Intuition (11 page)

“How can I make you understand that I'm not interested in Drew?” It feels like there are miles between us, like he's someone I don't even know.

The door to the studio opens and Drew walks out. His eyes flick to Griffon, but then settle on me. “Everything okay?”

“Just go away!” I shout. I thrust the earrings back into his hands. “You've done enough.”

Time seems suspended as Griffon looks from me to Drew and back again, his hands clenched into tight fists as he slowly takes a step back. His face is a mask, and I'm so far away I can't read any emotions. After what seems like an eternity, he turns to me. “I'm going to do you a favor and walk away.”

I grab for his hand as he turns to walk down the sidewalk, but he's already out of reach.

“You can't go!” I shout, but I'm already talking to his back. “Not now. Please!”

“Think of it this way,” he says, glancing over his shoulder. “I'm making your decision a hell of a lot easier.”

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Kat asks, looking over her shoulder for traffic.

“I have to. He won't answer my calls, and I have to talk to him. He just needs some time to realize that he made a mistake. That's all.” Just turning down Griffon's street makes my stomach churn. I check my phone one more time on the off chance he's answered one of the texts I've sent since yesterday, but the only thing on the screen is the picture of Rayne and me that's been my screensaver for months. I stare at the houses going by, steeling myself for the first glimpse of his.

Rayne leans forward from the backseat. “Peter's been no help at all. He says this is between the two of you.” She squeezes my shoulder for support. “Sorry.”

“Guys are like that,” Kat says. She glances at me as she drives. “I hate to say this, but maybe it's for the best, you know?
You two seem to argue a lot.” I don't blame her for thinking this, because I couldn't tell her what had happened the last time, that I'd found out that he was the one who had executed me back then—all she knew was that we'd had a fight.

“It's not for the best,” I say. “This is all just a misunderstanding.”

“I don't know why you won't tell me what it was about this time,” she says. “Maybe I can help.”

“I told you, it's no big deal.” If Kat even got the smallest hint that Griffon broke up with me because he found me with Drew, she'd go ballistic. I had just finally gotten her to stop thinking I had a thing for him. This kind of information would send her over the edge. I point out the front window. “It's that one there. The one with the brown shingles.”

“Nice,” Kat says, pulling over to the curb and taking in the immaculate front yard and the big façade. “I thought his mom was a professor at the university.”

“She is.”

“Well, no wonder they keep having tuition hikes if their professors can afford houses like this. Not cheap.”

I look up at Griffon's window and try not to picture the room behind it. The white board with all of his cryptic equations written on it. His big, comfortable bed. The last time I was here things were so great between us—I never imagined it would all turn out this way. I look down the driveway and see his bike parked in the back behind Janine's truck. “He's here. They both are.”

Kat unbuckles her seatbelt. “You want me to come with you?”

“No,” I say quickly. She can't hear the things I have to say. “I
have to do this alone.” I turn and look back at Rayne. “But I'm glad you guys came.” I open the door. “Wish me luck.”

Rayne leans forward and plants a kiss on my cheek. “Luck. We're here for you.”

The curtains are closed as I walk onto the porch, and I can't see any movement inside. As I lift my hand to knock I hear faint reggae music coming from somewhere and take a deep breath. I wonder what Janine has said to him. Or more importantly, what he's said to her.

I hear Janine shout “Coming” from somewhere in the back, and my heart starts pounding in the few seconds between that and when she flings the door open. “Cole!” She seems genuinely surprised to see me and leans over to give me a hug. “Baby girl, it's so good to see you.”

Her touch brings a sob into my throat and I have to swallow hard before I can speak. “Thanks.” I bite my lip hard to keep from crying. “I'm sure you heard what happened.”

She looks right at me. “He won't talk about it. But I can guess.”

“I should have talked to him like you said. Instead, he saw Drew at the studio and totally freaked out.” I can feel the desperation rising up inside me again, like this is the only chance I'm going to have to set things right. “But it wasn't like that. He didn't even give me a chance to explain.” We're still standing on the porch, so I look behind her, but the living room is empty. “And now he won't pick up the phone. Is he here?”

“In the study,” Janine says, stepping back to let me in. She gives my hand one last squeeze before letting me go.

I walk through the living room to the back part of the house and stop short in the doorway to the study. Griffon's not alone.

He looks surprised to see me at first, and then his features seem to harden and I can tell he's replaying yesterday's events in his mind. “Hey.” He makes sure the word isn't welcoming. “What are you doing here?”

The woman on the couch next to him is maybe ten years older than he is, and with her long dark hair is exotic-looking in a way that's impossible to place. They're hunched over some architectural drawings spread out over the coffee table, and something about the way they're sitting so close tells me this isn't the first time they've met.

“I thought we needed to talk,” I say, suddenly feeling like a little kid. I pull myself up as tall as I can. “About what happened.”

Griffon sits back and doesn't make any attempt to get up. “I thought we said everything we needed to say.”

I glance at the woman beside him. She's watching the two of us with interest. “Can we maybe take this somewhere else?” I ask.

“This is Giselle,” he says. “One of my colleagues from the Sekhem that I was telling you about. She's here to work on the new lab setup with me. You can say anything in front of her.”

Giselle smiles at him and waves uncomfortably at me. I wonder how many of his lifetimes she's been part of.

“Maybe I
can
,” I say, getting a little frustrated, “but I'd rather not.”

He seems to take a second to decide something. “Okay.” He nods his head. “Let's go in the kitchen.”

Griffon leads the way, not once looking back to see if I'm following. There's another guy in the kitchen, dunking a tea bag in a giant mug of hot water.

“Cole, this is Christophe,” Griffon says, introducing us. “He's working with us on the lab too.” He looks at Christophe. “We need a minute alone, if that's okay. I'll be in there in just a second.”

“Nice to meet you,” Christophe says with a German-sounding accent as he scurries from the room. Not that I blame him—the negative energy flowing between the two of us is only getting stronger.

Griffon leans against the sink and crosses his arms in front of his chest. Even without empath training, I'd recognize a hostile stance anywhere. “So what else is there to say?”

I throw my arms up in frustration. “What else? How about everything! You're willing to just throw all of this out because of one stupid second that you completely misinterpreted? I already told you that it didn't mean anything to me. Drew means nothing.”

“It's not one stupid second,” Griffon says carefully. His eyes are firmly on the wood floors. “It's a lifetime together that was cut short. A lifetime that will always make you wonder what might have been. A lifetime you won't be able to complete if you and I stay together.”

“That's ridiculous.” It feels like he's put a wall up between us, and everything I say is just bouncing off of it. Like he's putting words in my mouth and telling me how to feel. “You're acting like I don't have any say in this at all.”

“You don't.” Griffon finally raises his eyes to meet mine. I can see his jaw tense as he looks at me. “I'm not giving you one. Whether you're with Drew or not, I don't want to be the deciding factor. I don't want you to look back and think about how
things might have been if you'd decided to go with him instead of me.”

“So you're just being the hero and stepping aside?” I ask in frustration. I need to remind him of what we have together, so I lean in closer, reaching for his hand, but instead of meeting me, he shrinks back. I stand completely still in an effort to keep whatever shred of dignity is still clinging to me. “It's like I don't matter to you at all.”

He bites his lip, and I know he's using a distraction technique before he speaks. “You do matter to me,” he says quietly. “That's why I have to do this.” He pushes himself away from the sink and I think for a second that he's going to lean in and put his arms around me again. But he doesn't. “We've talked about what makes fate and destiny. Now it's time to go find out for yourself.”

Griffon walks back to the study and I'm left standing in the empty kitchen for several long seconds. I want to scream and cry and do whatever it takes to snap him out of this. But deep down I know that none of it will do any good. He's made his mind up about how things are, and nothing I say is going to change that.

Even though I know it's not, the house seems strangely vacant as I walk through the kitchen toward the front door. As I pass Griffon's painting hanging in the living room, I wonder if this is the last time I'll ever see it, the last time I'll ever be here.

Kat and Rayne don't say a word as I open the door, but the car is filled with expectation. I sit down in the front seat and deliberately fasten my seatbelt, the metallic click echoing through the silent interior. I don't trust my voice; my heart is so heavy. I
think of a million things I could say, a million things that I want to say to him that will probably stay inside me for the rest of my life. That I'm not Allison anymore. That I want to rewind time and never show the pendant to anyone. As these thoughts race through my head, I come up with the only one I can actually say out loud.

“It's over. Let's go home.”

“Nicole Ryan! Did you know about this?” Mom must be all the way out in the living room, but even with my head buried under the covers I can hear her just fine.

“Crap,” I mutter to no one. I lift one corner of the comforter and peer at the clock next to my bed. Kat must be somewhere over Texas by now. She promised she'd tell them before she left. Now I'm the only one left to deal with all of the garbage that she's stirred up.

I hear Mom pounding down the hall seconds before my door flies open. “Did you know about this?” she repeats.

I roll over to face the doorway where she's standing and waving a piece of notebook paper. “Know about what?” This kind of answer is just going to piss her off more, but I need to buy some time to think.

“This. This note from your sister! What does she mean she's meant to be with Owen and she's gone to England?”

I roll back over and face the wall. It's become a familiar sight in the past few days in that, except for some trips to the bathroom, it's pretty much all I've seen. “I guess it means she's gone to England.” Not even a week ago I was feeling sorry for her because Owen was leaving. Doesn't take much to turn everything upside down.

“Did you know what she was planning? It's the Fourth of July, for God's sake. The block party is this afternoon—what am I going to tell everyone?”

I shrug, unable to even rustle up any emotion about this. So Kat's on a plane, on the way to live with her boyfriend in London. Not like I'm going to feel sorry for her. Or guilty for not giving Mom a heads-up. Ever since I left Griffon's house, I've felt dead inside, hollow, like all of the emotion has been sucked out of me. I honestly couldn't care less.

Mom bangs her hand on the wall in frustration and I jump just a little bit. “What about school? What about her future? Oh my God, the money we've already paid out for college! How could she just up and leave like this? Your father is going to go crazy.” She waits for a reply, but getting nothing, she slams my door and stomps back down the hall.

Now that she's gone, I relax a little bit. I vaguely remember Kat coming in to say good-bye early this morning. At least I think it was this morning. I've spent so much time in this bed that the days are starting to run together. Not that I've been doing a lot of sleeping. Seems like every time I close my eyes, all I can picture is the look on Griffon's face when he spotted me
and Drew in the practice room. The pain in his eyes as he finally walked away causes my stomach to clench. I've spent entire days and nights picking apart every word of our conversation, wishing I could do it over again. If I could go back in time and change only one thing, it would be talking to Drew that day at the studio. I'd have shoved him out the door and refused to look at anything he had to show me. I thought I wanted answers about what happened in that lifetime, but not at the expense of what I have in this one.

My door opens again and I brace myself for another onslaught from Mom, but instead a paper bag sails across the room and lands on my leg.

“Get up, already,” Rayne says, closing the door behind her. “Your allotted grieving time is over. You need to get the hell out of this house.”

I pull the covers over my head. “I can't go out. I never want to go out again.”

“Oh, come on.” Rayne sits down on the edge of my bed and bounces up and down a little. She smiles at me and points at the bag. “I got you one of those disgusting bagels you like.”