said huskily. “But just one bite. A small one.”

Cassie offered the ice cream bar. His firm, sensuous lips closed around it--and she pulled it away, laughing deep in her throat. “Too slow,” she purred.