Iris Johansen (22 page)

“If you’d only listened to me, I’d have told you everything, Rafe,” Janna said gently. “I’ve tried to talk to you so many times in the past weeks, but I just couldn’t get past the wall you’d built around yourself.”

He didn’t look up. “I was afraid,” he said gruffly. Then, at her shocked exclamation, his hands tightened on hers. “I felt as if I were bleeding inside. You made it pretty damn clear that you didn’t feel the same torment I was going through, and I resented it. Not only was I head over heels in love, but it had to be with a woman who didn’t give a damn for me.” He laughed mirthlessly. “I wanted to possess and know every facet of you—your mind, your emotions, your memories. The only thing you’d let me have was your body, and for the first time in my life that wasn’t enough for me.” He looked up, and Janna felt a queer catch at her heart at the pain in his eyes. “My ego demanded that you love me as much as I loved you,” he said huskily. “I thought I couldn’t tolerate being the eternal supplicant at your door.”

“Rafe.” His name was wonderfully tender on her
lips. She wanted to bring him close to her, to hold him in her arms, and banish all the pain and uncertainty he’d known. “Rafe, it won’t—”

He put his hand gently on her lips, stopping her. “You don’t have to say anything,” he said softly. “I’m not trying to lay any guilt trips on you. I don’t care any more if I’m the lover and not the loved. The only thing that’s important to me now is keeping you in my life. I can take anything as long as I know that you’re by my side.” He frowned thoughtfully. “I think I’ve got it worked out. Will you listen to my proposition?”

“It seems I have no choice,” Janna replied resignedly, her lips quirking. “I certainly can’t get you to listen to me.”

“Later,” he said absently, lifting her hand to kiss her palm lingeringly. “I’ve been thinking about this all night, and I’ve got to get it out on the table.”

“By all means,” she said solemnly, her brown eyes twinkling. “I’d be foolish to obstruct the path of a great tycoon in action. Better individuals than I have ended up flatter than a pancake beneath your wheels.”

“I did it again, didn’t I?” Rafe asked ruefully, pulling a face. “I meant to be very reasonable and considerate, even humble. I’m afraid it’s not the nature of the beast.”

Humble? Rafe Santine? Janna smothered a smile. “I’ve noticed that,” she said. “I find it very praiseworthy of you to even make the attempt.”

He frowned suspiciously. “Are you laughing at me?” he growled. Then, dismissing it as unimportant, he continued with his usual single-mindedness. “Oh, well, I’ll be humble and considerate later,” he said crisply. “Right now, just listen to me, damn it.”

“Yes, sir,” Janna said with equal briskness. “I’m listening, sir.”

He gave her a quelling glance. “You’re not helping matters,” he accused. “I’m trying to make you an
offer.” Without waiting for her to reply, he went on. “The way I see it, you have no really valid objection to staying with me. We’re very compatible in the normal course of events. I can provide you with everything you could possibly want materially. In addition, you can’t deny that sexually we’re dynamite together.”

“No, I can’t deny that,” she agreed, her lips twitching.

“The only drawback I can see you might find to any long-term relationship is that you might feel I would inhibit your freedom, either personally or career-wise.” His eyes narrowed on her face. “Am I correct in believing that’s your primary concern?”

“It’s certainly something to think about,” she said lightly. She always enjoyed watching Rafe the businessman in action, and it was a novel experience to have his acumen turned in her direction.

“Then, I think I can put your fears to rest on that score,” he said coolly. “I think you’ll agree that once given, my word can be trusted?”

“Oh, indubitably,” Janna said gravely. It was strange to remember how vital she would have considered this discussion only a few days ago. Now she was having a problem even taking it seriously. The only thing that was truly important was the fact that Rafe loved her. Given that, she was serenely confident everything else could be worked out.

Rafe was looking distinctly displeased with her levity, so she tried to look appropriately earnest. “I’ll give you my word that you’ll have absolute liberty in all aspects of our life together,” he said crisply. “You may come and go as you please, wherever your work takes you. I won’t insist on marriage or any other commitment from you unless you find that you’re pregnant.” He glanced at her flat stomach. “I can’t deny I regard that circumstance as something to be desired. It would solve a hell of a lot of problems for me. I will, however, promise that from now on it
will be your choice whether you wish to carry my child.”

“Very generous,” she murmured ironically.

“More generous than you think,” he said grimly. “I had no wish to give up that particular lever.” He unclasped one of her hands, and she felt the warmth of his large hand on her belly through the denim fabric of her jeans. “I like the idea of my child growing in you.”

She liked the idea, too, she thought, with an almost primitive thrill of acknowledgment. Just thinking about it had a physical effect on her body. She felt a hot, melting warmth in the center of her being, and the muscles of her stomach tightened beneath Rafe’s gentle massaging hand, her breasts suddenly heavy and ripe with need beneath Jody’s blue chambray work shirt.

It was impossible to hide her sudden arousal, particularly from Rafe, who was intimately familiar with her body and its responses. His eyes darkened to warm intensity as they met hers, and his hand continued the slow, gentle massage with even greater deliberateness. “You’d make a wonderful mother, Janna,” he said huskily. “Strong, intelligent, loving. Our son would be so lucky in you.” He released her other hand and slowly unbuttoned her shirt, while she watched him with eyes clouded with desire. When her breasts were bared, he lowered his head slowly, and his lips sucked deliciously at one engorged nipple. “You’ll be so damn beautiful with your breasts heavy with milk, little earth mother,” he said hoarsely. “I’m already jealous of my own child. I don’t want to share anything about you.” He gave the other nipple a lingering kiss, and reluctantly drew the material of the shirt closed. He shook his head as if to clear it, his eyes drawn compulsively to the hard buttons of her nipples, which were poking saucily at the material of the shirt. “Where was I?” he asked absently.

Janna gave him a glance of rueful exasperation.
His single-mindedness was no longer so amusing when her body was on fire for the satisfaction that only he could give her—and evidently had no intention of granting her at the moment. “I haven’t the slightest idea,” she said crossly.

“Oh, yes,” Rafe pulled his eyes from those impudent nipples with some difficulty and lowered them determinedly to the leaf-carpeted ground. “As I was saying, it will be entirely your choice. While you’re with me, naturally, you’ll have unlimited capital at your disposal. You need only to ask, and anything that I can give you, either monetarily or in terms of clout, will be yours.” He glanced up into her face. “I know it probably won’t mean a damn to you, but you’d possess a staggering amount of power through me.”

“Crowns and scepters never appealed to me,” Janna said tartly, wishing he’d stop the sales pitch and just take her in his arms. She
wanted
him, damn it!

“I’m well aware of that,” he said gloomily. “Why couldn’t you have just a hint of avariciousness in your makeup? It would make my position a hell of a lot stronger.” His face brightened, “There
is
one lever that I can use. Your precious endangered species. Can you imagine what a patron with my influence would do for your cause? Now, how can you refuse a gift like that?”

“It would be very difficult,” she agreed tersely. “Are you quite finished now?”

He nodded warily, his eyes on her face. “I think that covers all the bases,” he said slowly. “Have I convinced you what a fool you’d be to turn me down?”

“Have you ever failed in any take-over bid?” she asked him lightly. “I’m dazzled and intimidated by your logic and generosity.”

“This isn’t funny, Janna,” he said tightly. “This is important to me. Are you going to stay with me?”

“It’s not a decision to be made lightly,” she said,
her lashes demurely hiding the teasing glint in her eyes. “But I must admit that you’re a very persuasive man, Rafe. I can tell you really care for me. Your proposition was as impassioned as a proposal for a merger between IBM and Xerox.”

“That wouldn’t be as sterile a fusion as you’re implying,” Rafe said dryly. “And you can bet
our
merger would be very passionate, Janna.”

“I think I’d require assurance up front on that score,” she said softly.

His eyes widened in surprise. It seemed she had managed to disconcert him, she thought mischievously. “I don’t think I understand,” he said carefully.

“I think you do,” Janna said, her brown eyes twinkling. “But perhaps I can help.” She slowly stood up, leisurely unzipped her jeans, slid them down her hips, and stepped out of them.

“Here? Now?” Rafe asked, moistening his dry lips with the tip of his tongue as the minute silk bikini panties followed the jeans. She stepped casually out of her tan moccasins.

Her hands closed on the open lapels of the blue work shirt. “Right here. Right now,” she said softly, looking down at him lovingly. “This is a very special place for me. I want to share it with you. I want to give you all my memories of the past and create a few new ones for the future. Will you do that for me, Rafe?”

She was kneeling facing him now, her eyes fixed steadily on his face. He made no move to touch her, his muscles tense and still. “Why, Janna? Why do you want to give me your memories?”

“For a brilliant businessman, you’re regrettably lacking in perception, Rafe Santine,” she said tenderly. “If you’d let me speak instead of using your usual bulldozer tactics, you’d know the answer. God knows I’ve been trying to tell you since the night before last.”

“I’m listening now,” he said tersely, his hands
closing urgently on her shoulders. “Tell me, damn it.”

“I love you,” she said simply.

“You love …” His voice trailed off. His face was suddenly lit with a joy and tenderness that Janna knew she’d remember for the rest of her life. Then that fleeting, beautifully vulnerable expression was gone, and he was frowning fiercely at her. “You should have made me listen,” he said gruffly, giving her a little shake. “You mean I’ve been suffering the torment of the damned for an entire two days, when you could have put me out of my misery with just a simple sentence?”

“I’ve been a little occupied during that time, if you’ll recall,” she replied gently.

His face softened remorsefully, and he pulled her swiftly into his arms. “God, I’m sorry,” he said huskily. “I can never seem to do anything right with you, love. I don’t deserve you.” He pressed a gentle kiss on her temple. “But I’m sure as hell going to take you.” His arms tightened around her. “And speaking of taking, I believe that you voiced a request.”

“I believe I did,” she replied gravely, her brown eyes twinkling. “But you’re taking your own sweet time about granting it. Perhaps I’d better reconsider your offer, despite your very generous terms.”

“Too late,” he said throatily, his hands swiftly working the chambray shirt down her arms to fall in a pool of blue in the leaves on which they were kneeling. “You promised to take me into your heart and your mind as well as your body, but I’ll take what I can get at the moment.” He pushed her away from him and shrugged out of his jacket, his fingers rapidly unbuttoning his white shirt.

As he spread his coat on the pile of leaves, a large business envelope fell out of his inner pocket. Janna picked it up and proffered it casually.

He shook his head with a mocking grin as he
slipped out of his shirt. “That belongs to you. I forgot to give it to you.” Then, as she continued to look at him with puzzled eyes, he explained absently. “It was going to be my ace in the hole in case you turned me down, but now you can consider it a wedding present.”

“I gather you’re reneging on the noncommitment clause in your proposition,” Janna said teasingly, admiring the smooth, brawny muscles of his shoulders. “Next you’ll want me to give up my work and try to keep me barefoot and pregnant.”

“The idea has appeal,” he said lightly, throwing his belt aside and unzipping his pants. “I’d probably go for it, if I thought I could get away with it.” His smile faded, and his face became grave. “You needn’t worry about that, Janna. I want you to be so happy you’ll never want to leave me. I’ll keep my promises to you on all the other points. Is it too much to ask you to give me this?”

She shook her head. “No, it’s not too much,” she said softly, feeling a surge of love for him so strong it seemed to fill every atom of her being. “I want to be committed to you, Rafe Santine. I don’t think a lifetime is going to be long enough for me to belong to you.”

“Belong?” he asked quietly. “That’s a strange term for someone who values her freedom as much as you, Janna.”

“It’s one of the things that I’ve been thinking about while I’ve been sitting here.” Janna said tranquilly, sitting back on her heels dreamily to appraise his now-naked body. “It’s very simple, really. You can’t possess without being possessed. It’s possible to build your own prison with bars of loneliness and fear.” She smiled gently. “I’ll have my freedom, Rafe, and I’ll savor it and hold it the more dearly for the night, when I return to your arms.”

They were both silent for a long moment, kneeling as naked and unashamed as Adam and Eve on that
hillside, and the look that they exchanged was as grave and meaningful as a solemn vow.

Rafe cleared his throat, but his voice was still husky as he said, “You haven’t looked at your present yet.”

She reluctantly tore her eyes away from that look, which seemed to be supplying her with answers to questions she hadn’t even known existed, and glanced down at the envelope in her hand. “Can’t it wait until later?” she asked. She wanted to be close to him. She wanted him in her arms and in her body.