Authors: Colin Channer
Iron Balloons (9 page)
Andre nuh bother close the bathroom door, for him well wa’ hear wha’ she have ’pon her mind. Him have fishout over the noise o’ the pipe. “I hope is not the gal dey Donna do you nutten, y’know, cause you know me will deal with her good and proper.”
“Hold down you voice. She still dey ’pon the veranda. No. This nuh have nutten fido with she. You really out figo this dance Friday night?”
“Go which part? You mad? You nuh know say me nuh inna dem somep’n dey?”
“Then why you tell her say you mighta go?”
“No special reason. Just a gi’ her somep’n fihold.”
“You sure you nuh wa’ meet her friend? Who to tell? You mighta like her.”
“Uh-uh. Me can’t see myself a knot up with any o’ fiher friend them.”
“You coarse, eh, man? Me is one o’ her friend them, y’know. You couldn’t knot up with me? I don’t mean me personally, of course. Somebody like me.”
Andre nuh say nutten more till him come outta the shower. Then, so him a dry off, a so him a go up towards her.
“Annmarie, how you a question me so? Everything a’right?”
Annmarie walk off. Them last few months ya she can’t concentrate so good anytime the somep’n dey a dangle in front o’ her—not like first time. “How come you nuh have no girlfriend, Andre? Is wha’ you a defend?”
The question lick Andre. Is like him can’t talk. Him only a stare ’pon her, and she only a look ’pon the last year almanac ’pon the wall. Nobody nah say shit.
Andre eventually find him voice. “Me nuh see
you
with no boyfriend. Wha’
you
a defend?”
“Me know who me like. Is just that him mightn’t feel the same way ’bout me.”
“Wha’ him name?”
She nuh answer. Him go up to her again.
“Any man you want, you can get. You mightn’t spend a whole heap o’ money ’pon yuhself, but to how me see it, you look better than all o’ them gal dey.”
“You bias. And anyhow, a nuh me we a talk ’bout right ya so. A you … a you everybody a talk ’bout.”
Him hold on ’pon her hand. “Me nuh expect you filisten to dem dey careless people—”
All of a sudden, Donna shoob the door and come in. Annmarie so frighten she make haste draw back. Donna look like she frighten too when she see Andre, naked as the day him born, like him back up Annmarie between the bed and the dresser and the two o’ them a look inna one another face. She give out, “A wha’ this, mi Jesus?” Then the three o’ them start fistammer.
Donna ketch up herself and mumble. “Me just come fitell you say me gone. Me cover up the peas inna the kitchen.” Then she spin round and bolt outta the house.
Annmarie panic.
“Lawd, Andre, is wha’ she think we did a do?”
Andre still a hang on to her hand. “Make her gwan.”
Annmarie shake him off. “A because you nuh know Donna.”
She run outside. Andre quick pull on a shorts and run back o’ her, but Donna disappear long time. By the time them reach back inna the house, the most them can do is si’ down ’pon Andre bed and reason it out.
Annmarie say, “You realize the trouble we into?”
“Me nuh see why. All happen, she see me and you stand up a talk. Wha’? You think say a through me naked with you inna the room? That nuh nutten.”
“Donna can make gossip outta anything. You have fiadmit you stand up so close to me it coulda look like you a rub up ’pon me.”
“She filearn fiknock, or she going get shock.” Him jab the air with him finger—the good rapper style.
“You a treat this thing like is a joke.”
“Wha’ else me fido?”
“The problem start from you come up inna mi face.”
“Me come inna you face, nuh gi’ you no space.”
Andre that all over. Serious things a gwan and a now him choose fiform fucking fool. She bounce him with her elbow.
“Whether Donna did shoob the door yes or no, me and you was going have a problem this day ya.”
Andre get serious. “Me nuh understand wha’ you a say. We a brother and sister.”
“Yeah. But sometime me feel say me and you too … close.”
“Why?”
“Through we nuh really have nobody else, when you think ’bout it. Mamma dey States—she a try her best, yes, but we nuh know when we a go see her again. And Pappa only a drown inna the rum bottle. So a just you and me.”
“Wha’ me a ask is how that become a problem fianybody—why you feel we not suppose to close.”
“Me just nuh think we shoulda walk round the house naked in front o’ one another. Me have fitake some o’ the blame … me do it too.”
“Which part it say inna the Bible we not suppose to?”
“Common sense, Andre. You nuh have no girl and me nuh have no man. Next thing me a go start have feelings fiyou.”
“I woulda hope you have feelings fime a’ready.”
Annmarie let go him hand and stand up, nah look ’pon him.
“You know wha’ me a talk ’bout, Andre. From now on, you keep you distance. Okay? And carry yuhself more decent round the house.”
Andre roll over ’pon him belly.
“So like how me stay now, inna mi shorts alone, that alright?” Him voice kinda weak.
“Andre, I don’t wa’ you deliberately misunderstand me.”
“Me understand you perfect.”
“Simple as you take it, Donna probably have it all over the street by now, say she come in ya and ketch the two o’ we a grind. That is wha’ come from this—”
“Annmarie! Me nuh inna the ray-ray. Nuh tell me wha’ Donna nor nobody else a say.”
“Okay. Figet Donna. Me tell you wha’ me feel. Right? This ya closeness … it nuh healthy.”
“It nuh feel no way to me.”
Annmarie look hard inna him eye. Them full up o’ water. And him mouth set like how it used to stay just before him bus’ out inna bawling. She si’ down side o’ him, so close them two leg a touch, then she drape her arm round him shoulder.
“You trying fisay this nuh feel no way to you?”
Andre shake him head hard but nuh take him eye off o’ her. She take time bring her face closer to fi-him, till she can feel him breath. “And this nuh feel no way neither?”
Him nuh do nutten this time, except turn him head and face forward. Annmarie take her finger tilt him chin, and bring it back round towards her. Him forehead damp like mango wha’ just come outta fridge. Then she kiss him ’pon him mouth just so. The kiss nuh last more than ’bout one second. She surprise how him lip them cold. And before him even come to him senses, she get up, vex like hell.
“How that feel now?” she shout so loud him jump. “Answer me nuh! A that you want?”
Him nuh answer … is like the little choops have him giddy.
“Well, you can’t say me never warn you!” she bawl out, then she stomp outta the room.
Fi the next five minutes, Andre stay same place like him balls a weigh him down. Then him get up and follow her. Her room door close. It nuh carry no lock, but him knock all the same. No answer. Him lean him ears ’gainst the door and pick up a little sniffling sound, like she a bawl. That a when him open the door.
Who tell him figo do that? She lay down naked ’pon the bed, a face the wall. Him nuh sure which part her hand dey, and him nuh too wa’ know.
“Excuse me.”
Him start to back out, but she spin round ’pon him. “Andre … you can answer me one question?”
Him turn ’way him head. Right now, with wha’ a gwan since morning, him dare not commit himself. Him just stand up dey like him stupid, nah go neither left nor right.
Annmarie go through and ask the question, though she done know the answer a’ready. “You is a virgin? Andre, talk to me. You a virgin?”
“Wha’ kinda question that?”
“Me wa’ know. Me have fiknow if you nuh carry no feelings, none at all. Come here.”
“Me a’right right ya so. You same one say we nuh figet too close.”
“I make a exception ’pon this occasion. Come here.”
“Put on somep’n firs’.”
“Nuh you say the nakedness nuh bother you?”
“A lie me did a tell.”
She draw the sheet round her and him go si’ down a’ the foot o’ the bed. “Rass, boy, you think me a go rape you?”
“Me nuh appreciate you behavior. Wha’ make you a try fiembarrass me all of a sudden?”
“You think is that me a do?”
“Then wha’ else it coulda be? You a come to me with all kinda slackness and nastiness, like a Donna them put you up to it. A nuh so me and you live, Annmarie, and me nuh appreciate it.”
Annmarie make fisay somep’n else, but it come in like she swallow back the word them. She make haste cover up her mouth and flash her hand fitell him mus’ come outta her room. Still for all, before him coulda ketch the doorway, she bus’ out inna one piece o’ cow bawling. She bawl and bawl and nuh get up outta the bed till night come down. Andre reason say a so people bawl when them a repent o’ them sins.
The next day, Annmarie put on her clothes and go church. That is a once-in-a-blue-moon thing fiher, so it look to Andre like him did guess right ’bout the repentance part. But a nuh that dey ’pon Annmarie mind at all. She only wa’ go somewhere where nuff people dey, fisee if Donna start to spread the rumor yet. And the truth is, she never feel too comfortable inna the house, for the boy start to look ’pon her a way. By the time she reach back home, she little more confident. She cook a pot o’ beef soup and she and her father sit down ’pon the sofa and eat and watch TV. She always like fiknow say him have somep’n inna him stomach, for rum ’pon hungry belly can be a dangerous thing.
Later on, when Mr. Evans gone street and Andre a do him homework a the dining table, she draw up a chair side o’ him.
She start off timid. “Andre … everybody … no matter who … have a certain amount o’ sexual feelings, from them healthy any at all. Is a’right if you nuh wa’ talk ’bout your own, but I hope you nuh mind if I talk to you ’bout mine’s. You ’member yesterday me tell you say me in love with somebody but him nuh know? Well, me make up me mind fitell him.”
“That good, but … you wa’ see … me a try do some work ya.”
“Whether you wa’ listen, yes or no, you going have fihear. This a nuh somep’n me wa’ happen. Trust me. People nuh have no control over who them love.”
Andre shape figet up, but she grab on ’pon him shoulder. Him shut the book wha’ him a read, fold him hand, and look ’pon her vex.
She a talk fast now, like she ’fraid him run ’way before she done say wha’ she have fisay, and like she know she won’t have the courage fisay it a next time. “Me know say me crazy and me sick and everything that is bad. Me hear ’bout stepfather. Me hear ’bout father. But from me born, me never hear ’bout no girl wha’ fall in love with her little brother. Me nah ask you fihave sex with me … but if me nuh tell you, is like me going go outta me mind. Me know somep’n never right. You can’t say me never warn you.”
“Rass, Annmarie. Wha’ you expect me fisay?”
“Tell me say you nuh hate me fiit.”
“Wha’ the blood …? Cho! Is wha’ a gwan? You a mi sister!”
“Tell me you nuh hate me, Andre. Tell me!”
“How me a go hate you?”
She get up and go her room like she satisfy with that. But it never done dey so.
The day she tell Andre was the first day she admit to herself say she have a serious problem. Is like from the moment she utter the word, a seed plant inna her chest, and the somep’n grow like national debt till it start fitake over her body, till she couldn’t hold it in no longer.
One day she whisper tell Donna, who promise say she nah go tell a soul. Then she write and tell her mother, who cuss her dog rotten and threaten fijump ’pon a plane and come fix her business. She smile when she read da part dey, because she know the mother nuh legal. After that, she work up the courage and tell her father—a that time dey Old Master take to the liquor!
Donna, with all the try she try seal her lip, couldn’t hold in a news like that fisave her life.
When the story bus’, Fletcher’s Land people nuh talk ’bout nutten else fitwo weeks … then somep’n else happen—two baby bun up inna a house and the mother run ’way and everybody forget Annmarie and Andre. Maybe a that Annmarie did want, because is like the rumor warn off all them gal wha’ did wa’ mess round Andre. Them gal dey can take ’way you husband or you boyfriend as you ’quint you eye, but them nuh know where fistart when it come on to brother.
One day car lick Mr. Evans off o’ him bicycle, and him head bus’ open ’pon the torris. From wha’ the car man say, him dead ’pon the spot. That lef’ Annmarie and Andre alone inna the house. And a so them live, them one, same place inna the little Fletcher’s Land house. Andre never do so good inna school, but him manage fihold a job with a printery, while Annmarie gwan ping-pong with the buying and selling. She done reason it out, say nutten couldn’t gwan between them more than so. To how she see it, neither pumpum nor batty never interest him.
Sometime she think she shoulda did keep her feelings to herself instead o’ frig with the innocent boy head, but then again, a Donna did force the issue. When she take a stock, her true feelings was going come out one way or the other, so might as cheap everybody just face up to the reality from early. One thing fisure, she and Andre couldn’t go back to how it was first time. From the day she expose her soul, right away she start to cover up her body. And she notice say little by little him a get more self-conscious too. If she come inna the room and him nuh have on nutten, him turn sideways or take time mask the tool with him hand—mussie think say she a go grab on ’pon it.
One Sunday morning before sun come up, Annmarie lay down inna her bed a sleep and she ongle hear when somebody shoob the door. It come in almost like part o’ a dream. She open her eye and see Andre, stark born naked, stand up over her. None o’ them nuh say a word. All she do a lift up the sheet and him come under it.
Fletcher’s Land nuh know when him actually start ficod her, but if you see them with them one another when them go out, you nuh have fiask if little coddings nah gwan. Old people cover them grandpickney eye, or cross the road when them see the Evans them a come, but that nuh matter. The more people throw word ’pon them, the more them tight. Annmarie and Andre nuh know wha’ a go happen next year, or even next week. But right now, them happy, you fart.
