Into the Light (18 page)

“Airplanes, two.” He sighed. “I keep forgetting that you don’t remember. I’m a pilot. Father Gabriel needs me to get back to work. Now that you’re doing better, I can. Last night he decided it would be better if you were with me out at the hangar, rather than leaving you in our apartment alone.”

“I’ll be alone while you’re at Assembly
and
when you’re working.” My heartbeat quickened.

“You will, sometimes. Other times people will come to stay with you. All members of The Light pull their weight. We all work to fulfill Father Gabriel’s dream. There’s another pilot, Brother Micah, here at the Northern Light. For the last three weeks, since the accident, he’s been handling everything alone. There’s also another pilot who comes here who isn’t a member of The Light, Xavier. He sometimes helps out by bringing supplies. Father Gabriel trusts him, so we do too.”

I braced myself again as the terrain turned bumpier.

“We’re almost there. Xavier is the reason the pole barn has living quarters. Sometimes when he brings supplies, he can’t leave the same day. The Northern Light is located in a very remote part of the Far North region. This building is removed from the community so he has a place to stay.”

“I know I can’t say what I’m thinking without a question.”

“If you ask, will it make you feel better?”

I shrugged. “I suppose. It depends on your answer, and if I have permission to ask.”

The truck slowed to make another turn.

“Go ahead. You have my permission, but I can’t promise I’ll answer.”

“You said you’re a pilot and that sometimes Xavier needs to stay here overnight. Are you ever gone overnight?”

“I am.”

I turned toward the window that I couldn’t see and tried to quell the panic bubbling in my chest. I hated being so dependent on him, but I was.

“Father Gabriel won’t ask me to do any overnight trips until you’re fully recovered. And by the time I do, we’ll be home in our apartment. You’ll have the entire community. I’d never leave you alone out here for more than a few hours.”

I nodded as the truck came to a stop. A mechanical sound—a garage door rising—came from outside, and then we slowly moved forward.

“Don’t open your door,” Jacob warned. “I’ll help you out, but we need to wait for the door to close. This time of year, we need to be careful. The tall fences keep the polar bears out of the community, but out here you never know.”

My face spun back toward him. “Oh my gosh, polar bears!”

He scoffed. “It’s not like they’re always outside our door. Technically we’re only on the edge of the circumpolar north, but it’s better to be safe. Don’t you agree?”

“I do.” I thought for a minute as the door descended. “But it’s winter, they should be hibernating.”

“We’re not into meteorological winter yet, but I agree it feels like it; however, no, polar bears don’t hibernate.”

I sucked my lip between my teeth.

How could I forget I live with polar bears?

My door opened and Jacob reached for my chin. With his gloved hand he teased my lip free. “Don’t worry. We’re safe. Remember, I meant what I said. I promised to take care of you. I’d never do anything that caused you harm. That includes leaving you alone with polar bears.”

I forced my cheeks to rise and reached for his hand. “Good.”

“Now let’s get inside the living quarters where it’s warmer.”

As I started to ease myself from the truck, Jacob said, “Hold on to my neck, I’ll carry you.”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that. I can walk. It’s actually easier with the boot on my other foot.”

Undeterred, he wrapped me in his arms. “I’ve noticed that.”

Shaking my head, I did as he said and reached for his neck. He effortlessly lifted me from my seat. After a few steps, I pulled his face toward mine and kissed his cheek.

“What was that for?”

“I was just thinking. Since I don’t remember any of this, you carrying me like this, is like being carried over the threshold for the first time. It’s like we’re newlyweds.”

“You did say you’d marry me again.” His tone dropped. “But that was before—”

I interrupted him with another kiss, this time a light brush to his lips. “I still would,” I assured him.

“Then by all means, Mrs. Adams, newlyweds we can be.”

CHAPTER 18

Jacob

I pounded my palms against the steering wheel, trying with all my might to give the truck some of my frustration. At least when I struck it, the truck didn’t cry or melt into my arms. I understood a truck, knew how it worked and how to fix it when it had problems. It was like our planes. Micah and I not only flew them, we knew how to fix them and service them—the mechanical part, not the technology. That shit was complicated. I grabbed a fistful of my hair and began my inner monologue.

Get yourself together, Jacob. You will do this.

I took one last glance at the door to the living quarters before I pushed the garage door button. I couldn’t go back. If I did I wouldn’t want to leave. Besides, I needed to be at Assembly in less than a half an hour.

Why does she want me with her? Why doesn’t she hate me?

It wasn’t that I wanted Sara to hate me, I didn’t, but she should.

Backing out of the pole barn, I waited and watched the door fully close. Glancing at the clock on the dashboard, I saw it was almost half past eight on Friday morning and the sky was still dark. There had been a time in my life when that would’ve bothered me, or that it was still twilight at noon, or darkening by four, but right now I had too much happening to give it more than a fleeting thought.

Sara didn’t even realize that this was her Commission-invoked retribution. I needed to inform her before she faced the Assembly, the Commission, or any of the wives—especially before she faced Father Gabriel.

As I drove toward the community, my mind drifted back to the meeting after Wednesday night’s service. Father Gabriel had wasted no time on preliminaries, coming right to the point . . .

“Brothers, have a seat. Before we meet with the Assembly and Commission in the morning, I want to discuss my decree regarding Sara’s retribution for the incident.”

As I sat, I had tried to still the worry that ricocheted through my thoughts like an old-fashioned pinball.

“In similar cases I’ve pronounced an array of decrees. Your wife, as well as followers who’re unaware, believe that Sara was your wife in the dark. While Sara believes she’s lived here, the followers believe she was recently brought here. They all believe she took your truck and in the act of fleeing, she had an accident.”

My back stiffened.

“Brother?”

“Father, I haven’t discussed it with Sara. I told her I’d tell her when the time was right. All she knows is what I was told to say to Brother Timothy, the day she awoke.”

“Which doesn’t match, does it?”

“No. In that scenario, I was told to say that she took my truck for supplies with my permission.”

Have I been set up?

Father Gabriel nodded. “I also believe you said that she remembered, but she doesn’t.”

“Yes.”

“As a member of the Assembly, your word is to be true. What you said wasn’t.”

Well, hell, unless I’d said she didn’t have an accident. Unless I’d said it was all staged with the right amount of drugs in her system and that a psycho Assemblyman beat the shit out of her before my eyes. That he would’ve done more, but I stopped him . . . unless I’d said that even after I stopped the assault, Sara received more injuries after she was given to Dr. Newton . . . unless I’d told Brother Timothy what he already knew—that the entire incident was all a deception—then I would’ve lied.

“Yes, Father.”

“My judgment therefore must rectify both transgressions and placate the followers.”

“Yes, Father.”

“I’ve sought the advice of my Commission. Now that Sara is better, acclimating to the community and staking her claim as an Assemblyman’s wife, her punishment needs to be public.”

My gaze flashed toward Luke’s. Though he didn’t look my way, I saw the shock he was trying to hide. Sure that my heart had stopped beating, I almost doubled over with the pain of his verdict. I was in charge of disputes. I knew the meaning of public correction. Everything in me wanted to question, protest, and offer myself in her stead, but I knew it wouldn’t help her cause. His decision was already made. The entire room stilled as everyone awaited my response.

Swallowing my objections, I said, “I’ll honor your decision.”

Brother Daniel exhaled. “Very good. I knew you had it in you.” His cheeks stretched with the breadth of his smile.

Confused, I looked back to Father Gabriel.

“Brother Jacob, you truly are a man of The Light. I believe that once this is complete we’ll be able to trust you with even more.”

“Thank you . . . ?”

If Sara had used the same inflection, I probably would have reprimanded her. There was obviously a question mark hanging somewhere in the air.

Father Gabriel laughed. “Well, that wasn’t as pronounced as your wife’s question earlier today.”

I shook my head. “I’m sorry. I’m still processing.”

“Temporary banishment,” he decreed.

Temporary?

I gripped the arms of the chair. My knuckles blanching from my hold. Fuck this! Banishment was death. No one could ever be permitted to leave The Light: not after they worked in the processing plant, not after they knew what we did here, especially not me. I knew about the other campuses.

“Brother, your self-control is impressive. Let me explain. Sara has been seen. She’s developed relationships, not only with you, but also with Sisters Elizabeth and Raquel, as well as Sisters Lilith and Ruth. She’s learning my teachings. Our goal is for her to desire our community and her husband. If I’m interpreting your clenched jaw, the heat in your brown eyes, and the grip you have on that chair, you’ve begun to feel protective of her?”

Consciously I released the chair’s arms, relaxed my shoulders, and loosened my bite. Inhaling and exhaling, I admitted, “I have.”

“Sexual attraction will come. I don’t believe any man is impervious to it, not when he’s been granted a virtuous wife, and she’s been placed in his bed.”

I nodded.

“Beginning tomorrow, Sara will be banished from the community.”

I held my breath.

“For two weeks. During that time the two of you will live out at the hangar, in the living quarters. It’s already been set up with supplies for your stay. The Northern Light needs you to return to your job. Micah hasn’t complained, but we need you.”

I gasped the air as it filled my lungs.

Two weeks. Thank The Light. Two weeks is doable.

“Of course, I’m more than willing.”

“During the two weeks, she’ll only see you, unless a member of the Commission or one of their wives receives permission to visit.”

See?

“Father, she still isn’t able to see anyone.”

His lips pursed and his brow furrowed. With his elbows on his desk, Father Gabriel steepled his fingers. “After one week Dr. Newton will visit the pole barn and remove the bandages. Then, when she returns to the community, she’ll be able to fully appreciate being back and begin a job.”

“Do I understand that she’ll be excluded from service during that time?”

“You both will.”

I sat taller.

“Of course, we won’t go into detail about this to anyone other than the Assembly and Commission, but the followers will draw their own conclusions. Once you return I’ll personally welcome you both back. The correction will be done.”

“As if it never occurred,” Brother Daniel added. “However, Brother Jacob, you will continue to attend Assembly.”

“And begin flights,” Father Gabriel said.

“Sara will be left alone while I’m flying.”

“Yes, it’ll give her time to study my recordings and lament her transgression. Isolation is a powerful tool.”

“Thank you for this correction. I’ll work to bring Sara back to the community a fully active follower and the wife of an Assemblyman.”

“We have no doubt you will,” Brother Daniel said.

Father Gabriel stood. “Saturday, after Commission, you will fly me to the Western Light. I have some business to attend to.”

I did the math in my head. If we left by eleven, by the time we flew there, he conducted his business, and I returned, it would be at least ten o’clock at night. In the Citation X, the flight alone would be three hours each way.

“I’ll have the plane ready. Should I plan for overnight?”

I know the answer I want, but how isolated does he plan on making Sara?

“No. We won’t leave Sara alone overnight, not until she’s back to the community. This punishment is to help her want the community, not frighten her into hating us. I may stay there for a while. If that’s the case, you and Brother Micah can pick up supplies and head back. I’ll know more by Saturday.”

I sighed. “Thank you.”

Now as I drove through the final gate on Friday morning, I took a deep breath. In less than two weeks this would all be done: Sara and I would be part of the community. As a couple we’d be welcomed into The Light.

I smiled at the thought of how well she’d adapted to the pole barn. Yesterday, instead of lamenting her public correction, as Father Gabriel had said she would, she seemed to play house. I’d expected her to sit as she had in the clinic, but she hadn’t. Of her own accord, Sara had used her hands and wandered around. Though I gave her a tour, with independent exploration she again found the bathroom and the kitchen, learned the location of each piece of furniture, and even went up and down the steps to the loft, careful to grip the banister. She also spent over an hour in the kitchen, opening drawers and cabinets, feeling the contents.

Each time she was sure of what she’d found, she’d announced it triumphantly. Father Gabriel had been wrong when he’d said the attraction
would come
. Sara was so damn cute with her discoveries, the attraction was there. She was also mastering the art of asking without questioning. Honestly, watching her curb her innate desire to question was sexy as hell.

The attraction was sometimes so
there
, it hurt.

After Sara mastered the contents of the kitchen, she asked to cook. Thankfully, the refrigerator was fully stocked with food that needed only to be warmed. After she had her sight, cooking would be her responsibility; however, since I was supposed to keep her safe, her wielding knives, maneuvering hot burners, and navigating the oven without sight was currently forbidden.

When I’d left the pole barn this morning, she was washing dishes, which seemed safe enough. Nevertheless I had visions of her breaking a glass, trying to clean it up, and bleeding out on the kitchen floor. Now, that may seem like extreme thinking, but that’s what this whole thing had done to me. It had caused extra stress and sleepless nights. It was all beginning to take its toll.

Though I was the only member who needed to drive to Assembly, thankfully, I wasn’t the last to arrive. As I found my way to my seat, Benjamin stopped me. “How is Sara?”

I shrugged. “Ignorance is bliss. She’s doing better than me.”

He nodded. “Raquel’s worried. She knows better than to ask, but she’s heard rumors. The wives talk.”

His comment set my skin on fire as I thought about the wives gossiping about Sara. It was ridiculous. They all knew the truth. They all knew she wasn’t really guilty, not of anything other than having been acquired.

“It’s none of my business,” he continued, “but you need to tell her. If Lilith or even Ruth show up and she’s unaware that she’s being punished, it could be worse.”

I nodded. “Well, since they need their husbands to drive them outside of the community, I guess I’m safe through the Commission meeting.”

Benjamin took a deep breath. “I’m going to share something with you. It happened before you came to The Light, but”—his face saddened—“Raquel was acquired.”

I leaned back. “Wow, I didn’t know. She’s done great. It’s difficult to tell which females came which way to The Light, once they’re fully indoctrinated.”

“I just wanted you to know, I understand what you’re going through.”

“Were you on the Assembly?”

“No, you’ve got it rougher on that one. I was doing what I do now, working with Brother Raphael in the lab. While in the dark I was a pharmacist. I didn’t have the chemistry and compound pharmacy experience—then,” he added with a grin. “Anyway, I was working with Brother Raphael, and I have to say, he helped me get through it.”

I looked around. “So, Sister Rebecca, Brother Raphael’s wife was . . . acquired?”

He nodded. “You’d be surprised.”

“Do you? Did you?” I ran my hand through my hair. “Have you ever been sorry?”

“No!” he whispered definitively. “It’s the way of The Light. Brother Raphael helped me come to terms with that. God made Raquel for me. I wouldn’t have known that if it weren’t for Father Gabriel. We’ve been together over five years.”

“Do you love her?”

I knew the answer by the way his eyes shone. “More than my own life.”

“Thanks,” I said, genuinely appreciative.

“When you go back out there, talk to her. Trust me. You don’t want Lilith being the one to tell her.”

I nodded. “You’re right. I don’t.”

“Brothers, it’s time to begin,” Brother Raphael’s voice, with his Boston accent, thundered over the chatter from about the room. “Father Gabriel’s ready to pray.”