That was the first time hearing the devil’s name hadn’t evoked an immediate snarl from me. I must have been truly exhausted. I shrugged, “I guess that couldn’t hurt.”
Her jaw dropped, mouth forming a surprised little o, complete with wide eyes. I was about to rip into her for mocking me when I heard the familiar creek of my front door opening. Jenni’s voice echoed down the hall, “Hey, Cat, did you leave your phone on silent or something?”
My heart jumped into my throat as my eyes bounced around the room. It still looked like a Sports Authority bomb had gone off around me. Never mind the wide-eyed, teenage looking girl sitting next to me. I didn’t even want to think of how hard that would be to explain. This was not a good time for a surprise visit from my bestie. I leaped off the couch and stumbled my way through packing material land-mines, nearly tripping over the half-hidden coffee table. I came around the far side of the couch and skidded to a halt in the hall, nearly colliding with Jenni.
“Jesus Cat!” She had a hand to her chest, the other outstretched to catch herself against the wall as she stumbled back. Her comical expression of surprise rapidly morphed into a scowl as she literally looked me up and down. “What the hell? Why aren’t you dressed?”
For a few seconds I stood there staring at her dumbly. What was wrong with what I was wearing? Granted, faded jeans and an equally ratty old Wonder Woman t-shirt were far from the epitome of high fashion, but I wasn’t exactly slovenly either. Well, maybe just a tad if you counted the messy knot my hair was in and how I had sweated most of my makeup off hours ago. Even if I hadn’t been playing assembly technician for most of the evening, it hardly mattered what I wore to knock around the house. Especially since I wasn’t planning on going out…
Shit. The panic I had felt a moment ago was nothing compared to the cold, sick feeling that pooled in the pit of my stomach. She was dressed to the nine’s in a little black dress and to-die-for red patent leather pumps. Her makeup was flawless. It looked like she had even splurged for a blowout. Tonight was the night of her show. She had been going on and on about this gig for weeks, about how excited she was and how some scouting agency or something would be stopping by to see her. I had even pinky promised to be there, come hell or high water, to show my support for her just a little over a day ago. How could I have forgotten?
The guilt must have been written all over on my face. She said, “You forgot, didn’t you?”
“Oh my god, Jen, I’m
so
sorry, I don’t know how I got my dates mixed up. I thought it was next week and I…” I trailed off, hands flapping helplessly in the air. She gave me a look one normally reserved for someone who had just run over a beloved pet. Her shoulders dropped, the chunky silver bangles on her wrist jangling accusingly. Damn it. I knew how important this was to her; how big of a step it was for her dream. I wilted, feeling the last of my new found confidence drain out the soles of my bare feet. I was a horrible friend. “I’m an ass.”
“Damn right you are!” Her eyes burned through me, her crimson lips set in a hard line. She looked like she wanted to stamp her feet or hit me. Probably a little of both and, honestly, I blamed her for neither. She blew out an angry breath. “How could you forget this?”
“I know! I feel terrible. I can’t believe I let it slip my mind.” I fidgeted from foot to foot. I didn’t know what else to say. “I really am sorry.”
She crossed her arms. I wasn’t getting forgiven that easily. “What’s going on? This isn’t like you.”
I had let guilt cloud my mind for a minute there but her words brought me back to the present—and to the secrets I had hidden not five feet away in my living room. I gaped, my jaw working up and down as I stuttered, trying to think of a good response. I could hardly tell her I had gotten all tied up in sniffing out an invisible fairy like he was a prize-winning truffle. Fate gave it to me good yet again as her eyes finally went over my shoulder and found the hulking monstrosity of the treadmill. You would have thought I had turned my living room into a crack den from the look of astonishment she turned on me. Her voice was a shrill squeak, “What the hell, Cat?”
Good god damn. I loved Jenni to pieces but at that moment, I really resented how deep our ties went. Years had passed since the time when my mom’s scolding tone could make me quake in my boots, but my bestie could still make me feel like a dirty pervert caught trolling an underage chat room with four words. I scuffed my bare feet and chewed at my bottom lip. I couldn’t meet that accusatory stare. It made my brain short circuit. When the moment drew out uncomfortably and nothing witty came to mind, I tried to look charmingly befuddled and mumbled, “Its a treadmill?”
“No shit. I can see that! I mean, what the hell is it doing in your living room?”
I looked over my shoulder, dying a little more inside with each passing second. “I, ah, figured it was time for me to get in shape. I’m tired of getting my ass handed to me so I thought a home gym would help.” I tried not to choke on my words and hurriedly added, “You know, at my, uh, self-defense class.”
The set of her jaw told me that was the wrong answer. “So, let me get this straight. Even though you keep getting the snot beat out of you at this ‘self-defense class’ of yours—nice lip, by the way—you refuse to consider switching to my gym, where I’ve never seen anyone leave with a black eye. On top of that, you suddenly decided that you needed to run out and buy yourself a home gym today, of all days. And
that’s
why you forgot the most important night of my life?”
I took a deep, shuddering breath and counted to ten. I didn’t blame her for being mad. I would have been, had our situations been reversed. To make it worse, when spelled out that way, it really sounded like I had fallen off my damn rocker. So, yeah; she had every right to be angry. The hysterics were a bit much though, and they grated along my last nerve. I didn’t need her to make me feel like I was the worst friend in the whole world; I was doing a fine job of that all on my own. I took another deep breath. That sinking, swirling feeling gripped me again. Normal seemed so very far away and I just didn’t know what to say to get myself out of hot water this time.
At that moment—at the worst possible moment—a clatter rang out from my living room.
Jenni jumped, eyes wide. “What was that?”
It sounded like the precariously stacked pile of DVDs on my coffee table falling to the floor, but how the fuck did I even begin to explain that? Instead, I sputtered and panicked. I took far too long to think of an excuse. With an angry sound that was half snarl, half sigh, Jenni pushed past me and stormed toward the living room. I tried to grab at the arm of her jacket, a strangled sound of alarm caught in my throat, but she evaded me. My chest seized up as I stumbled after her, waiting for the next outburst when she saw Mairi sitting on my couch.
She stopped just inside the doorway and jerked back a step. She combed back her hair with one hand, sounding more baffled than irritated when she said, “Now I know you’ve lost your mind. When, and more importantly
why
, the hell did you get a cat?”
I froze my face before it could betray me. Instead, I poked my head around the corner and faked a cough to stifle a chuckle at what I saw there. Peeking out from beneath a tent of cardboard upon my sofa was a curious-looking little calico. She looked back and forth between me and Jenni, giving us that squinty-eyed look I think was supposed to express feline affection. She even rewarded our continued attention with an adorable little “
mrrrow
.”
Jenni gestured to the cat and gave me an expectant look. I shrugged. “Well, after that night at the bar I was a little uncomfortable being all alone at night, so…” I trailed off, hoping that she would let such a sensitive issue drop. (God, I was a shitty excuse for a friend.)
My ruse worked. Instead of harping on the crazy depths of my current behavior, she fell silent. She put her purse down on the end table and leaned over the couch, offering an outstretched hand to my new “pet.” Mairi played along, slowly creeping forward to sniff at it before accepting some light scratches behind her ears. “What’s her name?”
“Cali.” Not incredibly original, but I was proud that I managed to respond without stuttering. Score one for the home team.
“It does make me feel better knowing you’re not all alone here,” she said. “Not that a cat is really much protection.”
“Well the landlord would have had a kitten of his own if I got a dog, and I’d hang myself before getting a bird. It was the best I could do.”
Jenni patted Mairi on the head and picked her purse back up, tucking it up high on her shoulder. “She’s a cutie. I bet your mom will go bonkers when she hears you got her.”
My mother was one stray shy of being her neighborhood’s crazy cat lady. I had long bemoaned her penchant for taking in every bedraggled creature that crossed her porch. The I-told-you-so smugness would never end once she heard that I had adopted a four-footed friend. The thought made me groan out loud. “Yeah, I haven’t told her yet.”
Jenni snorted. “I figured. I ran into her at the mall the other day. She would have said something if you had.”
“I can only imagine.”
She tucked her hair back behind one ear. She had straightened it for the show; it glimmered like gold. “She said she hasn’t heard from you in a week or so.”
That was as close to a chastisement as she had ever given me. I let it slide thanks to the overwhelming guilt I was wallowing in. Jenni knew my history with my mother. To say that our relationship was rocky was like calling a hurricane “a little rain.” It was true though. My strained weekly phone call to hear mom complain yet again about how loud the neighbors were or how she had caught my father sneaking midnight snacks despite his diet had fallen by the wayside in the previous weeks. “Yeah, I know. I haven’t had much to say. I’ll call her soon. Promise.”
“Okay.”
That awkward silence stretched on between us. Mairi did a good job of pouncing and stalking through the garbage on my couch, giving us something to focus on. Still; I couldn’t just stand there forever, feeling like shit. “Jen, I’m really so,
so
sorry for forgetting about tonight. It was terrible of me and I hate myself for it. I hope you know that.”
“Yeah, well, it’s fine. Shit happens, right? Besides, you’ve had a lot on your mind.” Her smile was weak. I guess I wasn’t the only one feeling the chasm stretching between us. I wanted to cry. She glanced over at the clock. “I really need to get going.”
“Okay. Do you want to grab some brunch tomorrow? You can tell me all about it over mimosas. My treat.”
She nodded. “Sure. I’ll call you in the morning.” She gave me a quick hug and headed out the door. I stood in my living room doorway and watched her go, my throat tight. It occurred to me as the front door clicked shut that she had never urged me to throw my ass in a quick shower or asked me if I was going to show up later, to catch any bit of her performance that I could. She already seemed to know what the answer to either of those questions would have been: another half-assed excuse.
I was a world-class heel. I heard rustling behind me as Mairi untangled herself from the packing she had been curled up under. She said, “I’m such a klutz! I was trying so hard not to make any of the stupid cellophane crinkle that my fat ass took out half the table.”
Fat ass, my ass. She looked like she weighed ninety pounds, soaking wet. “No need to apologize. My stupidity caused this mess in the first place. Quick thinking with that whole cat thing though. Thanks.”
“Seemed like that would be easier to explain than things mysteriously falling over by themselves.” I could see that she had perched herself on the back of the couch, human-looking once more, out of the corner of my eye. “You’re not the greatest at this double-life thing, huh?”
I cracked a smile that I didn’t really feel. “Nope. I’d make a terrible secret agent.” When I turned around, the sight of my destroyed living room sucked the last of the energy right out of me. I just wanted to leave it that way and let “Future Caitlin” deal with it, but I’d hate myself even more in the morning if I did. If that was even possible, of course. I hated myself pretty bad at that moment.
“You okay?”
“I’ll be fine. I feel like shit for letting her down but I’ll make it up to her. Somehow. The sooner we find that damn Lynx and I can get back to my normal life, the better.” I didn’t believe a word of it. Mairi’s lopsided smile didn’t meet her eyes. That look told me I wasn’t exactly convincing her either. Whatever. I didn’t want to talk about it and the only other thing I could do was ignore it. I heaved a deep sigh and gathered up an armful of bubble wrap. “Come on. Let’s get this place cleaned up and then I’ll take you home.”
There’d be enough time for self-loathing later.
~*~
It was hard for me to follow Mairi back into the fae house later that evening. Humility is not something naturally coded in my DNA. If my mother’s overly dramatic tales were to be believed, I had been stubborn from the cradle on. I was known to hold onto my pride longer than was necessary, even in the face of having been proved unequivocally wrong. So, knowing full well that I was going to have to swallow that pride not once but twice made each step up the walkway to that house incredibly hard. It was a small favor when Mairi hung back with Seana in the living room, after the latter directed me toward the kitchen. It was hard enough to be contrite without an audience.