Intractable Souls : Book 1 of the Bound for Ireland Series (63 page)

He shakes his head slightly, a result of his
continuing internal struggle and then speaks in a pained voice.
“Without you, the only thing I have left is my career and I can’t
seem to get that right these days either.” He nuzzles his face
against her skin and sighs, then finally lifts his hand to wrap his
arm around her, holding on tightly. There is a long silence; the
only sound in the room is his breathing. She can hardly stand to
think about the pain he’s feeling, she’s experiencing it as if it’s
her own. And in some ways, it is.

Feeling his breath stutter against her
chest, she continues to hold him close, rubbing her hands across
his body, trying to hug all the hurt away. That’s all he needs
right now, to be held, to know that she cares. This amazing man has
always looked after everyone else in his life. She doubts that
anybody has ever done that for him, but she’s going to change that
now. Holding him as close as she can, her eyes closing drowsily on
the edge of sleep, it dawns on her that Ethan O’Connell has most
likely never let anyone see his pain for fear it made him appear
weak.

“Olivia?” He says suddenly in a slow raspy
voice, a clear sign that sleep is near.

“Yes?”

“I was angry that you said we should see
other people. But I understand why now.”

“Ethan, stop.” Tonight was proof that she
would go insane if he was to date anybody else. She doesn’t want to
share him. She wants to be his and she needs to tell him but before
she can get the words out, he speaks.

“I realize now, that it’s because you could
never love me. I mean… how could you? I’m a complete and utter
fuckup.” His voice is strained, full of emotion, his heart under an
overwhelming heaviness. He barely gets the words out then takes a
deep breath in, his chest heaving a few times as he does.

Feeling like this is all her fault, her
heart shatters into a million pieces. With all her insecurities and
stupid rules, she’s made a strong confident man feel like a
failure. It takes her a moment to swallow her own emotions before
she can tell him how she feels. “Ethan, nothing could be further
from the truth.” She pauses, nervous about her confession. “I... I
am yours. I know that now. And I don’t want you to see anyone else.
I want you to be mine.”

He lets out a long, hot breath against her
chest and tightens his hold on her, his hands squeezing her flesh
for what seems like forever. No words are spoken as she feels the
tension ease out of his shoulders and the anxiety leaves his body.
After some time, his breathing softens into a slow rhythm against
her chest, she realizes that he has drifted into sleep.

Somewhat relieved about her admission, she
runs her fingers through his hair and down the side of his face
bringing her lips down and intending to kiss him good night. She
stops, her heart skipping a beat, as her fingers skim across
moisture on his cheek from fallen tears. Pulling back a little, she
can see him in the faint light trailing in from the window. His
eyes are closed, and his lashes are wet. His tears have left salty
trails as they travelled down his cheeks and dampened his skin.
Gently, she wipes away the moisture with her thumb, erasing the
evidence of his vulnerability. Her eyes well up with tears as she
presses her lips to his cheek, his forehead, his nose, then landing
on his lips she whispers. “I love you.”

Delicate lace in a pale, pastel pink covers
the long flowing ball gown she’s wearing. It skims seductively
against the soft silk lining, making it feel warm and creamy
against her skin as she moves across the ballroom. As always, he’s
with her, his strong arms keeping her in hold, his body guiding her
across the floor and commanding her movements. She trusts him to
lead her, to partner her, she will follow without question. Her
feet glide confidently around the room, stepping in perfect time
with his. The Orchestra plays a slow waltz as he dances her across
the black and white marble tiles, with little effort. There’s an
intuitive feel to his movements, as if they have danced together
forever.

Feeling content, her soul filled with an
ethereal beauty, she positively glows; her aura an overwhelming
beacon of her femininity. In this dream, she still can’t identify
this man, his features hidden in the darkness of the room.
Sometimes she’s certain it’s Ethan, other times she’s not sure at
all, but she doesn’t need to know what he looks like to know that
he’s her soul mate. Her reason for existing. She can’t imagine that
there are any stronger feelings then the happiness she experiences
in his arms, in this place, in this time.

Quicker then a flash storm a wicked darkness
surrounds her as she’s pulled from him, and dragged away into a
cold dark frightening place. Reaching for him, she tries to stop
her free fall into her nightmare but she can’t hold on. Blinking
rapidly, she tries to focus but she can’t see anything clearly, her
vision is blurry and distorted. Her body begins to shake violently,
whether from the cold or the fear, it doesn’t matter. Heaviness
presses against her body, pinning her with an invisible force, and
ready to consume her. She can’t move, can’t breathe she struggles
at first to fight it, but the thought of existing without him is
unbearable.

A strange moment of peace washes over her
body as she stops fighting and surrenders to the darkness.
Confusion takes over her thoughts as moonlight passes through the
murky water. Suddenly she feels like she’s floating, suspended in
time and motion, feather light, unrestrained… free from pain… and
lifeless.

Jolting from her sleep, Olivia sits straight
up, her pulse jumping at a dangerous rate and gasping for air. The
unfamiliar room only heightens her distress until she hears his
voice as he reaches for her in the darkness.

“Olivia? Are you awake?” His hand brushes
her hair away from her face and across her cheek. “You were having
a nightmare. Are you ok?” Sitting beside her, he places his arms
around her and pulls her closer to him.

Concentrating on breathing in and out at a
slow and steady pace, she tries to expel the poisonous images from
her mind and turns to look at his worried expression. “Yes, I’m
ok.”

Exhaling harshly, he leans back against the
headboard and pulls her into his arms. Cradling her head in the
hollow of his shoulder, he holds her tightly against him, feeling
her heart still beating violently against his chest. “You scared
the shit out of me, woman!” He says, taking his own calming breath.
Brushing her face softly against his neck, she can tell by the
rapid twitching of his pulse, that he’s telling the truth. She
startled him out of a sound sleep to witness… only God knows what
that was.

“I’m sorry.” She whispers.

“Do you remember what it was about?” He
folds her into his body and presses his lips to her forehead.

“I’m not sure. I couldn’t breathe. It felt
like I was drowning or suffocating.” She blinks her eyes rapidly,
afraid that if she’s still dreaming the darkness will come for her
again. Wrapping her arms around him so tightly, she makes sure that
nothing could break her hold. “It was terrifying.”

“Hey.” Kissing her on the top of the head,
he tightens his own grip. “It’s ok. I’m here. I won’t let anybody
hurt you.” His hand smoothes through her hair and then, just as he
has done a hundred times before, he rakes his fingers through the
silky strands, moving it away from her face. His finger tips skim
across her scalp and discover the raised ridges of scar tissue,
making him feel like he’s just been stabbed straight in the heart.
How is it that he has never noticed it before? His heart thumping
hard against his chest, he repeatedly traces the long line of
healed skin beneath gentle touches, wanting so badly to erase the
scars completely so she would never have a reminder of what that
asshole did to her. Rage boils deep in his core and deeper at the
thought. He’ll kill him, no question, if their paths ever
crossed.

Olivia’s tension slowly recedes and her body
melts into his. Moving her hand to his face, holding his jaw in her
palm, she peeks up at him through eyes so trusting and loving.
Letting go of every fear, every inhibition, she lets him discover
her scars, something she has never let anyone do. Even though she
has yet to share with him the details of that evening she can tell
by the rise and fall of his chest and the slight tension in his
shoulder that he knows at whose hand she received them. Despite
being obviously troubled about it, there is so much love in the
tender way his hands brush across her that she knows that his touch
is her cure for the pain and the nightmares. With the fear from her
recent nightmare completely abated, she softly guides his face
towards her mouth.

Gently nuzzling the tip of her nose across
his cheek, she searches for his lips, needing him to kiss away the
bad memories. Slowly and patiently, her warm breath burns like fire
against his skin while she waits for him to lower his mouth and
bring them together. They fit perfectly together when they kiss,
like two pieces of a puzzle, each of them the perfect shape to fit
into the other. He falls into place, his mouth against hers,
hesitating… holding back. If he kissed her right now, he wouldn’t
stop and he fears that she’s in too vulnerable of a state after her
nightmare.

Olivia can’t stand it any longer. Running
her hands through his hair, she twists it around her fingers and
presses her lips against him. For the briefest of moments, he
doesn’t return her kiss. Still unsure that this is the right thing
to do. He starts to pull away. “Liv…”

Her fingers grasp at him, desperate and
pleading. “Ethan, please kiss me. I need you right now.”

Her confession lights the fire deep down in
his belly and he brings his lips back to hers for a gentle kiss
before whispering. “What do you need, baby? Tell me. I need to hear
you say it.”

“You. I need you. I need you to make love to
me.“ Her hands trail down his stomach feeling the warmth of his
skin and tracing the ridges that separate tensed muscles. His body
responds with an erection that’s as hard as steel.

Just as she has asked him to, he kisses her…
over and over again. Every brush of his lips, every stroke of his
tongue creates a whole new kind of connection. One forged at a raw
emotional level. It’s deep, it’s moving and so powerfully saturated
with love that it seals the cracks in her heart where hope and love
have, for so long, been leaking out.

His approach changes from a soft, tender
gentleness to a toe curling ‘need to have you now’ hunger, as his
desire grows in intensity. Easing her back, he lowers her down and
presses her into the mattress with his heavy body. Her hands glide
down his sides and over his hips, tugging at the waist band of his
boxers and sliding them down below his thighs. Reaching down, he
quickly strips them the rest of the way off, then with skilled
swiftness he rids her of his t-shirt. His mouth and hands move to
her breasts, kneading them and surrounding them with the warmth of
his touch. She arcs her back in response, pressing her breasts into
him as he teases her nipples into taut nubs. While moving his mouth
from one tender breast to the other, licking and sucking them with
varied pressure, he slides his hand down her stomach and underneath
her panties. She inhales sharply as his hand skims over her,
finding her swollen, excited and very ready for him. Moaning into
her breast, he glides his fingers over her folds, stopping only
occasionally to rub heavily on her clit. She clenches and raises
her hips making his dick grow even harder as he rubs it against her
thigh.

Exploring his body, her hands move down his
sides, squeezing and grasping at him, trying to pull him closer,
wanting to feel the weight of his body on top of her. Ethan’s
breathing gets heavy and shallow and he pulls his mouth away from
her breast with one last hard suck, making her cry out as he leans
back onto his knees. The darkness hides his eyes but she knows that
he’s staring at her, watching her, taking in every inch of her body
through the filtered moonlight. “You are the most beautiful woman
I’ve ever seen.”

When he hears her whisper his name, her
voice full of desire and need, he moves a knee between her legs and
leans forward, kissing her stomach, trailing his lips downward,
licking and nibbling at tender skin and jumping nerves. As he
kisses his way to her hip, his hands skim along the top of her
panties, slowly sliding them down. He gives her a subtle nudge to
lift her bottom so he can remove them but her mind is focused on
the pleasure building inside her. Becoming impatient he nips the
tender flesh of her hip with his teeth, making her gasp and buck
her hips upward in shock. The moment she does he strips her panties
down over her bottom and pulls them off. Tossing them to the floor,
he climbs her like a predator, using his knee to force her legs
apart to accommodate him.

His forearms brace his body on either side
of her head, controlling his height over her, hovering while she
adjusts her position beneath him. When he lowers himself on top of
her, he claims her mouth and hungrily possesses her lips. Taking
one greedy kiss after another. The feel of her naked body
underneath him drives him insane and he knows he’s not going to
last long. Opening wider to accommodate the width of his hips, his
cock rubs against her entrance causing her to gasp in anticipation.
He reaches for her wrists and pulls her arms up over her head and
holds them there. Her heart pounds, her heated blood pulsing
through her body in a rapid boil. Exhaling sharply, he moves his
hands, pressing her palms flat beneath his and locking their
fingers together.

Lifting his hips, he allows his rigid cock
to rub across the swollen folds of her cleft one more time before
pressing into her with one hard push. Inhaling deeply, she holds
her breath, knowing that his overwhelming size is not yet
completely inside her. He becomes perfectly still for a moment,
relishing every moment of her squeezing him as tight as a fist,
then slowly slides out, almost all the way. Kissing her, licking at
her mouth and teasing her tongue, he tightens his grip on her
hands, securing her for what’s to come. In one languid thrust
forward he pushes all the way inside her, balls deep. The walls of
her pussy strain at his size, making her moan at the burning
fullness as she clenches around him, and amazed at how she’s able
to completely take him in. It’s the most magnificent feeling in the
world. Now that he’s all the way inside, Ethan rolls his hips
slowly, pushing in and pulling out in a lazy rhythm. Taking his
time. “Jesus Christ, you feel so good around me.” He whispers.